Vay Kay Shun

It's really happening. After talking about it and planning it for what seems like several years (even though it's only been 9 months or so), the Geek Boy family is taking our first vacation. I've been trying not to be all Clark Griswold about it, but I have gone out and bought a vacation guide so we'll know how to best navigate the island of Maui with the kids in tow. Oh yeah, did I mention we're going to Hawaii?

Thankfully, Southern California is only a 5 hour plane ride from the magical islands of one of our best states. WonderWife™ and I are east coasters, so we've done the 5 hour plane ride before. (Okay, I'll admit that I personally have not done it with two kids, that honor goes to WW™ who did it by herself--twice.) But once we're on vacation, what then? Are the kids going to go crazy with the general lethargy and lack of structure that comes with a vacation? Or somehow will they get into the spirit and kick back with us? Only time will tell.

So all of you awesome Hot Dads readers, I open up the comment section for you to discuss your family vacation strategies, stories and tips. I've got to go finish packing. Now where did I leave my sunscreen and Speedos? *


*Kidding of course. I never use sunscreen.

The English Language Sucks!

This post was on my blog the other day, but then I saw that we needed some filler here....so...enjoy.

I know that it has been a while since I last posted, but there has just been a lot going on in my life lately. Not to mention my latest issue.

The kids are off visiting with their father and the house is virtually empty. These are the times that I reserve to get some shit done around the house. The project at the top of my list right now, though not a huge one, is the cause for both anxiety and deep thought.

The project itself is simple…repair the leak in our shower. Remove the shower knob. Remove and replace worn inner part(s). Re-attach knob and seal. Simple…yes, I know.

The issue is as follows: I have no caulk. (No…I did not say COCK…I said caulk.) This is where the anxiety comes in. I hate the fact that I have to walk into my local hardware store and ask the burly guy that runs the place if he has caulk. What do you say? “Excuse me…I am looking for caulk.” “Do you have caulk?” “Where can I find caulk?” “Do you have light brown caulk? My wife does not want white caulk.”

What the fuck is wrong with the guy who invented and named caulk? Wouldn’t you think that he’d know how it sounds and that the majority of people buying it would be plumbers, builders, DIY “manly men” and the such? He could have just named it; goop or sealer or even sticky shit. (Although there may be similar issues with “sticky shit.”

So basically, I have not started my project and have a feeling that before I do, I will be down at the hardware store scanning the aisles for the caulk display as so this manly mo fo will not need to inquire with anyone about caulk.

I even thought about sending Mariah to make the purchase…but I know her. She would have too much fun with it and would be all, “Excuse me big boy….can you show me your caulk? I need some very badly.” OH HELL NO….I ain’t with all that!

A Hot Dad Alone

Here is a list of things a Hot Dad does when his family is out of town and he’s left home alone for an extended period of time:

1. Go directly from the airport to the supermarket.
2. Buy a big steak and a case of Guinness.
3. Go home and fire up the TV. Do not turn it off.
4. Crank the volume on the sound system.
5. Start drinking.
6. Use the bathroom with the door open.
7. Smoke a cigar on the back porch (shower afterward optional).
8. Play music really loud through the house, especially any songs with “explicit” lyrics that normally can’t be played in front of the young ‘uns.
9. Grill every meal.
10. Memorize number for food places that deliver.
11. Sleep in late.
12. Strut around nude.
13. Don’t shave (weekend only).
14. Movie marathon / Sports all of the time (depending on your preference).
15. Showers optional (weekend only).
16. Watch porn wherever you damn well please.
17. Do laundry only when necessary.
18. Food shop only when necessary.
19. Leave dishes in the sink (because you can).
20. Hook video game system up to the good TV. Play whenever the urge strikes.
21. Cold Chinese food for breakfast.
22. Cold pizza for breakfast.
23. Don’t make the bed.
24. Poker night.
25. Miss his wife and kids.

How about you? What do you do when given the gift of solitude?

-DGB

Men's Playground - Maennerspielplatz

Hot Dads need little to keep themselves amused. Beer, fire, meat to grill, women. Maybe a little wild sex outside. And literature! (in the form of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue - micro bikinis and body paint, oh my!)

But that's just the manly image we give to the world.

Scratch beneath the surface of a hot dad, burrow through the complexities of family, career, finances, football, and whatever else occupies our minds and time - and you'll find a little boy dying to get out and play.

And what do little boys like to play with? Big, loud, messy toys.

Introducing: Maennerspielplatz - the Men's Playground in Germany (featured in the December issue of Wired.)


Everything the little boy inside a hot dad could ever dream or desire, they've got it at Maennerspielplatz.

There's the ever-popular backhoe

A noisy and destructive jackhammer

Muddy and loud dirt bikes

Off-road racing in trucks

I'm thinking Hot Dads needs to organize a field trip so we can get a first-hand look at the Man's Playground - Maennerspielplatz.

Then again, in this down economy, with international travel a pricey leisure option, we could always sit around sipping vodka martinis, and live vicariously through our kids' Tonka trucks.

Olives or a lemon twist?