Life Is A Mess!!!!

Sorry that I have been away from the whole Twitter and blog thing for the past week…I am just feeling a bit off these days.

Even though my lazy ass is not working right now…I feel run-the-fuck-down. With 6 kids…even the smallest chore, like keeping the house clean is a tough one. But kids aside…I have been spending 10 to 12 hours a week on the Lacrosse field as I was appointed one of the coaches for the new high school lacrosse team. It has been a bit tough as I personally know a handful of the boys and disciplining them has been quite the chore.


On top of that…Mariah was attacked by a pole in a parking lot. Well…the pole did not actually do anything…but it was definitely the pole’s fault.


The puppy is chewing everything and seems to enjoy making a mess.


The guy (a friend) living out back is getting on my last nerve and doing all the right things just as we are about to ask him to leave.

**No pic...Just imagine me puking!!**

Our son Cody had his 15th birthday party with some of his closest pals...and gals.


I have divorce court (again) coming up in about a week and a half.

Basically…I have been feeling like a house-maid with no purpose in life.

What is a Hot Dad to do?? Another Update

Quick update kids!!!
Well...An update on the update on the post (??????)

So yesterday Mariah and I were volunteering at the middle school (where the girl goes to school) and We are there during lunch time. I usually start by walking around the yard to find out 13 year old…so that she can come say “hi” and then we can embarrass her a bit. After finding her and starting to head back to the table that we sit at…I caught a glimpse of something bursting through the clusters of teen eating their lunches. Then I heard my name being yelled. It was her. She was bolting straight for me with her arms stretched out, yelling that she needs a hug.

Instantly I flashed to my posts here and the feedback I had gotten, then I flashed to me being hauled off to jail…after the principal and other teachers see a man hugging a pubescent teen (who he is not related to) in the middle of the school yard…Then I just ran.

The girl cut off my angle and was right behind me in a flash. She reached out, still screaming for a hug, grabbed the back of my shirt collar and repeated, “I need a hug!” I ducked out of her hold and said, “No.” Then…to my amazement she toned it down and said, “OK…can I at least get a fist bump?”

I, smiling, turned and said, “of course!”

I gave her the fist bumped and then I scurried back to Mariah’s side. As I turned around to tell Mariah, I noticed that the girl vanished…just as quickly as she appeared.

All is good…I just can’t believe the size of this girls balls…and that she was not in the least embarrassed with her behavior in front of the entire 7th grade.

Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just Us?

You may have noticed that things are looking hot around here. Hotter than usual. This is all thanks to Hot Mama Zen Mom and her awesome redesign of our internet man cave.

And while we're thanking people, we want to thank all of you who read this blog. We're working on new ideas and fun stuff for you. So keep on reading. And tell a friend or two. The more people, the hotter it gets.

(And don't forget to keep those questions coming for Ask Hot Dads...there isn't anything that we don't know.)

Feet, Baby Birds and Briefs

Per the request of @Sweet_Life at The Sweet Life, this post will be an overview of my thoughts on a few random subjects that she threw out to me. The subjects that I’ve been asked to elaborate on are; Stinky feet. Baby birds learning to fly. Girl Scout cookies. Black socks and sandals. Boxers vs briefs vs boxer briefs.

With my vast knowledge and expertise about pretty much everything, I will try to dumb it up a bit and use laymen’s terms so that you all can follow what I have to say.

Stinky feet – I’ll get straight to the point on this one…I HATE stinky feet! I am an all around kind of anti-foot kind of guy. I don’t like touching feet, don’t like people touching my feet…so a stinky foot, to me is revolting. Shit even writing about it…thinking about some stinky dirty feet is bringing me to the edge of vomiting. NASTY! Don’t get me wrong, I can look at feet (if they are cleaned up and pleasant) but I see no logical reason to touch them.

Baby birds learning to fly – In general, I have no dislike for birds (bats – I HATE) I have always kind of liked birds…excluding; pigeons, crows and vultures. I have, for the most part, been quite intrigued with many birds (Falcons, Eagles, Hummingbirds, Hawks, etc.) I remember as a child, sitting up in our neighborhood trees watching mother birds feed their babies just after hatching. It was even cooler when I got to see mommy nudge them out of the nest for their first ‘attempted’ flight. I was in awe…and yes, I was careful not to get too close or touch the nest. Now we have two birds. I HATE FREAKING BIRDS NOW!!!! They are noisy. They make a mess with their food. There are feathers and bird shit all over the house. As pets, their wings are clipped so that they can’t fly…so they can be poked, prodded, pulled, tweaked, held, squeezed and yes, showered with. I feel bad for these birds…but they have made me not like birds anymore.

Girl Scout cookies – I absolutely love the taste of almost all Girl Scout cookies…BUT…I have come to the conclusion that the whole cookie thing is an illegal scam that will be shut down by the DEA or Homeland Security one day. I am convinced that the cookies have cocaine or some other kind of addicting drug in them…by the frantic nature of how people act as soon as they hear that the cookies are on sale. Beyond that, hordes of 10 to 12 year old girls work the streets, go door to door, standing on street corners to sell their goods. I don’t know what is worse…sending these young girls out onto the streets and teaching them how to swindle people out of money (like national cookie sweat shops) or little girls pushing seemingly drug-laced baked goods in our faces.

Black socks with sandals – Northeastern Europe…AKA German people. I am not a fan of that fashion statement…and really do not understand the point. Maybe they don’t make white socks in Germany…maybe it never gets warm enough to wear sandals on bare feet where they come from. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! It goes into the same book as the men in Speedos at the beach, ‘big’ girls in spandex and belly shirts, black and Mexican men always wearing t-shirts to swim at the beach and people buying and putting clothing on their pets.

Boxers vs. briefs vs. boxer briefs – This one is simple:
Boxers – teenage boys
Briefs – gay men, body builders, cowboys and men who think that they are ‘all that’.
Boxer briefs – normal men who need a bit of support whilst not jamming one’s nuts up into their pelvis.

My Brady Bunch Family and My Insanity

Even after not having seen most of them for a number of years, the reunion made me feel a bit uneasy. I felt a bit distant and unconnected to them. The smiles and pleasantries floated back and forth like leaves in a mini wind storm. I, unintentionally, felt fake. I should be happier and more involved. I just wanted to do my own thing and not participate in the group activities.

In a sad sort of way I feel more a part of my other family. I’d nod and chime in with blank and unenthused looks during conversations with my mother. Am I an ass hole? Can I only ‘connect’ with one family at a time?

Although I grew up with 5 of the 11 people there, I felt as though I really had nothing to talk about…with the exception of a few childhood stories that we all laughed about.

The fun part for me was when Mariah and I sat around the campfire with my sister, her fiancée and my brother…drinking beer and wine, taunting the never ending stream of bears that wandered the campground, reflecting on our childhoods and, well…there was also a thing with the lake, a canoe, drinks and attempted fishing.

I don’t really know what it is…besides being ‘related’ I just did not feel that I have anything in common with the rest of my family. They are all loving and caring people…and I love them as they are my family, but …something was missing.

Maybe it has something to do with Mariah and her family. They are all very close and visit and talk to one another all the time…unlike my family. Maybe I am seeing Mariah’s family as normal and mine as …abnormal. Shit …that makes me sound like such an ass.

All in all…the bottom line (and why I wrote this) is …I want to connect. I want to feel ‘part of.’ I want to see my family as normal…It just did not click…and I don’t like it.

Fake Fuckers, Exes and the Internet

I will start by throwing out a quick question….
Why the fuck has Blogging and Twitter become so cliquey?

I think it is stupid that people’s circles tend to grow by the number of noses that they can fit up their asses and how many bung holes they themselves can snuggle with.

I started blogging and using Twitter as they were good tools for throwing out your honest thoughts and feelings. I no longer feel this way. I am seeing all of these little cliques of people pretending to be people that they are not…gravitating towards the folks that have a bit of a following already. It is like being in high school all over again.

The fact that people can’t be comfortable just being themselves is beyond me. As you may have noticed, I have not posted anything in a while, have not been commenting and Twittering has been less frequent. I am about at a loss of words.

My ex Twitters and blogs and has seemingly gathered a little, mentally challenged, group of folks that she has convinced that I am some kind of devil and now these people follow my blogs and tweets as well as everything that Mariah writes.

Yes, I know…this post is morphing…but not that much off point.

Anyway, this woman, my ex, is soooooo not the person that she leads you to believe. (I will distribute email addresses for a handful of folks that know her quite well that can tell you ….if you are interested) She has sole legal and physical custody of my boys , yet has been evicted from 4 houses in 5 years for not paying rent. She has been booted from several banks for being fraudulent, has had my boys switch schools cuz she does not pay the tuition, etc, etc.

I’d be fine with her doing whatever she wants but now I am having my boys complain to me about having to live with their friends …and having to move…AGAIN.

She and her lawyers (who she is on number 4 now…yes…unpaid bills) have done a pretty good job convincing the judge that I am not a capable father(…yet am side by side with Mariah, raising her 4 children) and a drug addict (yet I’ve passed every urine and hair follicle test thrown at me.

I don’t know…this whole thing is making me sick and I wish people could just be real, say what is on their mind and not worry so much about what the fuck other people think about them.

People who are friends with my ex….unfollow me and and Mariah and mind your fucking business! You don’t know us and have never met us...(with the exception of one back-stabbing fucker...who knows who he is.)

Those of you who just need to belong to a popular clique…I hope you grow up…for your families’ sake.

Guess that is enough for now…

I will undoubtedly lose some followers from this one!!!! I could care less.

AND IT TOOK LESS THAN AN HOPUR TO GET THESE TWO EMAILS FROM HER...
You lying son of a bitch. I've switched schools bc of tuition!? Our sons were in PUBLIC school and I switched them to private. I've been evicted 5 times? You're a lying sob and I'm filing for a restraining order as (My lawyer) already said I should. Especially since I've been told you said you'd commit homicide if you were here. I think that's the 3rd time you've said that? (And yes, people got screen shots before you deleted that tweet)

You don't know the truth but are lying about me. Yet you have no job, fraudulently claim the kids on your taxes, neglect the kids. You are in for the biggest shitstorm of your life. You owe me tens of thousands in child support, our children witness prostitutes with you, you don't properly care for our kids, I could go on. I have kept quiet for the sake of (The Boys), but since you don't care about them, I guess it is time to stoop to your level. I didn't before but I'm done.

And then you attack Jim? He knows who you are. He's a real man. He is an amazing dad. You are a pathetic, lazy, drug addict, liar who would rather focus on me because that's easier than looking at your own flaws.

Real smart to do this right before we're headed to court and I've gotten an earful from some of your "friends" already in Chicago.

Off to mingle with more of your 'friends'

…

And then…

Oh - and about the address. Mail any supposed check to (My Lawyer’s) office. We're telling the court about your recent actions including helping someone who has been stalking us and threatening homicide yourself, so in addition to a restraining order we are seeking to limit your visitation and prevent you from knowing where I live.

Please do not email me anymore. All communication needs to go through my lawyer (and no, he's not my 4th lawyer), since you are harassing me.

You can take a mother out of the heat...But you can never take the hotness out of a Hot Mama

OK, OK…I know that it has been a while since I have posted any deep, heartfelt, intense…or even interesting posts, but there has been a lot going on in my life – (a death in the family, a relative just released from the hospital from major back surgery, elderly relatives that have nobody to care for them (except Mariah and I), another round of the never ending divorce court, house visitors from overseas, a teen getting teeth pulled, daughter broke her arm, looking for a job, budgeting and planning for our summer vacation plans, volunteering at the middle school, carpooling kids around everyday of the school week, groceries, laundry, cooking…oh yeah and caring for all of our 6 kids.)

That being said…I am going to continue on with the more fun and light-hearted posts.

Once again I’d like to ask you all for nominations for the next round of Hot Mamas.
The only qualifications are as follows:
They are a mother
They have a blog
Their blog is interesting, funny and captivating
They represent HOTTNESS as a mom
They have been referred to as a MILF at least once
They are willing to send all of us (the HOT DADS) ‘revealing’ pictures
And….they want to join the current group of hotties that we have crowned as Hot Mamas

Please leave your nominations in the comments – along with their blog URL

CAN’T WAIT TO FEEL THE HEAT AS THE NOMINATIONS COME ROLLING IN!

we know a lot of shit

As most of you already know from reading our posts, we HOT DADS are master scholars of varying areas of expertise. In short, we know a lot of shit. Because we are unselfish with our wisdom, we want to share our vast knowledge with you, our faithful readers.

This post will mark the beginning of a long, and hopefully, educational journey, which will plumb the depths of the minds of the Hot Daddy Bloggers – “Ask the Hot Dads”.

In this ‘column’ we will answer every single question that you submit. No rules, no strings attached. Ask us absolutely anything. Get to know us. Get to know men. Have a burning parenting question? Need an opinion? We’re here to help. It’s like therapy without the stigma, costly bills or outdated waiting room magazines.

We promise that for each question submitted, at least two of our highly skilled, and devilishly handsome, contributors will provide an answer. Some questions may be answered by all of us.

Be ready for blunt, truthful, no-holds-barred responses from “Our Hotness.” We are here to please and would not want to let any of youdown…in any way.

Questions should be submitted to tentcamper1 @ gmail.com and all thosethat are received by Thursday at 5PM Eastern will be answered in ournew Monday Morning “Ask the Hot Dads.

**Lastly ladies, in this economy, I am sure that it would not be hardfor me to convince the rest of the guys to do a nude Hot Dadcalendar…for the right price!

Hot Oil, Boobs and ....Oh...Hot Mamas

My appologies to you all. I missed about a dozen last minute votes for a new Hot Mama

Loralee @ Loralee’s Looney Tunes
http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/

Is officially a HOT MAMA!!!!

Hot Dads Need Hot Mamas

Who should be the next Hot Mama?
Who will join ManicMariah on this coveted list?

So far, I’ve gotten suggestions for -

Redneck Mommy
Tenakim – MY Therapy
Marinka – NYC Mom And More
Barefoot Foodie
Loralee’s Looney Tunes

VOTE for your favorite Hot Mommy Blogger and let us Hot Dads do the final selections

If any of you have other suggestions…Please include their blog URL (and maybe a hot picture of them…just kidding...well...)

Feel free to include links to all of your favorites…it can be more than one.

Drama Unveiled !

I am completely losing my freaking mind here. I don’t even know where to start.

After getting home from volunteering at the kid’s middle school today, we got phone calls from both middle school kids saying that they were called into the school counselor’s office and were interviewed by Social Services. Upon hearing this, Mariah about lost her mind, while puking all over her insides.

We had no clue about any issues and we immediately called the school to find out what was going on. They explained that Social Services interviewed the two kids today due to an investigation that they are conducting. We hung up and could not dial the number for Social Services fast enough. With sweat pouring down our faces, we were given the number for the woman assigned to our case.

After leaving her a message that we were concerned and wanted to find out what was going on, she called back about 15 minutes later. She explained that they received a call from an ‘anonymous’ source claiming ‘general neglect and emotional abuse - that we; are alcoholics and drug addicts, leave the kids unsupervised for hours at a time and allow parties for our high school daughter with drugs and alcohol.

Now we were also told that the call came in on Saturday the 7th of February (the same day that I told my ex that if she did not bring my boys to me for my first overnight visit, that I would call the police.)

As the report is confidential, I can not say for sure who made the accusations, but I do have my suspicions. Now…I know that she dislikes, hates or distrusts me…and does not like Mariah (whom she has never met) but making accusations to CPS is absolutely out of control. How can someone who has never met Mariah or any of her kids, who has never stepped foot in our house, who has never spoken to anyone in this household and who knows no mutual friends…make any accusations?

I understand that she wants to punish me and …be the boss of me, but attempting to have Mariah’s kids taken away from us – just so that I won’t get further visitations with my boys, is absolutely insane!

Now…the allegations are false and the interviews today went very well…but I guess I am just at a loss for what to do. Do I find a way to fight back? Do I leave it alone? Do I say “OK…what do you want of me? Do you want me to walk away? Do you want me to be in our boys’ lives?....WHAT?” I kind of feel that she is just attacking with whatever she can …and since I’ve been granted the overnights…she has taken out the ‘big guns.’

I don’t know … but what I do know is that this drama needs to stop. Bottom line is that I think it would be great if we could invite her over to sit down with a glass of ‘JUICE’ and smooth things out …see what she wants and find some middle ground so that none of the kids are in the middle of this ridiculous battle.

GOD…GRANT ME THE SERENITY…

Picture of my... 'Package'

Being that it is the weekend…and nobody reads…or comments on blogs… I am going to do something ...

COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL!

Click the following link for a photo of my HUGE ‘package’!!!!!!

What's next??

I got some parental advise from my seven-year-old the other day. She is concerned with the way I am bringing up her little sister - the 4-year-old who thinks she is 18.

Seems Savannah is trying to make up for the fact that I don't have their mother around to make sure I don't screw my kids up too much with the way I raise them. Cute for sure, however, what the hell does she know about molding a young child?

After all, I have been doing it on my own for four years and aside from telling Shelby to hide a quarter her in mouth to keep it away from Savannah two years ago, I think I have done a pretty good job. (Shelby would go on to swallow the quarter and we would end up spending the rest of the day in the emergency room.)

In addition to making sure they are provided for, I read to them every day, help them with homework, play games with them, let them apply makeup to my face, wake up at a ridiculous time on the weekends to make them pancakes, and never go out at night because I feel guilty about them spending so much time with a babysitter while I work.

What could I possibly be doing wrong?

"I just think you need to do some things differently around Alani,'' Vanna said.

"And what is that baby? Don't be afraid... just tell me."

"You need to stop saying bad words around her. Me and Shelby know that just because you say them doesn't mean we can. I am worried Alani will be saying them all the time at school when she starts Kindergarten next year. It's bad, Daddy."

Wow. . . just like that, I was speechless. She had a point. I do spew out four letter words a lot in the house. I don't direct them at my girls, but they leave my mouth quite regularly. And Alani has gotten pretty good at including them in her own vocabulary.

I always tell her not to, but it hasn't seemed to deter her too much. It probably doesn't help that the girls and I laugh after hearing Alani talk as if she is walking the halls of my high school. Some of her classic sayings that have brought laughter from her siblings and I include:

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Said after I hit the back of her mouth while brushing her teeth recently.

"This is bullshit... I am going to play with my Barbies." Said after being frustrated at losing when playing the game Sorry with the rest of us.

"Dad, don't you think Hannah Montana is cool as shit?" That one needs no explanation.

And her favorite and one that was said recently while I had some coaching friends over watching an NFL playoff game. "More fucking football? Don't you watch anything else?"

Did I mention she is four?

After replaying all this in my head for a few minutes, Vannah brought me back to the present by asking me, "Don't you think it will be your fault if she is cussing in class next year and in trouble all the time? What do you think she is going to say to the teacher when she is told that snack time is over?"

I answered her, "What the fuck? I am not done yet."

"Yea, Daddy. You have to stop it around her."

She was right. Son of a bitch, she was right. I gave up smoking last week, now I have to stop cussing?

I hate to think of what's next.

Posted by CoachDad

PASSION

MY LOVE...
MY PASSIONS

...ENOUGH SAID.

Posted By BedsideTalesMan

Spinal Worthititis

I need to know if there is a place to submit new words to be considered for addition into the dictionary. I think I have a few that should be in there.

MigraToot – A toot (fart) that instantly gives you a migraine when you walk by.
Bart – A burp that smells like a fart.
Shart – A “productive” fart (if you get my meaning)
Cellthumbitis – The updated version of Nintendo Thumb, that one gets from texting
Auto Digititis – The soreness in your fingers from clenching the steering wheel too tightly while driving behind a slow driver.
WUDs – The raised dots along the center of many long stretches of roadways. (WUD stands for Wake Up Daddy)
Gobble-ette – A woman that loves to give blow jobs.

Additionally I think there should be a new category for injuries – SRIs – for all Sexually Related Injuries...including:
Spinal Worthititis – The sore lower back that some of us get after a hot night in the sack. (but it was really Worth It)
Cranial Veincum Syndrome – When the veins in your head bulge out right before you cum.

I don’t know…I have plenty more but thought I’d just throw out a few…in case you all try to steal them from me.

By the way - CHECK OUT THESE GUYS:
Always Home and Uncool
Coachblogger
Daddyus Dorkus
Dads Who Mock the World
Dogs and Jeans
Father Muskrat
Get The Stink Off
GoodFatherBlog.com
Irish Gumbo
Irregularly Periodic Ruminations
LiteralDan
Raging Dad
the Goat and Tater
Welcome to Sageville
Xbox4NappyRash

Posted By BedsideTalesMan

Childhood Adventure - Part 2

If you have not already...Read Part 1 first

He first peered inside. Not seeing much of anything, he remembered his difficulty in getting out of the trench. Finding a few large rocks that he could roll, he one by one, rolled them into the bunker to use as a ladder if he could not find a door. Then he dropped to his belly and began descending into the bunker, feet first. Inside the bunker it was dark, the air was still and…he had no flashlight. Walking around the room feeling the walls for a door, he noticed that there was a bunch of stuff on the floor. In the dim light he could not make everything out so he lifted items, one by one into the light from the sliver of window. This room was a gold mine for shell casings…he even found 2 belts of shells…where they were all held together by little metal pieces. These, he knew, were used in the large machine guns.

Finally he found what seemed to be a mini door in the wall that opened to a stairwell. He could see nothing in the stairwell. It was pitch black. He sat there for a moment, contemplating whether he would brave the stairwell or go back the way he came. The internal argument was brief…he’d come back another day with a flashlight for the stairs. Climbing up on the rocks that he’d pushed down into the bunker, he was able to emerge from his first explored room with ease. Once back on solid ground, outside the bunker, he searched for something to mark the bunker with so that he could come back to see where that stairway led. The only thing that he could find was a bunch of rocks. He grabbed them, one by one and piled them on top of the bunker, in a pile that he’d be able to see from a ways off.

At that point, he decided to head inland from the cliff to see what was there for him to explore. Passing by several flat cement circles, each with a few sets of holes in them, he noticed huge amounts of spent shell casings and knew that there must have been machine guns mounted there. He took a few minutes to pretend that there were still guns mounted in position. With his hands up in front of him, he shook back and forth and turned back and forth, making machine gun noises. With that, he thought to himself what a great vantage point that spot was. He had a great line of sight up and down the beach…as well as the ocean to the east.

Moving on, the boy came to a set of stairs which led down about fifty feet to a large open area. Seemingly an old staging area for the military personnel, to him it looked like an un-kept playground …with no equipment. Reaching the open area and turning to look at the hillside toward the ocean he marveled at the number of stairways, doors and open passageways that riddled the embankment. As if he were a trained soldier, he squinted his eye, peered back and forth and then seemed to KNOW which direction to head.

As he started to the north-East, he noticed something that stood out to him. It was not the shape of all of the other things he was finding…and it looked to be halfway stuck into the ground. Crouching down in front of it and brushing some of the dirt away from the sides…it became clear what he had found.

To be continued….

Posted By BedsideTalesMan

Moments Of Clarity

Admittedly, as a guy…no, wait…as an odd guy, I sometimes have some crazy ideas. You know…those ideas that sound ingenious at the time but then when repeating it the next day…are outlandishly ridiculous.

That being said, last night I had one of my ‘moments of clarity.’ I am not sure where it came from, but man…I had it all planned out. I was so excited about this new (make believe) company…I decided to name it “Ex-Site.” It would be a web-based store where people could send their disgruntled former partners ‘gifts.’

The line of ‘gifts’ that I came up with was freaking brilliant…well…brilliant in a sort of psychotic way. I would offer items such as; bags of poop - with your choice of (human, dog, cat or cow), asparagus pee in a sport bottle (labeled lemon lime), poo cupcakes (with vanilla frosting), bag of vomit (your choice of foods), diarrhea…and the grand finally….a dozen red roses (actually a bouquet of used tampons). All of the above items would be gift wrapped with ribbons and fancy wrapping. Cards would be attached reading, “From Your Secret Admirer” or “Missing You”.

All of the items would be shipped from random post offices with no return addresses.

So then, while talking to Manic Mariah about it…we thought about how illegal it would be. We had no clue. I looked it up this morning. After cracking up at some of the search results that came up after typing “What is illegal to send through the mail” into Google…I found that if I were caught, it would be a Federal offense, and that sending human waste/biohazard material is …I’m guessing….not a good move.

Well…That idea is off the books. Back to the drawing board…hmmmmmm

You guys have any good ideas for me?

Posted By BedsideTalesMan

Pimp That Ride - Obama Style

WTF!!!!!! Things are getting a bit out of control...but then again...how much fun could you have with a "Beast" like this?

I'd love to hear what your favorite attribute of the car is...mine is its explosive excelleration - 0 to 60 in 15 seconds....now THAT IS HOT!!!


I got this AP story from US News.

Details Emerge on Obama's New Limo
Posted: Jan. 21, 2009 11:01 a.m.

You could outrun Barack Obama's new ride in a Smart Fortwo, but that's alright. Cadillac One isn't designed to get away from incidents at high speed, but to survive anything...anything...and to shoot back.
The newest Presidential Limousine weighs more than 5,000 pounds, goes from zero to sixty in a leisurely 15 seconds, and has a top speed of just sixty mph. But eight-inch thick ballistic armored doors, hermetically-sealed windows of five-inch thick bulletproof glass, and a five-inch thick armor plate underneath make it more impervious to blasts than many tanks. Other unique features, according to Jalopnik, include a gas tank "filled with a specially designed foam which prevents it from exploding even if it suffers a direct hit," tear gas cannons and shotguns built into the doors, and "bottles of the President's own blood, kept on board in case he needs an emergency transfusion."
And those are just the features they tell us about...if those are even true.
The Detroit Free Press reports, "A small team of General Motors designers and engineers" were "part of an insulated group of GM employees who received classified clearance to work on the all-new Cadillac presidential limousine, which was delivered to the Secret Service about eight weeks ago." The car "was designed, developed and tested by specialists who adhered to an extensive set of specifications and followed a rigorous testing regimen. Security measures were undertaken at all times during development."
The U.K.'s Telegraph claims, "The rear passenger area includes an extensive executive compartment with ample seating space, outward visibility and useful mobile office features. Much of the finishing is hand-cut and sewn. An embroidered presidential seal is positioned in the centre of the rear seat back panel, as well as on each rear door trim panel."
Popular Mechanics notes, "Secrecy abounds about the latest POTUS ride," but speculates that Obama's ride is the first diesel-powered Presidential limo. "The engine may be GM's familiar 6.6-liter Duramax turbodiesel V8, or it could be some even more powerful diesel build for large commercial trucks. While the chassis, suspension and drivetrain of the new limousine is all new, most of the body seems to derive directly from the previous DeVille and DTS limousines. However the styling has been revised using pieces from Cadillac's current line. For instance, the headlights, side view mirrors and door handles all come from the Escalade SUV. Meanwhile, the taillights, rear back up lights and third brake light all come from the STS sedan."
Whatever it is, The AP reports, the Secret Service has a nickname for the new car: "The Beast."

My Balls

As a stay at home dad, I do have a lot of the same concerns, issues and interactions as many of the mommy bloggers out there….BUT…I also have balls…these balls that sway between my thighs send messages to my brain on a continual basis that help me to realize that things such as shopping, cute baby pictures, shoes, malls, brunch with friends and movies like ‘The Notebook’ or “when Harry Met Sally’ are just NOT what I should be blogging or worrying about.

My Balls tell me to pay a bit more attention to; love, sex, hot women, fast cars, fishing, camping, the NFL, poker, action movies (with lots of guns), being ‘king’ of my world, protecting and caring for my family, ….oh…..and beer!

Twisted as women think men are…we, as parents, strive for the same things (I think). It is just that we travel differing paths to get there. Men, well….shit….I’ll talk for myself. I seem to take the most difficult, but exciting paths…anything to add adventure and adrenaline to my journey. Women on the other hand, generally tend to take that meandering, path that moves slowly past the flowers and the pretty houses.

So, all in all…don’t be haters ladies. Love us for the end goals…not the path that we take to get there. Remember it is not us that chooses the path…it is our balls. The balls that provide you with pleasure and children…I assure you…you would hate us without them!

A New Begining

As the first post on this new blog, I thought it would be a good idea to shove in your face the reason behind starting this blog. With the enormous amount of mommy bloggers out there…we…the Y chromosomes need to have a voice. As the hottest dads on the internet, we are here to fill you in on all things in dad’s world. Parenting, guy time, the man’s view, sex, women, family, kids, hobbies, etc. are among the topics that we will be writing about.

The main mission here is to create a central place where dads, who want to be heard, can voice there opinions - while also giving the disgustingly huge community of mommy bloggers a place to hear what us guys have to say about parenting and life.

I hope to be able to round up some of the web’s hottest daddy bloggers as contributors so that we have hot fresh and interesting content every day.

If any of you have suggestions on bloggers that you feel would be a good fit…please let me know…or have them email me.