Facebook and Parenting.

Y'all ought to go see the Hot Chick Without Shoes and tell her Happy Birthday!

Well I thought I'd tell y'all about a little incident that went on at the house a few weeks ago. See my kids Baby G (11) daughter and Rowdy (7) son have a plethora of chores that will be completed daily or when applicable. Their chores are as follows.

Baby G:
Sort all washed clothes, separating into Mine, Mamma Sages, Rowdy's and her own.

Folding/hanging hers and putting them away.

Folding and putting away all towels.

Loading and unloading the dish washer.

Cleaning her room.

Separating her clothes pre wash.

Setting the table for meals.

Rowdy's chores:

Folding wash cloths

Cleaning his room.

Cleaning their bathroom.

Cleaning the 1/2 bathroom.

Folding/hanging putting away his own clothes.

Clearing the table post meal.


What don't look at me like that he's 7 and shes 11. I ain't raising democrats here, you earn it or you don't get it, meals, electricity etc, nothing here is free.

So anyway Baby G threw down one night and this isn't way out of line, it happens about once every couple months
.
"This isn't fair"

"Rowdy doesn't have as much to me!"
"You're mean"

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhh"

and on and on.

Now one thing I need to explain is we don't pay for chores, those are due us for food and shelter, clothes and such. I do pay for tasks done outside that. I mean come on they don't have to work watermelons or hay like I did from 10 up and so they can do some stuff around here, even though working didn't get me out of chores at the house.

So the girl child threw down in the floor. Snot bubbles. Hollering. She might have expelled some gas I am not quite sure cause the dog was in there also but she was in the fecal position one time. She spun on the floor like a break dancer. She arched her back and blew an additional snot bubble. It was ugly you know. She stiffened her whole body standing straight up, fists clenched, on her tip toes, squallin. Y'all getting the picture?

Well anyway so the bride runs to their defense when I am asking them sweetly to actually do their chores and I have a three way "thats not fair" fest! Baby G made a terrible miscalculation though. She popped off and said "NONE OF MY FRIENDS (snot bubble bursting) HAVE ANY CHORES !!!!!! (stiff body, on tiptoes, fists clenched, squallin loudly) She's meaner than hell like her momma and did not get my sweet temperament and understanding demeanor.

So Big Pappi formulated a perfect plan, as all of Big Pappi's plans are. I asked Momma Sage how many of Baby G's friends she had on Facebook. "All of them" was the reply. So I had Momma Sage post on Facebook, "Baby G thinks none of her friends have chores, or at least not like she has, what chores, if any do your kids have to do?"

Well it was about 9 minutes and her stuff was blowin up! The most memorable comment, nestled snugly amongst the 45 or so that came in in the first couple hours, was one from Mamma Sages long time best friend, with kids the same age they were both bred at the same time with both kids. She said:
"Baby G, Baby G, Baby G, Honey what have you done? When will you children learn? If you will just listen to your daddy you won't have to go through all of this turmoil. I promise you baby if you would just do it right when you are told you would be finished in less time than the argument usually lasts. I know your daddy and has pitching a fit ever gotten you out of anything with him? Good luck baby the comments don't look that good for you right now."

Well of course all the kids had chores and about half of the kids had either more chores or tougher chores and none had markedly less chores (we don't know any Socialists). So Mamma printed off the chores of her friend's kids and Baby G read them aloud for the family. Then she re-read them for the in laws Sunday at dinner (12 noon for you uneducated people).

So I found one good use for Facebook, what do y'all do when the snot bubbles fly? Have you ever used any of the silly assed friend sites for something other than mindless babble? Tell me!

Oh yeah you can thank me now for the snot bubble, squallin, fecal position gettin in stopper I just gave you!





Should be something good in Sageville today too.

Sage-Umm Yes She Gave Me Crabs, what to do?

So now that I have your attention. I found out Saturday that I had crabs. After being on the road for a week with a salesman I come home and have crabs! WTF?

Well I wasn't sure how to react really so.....













I ate em.

Well someone caught up a bunch of crabs and gave em to ma-in-law. Well if y'all haven't eaten a lot of crabs then you might not know that when they slept in the sea last night you have to bust the shell and root the meat out. Well they make tools for such a thing but when you are an unsophisticated 'neck you don't need such things. Crab busting tool:



Well she had the three pots slap full of crabs. Two regular sized pots and one big assed pot slap full to the top of crabs. So I just filled the tray you see here under the pot up with crabs, ate them and threw those shells away, they aren't shown in the carnage.



Then I got the full other little pot that was full up just poured the water out of that one and took it and ate those. See if you don't know how to eat em first you pull the claws off then you bust em open with the needle nosed pliers and root around in there for 3 pieces of meat bout big as your pinky finger nail. Then you can pull those flappers in the back and get some decent meat on those. Well anyway then I got those eaten so with a growling stomach I went and got the big pot.



Same thing there, ate all those too. Well now I am a self described and confirmed fat boy but come on 3 pots of damn crabs and hungry? The kids had pizza and left their dear ole Dad 4 pieces and some bread sticks so I ate them and was almost full, when I got back up momma Sage scolded me and told me not to eat anything else so I did not.



2.5 hours of eating and still hungry.

There ya go, todays crab story.

Hit the caption contest too, one post below!

Go see what the Real World <---- I posted here today too! <--- and here! I'ma posting phenom!

Dance Dance Dance! Sage On Dancing

Well I thought I'd post a little diddy for men and woman. Being a plethora of goodness and truth I just know y'all hang on my every word so bust out your trapper keeper as well as a number 2 pencil and get to jotting this down.

If you are a man and your bride gets the swell belly and inside that swole up tummy of goodness isa little person with a vagina I have some advice for you. DON'T ALLOW THEM TO TAKE DANCE If they take dance be prepared to suffer fake enjoyment at watching the recital. Let me tell you about recitals.......... (Sorry Shell)

Ok here is the rundown.

A buck fiddy a months for four days of dancing for one hour each. Yes that is bumping fiddy per lesson if you include travel.

fiddy dollars per outfit, we had three in THIS recital. This does not include the outfits they wear to practice or whatever they call it. This does not include the hair and make up and glittery shit stuff they put on for the recital.

Then you must add the cost of the tickets for the torture chamber experience extravaganza! $15.00 per.

You also have to shower and shave and wear your Sunday go to meeting clothes.

When you get there you need to talk to the dance dad that is actually excited to be there and quell the over riding desire to take out your pocket knife and cut that stupid assed grin off his face walk away from his sissfied assed self.

You must sit square dab in the middle of the joint too so you can't get out except during intermission.

When you go outside during intermission to get a pinch of snuff (they frown on spitting on the floor at the dance hall place and they don't provide spittoons) you need to have a Michael Jackson mask because you will get second hand smoke cancer out there cause those smoker people try to get in 2 apiece before they come back in for more excruciating torture the second half of pure goodness and happy times.

Oh shit! man I forgot the flowers for your girl child because I have no idea why but STFU and get the flowers you want to show her she did good and you love her such.

Then $30.00 for pizza because they schedule the damn thing for 7 and you don't wanna eat prior because you kid hasn't eaten since 5 when they had to be there so you wait, famished.

just a note if your son takes dance after he is like 5 we can no longer associate with one another.

Ladies. If you EVER took dance, even one year, and you have a dad and he is living, HUG him! Give him gifts! Send him money! Tell him he is the best ever! Do whatever it is he likes for you to do for him! He is a frickin saint! He gets the best dad ever cookie for a whole damn year if he sits through or ever sat though a recital.

Thats all I got. I lived, I frickin WIN!

Ok the greatest give away in Blogville is going to end on Memorial Day. Hit it, you can enter as often as you like! $100.00!! Sheeesh. Anyone can play!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


<--- some stellar goodness on right here today also, it is what I do, how I roll.

Pick up lines, what works?

First things first Didja hit the best ever Blog Easter Bunny Giveaway?

Lets talk about pick up lines shall we?

Well I went and hung out with some of my old skool boys the other night, drank beer, ate steak, played pool drank more beer, then we drank beer and we talked smack too, stopping only to drink beer.

The place we met was one of the guys dad owns some land and sells hunts and has a lodge and a lounge that he feeds up the hunters and such, it is an old old tobacco barn that they re-did the inside of. Its the first time I had been in there and look at the pic on the wall!!! I signed it for them but I figured I'd take YOU a picture.



All of the guys were older than me, all of my friends were older than me all through school. Well the one closest to my age is one of my main running buddies back in the day and he started me telling stories and prompting me to tell things etc. The Waylon story, everyone had heard more than once but I had to tell it again.

Well there are a bunch of stories y'all would like but the ones that stuck in my mind for this post was the "pick up lines" they liked so good. J would build it up about what went down in this or that juke and what the chicks looked like or whatever and then he'd let me take it from there. Well I never really had "pick up lines" because I seldom if ever approach any chicks (If I told why y'all would shake your head and think to yourself "Only Sage would say that and believe it"). So they weren't really pick up lines as much deal closing lines.

Though in Tampa one time when I was playing ball and 21 I did win the best line contest in a huge assed bar, the biggest one I have ever been in but thats a story for another time.

My most profitable closing.

To set the scene there would be people at the juke that I knew or the dood(s) I was with knew. (Just a note, I'd never take a girl to a juke, that makes no sense to me, if you were going fishing would you take a bucket of fresh caught TO the damn pond?) So anyway people know people, know people, know people so there was sure to be a hot chick or two to choose from that I had met during the course of the night. (another note, I never ever closed early in the night, it was usually around 1 an hour before closing before I ever chose and hit up, if you close early then there is no reason to stay!) so when it was time I'd just say to the chosen one.............

me "Hey girl I just heard you won...."

Her" huh?"

me "you won!"

Her "I did?? What did I win?"

Me " An all expenses paid one night stay at the Sand Castle"

Her "OMG Really??"

Me "Yeah thats what they said"

Her "Sweet! Umm Whats the Sand Castle?"

Me " Thats where the Sandman is gonna make your dreams come true...."

Her " puzzled look, giggle giggle" (if they ever giggled it was over for em, after all it is the second best thing a dood can make a chick do)

Me sticking out hand to shake " Hello Sunshine I'm the Sandman, nice to meet you...."

the answer to your questions are all YES, yes that worked, yes that worked WAY more than not, yes I'm serious, and yes it took game to pull off but I had game.

Tell me how a guy scored you in the past? The best you ever heard? The worst you ever heard? Maybe I'll tell you the best/worst pick up line won the contest story after we hear what worked or was tried on you!

Y'all have a big ole weekend!
is out! (you can hit that link and get in on the Education discussion (Saturday) or some NSFW pics on Sunday.

Sage on Sex, come on you KNOW you wanna

Ok I thought I'd let those of y'all that don't know it get in on the goodness. There is yet another blog I contribute to Real World Venus Mars that is a bunch of bloggers talking about relationship issues. Well today one of my posts is scheduled. We don't get to many male voices and of course we are always looking for new female voices to opine. This post should maybe make you snigger, or at least grin. Hit it up and say it!!!!


Topic: My spouse is a Morning/Night intimate person, I'm a Morning/Night (opposite) intimate person we make sex/intimacy work by doing this...

First and foremost lets establish this un-deniable fact. I HAVE NO PREFERRED TIME! Anytime, every time and all the time. I'm game on. I mean I'm By God for it whenever wherever. If she even hints like she might be the slightest bit interested I'm all over that like a rooster on a June bug. You know those folks that have dogs that will ummmmm be intimate with the leg of a stranger??? Just sayin...................

Thats the first paragraph........ the rest is HERE.

Come on you can do it, if they won't let you in the password is "Sage isa Hottie".

How Clean Should a Kids Room Be?

Well those of you that read me at Sageville know that I field and opine on all kinds of questions real regular. Most are relationship or political but often they are from one end of the spectrum to another. I answer the bulk simply by return mail but some I post about because I think other people might have input or gain insight from the post. All questions in mail are private unless I get consent to post it by whoever asked me and they can own it or not.

Well I got this simple question that I thought would be good fodder for a post so let me know what you think.

Before we get to the question I should state my stance on child rearing or training any person or animal. Consistency is the NUMBER ONE key to making this happen with man, child or beast. If an action gets the exact same reaction every time you can train anything. I am strict. I take no shit, ever. I believe it is my charge as a parent to do my damndest to train my children to respect rules and laws, be they of the government, household, school, religion or whatever. It is up to me to make their passage into adulthood easier by training them to know that if they do the right thing and do what they are supposed to do even when nobody is looking then they will do well and will be on the right side of the universe/gods/God/Mohammad/Budda/Yota or Darwin/Obama for you Democrats. I have said this before but if you missed it you can ask my kids and they will tell you what I mean when I ask them politely to do something, they will say "He means right now and for sure, he don't mean later and he damn sure don't mean maybe". And they are of course correct. They will also tell you "He ain't raisin no damn Democrats, we will be responsible for our actions and responsible for our belongings."

Responsibility is the key for the child and consistency is the key for the parent. A wise man said "repetition is the mother of consistency". So we must glean from that that if the the parent repeats the same actions (reward/punishment) then the child should consistently perform to expectation. And they will. So there that is my take now on to the question.

Here was the whole email. From a married woman (sexy of course, I only ever deal with sexy women) that has a few kids tween down in age.

how clean do you think a kids room should be?

I gave my answer and the follow up email said:

thanks. this is where I feel alone. I have no back up on this stuff. nobody to ask about this sort of stuff ... it is " my deal"

Two things to hit here.

#1. The room and how clean.

Here at the Sage's I demand expect my kids (11/6) to have their room straight. I do not expect it to be spic and span. I do expect the things to be in the proper location, board games in the hall closet, Wii games in the basket, clothes put away or in the hamper, toys in their designated location. Shoes in the closet or against the wall. Drawers shut. Orderly. Thats it. I don't expect them to sweep (all hardwood floors in the house) or clean the windows or dust or do any deep cleaning. Their momma does that whenever she feels it needed, with the child that owns the room.

To get this done I have them on a schedule. When they get home from school they do their chores. Then they do their homework, then they can play or whatever it is they do for fun. Then they eat supper. If you think for a second they won't eat if their room isn't clean you have misread me terribly. If you think that my daughter would miss the father daughter annual dance because she didn't do her chores, again you have misread me. Lastly if you think even for a second that I won't call off a non-refundable Disney trip because chores are not completed, you dear reader have absolutely mis read me. These things happen every single day of their life. They cried, threw down in the floor, vomited, peed on themselves, kicked, screamed, hollard, pooped the floor, and their heads spun around the first week or two. And I assure you "this isn't fair" was their favorite term to yell. But after that it became routine and they do it without a battle now.

So I am ok with one toy in the floor, or some things not in there exact proper place but in general the room being straight is enough for me.

#2. No back up.

This is huge for married/shacked up people in my opinion. I expect the bride to back me 100% in front of the kids. (Ok sometimes people call me out because I don't disclaim every damn statement I make because of exceptions, so here a go. If I am being abusive or demanding them to do something that might kill them or harm them physically or mentally or whatever then she, of course, should of course intercede on their behalf) Outside of that she should back me. She should also, outside of my presence back up my assertions and intercede on my behalf to the kids.

"Baby you know your daddy wants you to clean your room so why not do it before he gets home?"

"Baby you know your daddy only makes you clean up to make you a more responsible person so that when you grow up you will understand better how to run your life and that of YOUR family"

Etc.

And I of course back her 100%. If we disagree we discuss it outside of the presence of the kids and refine our strategy.

Ever heard of "divide and conquer?"
You think a 7 year old isn't smart enough to employ that tactic? If you don't think so then you don't and have never had one.

So dear reader what do you think? How clean should a kids room be? How often should it be clean? How do you get your kid to do it? Do tell.

it is my understanding that some of you fine people have missed out on the awesome giveaway!

Go see what the Real World has going on! I posted here today too I think!


I surely posted here today too, don't miss the great giveaway either!

Sage on Child Rearing, Shelle Asked I answered

Well over in Sageville I did a "Ask Me" post and here was a Question asked by Shelle that I thought I'd also post over here.

Shelle asked.........

Okay Sage... How do you feel about disrespectful kids and what advice would you give to those parents who have a disrespectful tween-teen and want to change them into a respectful kid-tween-teen?

Well I was asked way back about parenting and never posted on it and ain't gonna do that whole post here, also I won't do the how to train any animal including humans post that has been in the vast waste land that is my brain for a while now. Here is what I think about her question.

The one thing I will not allow or abide is my kids being disrespectful to anyone, ever, for any reason. This is especially true for adults. It will not occur without harsh, swift and painful consequences. Also I must admit I have an unhealthy bias against people who don't say Ma'am or Sir to their elders and ANY male who doesn't address females of most any age as Ma'am until their relationship (whatever that might be) has become familiar enough to drop that term of respect. If I was in a store and ANY female that is now reading this asked me a yes/no question I would end my answer with ma'am. EVERY TIME. Without fail. When I hear a kid address their parent with anything other than ma'am or sir I instantly hold a bias against the parent and pity the child for the poor parenting they have endured. (shut up I said it was unhealthy!)

Not even liberals make the hair on my neck stand up like it does when I see/hear a child of any age back talk their parent. There is NO excuse for that, ever. I swear I have scolded and come close to fixing up a kid that was wearing his momma out in a store one time. I just can't understand it. Why would someone allow that from their kids. I am a hard-ass though for sure, I don't deny that and I wouldn't change it if I could. I will not have disrespectful kids. I remind them often not about their grades, but about the conduct scores in school which have never been bad. My folks told me and I tell my kids, "even an idiot can keep their mouth shut in class."

So what advice do I have for people with kids that are disrespectful? This goes to the training. If you control any animals pleasure and pain you can control their actions. Any and all law/rule enforcement will work if three standards are met when doling out punishment. If punishment is harsh, guaranteed and as near to instant as possible you can control behavior. The hot stove theory. If your kid puts his hand on a stove glowing red hot more than a time or two, then your kid needs a padded room. Why is this? Because the pain is instant, harsh and guaranteed. EVERY TIME baby boy Burnedass puts his nose pickers on the red hot stove it burns the ever more hell out of him, right? Well there you go.

All rules and laws should be easy to understand and communicated fully. So the advice is this. Tell the child what is acceptable and what is not. When unacceptable behavior occurs then punish the child RIGHT NOW, 10 times worse than the indiscretion and do it EVERY TIME. It won't take long for the child to understand that you mean what you say. Of course if you start your kid at 2 years old understanding respect then you have no problem when they are tween/teen except a couple times a year you have to redraw the line.

Now on punishment. I am not against tearing up ass as part of the punishment. But that in itself is not nearly painful enough. Painful is not getting to go to the dance, or not being able to play the tv games for 3 months (harsh be harsh) or whatever will hurt them the most. You have to do it every time. Now my kids might end up being window lickers but I feel pretty certain that they will show respect even if they don't feel it, they will fake it.

Talk back isn't even an option. We do have an appeal process, but it is never to back talk or to not complete a task when you have been instructed to do so. They can appeal, without crying or yelling, AFTER the task is complete. I can assure you my kids would answer this if you were to ask them........ When you are asked to do something what and when does your daddy mean? They would both say " He means right now and for sure, he does not mean later and he does not mean maybe"

Well there ya go. That simple advice on punishment will work for 99% of kids from 2 to 18 IF you follow it, it MUST be EVERY TIME though.

Thanks for the Question, ask and I will surely answer. Good Political post HERE where Hubman asked an excellent question I did my best with, if you wanna, with additional good questions on it. I'll take em all and be tickled to give you my take on whatever you want my take on!



Here is a funny, you with weak bladders be careful, do it its funny as hell!

This is something that you will appreciate.

Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 800-295-0051. When asked if you want to continue in English, wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! Keep going and press 4. Listen to the options...then press 7. If it's busy, it's worth it to keep trying!

Amber asks.......

Last week Hot Momma Amber hit me up and asked me to help her get some advice, and to pimp her post. I thought if would be a good Q to just post and let you all respond to.

Amber says.....

I'm frustrated.
I'm all over the place.
Mr (Hubs) brought D (son) home from school today, and pulled me aside to discuss the goings on with D's day.
We've had trouble with the school since we first began. Back in the beginning of December, we finally had a meeting with both the teach and the principal. When we got there I was already frustrated because I had requested a meeting a number of times through parent/teacher/communication notes, and received no response. They thought I kind of blew it out of proportion. I felt I was being ignored, and had no other way to communicate because of my work schedule.
Unfortunately, when we did go to that meeting, no strategies for action were discussed other than having us enroll him in counseling, and role playing how he would approach other kids for play.
Mr went to pick up D on Tuesday, and found his desk had been moved (again, literally lost count of how many times he's been moved around the classroom) right next to the teachers desk.
My first thought when he told me this, was "My child has been a disruption to your class, and all you can think of is placing him right next to you...really?!"
It's time for me to advocate for my child, in a clear, honest, and direct manner.
I am unsatisfied with my son's school, and their abilities to handle and cope with my child. I am unsatisfied with any courses of action they've taken because they've done jack squat to help him, and could've possibly hindered him even more.
I'm pissed off. I'm frustrated. I'm nearly ready to move him to another school. If one of our other choices were available, I would.
So, to all of you other parents who read here, and even those who don't...please, come and tell me how you've advocated for your child, and tell me what has worked best for you??

There you go, encouragement, advice, have you been there? What would you do, or suggest she do?

Sage is out.