Showing posts with label tentcamper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tentcamper. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Is There A "Perfect" Match?

What is the ‘norm’ when it comes to relationships? I don’t think it matters if you are married or just dating…I was just thinking about …’what is the perfect match?’

I know that there are many different kinds of relationships out there and…I’ll stop here and say that I have absolutely NO qualms about mine…but what is the perfect match?

There are relationships with dominate and submissive partners. Are all relationships dominate and submissive in one way or the other? Can two people with passive personalities make it work?

I started thinking about this because of a guy that I have been spending a lot of time with (due to lacrosse). He is WAY dominating….and a bit OCD…and ADHD….and self medicated…but none the less dominate. He has two kids, two ex wives and a live in girlfriend. They all ‘serve him’ in one way or the other. Everything in the house MUST be his way or no way. Though on the other hand he is a very kind hearted and generous guy.

Anyway, I started to think, what if he got together with another person who was just like him? Would they get along? Or will he always need to have a Housekeeper as a girlfriend/wife?

Personally, Mariah and I share in pretty much everything. Grocery shopping, car pools, cooking, homework, sideline parents for sports, cleaning, laundry….everything. That being said, we do have things that
we are individually better at: I cook like a college student and Mariah more like a chef. I can take apart and build most things while Mariah …cannot. Mariah can grocery shop…but I go most times due to my ‘thrifty’ nature. (I sometimes go with more of an intention to see how close to 50% savings I can get…more than buying ‘square’ meals for the family.)
Anyway….Is there such thing as a co-operative relationship?

I think that Mariah and I complement one another pretty damn well. But is that my mind tricking me? Is one of us more dominate? Or is that not needed in a relationship?

Fine….I do see myself as kind of a stabilizer/smoother/balancer…not just in my relationship, but in many of my daily dealings. Is that me trying to be dominating in some weird way?

Does one party need to feel that they are dominant…in their mind?

Can two ‘jellyfish’ have a happy relationship?

See….this is what happens to my head when I don’t post stuff on a regular basis.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Driving Under The Limit!!





Having a daughter who has been driving for a few years and a son who is about to get his permit…and watching their friends drive has gotten a bit under my skin lately.

As we live in a country with the lowest driving age (shared by Canada and parts of Australia - 16) and I know that some back-assward states let kids get permits at 14…

I started to look at some statistics. They frightened me!

• There are more than six million car accidents each year in the United States.
• A person dies in a car accident every 12 minutes and each year car crashes kill 40,000
people.
• The leading cause of death for individuals between 2 and 34 years old is motor vehicle crashes.
• Someone is injured by a car crash every 14 seconds and about two million of the people injured in car accidents each year suffer permanent injuries.
• Over 25% of all drivers were involved in an auto accident in a five-year period.
• Excessive speed is the second most common cause of deadly auto accidents, which accounts for about 30% of fatal accidents.
• Car crashes cost each American more than $1,000 a year; $164.2 billion is the total cost
each year across the United States.
• Car accidents are the leading cause of death for kids between 2 and 14; About 2,000 children die each year from injuries caused by car accidents.
• Each year, almost 250,000 children are injured in car crashes, meaning nearly 700 kids are harmed every day.
• Car accidents are the leading cause of acquired disability nationwide.
Now why can’t we get on board with the rest of the world and raise the minimum driving age to 17 or even 18 ?
When I see things like this….

I get furious! (Fine…I may be prone to road rage….but this is why)

Your thoughts?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Childhood Adventure

Perched atop a rocky point, overlooking the northern Atlantic, was the majestic house that he called home every summer. He and his sister were always excited when summer began growing near. They were going to stay with their father, step-mother, uncle, aunt and grandmother, in the ‘castle on the beach.’ This is where he had some of his fondest childhood memories.

The house itself was enormous…but he enjoyed his time outside more than anything else. He’d always climb down the cliff to the beach, as opposed to taking the weathered stairs. It made a great start to his day of exploration. Heading north along the white sandy beach…there was not a house to be seen…it was ‘his beach.’ It took him only about ten minutes to make it the next outlying cliff – his destination. Getting closer, he could see the odd shapes and black holes in and around the upper edges of the cliff. His excitement grew, increasing as he got closer…because this day he was going to explore farther and deeper than he ever had before.

As he began climbing up the steep embankment, his eyes began to hone in on anything and everything that he could add to the little bag that was draped around his neck. Scrambling to the top, he rested for a minute and then did a full 360 to take in his surroundings and gather his bearings. Knowing that he was embarking on a journey that no other 11 year old boys had ever been on, he smiled and took a deep breath, which he held in for a moment, as if to not let his fear or anxiety surface.

Looking inland from the cliff top, he marveled at what lay before him. The old fort, abandoned by the Marines more that a decade ago. He eyed the reinforced trenches, gun turrets, crumbling stairwells that seemed to lead nowhere…he did not know where to start. He’d been there once before with his sister, but she was scared and they did not explore the way he planned to this day. Mentally flipping a coin, he started walking north along the cliff.

When he came to the first of the seemingly endless bunkers, he walked around it, searching high and low for the doorway…he found none. He did, though, find several spend shell casings from a machine gun. The shells quickly went into his bag. Moving on he came to a spot where he would have to cross the trench. It was not deep, but there was still a certain level of fear that began to creep up. He turned and lowered himself into the trench. Once inside he realized that to get out…he’d have to find a fallen rock or a spot where the wall had broken. He began his journey along the trench. Comforted by the ever present sun on his head and the familiar sounds of crashing waves, he proceeded. After a few minutes, he saw his opportunity to climb out of the trench…a large piece of the wall had fallen inside. It was just enough for him to climb up and then pull his way out.

Right there in front of him was another bunker. He had to find a door on this one. Scurrying all the way around the 10’ X 10’ bunker, jumping up onto the earth-covered top and then back down, he still found no way in. He wondered for a moment how the soldiers got in and out. Scratching his head, he walked around it once more. This time more slowly and eyeing everything. About ¾ of the way around, he saw where the 10” window, which encircled the bunker, was broken. It could have broken from decay in the salt air or from a fallen rock…but he was going with a missile blast…yeah, that’s what made the hole.

He first peered inside. Not seeing much of anything, he remembered his difficulty in getting out of the trench. Finding a few large rocks that he could roll, he one by one, rolled them into the bunker to use as a ladder if he could not find a door. Then he dropped to his belly and began descending into the bunker, feet first. Inside the bunker it was dark, the air was still and…he had no flashlight. Walking around the room feeling the walls for a door, he noticed that there was a bunch of stuff on the floor. In the dim light he could not make everything out so he lifted items, one by one into the light from the sliver of window. This room was a gold mine for shell casings…he even found 2 belts of shells…where they were all held together by little metal pieces. These, he knew, were used in the large machine guns.

Finally he found what seemed to be a mini door in the wall that opened to a stairwell. He could see nothing in the stairwell. It was pitch black. He sat there for a moment, contemplating whether he would brave the stairwell or go back the way he came. The internal argument was brief…he’d come back another day with a flashlight for the stairs. Climbing up on the rocks that he’d pushed down into the bunker, he was able to emerge from his first explored room with ease. Once back on solid ground, outside the bunker, he searched for something to mark the bunker with so that he could come back to see where that stairway led. The only thing that he could find was a bunch of rocks. He grabbed them, one by one and piled them on top of the bunker, in a pile that he’d be able to see from a ways off.

At that point, he decided to head inland from the cliff to see what was there for him to explore. Passing by several flat cement circles, each with a few sets of holes in them, he noticed huge amounts of spent shell casings and knew that there must have been machine guns mounted there. He took a few minutes to pretend that there were still guns mounted in their positions. With his hands up in front of him, he shook back and forth and turned back and forth, making machine gun noises. With that, he thought to himself what a great vantage point that spot was. He had a great line of sight up and down the beach…as well as the ocean to the east.

Moving on, the boy came to a set of stairs which led down about fifty feet to a large open area. Seemingly an old staging area for the military personnel, to him it looked like an un-kept playground …with no equipment. Reaching the open area and turning to look at the hillside toward the ocean he marveled at the number of stairways, doors and open passageways that riddled the embankment. As if he were a trained soldier, he squinted his eye, peered back and forth and then seemed to KNOW which direction to head.

As he started to the north-East, he noticed something that stood out to him. It was not the shape of all of the other things he was finding…and it looked to be halfway stuck into the ground. Crouching down in front of it and brushing some of the dirt away from the sides…it became clear what he had found.

The tarnished metal sticking out of the ground was making his eyes widen and his heart race. Grasping his hand around his new found treasure, he pulled with all of his might. After a few seconds of pulling he found himself falling backwards, landing on his rear and holding, up in the air, what would be ‘the find on the day.’

Lowering his treasure to eye level, he carefully studied it. Knowing very well that he’d found an old bayonet, he was anxious to get it cleaned up. Vigorously rubbing the handle up and down the leg of his jeans, spitting on it and rubbing some more, he began to clean away the dirt and grime. Holding the weapon by its semi-clean handle, he wondered what to do about cleaning the blade. What if it had blood …or something cool like that on it? He put the blade into his bag to clean up later…when he could take the time to do it right.

Continuing to the north-east, jumping, happily, over pieces of broken cement blocks and mounds of dirt, he came to an incline that would bring him up the slope of the hillside fort. He began up the cement stairs and after a few of the stairs basically crumbled under his feet, he moved to the left and on all fours, continued up the overgrown embankment. Around the midway point there was a small landing where he found a small open doorway. It was pitch black inside and he was a bit scared. Poking his head in, he barely made out that the room was quite small and it had two doorways that he could see. He was frightened, but the excitement of exploring this forgotten fortress was too much to handle. He sat for a minute before it hit him…he would make himself a torch. Backing out of the doorway, he turned and scanned the hillside for a stick that could serve as a good torch. He spotted one, grabbed it and sat on the small landing. Taking his bag off his shoulder, he sunk his hand in, to the bottom and quickly pulled out his pocket knife. Setting it on the ground beside him, he stood and reached into his pocket for the book of matches that he’d stolen from next to the fireplace. Happy that he had all of the tools that he needed, he began to cut a long strip off the bottom of his T-shirt. Carefully wrapping the cloth around one end of the stick (yes, he was an Indiana Jones fan) he slung his pack back onto his shoulder, stood up and stepped into the doorway to the darkness.

Holding the stick between his thighs, with the cloth-wrapped end sticking out in front of him, he struck the first match. Not able to ignite his torch with the first match, he tried again, and then again. Frustrated, he struck two matches at once and held them underneath the torch head. It lit! Smiling to himself, he quickly shoved the matches back into his pocket and proceeded into the room. In the flickering light he decided to head through the door to his left. It was a narrow hallway and he was now surrounded by cement walls and darkness…all except for his circle of safety within the orb of flickering light. The smoke-filled hallway soon opened into a larger room. As he entered the inner room, he noticed that his torch would not be burning for long. He knew that he’d have to keep moving.

The room was seemingly empty, except for a set of stairs on one side of the room. He quickly headed for the stairs. He was about half way up the stairwell when his torch flickered and burnt out.

At first he was consumed by fear. He did not know where the stairway was going to lead him…and he did not know if he’d be able to find his way back the way he came. Suddenly, as if being guided by some supernatural force, he closed his eyes and with an uncanny sense of ease, pushed through any and all of the fear that was lurking in his vulnerable head. While still midway up the uneven staircase, he blindly took off his backpack, removed the rest of his shirt and would it around the charred end of his torch stick. Operating as if he had no need for eyes, he quickly ripped two matches from the book in his pocket and had his torch relit in a matter of seconds.

As his eyes began to adjust from pitch blackness to the blinding light of his new torch, he began to survey his situation. He decided that he would explore just one more room before heading back. Continuing up the stairs he finally reached the top. Standing on the top landing and using his torch to see, he noticed that there were two ways he could go. There was a closed doorway to his right and a hallway to his left. Looking at the hallway, he noticed that it seemed to be inclined…heading up towards the surface. Thinking for a moment he proceeded up the inclined hallway, sure that it would lead him above ground.

Stumbling over a few loose rocks on the floor and noticing small little doors in the wall which were all locked. His guess was that they were storage areas for food or ammunition. Now he knew that he would have to find a way to map this maze of tunnels and rooms, marking where he had been and the things that he had found. On his next trip, he would undoubtedly bring some supplies such as; bolt cutters, flashlights, a clipboard and paper for his map, etc.

The inclined hallway led him up and around a corner and into yet another room. This room was large and had big wooden doors on the floor of the room. There was obviously something below him. He tried to lift 2 of the doors and he could not budge them. He mentally added a crow bar to his list of items to bring back with him. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a light poking through a small crack in a wall. After examining the wall for a door, he found a small crawl space that seemed to be an exit. Knowing that he only had a minute or two of light left on his torch, he proceeded to crawl through the opening. The opening led him to a very narrow hall that became almost too small for him to get through with his pack on. It got brighter and brighter as he pushed forward. Finally he reached the small opening into the natural sunlight. Looking back at where he had just emerged from, he saw that it was an almost unnoticeable opening between a large tree and a big boulder. He was sure that he’d just found one of the fort’s secret entrances.

Snubbing out his torch in the dirt, he thought it best to leave a few of his things there so that he did not have to carry as much. He left scraps from his T-shirt, his torch stick, and a few other items right next to the base of the tree. After looking around and thinking for a minute, he picked up the T-shirt scraps and hung them over one of the low hanging branches…as an indicator of where his gear and the fort entrance was.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Monday, August 9, 2010

Summer - Kids, Breasts, Crazy People and More

OK…I know that it has been quite some time since I have posted here at my own freaking blog. I don’t know, I guess ‘real life’ is getting the majority of my time.

Anyway, I thought that you all should hear about what is happening in my world.

First of all, I have been spending a lot of time working with a very nice (but completely off his rocker) guy trying to organize 5 lacrosse teams within our city. It is much more work than I thought. Last spring I was just coaching and this year I will be serving as the club’s General Manager. This means everything from securing sponsorships, website development (which ZenMom is so graciously helping with), coordinating with parents, developing relationships with all of the schools, formulating and conducting recruitment activities, hiring coaching staff, reaching out to local media, etc.

The funny part is that this is all for kids between 7th and 12 grades…who predominately do not show a bit of gratitude. (assholes!!)

Next on my list is....I was driving down the street last week and look over at the car next to me and almost chocked!!! I wanted to be nowhere near this lady. (I so wish I had taken a photo).

She was driving with one hand, was playing on her iPhone, had a breast pump harness system going (like the one pictured below) ...boobs out and pumping away....and she had a laptop up on some holder so that she could use it while driving.


What else?..... Oh yeah, so I am driving with our little 11 year old rock climber (who tends to back seat drive at the drop of a hat) and we get to a 4 way stop .

She reads aloud, “Stop - All Way …that means that you have to stop all the way?! Right”…I think this one, having grown up with California’s rolling stops, may need to read the drivers manual a few extra times.
One day at the beach…no twice now we were at the beach (with a large group of kids) and this ….woman(?) showed up.


Not only did she reposition regularly…like a roasting pig, but she moved in a way that everyone within 50 yards saw EVERYTHING! I think the beach rules should cover people like her.

Lastly, we’ve spent the last month hosting Mariah’s sister and her 3 kids. It has been a lot of fun and we all enjoyed the visit, though our house was FULL!!!!! 3 parents, 9 kids, 3 dogs, 2 birds and 2 guinea pigs. We did though have great beach days, hikes, trips, family time ….and I was even forced to sit through a dinner theatre musical….while trying to digest under cooked fish.
Now, Cody (15) is off at his second Boy Scout came of the summer (hiking down the Grand Canyon , camping and then hiking out).
Amanda (18) is finally back from her 2 weeks trip to Bali…and now preparing to go off to college.
I spose I just roll with it all….What else is a Hot Dad to do?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Senses Are All We Need

Without even opening my eyes
I can see the sun rising and clouds drifting above us all
I see kids running around the house and yard
I see everyone, going about their business

Without removing the pillow from my ears
I hear the surf lapping at the shoreline
I can hear the dogs eagerly crunching their morning kibble
I hear the neighborhood come alive

Without shaking off my blanket
I can feel the warm touch of my beautiful woman
I feel goose bumps from the houseful of loving family surrounding me
I feel the heat of the coming day, from the bright sun above

I love the fact that, just awaking or not, I can experience all of these joys of life..any time I want…just by closing my eyes and clearing my mind.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Rub It !!!

I think that there are a lot of cool tattoos out there...but on the same note, I now wish that I did not have any. I went through a phase (if you can call a 5 year span a phase) where I thought that tattoos were the ultimate in cool.

To me, they said something about the person who's skin they wove themselves into. I could tell a little soomething about people by their tattoos (biker, neo nazzi, gang member, ex-con, mamma's boy, etc.)





Then again...as things are today...you can't tell if it says something about the person or if it says something about who the person wants to be...or


if they are just doing it cuz someone else did it.


I don't mind the folks that 'ink up' because it is something internally meaningful to them...but it is the people who get tattoos like they are jewelry (or make up) that kill me. I know that I have three tats, but they are all concealable (unless I am at the beach...or getting down to business.) You would not know that I had any if I have a t-shirt on.


I have seen some sexy as shit tats...have seen some on guys that look really good...and have seen some that are absolutely FUCKED!!!!






And even with all of that...Look what I have done to myself











This does not rub off?!
Each of my tattoos does mean something to me...but I do have MANY days when I wish that I never got any...or some freaky scientist would come up with some "Tat-Be-Gone" lotion and you could just ...rub it off.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Parenting - 2,945 1/2

OK…I know that you all know where I stand on overbearing and over the top parenting.

My philosophy is simple….let kids interact, learn, experience and enjoy their childhood. Yes…keep your kids safe and never put them in harm’s way…but at the same time you need to TEACH them …not hide them under your wing as to not experience what our world actually consists of.

I ran across a copy of Smithsonian magazine today and an article talking about children's stories caught my eye.

These stories are suffused with the same purity that makes children appear so marvelous and blessed,” wrote Wilhelm Grimm in the preface to his volume of fairy tales. If true, then life in the 19th century was worse than I’d ever imagined. Reading these stories today is like sitting through a Quentin Tarantino movie.

How will a child who has been overly sheltered (and yes…that is my nice way of saying it) react when he or she hits high school or college and has to experience sleeping in a bed without rails for the first time…or when the freak out at a friend’s house when they see a pair of scissors in the night stand?
I saw this article and almost threw up on the magazine…in the middle of the doctor’s office waiting room.

…A few more excerpts (enjoy!!)


Have you ever added up the body count? One poor girl is transformed into a block of wood and thrown into a fire. A father risks his daughter’s life by boasting she can weave straw into gold. An evil queen tries to off her stepdaughter with a poisoned apple.

I’ve come to realize that many popular children’s books are rife with malice and mayhem. Do you have any idea of the dangers that may lurk on your little ones’ bookshelves?

Let’s start with Goodnight Moon. Margaret Wise Brown’s beloved bedtime tale is a veritable hotbed of child safety hazards. First of all, the child’s—excuse me, bunny’s—great green bedroom contains an open fireplace filled with dangerous tools like tongs and pokers. The bed has no side rails. And what about the grandmother—a careless caretaker if I ever saw one. Why, she leaves knitting needles unattended in a child’s bedroom!


Monday, June 7, 2010

Keepin it clean!!!

Gotta love the ads that go up on craigslist.com on Monday mornings!!!!!

Check this one out!!


Seeking a HOT Exotic Girl to clean my apartment (Santa Monica)


Date: 2010-06-07, 8:22AM PDT



Looking for a really hot, young, exotic girl to clean my apartment. Slowly take off all your clothes for me, until all you have on are a pair of socks or sneakers, then start claning my apartment. I will pay $200 per cleaning session and am looking for at least twice per month. If we click, you can come over more often. Before you start, we will need to meet for a quick cup of coffee nearby. This is for your benefit, as well as mine. Lot's of phonies on this website. If you are serious, please respond with your picture and some stats. We can do this TODAY, later this afternoon.

Thanks for reading my ad.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Hot Dad Dream!!

Are ‘Dream Books’ full of shit? Are psychotherapists full of it? Does anyone REALLY know what the hell it means when you dream?

I have to say that I don’t dream to much, or rather, I don’t remember my dreams. But there are times, like last night, where I toss and turn all night or wake up sweating and pissed off. I guess the range of emotions does vary as I have woken up sad, excited, scared…and even quite hard.

That being said…I don’t really get dreams. I mean, if I dream about running someone over in my car…does that mean that I want to? Does it mean that I fear that? Does it mean that it will happen in my future? What about the sex dreams? The murder dreams? The torn apart family dreams? The dreams about defecating in public (not that I have had those) …just saying.

Some say that dreams are your uninhibited and raw personality. Some say that it is a glimpse of the future. Some say that they are your worst fears and best dreams being realized. Some even say that everything in your dreams stand for something else in your life. Like if I dream about peeing on the steps of a police station…that it could be seen as; me showering our protectors with gold and warmth. (what a crock!!)

I don’t know…Ass I mentioned earlier…I don’t remember many of my dreams, but when I do…or when I talk to family and friends who do dream a lot…it kind of scares me as to what it could mean.

Trust me…I have woken up to elbows to the ribs and bloody lips…due to what I did in SOMEONE else’s dreams.

Someone please help me to understand!!!!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Racist Kids And The Chameleon - 3

The inner office reeked of a mixture of cologne, leather and pipe smoke. Standing in the doorway, now with a scared look on my face, I started towards the oversized burgundy leather couch. The principal stopped me and said, “Sit there!” pointing to a single wooden chair in the corner of the room. As I sat down, fear descended upon me.

The principal began by asking me what I had done…but he really did not care. I sat there and listened to him scold and talk down to me like I was not even worthy of being in “His” school. After leaving his office, I sat in the hall for a few minute and knew that this was going to be a battle. I put my plan into action…full force. The year started with my classroom remarks, making jokes, throwing crumpled papers at the teacher’s desk, and talking back to the teacher. I would get in trouble EVERYDAY and at least 3 times a week I would end up in the principal’s office. I knew that this was not good, but I also noticed that the other kids in the class were starting to laugh at me...whether it was something I said…or the fashion in which I was sent off to see the principal…shit…I did not care, they were actually laughing with me.

I carefully weighed the progress that I was making with the other kids against the trouble I was getting in at school and knew that I had to withstand the punishment that I got from my parents for the good of my physical safety. As the year progressed, fewer of the kids started fights with me and some actually prodded me, in class, to tell jokes and harass the teacher so that they could laugh. I was more than willing to accommodate them. There were still a few of the “tough guy” kids that wanted a piece of me and I knew that this would not end until I was able to hold my own on the playground.

I remember approaching the stairwell that led down to the lunch room one day and seeing a few of these kids standing at the landing…just waiting. I cleared my head and knew that I would have to fight them. There were three of them and I was terrified. As I got closer to them, I averted my eyes to see if I’d be able to just walk by them. That was not going to happen. They moved from leaning against the wall to blocking access to the stairs. I stood there not knowing what to do. There were people behind me and the stairwell above became crowded with kids watching this development. The three started to approach me, when from behind me, I heard a voice of another boy yell out, “one at a time!” I was in complete shock…there was someone that was standing up for me.

I quickly numbed myself, as I had learned to do over the years, balled up my fists and got into a fighting stance. The biggest of the boys moved forward. All I could see at that point was his huge fists. I knew that I would have to avoid them at all costs. The first swing came at my face. Quickly ducking, I felt his fist fly over my head. I backed up and he swung again, this time for my gut. I doubled over in pain as his fist seemed to go straight through me. Just then I told myself that if I did not beat this kid, I would really be in for it and that the plan that was working…would have been a complete waste and things would go back to the way they were. I struck out from where I was and landed a fist to his balls. (shit. I did not care about fair fighting…they never did.) He let out a yelp and went to a knee. I stood straight up and punched him square in the nose followed by the hardest kick I had ever delivered, straight to the center of his chest. The other two boys looked at each other and moved toward me. I did not know who to go after first …so I waited for them. As they approached, a boy from behind them held one of them back. I did not hesitate in my attack. I swiftly began to punch and kick this boy until his friend did not have to be restrained anymore…he just stood there and watched as I bloodied his “tough guy” friend.

A few minutes later, there was yelling from the top of the stairs. It was a teacher coming. Everyone disbursed and ran in different directions. That is...everyone except me. I just stood there with two boys in front of me, blood on there faces and blood splattered on my shoes and dripping from my hands. The teacher got to the landing and immediately grabbed me, while looking at the two kids’ injuries. Needles to say, they went to the nurse and me…off to the principal. Now, with my record with the principal…I was scared of what he might do.

The principal made me sit in his office, on that hard wooden chair for the rest of the day. I sat there, unable to say a word as he called my mother and told her about the incident. I did not know what she was saying, but his recount of what had happened was so ill-founded…the jerk wasn’t even there. I did worry about what I would say to my mother when I got home. I did not want her to make a big stink…knowing that it would only make things worse….but I was not the instigator of the fight and I wanted to be able to tell her that…but I knew that I couldn’t.

After that day, I found that my plan was indeed working. I not only had kids actually laughing WITH me but there were a few that would talk to me. Things got better from there. I still had fights here and there, was in trouble with teachers and the principal a lot…but I was making friends and the tough guys started to think twice before jumping me. Now that I had proven that I could fight.

The year was tough but I ended it with a couple pretty good friends…and a girlfriend. That was a great way to end a year in my book.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Racist Kids And The Chameleon - 2

It was never one on one and I could no longer just try to defend myself…I had to think of something to get out of the fights. Being outnumbered the way I was…I knew that I had to find another way. The fights …and hiding continued through 4th grade and that is when I finally figured that if I could not beat them, I’d have to find a way to join them. I spent that summer trying to figure out a way to make everyone like me …or at least put up with me.

Mid summer, it came to me. Now, I had 5 brothers and sisters and at home, I was a pretty funny guy and I also found that I had the ability to “change.” I could adjust my attitude and personality to fit well with the person that I was with. I spent the rest of the summer honing my chameleon-like skills…as well as my humor. It was going to be all or nothing this year. I could not continue hiding bruises, bloody nooses and fat lips on top of lying about the cuts and scrapes that I had gotten used to over the past few years.

At the arrival of the first day of 5th grade, I was waiting for the bus with my brothers and sisters. I was overrun with anxiety about the day ahead of me. With the recent years of practice I had become a pretty tough kid, but there was only so much I could do while outnumbered. I got frustrated, thinking of how I might be able to avoid the impending beatings that day. Just then, the bus pulled up. After watching my siblings hurry onto the bus and find seats with their friends, I realized that once again I would have to sit alone in the back seat.

Staring out the window, seeing a miserable little boy in the reflection in the glass, I knew that I had to change things…NOW. Hearing the laughter and fooling around in the seats in front of me made the silence and solitude of the back seat that much more intense. The 20 minute ride to school usually seemed like an eternity, but that day …it was different. By the time the bus pulled up in front of the school the reflection that I saw in the window had changed …to one resembling that of a scientist discovering the cure for a deadly disease. I had an idea and with all of the courage that I could muster…would try it today.

Making my way down the long corridor to class, I noticed the usual dirty looks, snickering and racist comments following me as I walked. I quickly took refuge in my classroom, which was empty for the moment. I sat at a desk and put more thought into the details of my plan. Smiling to myself, I was startled when the door opened again. It was Mrs. Brooks, my new teacher. As she walked in and closed the door, she looked over at me and greeted me with a smile and “good morning.” After putting her things down at her desk, she turned and asked me if everything was OK. Now I knew Mrs. Brooks from last year…she was one teacher that had always treated me fairly…and now I was going to ruin that. I, trying to hide the unfamiliar mischievous smile on my face, told her that everything was fine.

Just then, letting my eyes move back down to their normal position…staring at the front of my desk, as to not attract any unwanted attention. I watched as the other kids in the class started to file into the small classroom. All of the chatter and moving around ceased as Mrs. Brooks rose from her desk. My anxiety was high and I know that I was sweating profusely. I was lost in my own head, trying to decide when I should put my new plan into action.

I knew that my attitude change could not be too drastic – I needed this to work. After about 15 minutes, I found my first opportunity for my plan to start. After the class was done reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, the class was silent, waiting for our teacher to sit down and prepare for class. All of the sudden a fart erupted and echoed throughout the entire room. The whole class began to burst out into laughter…all except Mrs. Brooks. As the other kids in the class saw the extremely irritated look in her eyes, there were suddenly about a dozen fingers pointed directly at me.

Mrs. Brooks marched through the classroom and stood over me, with her hands on her hips. The look on her face was one of complete disgust and anger. This was a new side of her…one that I had never seen before. Her daunting presence gave off a very unfamiliar air of unemotional superiority from her…which was far different than the empathy and safety that I had felt …until now. Mrs. Brooks instructed me to stand up. As I did, she barked, “Why did you do that? It disrupted the entire class.” My planned response, an attempt to make my classmates laugh again – “I only burped…it just came out of my ass.”

Mrs. Brooks grabbed me by the back of my neck, obviously not worried about the fingernails that were working their way beneath my skin. She stormed me down the hall to the principal’s office. Upon entering the outer office, Mrs. Brooks informed the secretary that I had disrupted the class and was being vulgar and rude. On her way out the door, she glanced over her shoulder and added, I don’t want to see him in my classroom until after lunch.”

The secretary pointed to a row of hard wooden chairs across from her desk and instructed me to “sit.” She then quickly picked up her phone and whispered something …while glaring at me. Perched atop one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs, my eyes surveyed the room. There was a mixture of pictures, certificates and school rules pined to the textured walls. Until now…I had never noticed anything about this office…I had been here before, but generally stared at the floor. Time seemed to stand still, but it was really only a matter of minutes before the phone buzzed. The secretary looked at me and said, “He’ll see you now.”

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Racist Kids And The Chameleon

Stemming from my adoption…I will give you a bit of a back story on me.

My natural mother is white and natural father is black (making me…an Oreo.) I was adopted in 1967, when I was 10 days old by a very loving couple (both white.) They already had one daughter and then had a miscarriage, so they decided to adopt me. Now, I can’t say how I felt then…cuz I was tiny little thing that only knew to cry, poo and eat. What I can say is that we lived in rural New Hampshire…where everything (except the leaves in the Fall) was white. Oh….but not me…I was/am more of a caramel. Anyway, life was good, at least from where I sat and in my baby world.

As I got a bit older (5 or 6), I started to experience racism…and this was even before I really knew what it was. I obviously knew that I looked different than EVERYONE…but I just thought that everyone WAS different…some pale, some pinkish, some fat, some skinny, some had black hair, some blonde, etc. I guess that I never really brought it up cuz I thought my skin was a bit darker. Boy it would be great if everyone had my 6 year old attitude. Soon after going into first grade and coming home from school with stories of people being mean and not seeing anyone else that looked anything like me, my mother sat me down for a discussion.

My mother told me that (in a longer, more descriptive way) that I was adopted and that one of my natural parents was black. At the time…I guess that was enough…now I knew why I was different. The community that we lived in was completely white. Iwas the only person of colorin the entire school at that point. My mother then told me that if people were being mean to me, that I should immediately tell my teacher or the principal. At the time…that sounded good to me, figuring that the teachers would straighten things out.

As time went on, kids were still mean and basically ignored me…unless they were picking on me. I told the teachers a few times, but the message that I got from them was, “kids this age can be mean…you have to just get used to it.”

In second and third grades, things got worse. There was more of the same nagging and kids making fun of me as well as a lot of pushing and instigating trouble. It was in third grade when I got into my first real fight. It was not what one would think of third graders, it was me trying to defend myself against several boys throwing punches and calling me “nigger.” After I thoroughly got thrashed, I did go to the principal’s office to report the fight and the boys who were responsible. The principal flipped through a book and then looked over at me before stating that there have been a lot of “reports” of trouble that included me. Then he proceeded to tell me that I would be in serious trouble if there were any more.

I knew, from that point on that the teachers and the principal would be of no help to me. I did not want to tell my parents because I knew that they would call the principal and then I would be in worse trouble. Now, looking back on this…it was some pretty intense thought for a 9 year old. After that first fight, the fights became a regular thing. I came to expect that I would spend my recess either hiding or fighting. At that point, I did not want to call on my older sister or younger brother for “back up, cuz I did not want them to have to endure what I was going through and did not want them to have to fight my battles for me. I knew that this had to be figured our by me…and me alone.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Monday, April 26, 2010

Fingers





Brothers and sisters all linked together
Gripping me hard, or light as a feather
Fingers so sexy, a delight for me to see
One stroke by them is never enough for me
One at a time, searching my skin
Finding the best place for caressing to begin

Brushing on my face or grabbing me below
Your gentile touch make my juices start to flow
From the fist touch until the last
It seems to me that an eternity has past
Touching, licking and sucking them – I like
How to work them - like riding a bike

I love your fingers, so sexual and sweet
Just remember…NEVER touch my feet

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happy Is As Happy Does

Happiness – it is one of mankind’s emotions that can’t be explained in any set way. Everyone reads and expressed happiness in a different way.

I know that for me, I see true happiness only in a person’s eyes. They can speak cheerfully…and still not truly be happy. They can walk with a ‘pep in their step’…but may just be suffering from ADHD. They can smile, give a high five or even compliment someone…but still not be happy on the inside.

I guess there might be something to that old adage “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” When I look into someone’s eyes…I can instantly tell if they are happy, sad, scared, angry or confused.

One of the things I love most in life is looking someone in the eye and seeing pure joy and happiness flickering around like a star-filled night…right there in their eyes.

The downside to all of this is the fact that when I look into people’s eyes…and do not see the happiness sparkling around…it makes me sad…or confused as to my possible involvement in their unhappiness. It also makes me feel as though I should try to help them…do something to make them happy.

It is one of those things that I consider to be like the yawning contagion … being around unhappy people …and seemingly not being able to help fix their situation…tends to suck the sparkle from my eyes. I end up not looking at people’s eyes, walking like a freakin sloth and battling with how I make myself once again happy.

Since I don’t know where this is going…if anywhere…I’ll just say that for anyone who is or plans on being around me…..BE HAPPY and let your eyes sparkle!!!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I got Funked!!

As I woke up this morning and …well, after driving the kids to school…had some coffee, I realized that my ‘morning funk’ would not go away.

I hate that little funk that just won’t fade. It is so hard to shake. It’s like a back ache…a constant bother that gets worse when you try to fix it. I have been mulling around this morning trying to get to the bottom of my funk…and all that is doing is making me think of all of the little things that are bugging me, the fact that I still can’t find a job, that I am unwillingly still married to my ex, that we have to put down one of our dogs, that relationships are not always a bed of roses, that I am getting old…you get my point.
I am now thinking that if I had never tried to ‘get to the bottom’ of my funk…it would have been long gone by now.

Anyone have ‘funk remedies’?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Insects and Mass Suicide

Lately, I have witnessed a very odd phenomenon around the house. Over the past few days, as I walk around the house, lethargic flies have been catching my eye. I saw one on the stairs, a few in the kitchen…each day I saw several in different parts of the house. At one point I went and got the fly swatter and snuck up on a group of 6 flies. I splatted one, expecting the others to take off, but they didn’t…they just sat there awaiting their impending demise.

Today, I was sweeping the house and before I was half way done, I had swept up almost a dozen flies. Some of them were dead, some seemed dazed…yet others just sat there and let me sweep them into the dust pan.

I have never seen anything like this before and have absolutely no idea what the heck is going on.

Is there something deadly to flies in the air? Did the flies get into a bottle of booze? Are they laying eggs around the house and then dying? Do they fear my swatting accuracy so much that they just give up when they see me coming?

Have any of you ever seen such a thing? Any ideas of what supernatural occurrence is going on in my house?

Oh…and the other day while we were all at the beach, I witnessed another thing that I had never seen before…Hundreds of lady bugs in the sand right at the water’s edge. Christie and Megan spent about an hour collecting them and “saving their lives” while I pondered what the hell was going on. Why were they at the beach? In the sand, getting washed in and out by the surf?

Maybe the lady bugs and flies sense an earthquake or some other impending doom that we can’t. Maybe there is some insect mass suicide ritual going on…I have no clue.

Someone please answer these questions for me so that I can get on with my life and stop wasting my days trying to figure this all out.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

TentCamper's Beatdown

I know that it is going to go against my ‘manly’ reputation as a Hot Dad, but I have to level with you all.

I have been holding back for quite some time. Stuffing my feelings and playing the tough guy role…when the reality is that I am crushed. I feel like a broken man.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here…I love Mariah and her kids and the rest of her family. I want to be with them forever. The thing that is missing is MY boys. This past Monday morning is the first time I’d seen them since January 3rd. I have only spent 2 weekends with them since the end of November.

I am sickened. I feel like crying, throwing up or curling up into a little ball. I miss them so very much that it hurts to think about. I try to put it out of my mind and go on with things until the courts get things straightened out, but I am only fooling myself. Every day I want to just sit and cry. I know that I can’t keep up this charade for long.

On Monday I only saw them briefly as we were all at the court house for a custody evaluation and the joy that overtook my whole body was overwhelming. I almost burst into tears…but I did not want them to think something was wrong.

Now I know that with Mariah and her/our kids, my job search and coaching high school lacrosse, my days get busy and things have a tendency to be hectic. It seems to be easy to busy myself with things enough not to dwell too much or hide in a closet to cry and feel sorry for myself. But I can’t seem to be able to shake the feeling of teetering on the edge of a breakdown.

I know that I am needed in this house and that Mariah and the kids need me. I can’t let things fall apart. I hold it together and push on. The sad thing is that every minute of down time or times that I am not running around…all I do is think about how much I love and want to be with my boys.

Now, I know that I have been on here bad-mouthing my ex and talking about how she is to blame for me not seeing the boys…I am done with that. I know that I have done wrong and I understand why she hates me. I get why she is not a fan of Mariah…but I want things to be better. I want to be a big part of my boys’ lives and want to put all of this hostility, emotional strain and mental anguish behind me.

I know that I am rambling (in circles) but I truly feel lost within myself. I don’t feel that I have the strength to fight all of this much longer. Fighting with my ex, the nauseating pain I feel not seeing my boys, being 100% there for Mariah and the kids, lacrosse, etc. I sometimes feel like I am losing the battle and that I’d be better off choosing one or the other.

I know that that is not a valid thought, but it is there anyway.

I know that I am a good man. I know that I am a good and capable father. I know that I am doing my best. I know that I am able to bring happiness to many people in my life….all of this and I still feel ….beaten.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Live Free Or Die

For those of you who no nothing about the great state of New Hampshire...where I grew up... Check this out!!



Who many of you have been to NH?
...And if you have not been there...you want to go now...right?!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

How do you stay on top of your email?

So in preparation of us leaving to camp for a few days, I went into Mariah's email to print out our reservation confirmation.

I was immediately in shock! I could not believe that I was seeing what I was seeing. Does this really happen to people?!

**Please take a look at the number of unread messages!!!! (over 37,000) WTF!?

I hope there are no emails in there from a sick old friend or someone who needs help in some way....they'll be waiting a LONG time!!

I have to admit that I came very close to spending a few hours deleting and organizing...but I knew that she'd hang my ass out to dry for organizing HER shit.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Divorce Court Update

Knowing you all the way I do, I knew that you would all want to hear about my most recent visit to divorce court.

To set this up, I’ll tell you that the date was to discuss a modification to the current visitation orders and to address the contempt charges that I filed against my ex for not allowing me to see my boys.

Upon arriving at court, I was directed to the mediation office, which I knew was a joke because there is no way in hell that my ex would agree on anything that I propose…especially it meant more time for me.

After waiting there for about 20 minutes and …her not showing up, they sent me up to the court room. I checked in and had a seat. After a good 45 minutes of listening to the smug attorneys sharing stories about their weekends and caseloads, my case was called.

The judge asked us all to identify ourselves – and as HER attorney was introducing himself, he stated that he was only representing her for the modification and not for the contempt charges. The judge looked up and said that she needed to have an attorney for the contempt arraignment and that she may have to be appointed to the public defenders office. I knew that meant everything would be delayed…once again.

Then her attorney stated that she could not go to mediation or proceed with the modification hearing as her Fifth Amendment rights might be violated. What the fuck is that? I explained to the judge that I have only seen my boys twice since the end of November and that I wanted the visitations back on track. The judge agreed and stated that the current visitation order would remain in effect until we went back to court.

Additionally, my ex’s attorney asked the courts for approval on having the case examined by a child custody evaluator. The judge agreed and told us that it would cost us each an additional $400. Out of my $150 that I have…it is gonna be quite the struggle.

So now I have to wait until April 5th to go see the evaluator and then back to court April 27th. This has all dragged on MAY of 2006! I am so sick of all of this bull shit! I even received an email from my ex stating that she would “make this divorce as long, drawn out and irritating as possible for me.”
Excuse my language…but … What a fucking cunt!!!!

Anyway, as I have been doing this whole thing without an attorney…I think it is time that I slap her in the face with my balls a bit. (meaning … me getting representation.)

Other than that…cuz I know she is going to read this…
You look like shit. You have gained at least 100 pounds. Your smug attitude is laughable and your attorney looks, stumbles and walks like a freakin hobo.
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