Saturday, February 28, 2009

A Hairy Situation, by Russ

So I was brushing my teeth last night after my weekly (guaranteed) shower, checking out my glorious self. (Your mileage of my gloriousness in all of my glory may differ.) I’m starting to notice changes. Nothing drastic, in either direction. Yes, I haven’t been exercising like I should be, but I do get a walk in nearly every day (unless the Wife needs a chance to clear her mind by walking the pooch at night).

What have I noticed you ask?

Well, while I have never been accused of having a sweater on at the pool, no one would contend that I am, in fact, male and have completed puberty. I.E. I do have a modest amount of body hair. It is this hair that is in question.

Part of it is that it is going gray. Now the hair on my head has been graying since high school and I have come to terms with that long ago. But it is migrating south! My chest hair is graying, and more concerning, it’s graying south of the border! Call me a wuss, but I ain’t plucking that region and I don’t do “manscaping” (if it worked for the Wife, I would reconsider, but I’m not doing it for fun). It just feels like that region should be looking its best at all times. Snow on the roof is OK, but snow in the basement seems like an issue.

Some say that gray hair shows maturity, age, and wisdom. Some people are idiots! (Not all, like if you dear reader thought that. You would not be an idiot.) These people don’t know me. Few would accuse me of maturity. Hell, I still play video games and enjoy playing with my son’s matchbox cars. This is not a normal sign of maturity.

The other issue: the hair is not coming in balanced. Huh? You say. Well, my right pec has more hair (both containing color and not) than my left pec. My left side actually has a bald spot! (Better there than on my head!)

That is what is bothering me more that the graying itself. Why can’t I grow the same amount of hair on both sides of my body? Guys, is this normal? I only pay attention to my children and my Wife at the pool (and certainly not other guys, although the odd bikini clad lady may slip through the filter from time to time).

Friday, February 27, 2009

Pleasure Objects...Plain and Simple

As most of you know…I am the better half of luckily with ManicMariah. Now earlier this week she won TWO contests for which the prizes were sex toys! We have always been all for the sex toys, so I was almost as thrilled as she was to learn of the new additions to our bedroom family.

After receiving the packages from Eden Fantasys yesterday…we ripped them open while running up the stairs (kids were due home in about 45 minutes!) With box scraps, packing materials and tape littering the floor and stairs we spread out the contents on the end of the bed.

We have used cock rings before…and have had mixed feelings about them. I like them and the way they feel and all, but if they do not vibrate strong enough or don’t fit right…they suck. I had found one that I liked, but then the batteries ran out and what a pain in the ass it was to run to the store every week to get new mini batteries for it.

That being said…The cock ring that was sent was perfect, it came with its own little carrying case, vibrated like I was holding a running chainsaw and ….is rechargeable!!!!

I won’t bore you with all of the details here, but after both of us stripped down I stretched the cock ring over the shaft of my monster manhood while Mariah watched, with a big smile on her face. We dove into the bed and ‘tested’ out our new family member.

I have to say that I really like this one. It is comfortable and produces a great vibration. The vibrating part of the ring is designed in a way that makes it easy for both partners to ‘enjoy’ the …buzzing. I can definitely say that Mariah really liked it ….several times.

So, to all of you who are into adding some ‘good vibrations’ to your sex life…click your way over to Eden Fantasys and get yourself the 'BO pleasure object' by LELO – It gets a BIG thumbs up from this Hot Dad!!!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Best Of The Worst

After watching the Oscars the other night, I started thinking about movies. No, not the great, award-winning movies, I started thinking about the B-rated craptastic movies. The ones that got no recognition, but they served a purpose nonetheless. They drew the line between bad and good movies, and for that, all the good movies should be thankful.

So I'm sitting there watching the pomp and circumstance, and just then I see my man, Mickey Rourke. I instantly remembered the BEST B-rated movie of all time. Hands down, the award goes to Harley Davidson And The Marlboro Man.

What makes the movie so great? Only a million things, but I don't have all day. So I'll condense it for you, and I'll expect some sort of royalty kick-back when you rent this movie tonight.

The Beginning: In my mind, you CANNOT go wrong if there are boobs and a kick-ass motorcycle featured in the first three minutes. This movie starts out with Mickey, aka Harley, leaving the room of a beautiful, half-naked woman and hopping on his ass-kicking monster of a motorcycle. Great start!!

The Cast: Surprisingly star-studded. Mickey Rourke, Don Johnson, Vanessa Williams, one of the Baldwins (doesn't matter which one, they're all the same), Tia Carrerra, and Big John Studd. Remember that dude?

The Concept: Plot aside, the concept of Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is these two guys that live day-to-day. These guys go where they want to go and do what they want to do. Who doesn't admire that just a little bit? I won't speak for everybody, but sometimes I wish I could just take off for one measly day, and forget about being married and having kids, and a mortgage, and a car payment, and taxes, and groceries, and dr visits, and all the other bullshit that comes with being an American family. The lifestyle that this movie preaches is something we can barely imagine, let alone experience.

So there you have it readers, the BEST of the worst. Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is my pick for cream of the crappy crop. How about you? What is your favorite crappy movie?
Posted by Cameron @ Get The Stink Off

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Calgon for men

I remember being a kid and seeing a commercial with a woman having a rough day with her children. Her only escape was running to her bathroom, drawing a hot bath, and slipping deep inside with a smile spread across her face.

I never got that commercial. What could be so hard about spending the day with your children? You wanted them, didn't you?

Some 30 years and four daughters later, I get it. I get every fucking bit of it.

Kids are nuts and aren't satisfied until you are, too. Do they ever slow down and shut up for two seconds? If I wasn't the one who fed them every meal and snack, I'd wonder what the hell they ate to give them all that energy.

The energizer bunny has got nothing on my kids.

For those who want to offer me advise on how to control my kids or what activities would keep them better occupied without my constant attention, kiss off. I have tried them and they don't work.

Not with these girls. No, they can't seem to do anything without including me or allowing me to do anything without including them. What the hell do they do when I am work? Walk around the house all day calling, "Dad? Dad? Dad?"

They really are pathetic little things. In the four years of being a single father who has his kids as much if not more than their mother, I think I can count four or five times that I have gone to the bathroom without one of them walking in and sitting down to have a conversation with me.

It really is a big joke to them. They seem to get so much pleasure out of watching me get so flustered by their actions.

"Dad, your funny. You always make me laugh," said to me today as I threw my hands up in disgust after the four-year spilled her cup of milk for the fourth time at one sitting.

"Yea, Dad," the oldest one piped in. "My teacher always says don't cry over spilled milk."

Alright, that was funny. We all laughed for a few minutes as I wiped up the mess. Again.

But, it was short-lived. They were right back to causing havoc within minutes.

Like I said, I now know what that old commercial was all about. I totally get it.

So, to the Calgon people and their commercials of women jumping into bath tubs, I challenge you to make a commercial for me. Something that includes a keg of beer, endless amount of pizza, big breasted women that don't talk, and a television that doesn't play Disney movies.

Oh, and no kids.

(For those who haven't read my blog, I love my kids more than anything, so forget about leaving me a comment about how lucky I am to have four beautiful girls. I know how lucky I am, so shut the hell up!)

Remote Controlled 'Fun'

I posted this on my other blog quite a long time ago...and thought that you 'ladies' might enjoy some 'good readin.'

I give My Love the sexy new panties, with a remote controlled vibrator built-in, that I just found at our local ‘adult store.’ I tell her that we are going to go out for a drink. As we walk up to the door of our favorite English Pub, I turn to her and tell her that I want to see her squirm. She gives me a sweet smile, accompanied by a look that you would get from a puppy dog who saw the big piece of steak that you were holding behind your back.

We walk in and I tell her that I am going to run into the bathroom and that she should order us a few beers. As I come out of the bathroom, I see that she has wiggled her way up to the busy bar…and she was trying to get the attention of the bartender. Wedged between a cluster of people, all trying to refill their drinks, I thought that it would be a good time to test the range of our new toy. With the press of a button, from inside my pocket, I instantly saw her jump a bit and then look around…expecting me to be right behind her. I was still about 25 feet away and blocked by a group of people playing darts.

I moved a bit closer and, leaning up against a post, gave her another quick little buzzzzz. She quickly turned her head, not seeing me…but smiling intently anyway. As the bartender approached her and I saw her begin to order…I hit her again…this time…I made it last a few seconds. I could see that while I was pressing that little special button in my pocket, it was as if I pressed the ‘pause’ button. She froze for a few seconds…mouth gaping…and eyes twinkling.

I approached her from behind and put my hand on the small of her back while pressing the button again….on…then off, on…the off… She turned to me and asked me how in the hell was she going to be able to order our drinks if I kept doing that. I smiled and just told her how hot she looked while getting a love jolt while trying to order drinks. We stood there, in the middle of a big group of bar patrons…waiting to get our beers. I asked her how her new little ‘treat’ was. She smiled and responded with, “I hope to hell this thing is water proof.”

I moved in close to her and gently slid my hand between her thighs…slowly moving up her skirt. Pressing the button again, I felt the vibration through her hot, wet panties. Keeping the button pressed, I wet my fingers with her sweet, hot juice. After bringing my fingers up to my mouth and licking them clean, I smiled and winked at her and then grabbed her face and kissed her. I could tell that she could taste herself…the way that her tongue wiped mine clean.She looked me in the eyes and said, “I think I’m kind of liking this.”

We grabbed our drinks and made our way through the crowded room and found a little spot near the dart boards where we could put our drinks down and continue people watching, watching dart games and …our little sexual exchange. Off and on, I had been pressing the button…watching her miss a step and stutter a bit. I slid my hand under her skirt once more…this time I felt her juices literally dripping down her upper thighs. I looked down at the floor…expecting to see a small pool of ‘love’…then I caressed every part of her body with my eyes, until we made eye contact.

She just nodded and said, “Oh yeah.” Her hands then started wandering…brushing over the front of my pants…finding me completely hard…she gave me a gentle squeeze. I gave her a little buzz…in return I got a slight stroke. I liked this give and take. We kissed again. Grinding on her…I could feel the vibrating in my groin…oh…this is good.

We hung out there for a little bit…then we started talking to some of the people playing darts. It was obvious to us that they had seen how we were groping one another by the way they were inconspicuously watching every one of our hand movements. We …kind of liked that.

We continued our playfulness…not trying to hide any of it. It seemed to be turning the other couple on a bit and …we liked having that effect on them. The few times that I ‘buzzed’ her while talking with the other couple. I saw Mariah move her hand to her nether region while letting out a slight moan. I knew that the other woman had put two and two together and offered up a slight smile and approving nod to Mariah. After another drink, Mariah and I moved back over to the bar area and squeezed onto two empty bar stools.

This gave me the ‘access’ that I had been wanting. She sat facing me…with her legs slightly spread. I watched as they opened and closed every time I hit my little secret button. We sat, making small talk while I worked one of my hands up her thigh…to her incredibly wet panties. Her thighs clenched around my hand…keeping it in place. Rubbing her in small circles, I felt her rocking back and forth on her stool…pushing herself into my roaming fingers. My hand felt as if I’d been soaking it in hot, sweet massage oil. I slowly pulled my hand back, careful to keep all of her sweetness on my fingers. I began raising my hand, to my mouth when she quickly grabbed me by the wrist and pulled my soaking fingers to her lips. Not caring who was watching, she began licking and sucking on each of my wet fingers.

I was rock hard. I raised my glass, indicated a toast and downed the rest of my beer…she followed in suit. I jumped up from my stool, realizing that both my pants had an obvious bulge in them and she had left an unmistakable wet spot on the stool that she had just jumped off. I led her by the hand to the front door of the bar. Once outside, I pulled her around the corner into the alley. It only took a second for my trained eyes to find a slightly dark spot for us to slide into. ‘Our spot’ was not completely out of sight…but enough for us. Being seen…was a bit exciting.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Travel fun

This past weekend Darling Boy and I traveled to Pittsburgh to visit my mom and ailing step-father (maybe a post on that some other time; he's doing okay...). We flew from Boston to Pittsburgh on JetBlue.

Let me tell you, if I ever meet the guy who came up with the idea with putting a TV at every seat, I'm gonna kiss him! Perfect for keeping an 8 year old kid entertained...

Anyway, you're all probably familiar with the announcement "We'll now begin pre-boarding for those traveling with young children, anyone needing assistance, etc..." After a few elderly passengers and a couple with an infant board the plane, DB and I go to the counter and I ask if he is young enough to count as a "young child".

I certainly don't feel entitled to board first, and won't mind at all if they say no. DB is 8, after all, and we'd be fine boarding with every one else. But I figured the worst they'll do is say no and we'll wait. The young lady asks me "Is he less than half your size?" with a smile on her face.

"By weight, yes, no height, no". "Good enough for me, go ahead and board"

So off we go.

Fast forward to Monday evening and our return flight. We get to the airport and go through the same drill. Except this time I don't ask the gate agent if it's OK to board early. And he doesn't say anything to stop us and says "Have a good flight".


There is a couple waiting by the podium that is none to pleased with us. We get the evil eye from both of them and one whispers, none too quietly, "He doesn't look like he needs assistance"


But here is my question for you: in your opinion, is an able-bodied 8 yr old too old to qualify as a "young child" in this situation?

It seems obvious to me that the airlines don't have actual guidelines and it's up to the judgment of the gate agent, and the ones I dealt with didn't have a problem with us boarding first.

Or was I taking advantage of the situation and being a bit of an ass? Just wondering...

Sexy Is As Sexy Does. Right?

Okay, ladies. I’m going to bare my soul to you, for just a bit. There’s other things I’d probably be baring, but being married and all, that could create a hassle. But, the soul will do for now.

I need your help.

See, no one would ever accuse me of being Rico Suave. First of all, I don’t have the looks. Secondly, while I am not a complete dillweed when it comes to matters le sexy, I just don’t have the natural chops for it. The more so for being in a state of matrimony.

I was never a “ladies’ man in the sense I had a silver tongue and could charm the pants off of any sweet thing that would listen. I knew plenty of guys like that, and I just never could master the art. Of course, some of those guys were the male equivalent of a skank, so maybe not such a good role model. Still, there was always a little bit of envy that I could never get rid of. And to be completely honest, there was a fair bit of luck involved in how I met the woman who became my wife, while we were in college. Beer may have been involved, but I suppose I had some verbal skills that may have had a hand in persuading her I wasn’t a complete dork.

Of course, the reality is that, when in college generally speaking you just have to show up and be clean, and smell good. After all, when your budget is such that you are pulling money from the ATM in $5 increments, it’s not like you have a whole lot of green to be buying roses and chocolates or skimpy lingerie. Or porn.*

So back then things were a little simpler, didn’t have to think about it so much. That changed a little bit after I graduated. The Spouse and I got hitched shortly after graduation, and soon after that we both had jobs, and soon after that we moved into our own apartment. Sexy time was pretty easy and convenient then: no supervision, no kids, plenty of energy. Familiarity was actually a bonus.

But you know what happens with familiarity. Things tend to cool off, if you get my drift. Over time, things get in the way, dealing with jobs, and housework and lack of energy and generally everything but what matters most: your partner. Because there is a tendency to take them for granted. And when that happens, you tend to start making less and less effort to impress them, to attract them, to make them feel special.

All that before kids enter the mix. Whew.

I love my Wee Lass more than words can adequately describe, but let’s face it: kids are vampires. Loveable, cute, amazing vampires. They just suck the life out of you sometimes, which I’m sure you know doesn’t exactly leave a whole lot left over for a bit of romantique de la femme.

Hell, that does not even leave enough energy for a mumbled “Hello” some nights!

Still, the desire to make our better halves feel special, like the queen us guys know that you are (and always knew you were), never really goes away. At least for me, it hasn’t. It tends to get lost sometimes. But I’m dealing with limited energy and time, and I could use some helpful tips.

So, ladies, what is it that gets you going? What is it that makes you feel special and well-disposed towards the well-intentioned if somewhat absent-minded mooks in your lives? And I don’t necessarily mean the grand gestures**; even a numbskull like me gets that. I am thinking more along the lines of the small things*** we can do every day or every week to let you know we are thinking of you, want to be with you, and that you still got it goin’ on.

I throw myself on the mercy of your court, and await your gracious guidance.

Irish Gumbo

*Not that I bought any porn. Just sayin’. Well, maybe a little. No videos, though.
**Nice dinner, flowers, a visit to a day spa, time alone: these things I understand. C’mon, I may be dense, but not that dense!
***Anecdotally, I overheard a woman once telling a female friend something to the effect that “at this point, him doing the laundry would be a turn on.” Does this really cross your minds?
Posted By Irish Gumbo

Monday, February 23, 2009

And The Champeen Is....

Okay, so I suck at sports. Can't really throw a baseball for love or money. Football? Well, sometimes I can get it to sort of spiral when I throw it. Basketball? No, I don't got game. Hockey? Pffft. I grew up in southern Virginia; hockey was a word usually preceded by the word "bull". As in "Bull hockey", a 'clean' way for us kids to say "Bullshit".

And that's okay. My daughter hasn't yet shown an interest in sports, not much anyway. She likes soccer a little. Which is good, because that's about the only sport I have any skill in whatsoever. Even that's questionable; David Beckham I am not. Although from a certain angle, I suppose I look good in just my underwear. But the Wee Lass does like the occasional kickabout, and she has her Dora the Explorer soccer ball for us to use.
I have discovered one activity in which I kick some serious ass. HehHeh. That's right, the new World Champion (or at least, the Champion of Gumbostan), ladies and gentlemen, Irish Gumbo RULES in....
"Hungry, Hungry Hippos".
BOOO-YAHHHH! 3 out of 3 in the Cage Match with Wee Lass tonight!
I do have a question, though. Is it wrong to do the Victory Booty Dance and shout "In your face!" to a four-year old? Not that I did that, just wonderin'...
Posted By Irish Gumbo

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Shoulda Called It MILFy Mamas

I had this whole post written…and it was good as shit (well, not that shit is good per say, but you know…the saying.) Anyway, my computer froze up and had to be restarted…Yeah…I lost what I wrote.

So here goes a second attempt.

In our search for new additions to the Hot Mama recipient list, we have found several mommies whose humor, honesty, writing style and MILF-iness has earned them the infamous Hot Mama Award from us over here at Hot Dads. (Also, ManicMariah did mention that she was a bit lonely and that she’d love the company of a few more Hot Mamas.)

So…..without further ado, I’d like to announce that…

Redneck Mommy
Tenakim – MY Therapy
Barefoot Foodie
Scary Mommy

…are the newest recipients of this coveted award.

Now, please grab the award icon, place it on your blog, remove your pants and climb up on the podium with the first and foremost Hot Mama…ManicMariah.

(You girls MUST behave up there... you have a lot of people looking up to you now and you want to set a good example...right? but if you don't...who is going to be taking pictures?

We will get you added to our Hot Mama list once you have added our award/link to your blog.

*PLEASE NOTE - this is an ongoing search for the hottest mommy bloggers out there. suggestions should be pointed out to us on a regular basis.

Sunday Slides, Funny

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's how the fight started....

1. I have 2 kids that doing this would just tickle them to no end

2. Lol

3. Anyone have neighbors that you feel this was about?

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds." So I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started.....

4. Woman's deck of cards.
And 3 more from Marvin!

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Caption contest....

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Posted by Sage

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Hot Dads Need Hot Mamas

Who should be the next Hot Mama?
Who will join
ManicMariah on this coveted list?

So far, I’ve gotten suggestions for -

Redneck Mommy
Tenakim – MY Therapy
Marinka – NYC Mom And More
Barefoot Foodie
Loralee’s Looney Tunes

VOTE for your favorite Hot Mommy Blogger and let us Hot Dads do the final selections

If any of you have other suggestions…Please include their blog URL (and maybe a hot picture of them…just kidding...well...)

Feel free to include links to all of your favorites…it can be more than one.

Friday, February 20, 2009

My love for Al

Al Pacino. My hero. The only man that I would say I have a crush on. A man's man.

The style, confidence, bravado, and all-knowing Al Pacino. There hasn't been a role he has played that I haven't taken a piece of and tried to incorporate in my own personality.

Whether it be the leadership qualities he possessed in the Godfather series, the combination of his self-deprecating and confident manners in A Scent of a Woman, or the fearlessness and determined Tony Montana in Scarface, Pacino has the it that I want. He is just one bitching dude.

I can recite line after line that he has uttered in his movies. I often do in my own life. A few examples:

"Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in.", said in Godfather III. I used it when I returned to coaching football after a three-year stint as a golf coach.

"I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.", said in Scarface. My favorite response whenever asked if I am bullshitting or not.

"There are two kinds of people in this world. The first group is the people who face the music; the second group are those who run for cover.", as Frank Slade in Scent of a Woman. I have used this with students who have found trouble.

One line that I have always wanted to use, but haven't found the right opportunity to is the famous, "Say hello to my little friend!" That scene from Scarface gets me every time.

The only appropriate time I have thought of saying it would be before sex. I have not in fear of ruining the mood.

Even as a parent, Al Pacino is in me. As a young child, I remember watching Author! Author! with my parents and thinking that he played a great father. He was a single parent who showed vividly how to handle all the challenges of raising kids on his own.

My favorite scene from the movie is one that I often play out with my own girls. After a long day at work, Pacino enters his house and begins to talk about everything he did during his day to his kids. He ends it by screaming "I forgot to beat my kids!", and runs around the house chasing his kids.

Ever so often when I come home, I calmly walk into the kitchen and begin to spew off details of my own day. Then I yell, "I forgot to tickle my kids!"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, my girls take off running all over the house with me close behind. They want to be caught. They need to be caught. And, sooner rather than later, they are caught.

I dive into them, tickle them to near tears, then leave them in a hump on the ground breathless. Each of them possessing a smile on their face that can't be beat.

It is the closest to being Al Pacino I can get.

Posted by Coachdad

Thursday, February 19, 2009

How Do I Know I Am The King, And Not Just A Schmuck?

Whoo! Okay, I finally made it over here to do my first post on Hot Dads. Please don’t judge me *sniff* I’m sensitive and all; I just might run and hide if you folks were angry with me. I have my reasons, though, primarily due to job searching and chasing after my Wee Lass. She is fast, especially when she is nude and running around prior to her bath.

Speaking of Wee Lass, that brings me to this post. There has been a lot of talk recently about the things that the wee ones do that make us crazy, the repetitive rituals they want to do, or the stubborn refusal to stay in bed once they are in bed, and I have to say I’m all over that like white on rice. The awesomesauce that is the Fruit o’ My Loins is an amazing critter in her own right. She has her own fixations that are cute on one hand and drive me batshit crazy on the other.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than life itself. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her or make her happy. And that includes putting underwear on my head and doing the Dance of Joy around the living room. What? Who hasn’t done that?

It isn’t stretching the truth to say that I would do anything to make her smile, hear her laugh. I wish I had an audio clip of her laugh to embed with this, because it truly does make me melt and call down some rainbows and generally make me feel like there is nothing in this world that could hurt me or make me want to run and hide.

Her laugh does make me feel like Superman.

Which brings me back to the subject of rituals. Wee Lass is fond of her rituals, bedtime and drop off at day care, you name it. Lately, she has taken to a certain insistence on a number of hugs n’ smooches to be administered before we part, no matter what we are doing. She even gets oddly specific as to the number of hugs and smooches to be delivered. Today it was 10 hugs and 10 smooches, plus one extra. And all of them have to be counted out when delivered, no shirking there.

I don’t mind so much when everything is calm, and I can do my thing to fulfill parental obligations, get some luv and then move on. But lately, Wee Lass has taken on the characteristics of Velcro when I try to leave her anywhere. She gets all weepy and clingy and keeps wanting to show me stuff or help her talk to other people.

As a dad who Gives A Damn (I hope), I don’t mind catering to my daughter’s every whim. I do it all the time, probably more than I should. I have tended to play along, generally, because it was no skin off my back and it makes her happy. However, it can lead to some awkwardness and frustration. I haven’t yet figured out how to accommodate her with a minimum of fuss. And do that in a reasonable amount of time so as to be able to get in some reasonable “me” or “us” time for the evening!

In other words, how do I keep her happy but not feel like such a dick when I want to walk away?

I say this because Wee Lass has found a weakness, and she is getting pretty good at exploiting it. And it leaves me feeling like crap when I don’t realize at first that she is trying to be nice. As an example, our bedtime ritual includes a number of kisses/hugs in combination, to be determined by her. And by how much patience I can muster.

Last night, Wee Lass and I seemed to have reached an equilibrium of sorts. Or so I thought. She was a little calmer than usual, and in a good mood. I reckoned I could do my “6 hugs and kisses” and out, turn off the lights and head downstairs. So far, so good.

I had my hand on the doorknob. “Daddy! Daddy!”
“One more hug and kiss! Turn the light on! Please???”

So I turn around, turn on the light, and head back over to the bed for the hug and kiss. I turn to leave, light out, hand on door. “Daddy, daddy!....”

This repeats itself twice more, at which point I am starting to steam and get a little snappish. This pattern has been cycling over and over for weeks now. I know I should be more patient, but…”Daddy, Daddy!”

“WHAAAAATTT, NOW?!” gritting teeth, trying not to scream.
“One more thing, I want to tell you.” she says in that impossibly cute voice.
“I love you, Daddy, three times.”

I am absolutely gobsmacked. What can I say?

“I love you, too, sweet pea. You know that.”
“’Night, daddy.”
“Good night.”

So I slink off to the couch, feeling like a schmuck, but knowing that someone in my world thinks I am the shizznit. And that’s a good feeling, indeed.
Posted By Irish Gumbo

Daddy's little girl gone wild

I had been trying for a few days to think of a good debut post here at Hot Dads, until the other day when this one fell into my lap while making some toast.

During the half-hour wait for those little coils to brown the bread, my 4-year-old son D- ran into the kitchen carrying a plastic camera he'd found in the toy box I had just been cleaning out.

Given this miraculous piece of technology --a machine that captures images on film, made for only about 50 cents-- his first thought was to ask me to put my scratchin' hand down and pull my shirt up a little farther so he could take a picture of my belly button.

Since there was no film in the camera, I complied.

His second, much more noteworthy, thought was to approach his 2-year-old sister M-, playing on the floor nearby, and say, "Pull up your shirt so I can take a picture of your tummy."

This future demure damsel's immediate response to the intruding photographer was not only to pull up her shirt, but to announce with glee, "I'm gonna take off my shirt!!"


Posted by LiteralDan

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Coloring for Adults

Normally watching sports on TV is impossible with the kids. My daughter wants to watch The Hills or Gossip Girl or any show where beautiful teenagers complain about how misunderstood they are. “I’m so unhappy despite having plenty of money, low body fat and clear skin.” My son wants to watch anything she doesn’t, and his idea of sports is watching baggy pants twenty-somethings skateboard. And both of them demand to be taken to Mom’s if I want to watch baseball, football, hockey, tennis or MMA.

It’s essential to find a distraction for them and, since they are significantly under 19, we can’t go to the sports bar. And the Ex would frown on the presence of pole dancers.

Boston Pizza becomes the sports-and-family-friendly venue of choice for the Single Dad. We went this weekend so I could watch the Lakers play the Cavs. The kids knew why we were there, but as long as they can have mozzarella sticks and milkshakes, they could be at a lecture about database security and not care. The weird thing is if I made mozza sticks and milkshakes at home, I’d still get grief if I had a game on TV.

When we sat down, the kids were given coloring place mats and crayons. Now they are waaaay too old to color at home, but at Boston Pizza, they dove right in, arguing over who used up the blue or red Crayola. Around the restaurant were other families with kids diligently coloring between the lines, and a few Free-Thinkers coloring wherever they pleased.

It made me think about what point I stopped coloring; I remember loving it as a kid. I will still do other kids things if the opportunity presents itself: airplane models, jigsaw puzzles, running through the sprinklers in my underpants. But I would never consider sitting down with a black and white outline of a turtle and a box of crayons.

You can go online to http:/, select a new picture every day use the palette tool to fill in the shapes and post it. However, just like anything on-line (such as cooking or porn), you miss the smell and feel of the materials.

I must start coloring again, and let you know if it comes back like riding a bicycle. Or eating paste.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

When 'Recall' does not work

Ever had a nasty email go to the wrong person? The one that it was about?
Well, that just happened to my ex...and it was sent to me.

Here goes!

First Email…to a friend of hers – but it got sent to me accidentally

Can you please hang out at the school, at pick up to make sure he's there on time to get J (7 yr old)? How much you wanna bet the a-hole won't spend the time with them alone and takes them to Santa Monica to be with the other trailer trash? Not that I should trust him to do homework with J(7 yr old)...he can't spell for shit anyway!

Thanks and see you tomorrow night.

My response…

I am not refusing to have sent me 5 or 6 emails today and are trying to 'run' my visits. I will pick them up and then have them home by 7PM.

Secondly, this weekend we are going camping and the boys will not be able to go to the birthday or the play date. Please let your friends know. We are leaving on Saturday morning and will be back Sunday evening.

1st 3rd and 5th weekends and every Wednesday are my time with the boys and, unfortunately for you, I will be deciding what we are going to be doing. It is not your place to; tell me what I should/can do with them, tell the boys about events on my weekends (you should inform me) or expect that I report in to you on everything that we do. You leave town and don't tell me where you are going, what flights you are on....I have yet to receive any reports from either school or doctors about how things are going...who is not communicating?

And feel free to stop bad-mouthing me to the boy's friends' parents...I think that just makes things much harder with respect to me bringing them to parties/events for those families.

Her response…

And, you are showing my friends that you are an asshole but doing things like this. And they see what you write about me. I'm not making you look bad, you are making yourself look bad.

Then she had my 4 year old call me to say that he wanted to go to a party that she told him about. Then she got on the phone and yammered on until I had to hang up on her.

Then I got this…

Wow. You are an asshole.

I am not trying to run your visits. You know nothing about the boys' day to day routine because of your refusal to communicate, so I have to let you know about their routine. You don't care about their dietary needs / restrictions even though I have mentioned them to you in the past. You haven't even logged into the Our Family Wizard site in weeks...on which I outlined our trip to Disney and the details. There haven't been any school reports, but again, I put everything including emergency numbers, etc in the Our Family Wizard because I am doing my part.

E is one of J’s (7 yr old) BEST FRIENDS and you already said you'd bring them to her party. If have it in an email and you told E’s mom you'd let them come.
C was one of J (4 yr old) best friends and you are denying them the opportunity to see him on his first and likely only visit back for a long time. You are purposely denying them of important events because of vengeance and ego. I just told the boys that you said they can't go to the party or to see C because you are taking them camping, and they said then they don't want to go to your house this weekend. They can go camping anytime. These are people that are important to them...who are a part of their everyday lives. All of their friends will be at these events. And, E’s Mom is calling you because E’s best friend now won't be at her party and she is very upset.

CANNOT WAIT TO go to court on the 9th.

...oh wait...then I got this one

I wish you would think about your children. You said you'd talk to them about it tomorrow? To put the burden on a 4 and 7 year old and go back on your promises to them, as you admitted on the phone, is awful.
And, clearly you were drunk when I just spoke to you --- are all the children in your house asleep?
Again, I look forward to our trip to court on the 9th.

....shit....and then this one

Also – I have many emails in which I offered to switch the weekends with you – weeks ago – because of this weekend’s important events. And, you said you’d bring them to the party since you couldn’t switch and would let me know about the Sunday event with their friend who moved away.

I will make sure to bring those emails to court. You can go camping anytime, but instead are choosing to lash out at me via to the boys’ detriment. That is quite obvious.


Bedtime Ogre

Well, well, well......

This marks my First post over here at Hot Dads. Which is funny because I'm not Hot. I'm barely palatable. At best.

And. Apparently, I'm also a Bedtime Ogre.

Anyone with small children has a Bedtime routine. There may be songs or a snack before bed. There may be stories of Marshmallow Rainbows or some sort of foolhardy Duck that has become Stuck. In the Muck. We all have them and frankly, they are a Huge pain in the ass.

Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes I feel like instituting a Lord of the Flies policy and locking my Bedroom door only to walk out 6-8 hours later to find that the dog has been shaved and all my booze is gone. That's irresponsible. Funny. But irresponsible.

So we go through the motions.

As stated before, I am a Bedtime Ogre. A book or two, a song, a kiss on the cheek, and it's time for you to go "ni-ni" so Daddy can clear his head. It's simple really. Just close your eyes and, go. to. sleep.

Cutie McWifey is a sucker. I don't mean that in a Good way either. Well, I do. But not at this particular time. She's a Sucker because she can turn a Goodnight kiss into 30 minutes worth of steppin' and Bedtime fetchin'. Usually, she opens the smallish one's bedroom door with her eyes squinting against the light of the Hallway like she was just seconds from the Deep sleep herself.

Now. To her credit, I hardly ever hear the Tater make a peep after she exits the Room.

She's an awesome Matriarch.

I'm a Bedtime Ogre.

Sometimes, when I have Bedtime Duty, I have to go back in and soothe the Water, but mostly, after the smallish one bitches and moans for 5-10 minutes, well, there is no escaping the Sandman.

I used to tell my oldest daughter, when she was much younger and would carry on about taking a Nap, "Listen. Mom's not here. You can sleep. You can stay awake. I'm giving you Tabula Rasa, kid. You get to create you own Future. But you create it in Here. *motions around the Goat's bedroom* For the next 2 hours. Again. Just so we're clear. Sleep or don't. It's your World. But your World is in here. *motions again around the Goats room* Hugs and Keeses."

And........exit Stage Left.

See? I'm a Bedtime Ogre. And I'm not Hot.

You may start with the throwing of Rotten Vegetables at any time.


Posted by CIII at the Goat and Tater

Monday, February 16, 2009

Insane Love

So, if any of you are as interested as I am in seeing where my traffic comes from and what keywords are used to find me…read on!



Oneway Trip To Hell
Another Suburban Mom
Hot Dads


Free Porn
Bedside Tales
Tales from the bedside
Helga Hansen
Male stripper
Who is the bitch now

Hot Dads


Always Home and Uncool
Another Suburban Mom
Hubman’s Hangout


Hot dads
Hot moviesex
Hubman suburban
Irish gumbo
Kidsex movies
My hot wife
Obama cadilac pimp

Thank you to all of you who link to me and send your readers to the ‘True Blogging King’ (yeah right)

Also, I am glad to know that (after looking over the search keywords that got people sent to both of my blogs) There are LOTS of people out there looking for …anything to do with sex…and I guess I am ‘The Man’.

I’ll have to think about changing a few things around here…

The Talk

OK, not that talk, but one of those talks that makes parents nervous. Or at least it did for me.

I was sitting at the dining room table Saturday evening, going through the days mail and chatting with Veronica as she was making dinner. The big headline of a weekly newspaper I subscribe to was "The Army is Killing Itself: More soldiers committed suicide last month than died in combat. Is op tempo breaking the Army?"

Darling boy sees this and asks "What's suicide, dad?"


He's 8 yrs old and is not totally naive to the concept of death. When my grandmother passed away 2 years ago we explained what happened (hell, the woman was 99 1/2 yrs old, if anyone has ever died of plain old age, it was her!) and he came to the wake and funeral with me.

But how do you explain someone killing themselves to a child?

I turn to Veronica, point to the headline, and tell her that he's asking about this story. "Do you think he's ready to hear about that?" Because you know I wasn't delving into this topic without Veronica having my back!

DB is pretty good about accepting it when we say "That's grown up stuff" or "Ask us again in a few years" when we feel that he is too young for his inquiries. So I could have taken the easy way out. But not this time.

I told him that some people, because they are in so much physical or emotional pain that they think that they would rather be dead than go on living as they are. And I emphasized that this is a very sad situation, sadder than he could imagine.

While he understands that we are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan, he hadn't fully wrapped his brain around the idea that the enemy wants to kill us and sometimes succeeds, so I had to talk about that as well. On a positive note, now I have something to start with when I explain Memorial Day to him.

Short, simple, and to the point. He understood, and was sad for a few minutes, but was okay after that.

Anyone else ever have to deal with the questions of suicide and/or war? If so, how did you handle it? I'm satisfied with how I responded, but I'm curious about other experiences.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Slides, Funny, Caption Contest

Well I suspect we all get those Maxine emails here is some from the man side!

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

If you can't read em click em and they will big.

1. Believe me the fascination never goes away!

2. Haaaaaaaaaaa3. Lol!

4. Amen sista, amen!

A woman had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is
engaged,one is a mistress, and she had been married for 20+ years.

They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their
men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their
eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it
all went.

The engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He
saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then
we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at
his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over
my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then the married woman shared her story: When my husband came home I
was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask
over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

'What's for dinner Batman?

come on thats funny right there!
Some good captions last week let do it again!

Caption Contest......Go

Hope everyone had a great V-day and got all kinds of naughty and nice stuff.

Posted by Sage.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Temperature Sensitivity in Adolescents: Part 2

The kids continue to puzzle me with their hypocrisy. Both are rigid about what they will wear to bed; the hotter the better. The Girl insists on wearing underpants under her PJ bottoms. She finds it "too weird" to sleep with her privates completely exposed, in flannel.

This is the child who prefers to jump on the trampoline in the raw, especially if the lawn sprinkler can be turned on it. The 14 year old is the same way. Unsupervised trampolining for those two often results in an All-Nude-Sibling-Jumpoff.

Maybe it’s not so much about temperature issues, but a reversed sense of public exposure. They love sharing what God gave them with the world, but feel the need to cover up in the privacy of their own rooms. This is like a stripper who wears a burkha around the house.

As parents, their mom and I never had any hangups about modest nudity around the kids, but I can't figure out how ensuring they were not ashamed of their bodies resulted in their need to do front flips in their birthday suits. And they sleep dressed up like Cosmonauts.

The dogs are so much more sensible. They just lick themselves indoor or out, day or night.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Drama Unveiled !

I am completely losing my freaking mind here. I don’t even know where to start.

After getting home from volunteering at the kid’s middle school today, we got phone calls from both middle school kids saying that they were called into the school counselor’s office and were interviewed by Social Services. Upon hearing this, Mariah about lost her mind, while puking all over her insides.

We had no clue about any issues and we immediately called the school to find out what was going on. They explained that Social Services interviewed the two kids today due to an investigation that they are conducting. We hung up and could not dial the number for Social Services fast enough. With sweat pouring down our faces, we were given the number for the woman assigned to our case.

After leaving her a message that we were concerned and wanted to find out what was going on, she called back about 15 minutes later. She explained that they received a call from an ‘anonymous’ source claiming ‘general neglect and emotional abuse - that we; are alcoholics and drug addicts, leave the kids unsupervised for hours at a time and allow parties for our high school daughter with drugs and alcohol.

Now we were also told that the call came in on Saturday the 7th of February (the same day that I told my ex that if she did not bring my boys to me for my first overnight visit, that I would call the police.)

As the report is confidential, I can not say for sure who made the accusations, but I do have my suspicions. Now…I know that she dislikes, hates or distrusts me…and does not like Mariah (whom she has never met) but making accusations to CPS is absolutely out of control. How can someone who has never met Mariah or any of her kids, who has never stepped foot in our house, who has never spoken to anyone in this household and who knows no mutual friends…make any accusations?

I understand that she wants to punish me and …be the boss of me, but attempting to have Mariah’s kids taken away from us – just so that I won’t get further visitations with my boys, is absolutely insane!

Now…the allegations are false and the interviews today went very well…but I guess I am just at a loss for what to do. Do I find a way to fight back? Do I leave it alone? Do I say “OK…what do you want of me? Do you want me to walk away? Do you want me to be in our boys’ lives?....WHAT?” I kind of feel that she is just attacking with whatever she can …and since I’ve been granted the overnights…she has taken out the ‘big guns.’

I don’t know … but what I do know is that this drama needs to stop. Bottom line is that I think it would be great if we could invite her over to sit down with a glass of ‘JUICE’ and smooth things out …see what she wants and find some middle ground so that none of the kids are in the middle of this ridiculous battle.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Better things to worry about

Let me first say that I'm a big sports fan, and a fan of baseball in particular.

But seriously, could the media be making a bigger deal of the whole A-Rod steroids story?

Hell, I'm even a Yankee fan living in the Boston area, but I JUST. DON'T. CARE!

Of all of the things I worry about as a dad, talking to my kids about anabolic steroids is soooooo far down the list it might as well not be on the list at all.

And to be honest, I can totally understand why some athletes choose to take them and I DON'T condemn them for doing so. I went to high school with a very gifted athlete. Good enough to get a scholarship to a football factory college. While he was there he put on almost 50 lbs of muscle mass, which while I don't know it for a fact, I firmly believe that steroids played a part.

The result? An 8 yr NFL career, 3 trips to the Pro Bowl, and a $2million per year salary, for several years. Good for him.

After all, it's just a game. I think we as society put athletes too much on a pedestal as role models. Do we really need to care as much as we do about sports?

Shouldn't we as dads be the best role models for our kids?

[Yes, I recognize that my views on steroids is in contract to the principle of fair play. I'm ignoring that for now. Maybe some other day...]

Posted by Hubman

Monday, February 9, 2009

People are Idiots

I was already fair amped up this past weekend. What with being ill, having a sick wife and two sick kids. The real frustration was Mr. B sniffing his nose sniffing his nose every 17 seconds. (I wish I was employing a little hyperbole there, but it got so bad I was timing it.) Heck, he had to blow his nose twice while I was peeing (the Wife was napping). So there I stood, my willy in one hand and a tissue in the other (for a very different reason than I've ever had before).

Well the Wife finally awoke, and with elevated blood pressure I headed off to the grocery store. Because, getting behind the wheel of a car is a good thing to do when you are edgy. Right? (That scene from "Ground Hog Day" keeps popping in my head, "Don't drive angry!")

So I pull into the turn lane so I can get to the parking lot for Target. There are a couple cars in front of me already (no biggie). I pull up behind the car in front of me and open my windows (the temp is in the 60's on the way to the 70's), when I notice that the ditz in the car in front of me has left an entire car length to the white line marking the intersection. This means that she is so far back, that she won't trigger the left turn light when the time comes. (She wasn't sitting on the ground sensor for the light.)

I wanted to do nothing more than lean on my horn. I figured that either a) she would get pissed off (I was almost there already), b) she wasn't paying attention and would shoot into the intersection (that would be bad), or c) she would creep forward. Only one of those would have been a desired result, so I resorted to signing really loudly (which, quite honestly could have had similar results as honking my horn).

Well, finally some else pulled in behind me to trigger the second sensor. Off we went.

Only to have to deal with "Parking Lot Idiocy".

As I'm cruising the Target parking lot for a parking spot (I keep hearing that we are in a recession, but people seem to be spending money just fine around here), I am confronted with three Moms and their daughters. The Moms are engaged in conversation and couldn't be bothered with getting their brood out of the middle of the road.

This time, I did honk the horn. The worst case scenario would have been the kid running into my stopped car this time. After laughing off dirty looks (how dare I not run over their kids!) I found a parking spot out in the boonies.

People are idiots.

Posted by Russ @ Dads Who Mock The World

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sunday Slides funny

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frigging red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.


Well if y'all go to my main blog you know on Sunday I do a picture post and call it Sunday Slides, pretty much anything goes there except downright XXX pics, sexy pics and suggestive pics but not real rank ones. Well I thought I'd see how that would work here, in line of course with the theme of the blog.

Here ya go......

1. A man school early starter (my only surviving baby pic!!)

2. I think some of y'all have kids like this, I know I do.

3. Lol

4. This kid is definately kin to me , cracker children eat wa-wa melon like this, and so do I!

5. Know the difference......

Let try a new twist! Caption contest, you win, ummmm nothing, nope 2 nothings!

So what is your caption for this picture?? I go first!!

"Tastes like chicken!"

Hope everyone is having a big ole day!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Picture of my... 'Package'

Being that it is the weekend…and nobody reads…or comments on blogs… I am going to do something ...


Click the following link for a photo of
my HUGE ‘package’!!!!!!

Overnight Excitement

I am very excited to announce that tomorrow I get to have my two boys spend the night with me. The last time I spent the night with them was September of 2005.

The divorce and visitation/custody proceedings have been long and drawn out. It is nice to know that things are finally moving forward. I have been spending weekend days with them but until now I have not been able to have them sleep with me.

I know that the first few sleep-overs will not be easy as they are used to being with their mother, but I am so happy that we will be having this time together. I have spent the last few days taping some shows and some of my favorite childhood movies for them, cleaning and setting up their room, preparing their beds and stocking up on their favorite foods.

Again…I can’t even venture to tell you all how happy I am …but at the same time I can’t help but to feel anxious and worried that they might have a hard time adjusting to sleeping at my house. I want it to be smooth and worry free for everyone. I know that it will all work out and that they will love spending every other weekend at my house.

Well….everything is ready and now…I just have to wait until tomorrow morning.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Temperature Sensitivity in Adolescents

I think I’ll apply for a federal grant to study “Why The Hell My Kids are Always Hot When it’s Cold, and Cold When it’s Hot. More specifically, they make no effort to dress to suit the environmental conditions, the way a sane person would.

It’s the beginning of February and anywhere on this continent above the Mason-Dixon Line, it’s still considered winter. However, yesterday was mild and sunny, a blistering 6 degrees above freezing, which the 14 Year Old has taken for his signal that ‘jackets are no longer required’. For the next two months, I’ll be fighting with him to keep him from freezing to death because of one decent day. Come the Ides of March and he’ll be in shorts for the duration.

In the summer, this same child wants the fan on right next to his bed. He won’t open the window, take down the curtain he has draped over his bunk or even switch to non-flannel pajamas. “But Dad, I can’t sleep without the quilt. It feels weird!” So he lies there all night, sweating and stinking up the room.The girl, on the other hand, wants me to put on the heat in the car In August. I’ll agreed to roll up the windows (it was over 80 degrees at 3PM), but that’s never enough. She’ll curl up under an old fleece sweater of mine (covered in dog hair) and keep the in-seat warmer turned on the whole drive. Seems reasonable, if a little high maintenance. But, like her brother, the 12 year old never does anything the way the adult world does. She put her legs through the sleeves and pulled it up over her waist, like malformed, fuzzy hip waders.Who are these people?!And they fight putting on sun block because they claim they don’t have sensitive skin. But God forbid you try to get them to put on sweater. “IT’S TOO ITCHY!!”

I’m sure there is someone on Obama’s new Research Council who can get behind this initiative.

Posted by Trooper Thorn

Introducing.... Me

How the heck did I end up here? The first I heard from Bedside Talesman was "I have been told by a few people now that you need to get involved in this new blog that I started...".

To which I replied "A few people told you I need to get involved? I sense smoke being blown up my ass, but that's alright!"

In any case, I happily accepted the offer.

Since this is a bunch of guys who may or may not know each other from our main blogs (I only knew Bedside Talesman and Southern Sage before) I figured I would start by introducing myself.

I'm very happily married for 15 yrs to my college sweetheart (check out her blog here, if you're so inspired) and we have 2 kids, Darling Boy, 8 yrs old, and Princess Persistent, who is not quite 3 yrs old. My wife is known on the blogs as Another Suburban Mom (ASM) and as Veronica. We've been through a lot together- finishing college, several graduate degrees, numerous moves and job changes. We are both career-driven individuals trying to balance work and home lives.

I LOVE being a dad. Not to say it doesn't drive me nuts some days... But sometimes I wonder if I'm doing things "right". I imagine that I'll share some of those doubts here.

Some of my baggage is that not only are mine and my wife's parents divorced, but there are serious issues with both of our fathers. My dad is an alcoholic, recovered now, and a wonderful grandpa to the kids, but not so good when I was growing up. He tried, he really did, but in many ways I hope I do "better" with my kids than he did with me. Is it bad that I look up to my step-father as a role model more than my own dad?

Veronica's dad? When she was getting ready to head off to college he informed her that he thought she was destined for failure and by helping pay for her education he would be wasting his money. Their relationship declined from there, to the point when we got married 4 yrs later he was not invited to our wedding. When each of our kids were born she wrote him a letter telling him about them, in an effort to repair the relationship and allow our kids to know their paternal grandfather. His response? Absolutely nothing. We never heard from him.

So that's a little about me.

Thanks for the invite- this should be fun!

Posted by Hubman

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Too tired? Sexual Pondering.

Sage here,
There are many things I can't figure, things that seem simple to me that other foul up. I drive a lot, alone and get to figure on things, here's one.

We have all heard the jokes and our buddies say or might have even lived through this yourself. When the man wants sex and the woman says "I'm to tired".
(I'm sure this is applicable in reverse)

To what??
To tired???

Do What?? Come again Sweet-ums.

WTF is to tired? To tired for what?

Sugar you don't have to chase me. You don't have to get on top, you don't have to do anything. Damn, read a book, hell write a book, just let me hit it while you do it.

You are to tired? Come on now. I'm not asking you to run a damn marathon. Get ur britches down and lay there. I'll hurry. Damn. Thats insane. I'd prolly blow a fuse if I ever heard that.

In the brides defense she never used that one before.

She has used her monthly visitor before as an excuse (not that I cared but she seemed to) and I quickly pointed out that her lip nor her tongue was bleeding any!

Anyway, I have often thought about that. Bet your ass I ain't ever to tired. EVER. I mean if I was on the edge of to tired (or just out of surgery or an active participant in an on-going car wreck) and she was game on and said "just lay there" I'd be all for that!

I have often thought that some females used their wares bass-ackwards. I hear them say things like "well he doesn't help out around the house" He doesn't take out the trash" "he doesn't help me with the kids" Blah blah blah blah

So why should I give him what he wants.

Then you ask when did y'all last do the hokie pokie? "Oh it was ummmmmm"
Well hell no if you can't even recall when I bumped up against it, I damn sure ain't doing extra around here, I'll do it myself and you haul the trash off!!!!

You can pretty much bet a few things.
She doesn't like it, for whatever reason.
He ain't doing it right.
or shes playing her hand wrong.

If she likes it, and he can get her to the promised land or at least close enough for her to finish up quickly on her own, then she is playing her hand wrong. She should change her tactics. She should put it on him morning, noon, and night. At every opportunity. Offer it up to him, all the time. Half way through dinner. Every half time. The seventh inning stretch. When he comes in for a drink half way through cutting the grass. She should reward him WITHOUT him knowing its a reward, pay it forward, if you will.

That cat would be tickled. He would be all for hauling the trash or whatever his downfall is. He'd want nothing to come between his girls want/lust/desire for his obvious stellar goodness and delicious aptitude in sexual relations! He is such an outstanding lover that she wants him all the time.
Yes ladies, make him feel like the man, then he will act like the man, and be the man....

(like I said at the top, these tactics will prolly work in reverse)

I'm out.

Posted by Sage

Monday, February 2, 2009

Time to Shop Someplace Else

"Are you gonna have sex?"


"Are you gonna have sex?" my daughter said again. Her eyes bulged to match the size of her Cheshire-cat grin.

My wife wasn't home. Is she implying I was eyeing the dog?

"I'm getting a piece of cheese out of the refrigerator," I said. "What show are you watching over there?"


Mental note: Add Miranda Cosgrove to The List. Below American Girl; above Murray's French Toast Sticks.


"Do you even know what your 8-year-old mouth is asking?"

"I was walking around the mall with Aunt Bernice and all I see are signs saying 'sex,' 'sex,' 'sex.'"

"No, I'm not," I said. "We're all out. How about ravioli?"


Posted by Always Home And Uncool
Related Posts with Thumbnails