Monday, November 29, 2010

Is Your Daughter 18?

A father's worst nightmare; your celebrity daughter turns 18 and nothing can stop the slutty descent into career irrelevance that follows the alcohol and drug fueled post-adolescence Bacchanalian parties. Okay, maybe not your worst nightmare, but certainly one that Billy Ray Cyrus has to face now that little  Miley has turned 18. We've seen the warning signs for at least 2 years now: revealing outfits, provocative videos, rumored boyfriends of dubious reputation.

But now it's on in full force and digital 3D. Unfortunately the vices and entertainment-industry-parasites around Miley will ensure that "Hannah Montana" will remain her acting and singing "high point".

If my calculations are correct, this should be the next few career moves after she sobers up:

  • "Buddy" movie with Taylor Swift and Rhianna where she shows her "chops".
  • Inner city rookie high school teacher whose misunderstood students learn to see the world through new eyes. Cyrus receives an Oscar nomination but no shot at winning.
  • Cast in high concept tech-thriller opposite Christian Bale but is replaced by that girl from "I-Carley" a quarter of the way into filming. The official press release is she is suffering from fatigue, but rumors from the set are she was frequently missing from the set and hung over.
  • One month marriage to stunt man. Two month stint in revolving door celebrity rehab center.
  • Disappointing romantic comedy with Jake Gyllenhaal where they have to sail from Manhattan to Miami to prevent the wedding between each of their best friends.
  • Box office flop of her personal pet project "NASCAR Angels" about a group of women race car drivers.
  • Moderately successful TV series where she plays the older, world-weary best friend of Dakota Fanning.
Does that seem about right?

December 14 Update: With Miley's recent "alleged" bong use, she may be going to rapidly down the Lindsey Lohan career path to accomplish any of the above bullets.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Wishes

Happy Thanksgiving to all the American readers of Hot Dads from a Canadian Hot Dad.

More Thanksgiving Demotivational Posters are your to enjoy this holiday over at Dogs & Jeans.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Be A Better Hot Dad By Reading

If you are a man, or if you know someone who claims to be, I recommend you buy a copy of Adam Carolla’s recent book “In 50 Years, We’ll All Be Chicks”. The former co-host of “The Man Show” lays out why today’s society in softening guys and what we should do to stop it. He paints a horrifying, and hilarious, portrait of the modern man as insecure, incompetent and far too interested in smelling nice than knowing how to change a tire.

Some of the chapter titles include:

  • “We’ve Built A Minimum Wage Gilded Cage”
  • “Motherfucking Nature”
  • “God, Religious Tolerance, And Other Shit That Doesn’t Exist” and
  • “Foods I Have Beef With”

From politics to religion, women’s rights to parenthood, Carolla is not afraid to speak his mind and make you laugh uncontrollably along the way. But don’t take my word for it, here are some of the comments of others:

"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."
--Jimmy Kimmel

"Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person."
--Alec Baldwin

"If you’re a man, read this book. If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up. Nobody thinks that looks good."
--Seth MacFarlane

“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”
--Ken Burns

"If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon."

--Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball

Read more manly things at Dogs & Jeans

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

November 11

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day in the US and Remembrance Day in Canada. Different name, same sacrifice. We all pay tribute to the men and women who sacrificed for our freedoms and those who continue to put themselves in harm’s way today.

It is also a time to honor the families of those who serve. These families have given their sons and daughters so that other people’s sons and daughters can live in peace. Whether the sacrifice is having their children gone for long periods, and the daily worries that go with that, or the ultimate sacrifice of their children's lives, we all owe them a debt a gratitude. My own kids are old enough to serve (and one is considering it) so I can only imagine the mix of pride and pain that goes along with having your child in uniform.

On this November 11, please thank a military mom or dad for what they offer and say a prayer for the safe return of every loved one serving.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The smallest utterance of politics makes my brain shut down into a lifeless, steaming pile of toad poop.

I can't get into it. I can't get passionate about it. It doesn't interest me.

I know, as an American born American, I should... but I simply cannot.

All I know is that no one is ever going to agree on anything. In a perfect world there would be no arguments, there wouldn't be any Republican or Democratic parties, there would be no Hillary Clinton and we would all have nothing to argue about.

I know... boring, right?

Although, I have to admit, I was slightly interested in seeing if "Prop 19" would pass. For those of you who don't know, Prop 19 was a ballot initiative to legalize marijuana (aka pot, dope, Mary Jane, ganja, giggleweed, reefer, bud, cryptonite, doobie, grass, hocus pocus, happy backy, rainy day woman, wackytabacky, pretendica, etc.) in the state of California.

California's Future Governor: The Honorable Mr. Snoop Dogg

It didn't pass.

Honestly, I was going to be really surprised if it did pass... even for California!

I couldn't even imagine the drove of patchouli-soaked hippies that would move to California to bask in the glow of the legalization of marijuana. Perhaps that's why California residents voted to keep it illegal? I mean... who likes the smell of patchouli other than dirty hippies right?! (Sorry Matt)

Anyway, as someone who's *cough cough* never smoked wackytabacky myself *cough cough*... ahem... I'm a little under the weather (or am I?) I apologize... what was I saying? Oh yeah, in my humble opinion I don't think it's a good idea to legalize it because of the sheer chaos it would cause.

"But Papa K, marijuana is much safer than alcohol!" You might say, "No one has ever died from smoking too much pot!"

It's true, no one has overdosed from inhaling too much cannabis... they just become incredibly stupid. Nothing irritates me more than someone who is high. While the recipient of the head change is on another planet, his or her surrounding peers have to put up with the idiocy of his or her actions.

Can you imagine how long it would take to get through the check-out line at Wal-Mart when the checker is as high as a hot air balloon?

What if the person driving in the lane next to you just sucked down a whole blunt and their idea of exiting the highway is to change lanes by smashing through your luxury Sedan? I don't think you or I would have much sympathy for someone after picking ourselves out of a ditch on the side of the road to find out the reason they ran you off the road was because their sensory skills were inhibited by the giggleweed!

Yet... I have some sympathy for the "legalize marijuana" advocates. I see Marijuana, as with EVERYTHING, in excess is too much. Too much beer is bad, too much ice cream is bad, too much sex is bad (well... not that bad), too much of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen is bad and too much pot is bad. Now, if you could GUARANTEE some resiliency on the part of those who want to smoke a little Mary-Jane and limit their intake only to times when they're out of harms way or not in a position to severely affect every one elses busy schedules... then fine. But it wouldn't be that way because Americans like to abuse their privilages.

I could go on and on. The argument between smokers and non-smokers will carry on much like arguments about capital punishment, prayer in schools and whether or not Elena Kagan is a man.

Sir... ah... Ma'am... uh... hey you!

Whatever the case may be, I honestly don't have a problem with people who want to smoke an occasional doobie much in the same way I don't have a problem with someone who wants to have a few drinks. The problem is how many dirty hippies would abuse their right to smoke pot free and clear. While this would increase profits for those who invest in IHOP, Denny's and Waffle House it would also increase the amount of one-sided ass whippings given to smoked-out hippies that fried the final nerve of many clear-minded individuals.

So, with that, thank God Prop 19 didn't pass.

That's what I think... what do you think?

BTW - I didn't inhale.


Come visit me at my home: Who Is Papa K.

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