Celebrity Lists

We’ve all had the conversation about “the list”. You know the celebrity list. That magical register of names that, if the situation arose, would grant you an automatic out of your relationship. I, unfortunately, don’t play that game with WonderWife™ anymore. Living in Los Angeles, there are actually opportunities to meet into your celebrity crushes.

A few years ago, I woke up after a vividly erotic dream about Eliza Dushku. Having the kind of relationship with my wife that I do, I told her about the ribald dream. She smiled and patted me on the arm in that half-patronizing way of hers that basically said, "That's nice honey. Keep dreaming."

Two nights later, I was walking out of a party and saw a colleague of mine. He was with a few other people.

“Hey, meet my friend,” he said gesturing to the woman next to him.

“Hi, I’m Eliza,” the familiar looking brunette said, shaking my hand.

After relaying this story to WonderWife™, she decided that we would not be making any formal agreements about our celebrity lists.

So…Who’s on your celebrity list?

I've got: Reese Witherspoon, Kate Winslett, Jessica Biel and Kelly Monaco.

Things I Repeat, Say What? Things I Repeat

Apart from the above being one of my favourite jokes, those of an irritable ilk anyhow, I have come to realise that there are many parenting statements, or phrases, that I find myself saying a lot.

A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.

I thought I would put together a top ten, and see if anyone else is using the same, or has their own gems of reiteration.

Here goes;

1. Calm Down –

Used on a repeat-to-fade basis, between the hours of 7-30am and 7-30pm.

2. Settle Down –

Used on a repeat-to-fade basis, from 7-30pm until shut-eye status is achieved.

3. Focus on the positive –

A phrase I use when my son points out that things have not gone exactly as he had hoped, or if his every whim is not catered for within nanoseconds.

4. You Muppet –

Useful for moments just after my son has ignored my advice of focusing on the positive.

5. What do you want to eat/wear/do? –

My mistake ridden, glib, speaking before thinking. Everyone knows you need to give kids options, otherwise their answers will never do.

6. Are you on prescribed medication? –

An affectionate phrase spoken shortly after my son has confused me with his latest request or action, often followed with;

7. You are never right –

Again, affection unbound.

8. One or none? –

A question I pose when my son stretches the boundaries of reasonableness. When he demands two ice creams for example, I reiterate his options ‘one or none?’ (Can be used in conjunction with number 3)

9. You know the drill/we do this every day –

Reminding him that the routine is well established, and thus moaning about it will just lengthen the process

10. I love you –

Something I say to my boy, everyday, lots, and while he is responsible for this action, I am not holding it against him.

So there is my ten, I am sure to be revisiting this list, and probably have missed a few.

But, more importantly, what are yours?