The Double Down Is Real!

Last summer I posted on my blog that KFC was test marketing a gastronomical abomination called the Double Down. 

I guess enough people seemed to like it because it's become a reality.  Because what we need in this world is way to make some of the world's unhealthiest fast food that much more unhealthy.

So...will you try it?

I am ... On the ball

I am going to start by saying that I am a firm believer in organization, preparedness and all around just having my shit together.

With the kids in school and the house quite during the day...I thought that I’d get back into the swing of our ‘school year schedule.’ The kids are gone from 8AM until about 4 every day and we finally have time to get things done. Well… at least that is what is supposed to happen. Between our work, after school sports, homework, play dates and our (collectively) new addiction to the blogosphere, shit is still slipping through the cracks.

While grocery shopping the other day, I seem to have forgotten to buy cereal. When I noticed this last night, I went into “the back up storage” to fetch a box to put into the kitchen pantry. Smiling to myself, I was pleased with my preparedness…I actually HAD back-up. I rock…and the kids will eat some tasty Kellogg’s Honey Smacks!!!

13 year old Cody walked into the kitchen this morning to grab some cereal for breakfast and then he looked over at me and said, “ Um…I think this cereal is…a bit old.” I looked over at him, expecting to explain that they are NOT old and that if he wants breakfast…just to eat them. I did not say that…All I could do was laugh. Actually I burst into laughter…after spitting a bit of coffee across the room.

This is what Cody showed me.


Right...that cereal is OUT OF ITS BAG.

I guess one needs to be careful in what items go into the “back-up storage.”

What a great start to my day!!!!

Keeping Momma Happy

Each day Veronica gives Darling Boy (DB) the choice of buying lunch at school or she can pack something for him. The other day lasagna was on the school menu for the first time, so DB elected to buy lunch.

That evening Veronica says to DB "How was lunch today, was the lasagna any good?"

DB: Yeah, it was pretty good, I liked it

Veronica: Was it as good as my lasagna?

Uh-oh. I wonder if DB has any clue about the minefield he's about to wander into. Veronica is the off-spring of a Brooklyn born and raised 100% Eye-talian who takes great pride in her cooking.

DB: Hmm, I think it was about the same, just as good as yours.

Nope, he had no clue. I see the look on Veronica's face and say "DB, come here, we have to talk" and take him safely out of his mothers earshot.

Now listen son, one thing you should always remember is that nothing is as good as mom's cooking. It's okay not to like some things, but if you ever say that someone else makes your favorite meal better than mom does, I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you from the wrath of mom. You're still young, so I'm sure she'll forgive you, but next time, you might not be so lucky.

Darling Boy promptly goes back to Veronica and corrects himself, telling her that it was good, but not as good as hers. Crisis averted.

I hope I don't confuse him someday when I tell him to forget that lesson, and instead remember that nothing is as a good as his wife's cooking...

Huggy Bear's House of Coffee

I'm not sure if this article I found is a finger-wagging account of a shameful Washington coffee house, or a national advertisement to build a rival to Starbucks overnight:

5 bikini baristas accused of prostitution

My favorite quote also takes you right to the core of the story:

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During a two-month investigation, detectives also saw the women lick whipped cream off each other and pose naked for pictures at the Grab-n-Go Espresso stand.

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I have to wonder who made them cut off the "investigation" after only two months. You better believe that guy got his locker filled with shaving cream (or, perhaps more appropriately, latte foam) and maybe even a couple of dog (if he was lucky) shits put on his engine block or something.

I'm just spitballin' here-- maybe under the circumstances, Washington police were driven to even greater heights of creativity. Regardless, I don't think they could possibly be more creative than the ladies of the coffee stand themselves:

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The women also charged customers to play "basketball," a game in which customers threw wadded up money at the women, who caught the money in their underwear, detectives said.

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What could I ever do to make people just throw money at me like that, whether balled up or not?? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this capitalism game.

One thing* I do know, though, is that these kinds of investigations must be made part of the compensation package for veteran officers, if they aren't already.

Just picture our precious younger officers dodging bullets behind the burning shells of their cruisers right now, keeping the tourniquet tight above their gunshot wounds, telling themselves they can't bleed out in the street because they've only got 10 more years till they get to work the "Handjob Hardees" detail.**

I think I finally understand what it was like for John Lennon writing Imagine, being the only one seeing a better world and wondering why we can't all see our way to get there. Someday, maybe, someday, our hardest-working public servants will get their chance to taste the sweet fruits of their labors in the form of whipped cream pasties.

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* Another thing is that the guys working the "fat trannies" embezzlement case at the local White Castle really know now where they stand in the department hierarchy.

** They can just take out any frustration on their friends and loved ones in the meantime as needed.

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Posted by LiteralDan

Why I Cook

I'm divorced, a single dad with half-time custody, and I've been running a household solo for nearly ten years. I figured learning how to cook was a necessity. I had a bit of a head-start, since my ex was Italian and from a family of great cooks. I learned the ins and outs of la cucina italiana directly from the source. (You don't throw spaghetti on the wall to see if it's done!) My Italian-style carrots that I learned from them are to die for. My ex-mother-in-law also taught me how to cook beets, plus a zillion different ways to serve pasta.

One single buddy of mine won't cook on a nightly basis. He'll heat up a can of chili, or microwave some Lean Cuisine, but most often he'll take his hard-earned cash and go spend it in a restaurant.

Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, if you have the money. But there's more to cooking for yourself than saving a buck.

First off, it can be healthier to cook for yourself. I get to pick the ingredients, so I know they are healthy and fresh. I can also cut back on butter and salt (important for an aging dad like me.) Plus, some dishes like my marinated grilled asparagus recipe are awesome, and not something I find in many restaurants.

Second, it doesn't have to take very long. I can cook most meals in 30 minutes flat. Heading out to a restaurant takes longer than that. (My grilled chicken marinade recipe needs to be prepped hours in advance; needless to say, I don't cook it every night!) And in those 30 minutes, I can enjoy the cocktail of my choice. Whether that's the best margarita recipe or mai tai recipe depends on my mood, and doesn't cost me ten bucks a pop!

Third, it's a grounding experience. (This part gets touchy-feely, I suppose. I'm in NorCal, baby!) I feel connected to the earth, and to the farmers and suppliers, and to my kids who I cook for. It feels good to create a meal for them. It's nurturing. I get this feeling whether I'm grilling salmon at the BBQ, or cooking chicken and dumplings at the stove.

When I asked my single buddy why he doesn't cook, he said - "I'll cook for company. But it's just not worth the effort to cook for myself."

To which I said - "you're saying you're not worth it?"

Cook. It's good for you.

And if I didn't give you enough recipe pointers here, go buy a cookbook!

Ask Hot Dads

We're just going to come right out and say it, you guys rule. You are sending us some awesome questions. And even though you have yet to stump us, that doesn't mean you should stop trying. Keep those questions coming and we will keep the wisdom flowing.

Hey...if you dig this feature, spread the word. Tell your friends that the answers to the universe can be found right here at Hot Dads.

Jessica asks...What is your favorite/book?

Daddy Geek Boy says…Journey To Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda.

Russ says...Watership Down.

Tent Camper says…This is really a tough one for me as I really don’t read. The last
book I read was A Long Way Gone…and I loved it! But I guess overall I’d have to say that the books that I have the fondest memories of would be The Jungle Book or Where the Wild Things Are….or any edition of Penthouse Forums.

DadsHouse says…I have to pick one? Top 3: What I Lived For, by Joyce Carol Oates. The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen. Independence Day, by Richard Ford.

Irish Gumbo says… Oh, lawd, so many...but the short answer is - Fiction: The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad Nonfiction: Outlaw Cook by John Thorne. Both say a lot about human nature, but in very different ways.

Hubman says…As much as I like to read, I don't think I have a favorite individual book. As a genre, I like reading histories and biographies. I just recently finished David Halberstam's book about the Korean War, "The Coldest Winter" and am currently reading LTG(R) Ricardo Sanchez's autobiography "Wiser in Battle". I especially enjoy reading about "great" figures in history, such as Einstein (Walter Isaacson's biography is fantastic), Benjamin Franklin (also by Isaacson) and Harry Truman (David McColloughs Pulitzer Prize-winnng book about him is on my to-reread list). Anyone have any suggestions? I'm always on the lookout for a good book.

Southern Sage says…The Art of War, Sun Tsu/Good to Great, Jim Collins/ any of the writings by the signers of the declaration or constitution.

Always Home and Uncool says…Non-fiction would be "Ball Four" by Jim Bouton, a groundbreaking diary of a once-successful Major League pitcher struggling to reinvent himself with the ill-fated expansion Seattle Pilots after an arm injury. Fiction, hmm, I have a soft spot for the summer nostalgia of "Dandelion Wine" and the carnival terror of "Something Wicked This Way Comes" by Ray Bradbury.

Athena asks...Is your wife's pussy your favorite, or are there pussies from your past that you still pine for? And why -- is it the hairstyle, the tightness or lack therefore, the association with childbirth, the size and shape? I need insight into the male sexual mind, please.

Daddy Geek Boy says…The most memorable one was the first one I ever saw in person, which was also the first one I ever touched. But I don’t think it’s really about size, hairstyle or shape, it’s about the person using it. WonderWife™, by the way, rocks my world.

Russ says…Wife's, only one I've had.

Tent Camper says…I am fairly sure that most guys would agree that …when there, it is
all the best. But Mariah’s pussy s by far my favorite. Not only how it feels, but what that amazing woman can do with it. I have actually forgotten that others even exist.

Dadshouse says…I'm divorced, but thinking back to girlfriends past, there is definitely one that I loved loved loved, and will never get out of my system. (sigh...) It's the smell, taste, response, and sexual chemistry.

Irish Gumbo says…Being recently divorced, I'll answer it this way: I pine for it/them in general. My favorite? The one that's right in front of me.

Hubman says…You realize my wife reads this, right? As swingers, she and I vow NEVER to compare other lovers- that is one of the basic, unbreakable rules that we have. Sure, some have been tighter, some looser, some deeper, some not-so-deep... But let's be real, if after almost 16 years of marriage I'm getting new pussy, with my wifes okay, do you really think I'm gonna complain?

Are there pussies I've had before and would like to have again? Oh hell yeah!!

Southern Sage says…I have never felt a discernible difference. Yhe best ones for me were the willing ones. If it/she is wiling, game and enthusiastic then game on. I have never known a bad one!

Always Home and Uncool says…Being a guy is less about yearning for past conquests and more about pining for the even more divine possibility we imagine still might be out there.

Amber asks.... Tell us one movie that you could lay claim to as a basis for a lot of your life lessons.

Daddy Geek Boy says…“Go that way really fast. When something gets in your way, turn.” - Better Off Dead

Tent Camper says…I can’t name one…but the top three would be; Lord of the Flies, Goodfellas and Shawshank Redemption…and a close next would be Boys in the Hood.

Dadshouse says…Tough question! I'll say Shakespeare in Love because the Bard is sort of a romantic bad-ass who tries to do whatever he wants, but still has to follow some societal rules.

Irish Gumbo says… Apocalypse Now...?

Hubman says…I think this quote sums it up pretty good: " Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin curveball, high fiber, good scotch... that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe there ought to be a Constitutional ammendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than on Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three nights."

If you don't know what movie that's from, shame on you!

Southern Sage says…Hmmmmmm I don't know but if its a movie I like the good guy is a tough guy and always gets the girl.

Always Home and Uncool says…It would have to be a double feature of "Almost Famous" (don't do drugs, don't let those swill merchants rewrite you, you're too sweet for rock and roll, etc.) and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (run away, let's not bicker and argue over who killed who, and after the spanking -- the oral sex, etc).

Not A Soccer Mom asks...What is your favorite day of the year?

Daddy Geek Boy says…This is going to surprise you, since I’m admittedly not a sports guy, but Super Bowl Sunday. It coincides with my birthday and for the past 15 years, I’ve been throwing a monster party where WonderWife™ and I cook up 7 new appetizers every year. We spend all morning cooking and all afternoon and night eating, drinking and celebrating with friends.

Russ says…The start of NCAA March Madness.

Tent Camper says…Besides everyday with Mariah….Thanksgiving…cuz it is all about family and love.

Dadshouse says…Any day my kids are at my house.

Irish Gumbo says…Just one?...Hmmm...if not by daughter's birthday, then the day after Thanksgiving.

Hubman says…After a long, cold New England winter, that first warm spring day when the ladies break out the summer clothes and show us some skin! Especially during those times in my life when I was on a college campus. Oh, I miss those days...

Southern Sage says…As far as a holiday it's Independence day, other than that its the first day of hunting season.

Always Home and Uncool says…June 28

Anjeny asks...Let's say you have a 15 year old daughter who took her friendship with an 18 year old boy to a more serious level and then you decided to end that friendship or relationship because quite frankly she's way too young to get tied down with just one boy. And then one night you found out she sneaked out of the house through her bedroom window to meet the boy at four o'clock in the morning....what would you do in this situation? How would you deal with that?

Daddy Geek Boys says…After I watched the movie Thirteen, I said if I ever had a girl, I was going to chain her in the basement until she was 18. Sprout is lucky, I guess, cause I don’t have a basement. I think it’s interesting that you say “she’s way too young to get tied down with just one boy.” Are you really suggesting that at 15 your daughter go out and play the field? If that’s the case, there must be something you don’t like about this boy. However, you’ve just made him forbidden fruit so the more you try to forcibly prevent your daughter from seeing him, the more she will try to sneak out. I think a deep heart to heart with your daughter where you lay out your feelings on this matter may be better than ultimatums.

Russ says...With lots of tears, followed by iron bars on her window.

Tent Camper says… Well, we’ve been close to that situation in the recent past…and I have personally been there, so my advice would be to sit with her and explain the reasons for why you don’t want her involved with him, the fact that it is illegal and what the consequences will be if she does it again. Then nail her window shut and take away cell or internet as a punishment.

Dadshouse says…Wow, another tough question. Yelling at her and being more strict might push her away from the family and towards the boy even further. Having a frank heart-to-heart to get her to envision life as a wife/mom with this boy might be a good tactic. I think it's important for her to be armed with enough information and a detailed enough mental picture of her future to make a good choice. In this case, the good choice is probably to not be with the boy long term. If there is any road trip planning going on, watch out. You don't want her to elope and force the issue.

Irish Gumbo says…Try tying her down again! (badabing! rimshot!) Seriously, you say she is way too young to get tied down with just one boy, does that mean you want her to be involved with more than one boy at a time (probably not) or don't want her involved with boys at all (likely) or you don't want her involved with this particular boy (very likely)? If its boys at all, you'll probably be in distress no matter who she sees. Is this particular boy a real creep or very undesirable in some or many ways? If he is, perhaps a talk with his parents is in order? Actually, maybe sitting down with the daughter in a neutral environment and having a calm discussion about what she sees in him, why she likes him, would help. Find out what’s in her head before getting too heavy with the punishment. Worth a shot, if it doesn't succeed, try a leash (I'm kidding).

Hubman says…By the time my daughter reaches the age of 15, she'll already be living in a convent, so this won't be an issue in our home.

Seriously, regardless of why, any time a kid feels like he or she needs to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, there are communication and trust problems between parent and child. I don't like the notion of a parent deciding to end a childs friendship or relationship- that's just asking for rebellion. Teen 'love' is a transient and fragile thing, so all I'd have to do is sit back, watch it flame out, and make sure my baby doesn't get hurt too bad in the process.

Southern Sage says…Well first ANYTIME my rules are broken the punishment is swift harsh and painful. Not knowing her and your situation its tough to specify. I would take whatever is most precious to her. I mean like ,dance, softball, computer, tv, cell phone etc. Probably a combination. She would then take on double chores. She would also pay some retribution. Volunteering somewhere, picking up trash at the park whatever.

I am a hard ass though. That's the punishment my 6 and 10 year old gets, except my 10 yr old almost never needs punishing anymore, since she had that style punishment since she was 5.

One last thing, and I do agree with you about being tied down. I started courting my bride when she was 15 I was 16/17, exclusively. Our mothers were agin it. we have currently been together 20 years. I realize that doesn't happen much but sometimes it works.

Always Home and Uncool says…After putting my daughter in a convent, I'd bring a friendly police officer over to the boy's house to nicely explain certain legal statutes concerning the age of consent while showing him how well oiled he keeps his firearm.

Choc Drop asks...So most of you grill or cook at least one thing, what is that and why do you like to make it?

Daddy Geek Boy says…On the grill, nothing beats a thick steak, minimally seasoned with salt, pepper and a dash or two of Worcestershire sauce. On the stovetop, I make a mean red sauce.

Russ says…Just one thing? I would go with grilled pork loin (butterflied and rubbed down with a garlic/rosemary/salt/pepper/olive oil paste)

Tent Camper says…Any red meat. I like to because everyone likes it and …it is MANLY!!! I also like making pasta dishes because the kids say that my pastas
are the best ever.

Dadshouse says..I cook practically every night, and I have a ton of favorite dishes. It all depends on the mood. One thing I really enjoy making is lentil pasta it takes time to cook, there's chopping involved to keep me busy, and it comes out different every time since I'm usually short at least one ingredient. That makes it an adventure.

Irish Gumbo says…One of my favorite things to grill is thick pieces of salmon, brushed with olive oil, sprinkled with salt, pepper and maybe some garlic, and cooked on a really hot cast iron griddle. Damn, that's good! I like it because I like salmon, I like cast iron, and I can do it with confidence. When not grilling, my favorite thing to make, although I don't get to make it very often, is (you guessed it) GUMBO! Chicken and sausage and shrimp, mmm, mmm, so good, you'll hurt ya self! It takes time to make (which is in short supply, alas), BUT I like making the roux (a long, slow stir), I like the smell of celery/onion/pepper when it hits the roux, I like the deep color, I like the flexibility of it --- you can a gumbo out of many, many things --- I like that it isn't fussy, I like the spiciness (or not), I like watching it simmer, I like smelling it simmer, I like sitting down with a beer and big bowl of gumbo...as the saying goes "Gumbo, it's good, that's all there is to it!" Time to make batch, ladies...

Hubman says…What sort of question is this? I always thought that it's in a man's DNA to enjoy grilling meat. Just look at the banner for this blog- it's meat on a grill! Burgers, steaks, pork chops, chicken, you name it, I like to grill it.

Southern Sage says…I don't and can't cook. I mean I can't cook toast. I was just recently housebroken so its one step atta time! I will eat anything though. The only 2 things I know of that I don't eat are cranberry sauce and brussels sprouts.

Always Home and Uncool says…I do most of the day-to-day cooking in the house, as My Love prefers to save her efforts to show off for parties and special occasions, and I love marinades and sauces and how can bring new life to boring meats and fish. Now that it's summer, though, I've been into coaxing our ice cream maker into creating chocolate chocolate chip ice cream because it's just so evil yet so good.

Snake heads, heifers, and Carnaval

I thought I'd share just a few recent bits of the evidence I've been gathering that humanity is locked in a permanent mortal struggle with the Terrorists of Nature:

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Heifer Runs for Her Life, and It’s Working So Far

Someone needs to EAT this slaughterhouse-escaping upstart immediately, raw and mooing if necessary, if only to send a message to all the other cows out there that resistance is futile-- they exist only to feed us, and if God didn't want them grown and harvested like so many tomato plants, he wouldn't have made them so Him-damned delicious.

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Snake head in TGIFriday's broccoli

Can't wait for the "I told you so" to come out from George H.W. Bush. He had solid intel back in the '80s that Iranian terrorists were laying the groundwork to begin very slowly violating our broccoli supply with hundreds of snake heads over the course of thousands of years and billions of tons of florets. So this one is logically just the tip of a terrifyingly gross iceberg.

I'll tell you, though, I would probably be able to handle this kind of broccoli violation if only those bastards would be gentlemen enough to use the heads of the rare but delicious Cheddar Cheese Snake.

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Brazilians avoid deadly reptiles in fleeing floods

This is like God's worst, most desperate, Fox-game-show kind of trial. Unbelievably rapid, record-breaking floods rife with man-eating, poisonous, and painfully irritating/horrendously creepy animals?!

Is hosting Carnaval really worth all that?! ...I'm receiving word that yes, yes it is.

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Posted by LiteralDan