Friday Fun Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Well here are some funny quotes I thought I'd share!!!

1. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette



2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry




3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates



4. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anonymous



5. The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

Dumas



6. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud



7. 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous



8. 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison



9. 'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

James Holt McGavra



10. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra



11. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Nash



12. You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous



13. My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.

Henny Youngman




14. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield



15. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous



16. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous

there ya go some friday funnies. Pick a fave or 2! Have a great weekend everyone.

HNT faves in Sageville.

We have a book!

I was browsing some of my favorite blogs the other day and came across this post on Figleaf's Real Adult Sex.

What do you say, ladies? Are we DILFs?

I'm just pissed that they stole a picture of me for the cover without my permission....

Marriage is the Present Tense of Divorce

Here's some Random Stuff I have learned through the divorce process:

• The problems you had in your marriage are not solved by breaking up. In fact, it makes them bigger and there is an added bonus of introducing new problems.


• Things that were mere annoyances in your marriage between you and your spouse (ie. being late, forgetting events, veiled sarcasm) become significant issues once you separate.


• Unless you put a plan in place to make a "trial separation" a trial of something specific, separation will inevitably lead to divorce.


• The older the kids are, the more difficult it is to keep them "out of it".


• Your parents can be far more supportive than you ever imagined possible.


• No matter what the circumstances are that leads to the break down, it will be "your fault". Either you committed the acts the ended it, or you drove the other person to commit them.


• All it takes is for one person to want "out"; you can't keep a marriage together all by yourself. The harder you try, the stronger the other person resists.


• The money you never had to take the family to Disneyland, France, skiing, sailing etc. will all be spent on lawyers threefold.

Hot Dads Quiz

This post is going to test all of you readers. Let’s see how well you actually know us Hot Dads.

See if you can match what you know/or think you know about us with the right number below.
(match a letter to a number)
*****All of these are true!!

A. TentCamper
B. DadsHouse
C. TrooperThorn
D. Southern Sage
E. Hubman
F. DaddyGeekBoy


1. I spent 6 years enlisted in the US Army?

2. I gave the valedictory address for my high school graduation having had my head shaved a few days before for wrestling team initiation. My mom was in tears.

3. I got kicked out of my college marching band for having an "attitude problem" (which means, I refused to take shit from the director). The jazz band director liked that story so much, he gave me a tryout and I played big band music the remainder of my college career.

4. I have an unbridled hatred for cilantro and glitter.

5. I had sex for the first time at the age of 13. It was on a YMCA campout and was with a 16 year old counselor.

6. I played pro baseball (minors) and pro softball (slow pitch)

WILL ANYONE GET MORE THAN 25%?

Feet, Baby Birds and Briefs

Per the request of @Sweet_Life at The Sweet Life, this post will be an overview of my thoughts on a few random subjects that she threw out to me. The subjects that I’ve been asked to elaborate on are; Stinky feet. Baby birds learning to fly. Girl Scout cookies. Black socks and sandals. Boxers vs briefs vs boxer briefs.

With my vast knowledge and expertise about pretty much everything, I will try to dumb it up a bit and use laymen’s terms so that you all can follow what I have to say.

Stinky feet – I’ll get straight to the point on this one…I HATE stinky feet! I am an all around kind of anti-foot kind of guy. I don’t like touching feet, don’t like people touching my feet…so a stinky foot, to me is revolting. Shit even writing about it…thinking about some stinky dirty feet is bringing me to the edge of vomiting. NASTY! Don’t get me wrong, I can look at feet (if they are cleaned up and pleasant) but I see no logical reason to touch them.

Baby birds learning to fly – In general, I have no dislike for birds (bats – I HATE) I have always kind of liked birds…excluding; pigeons, crows and vultures. I have, for the most part, been quite intrigued with many birds (Falcons, Eagles, Hummingbirds, Hawks, etc.) I remember as a child, sitting up in our neighborhood trees watching mother birds feed their babies just after hatching. It was even cooler when I got to see mommy nudge them out of the nest for their first ‘attempted’ flight. I was in awe…and yes, I was careful not to get too close or touch the nest. Now we have two birds. I HATE FREAKING BIRDS NOW!!!! They are noisy. They make a mess with their food. There are feathers and bird shit all over the house. As pets, their wings are clipped so that they can’t fly…so they can be poked, prodded, pulled, tweaked, held, squeezed and yes, showered with. I feel bad for these birds…but they have made me not like birds anymore.

Girl Scout cookies – I absolutely love the taste of almost all Girl Scout cookies…BUT…I have come to the conclusion that the whole cookie thing is an illegal scam that will be shut down by the DEA or Homeland Security one day. I am convinced that the cookies have cocaine or some other kind of addicting drug in them…by the frantic nature of how people act as soon as they hear that the cookies are on sale. Beyond that, hordes of 10 to 12 year old girls work the streets, go door to door, standing on street corners to sell their goods. I don’t know what is worse…sending these young girls out onto the streets and teaching them how to swindle people out of money (like national cookie sweat shops) or little girls pushing seemingly drug-laced baked goods in our faces.

Black socks with sandals – Northeastern Europe…AKA German people. I am not a fan of that fashion statement…and really do not understand the point. Maybe they don’t make white socks in Germany…maybe it never gets warm enough to wear sandals on bare feet where they come from. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! It goes into the same book as the men in Speedos at the beach, ‘big’ girls in spandex and belly shirts, black and Mexican men always wearing t-shirts to swim at the beach and people buying and putting clothing on their pets.

Boxers vs. briefs vs. boxer briefs – This one is simple:
Boxers – teenage boys
Briefs – gay men, body builders, cowboys and men who think that they are ‘all that’.
Boxer briefs – normal men who need a bit of support whilst not jamming one’s nuts up into their pelvis.

A Day That Will Live On Forever

I don’t want to sound like I am beating an old, worn out drum, but I have to throw this out at you all.

This past Sunday was my son’s 8th birthday and both of my boys were with Mariah and I for the weekend.

We have been very excited about this birthday weekend and have been throwing around ideas about what to do for him and what to get him. I know that we talked about taking him rock climbing and buying him a ‘big boy bike’ on Twitter and our blogs. Now this post has two connected, but separate parts.

First of all, as some of you already know, my EX is a blogger and is also on Twitter. I know that she (and or her friends) read/monitor pretty much everything that Mariah and I say while online (and I know I should be more careful about what I say…but I really don’t care if she knows what I am saying.) That being said, I have been confronted by her regarding misinterpreted things that I’ve said and done, and she has brought them to her lawyer and into court. Still…the bottom line is that I know that I am a good father. I know that I have a safe and secure home. I know that the children in this house are very well cared for….and I know that she just wants to feel in control or that she is better than I am. The fact that she and her friends lurk around our blogs and Twitter updates and are too embarrassed or feeble to show their faces …says a little something about all of their characters. (*so ‘other side’ when you read this please feel free to comment and state your opinion ‘like a man.’)

Secondly…We decided to buy a big boy bike (two wheeler) for my son for his birthday. He has mentioned to me that he does not have one and does not know how to ride one. (Personally, I think that every kid (especially boys) should have the opportunity to learn to ride a bike by 5 or 6.) Anyway, I do not know what the reasoning is for why his mother never bought him a bike or encouraged the ‘nanny’ to teach him….but I am glad now. One of the best feelings in the world was getting this bike for him, taking him across the street to the school yard and teaching him to ride like the wind.

After getting to the playground I held the back of his seat while spouting out all of my words of wisdom that pertain to learning to ride a bike; “Always look straight in front of you. Pedal a bit faster. Hold your body up straight. If you feel you are going to fall…put your feet down. Don’t be afraid to fall. Did I tell you how many times I crashed learning to ride?” and the list went on and on. Within no more than 10 minutes, he was riding all by himself. I was amazed…but not nearly as amazed as he was. He told me on the way to the school that he was scared and did not know if he could do it. His face was glowing all day long. by his attitude and the expression on his face...this was far better than a free pass at a candy or toy store. He was so proud of himself. Little mini me could just be the XGames 2018 winner. He definitely got an A+ from this bike instructor.

This I know for sure…neither he nor I will ever forget the fact that we did this together. From my past and from this experience…I know that for a father and son, this is what it is all about.

When their mother came to pick them up, he was so excited to show her that he could now ride a bike…he jumped on and burned rubber all the way down the block and back. Upon his return, she looked at him and said, “Wow…great…cuz a bike is exactly what someone else got you for your birthday.” My son also had mentioned to me that his mother was having a rock climbing party for him. (see BOLD statements above)

I don’t worry though…the first learning how to ride a bike and dad teaching is one thing that even his mother will never be able to take from either one of us…though she may try.

"Daddy, I got a bra!"

The day I have been dreading for 11 years arrived yesterday. I knew it was going to happen, but just not this soon.

I had hoped it would never happen. But, at 7 p.m., my oldest daughter's mother called me and broke the news.

"Brett, I took Kern out and we spent all the money you gave her on school clothes. . . $250 on school uniforms, socks, underwear, and a couple bras."

I often have to ask Kern's mother "What?". I was never very good at listening when words came out of her mouth. That's probably one of the reasons why we didn't work out.

But, this time, I heard exactly what she said. It didn't stop me from asking her my favorite question.

"What was that last thing you said?", hoping I heard her wrong.

"Yea, we got her a few bras. We have looked at them before because she liked the patterns on some of them. Now, she actually needs them."

I was speechless. I couldn't believe what she was saying to me.

My little girl needing a bra. The same girl I spent three years staying at home with when she was a toddler watching Blues Clues, Sesame Street, and Little Bear. From a bottle-carrying blue-eyed girl whose life revolved around when she would get to go in our pool in the front yard, to a young lady who now sends me text messages and needs a bra.

How did this happen? I know days, months, and years going by is how. But, how did it happen so fast?

You are not supposed to have a favorite child. You are supposed to love them all the same and do your best to treat them equally.

But, Kern will always be special and different to me. She was the first one. The one that taught me how to be a father, how to truly love, and how to put someones' needs, wants and desires in front of my own.

Seems she isn't done teaching me things. Now, I get to learn about buying and washing bras. Took me three years when I was in high school to learn how to take a bra off my girlfriend.

I doubt I will get that same amount time to learn how to be OK with my daughter growing up.