Ask Hot Dads - The saga continues...

Happy Monday everyone!!!!! I hope that the weekend treated you well.

Please sit down and prepare yourself for this, the next exciting edition of Ask Hot Dads. Our wisdom is MIND-BLOWING!!!!

Barefoot Dreamer asked: I leave for Vegas in three weeks. I will be gone for five nights. I want to leave my house and my husband in a good place. Any advice from the guys as to how a wife can leave on an extended trip and leave their guys mind, house, kids in a good place before they go? (side note: my hubby is fully capable of tending to the children when I am away. things like cooking etc are not an issue)

TentCamper says: I am getting that you know your man can hold down the fort…and what you are getting at is how can you make him feel comfortable with you in Vegas for a week without him or the kids. Dunno. I guess I would say that leading up to your sendoff date…make him really happy and reinforce that you love him and how glad you are that you have him. He’d love hearing that. In addition, I would say that checking in with him a time or two each day would be good…spose it would depend on how jealous a guy he is.

Daddy Geek Boy says: Even though your guy can cook, stashing a lasagna in the fridge or freezer is a good idea. Let's him and the kids know you're thinking about them. Clean up your stuff around the house. And most importantly, make sure you rock his world the night before you leave. All that follows will be okay.

Southern Sage says: I got nuttin except you could make meals like lasagna or spaghetti, chili stuff they could eat more'n once, also you could set up the clothes for the kids, like hng em in order or something.

DadsHouse says: As a single dad, I'm not sure what you're asking. I run my household just fine by myself. Sounds like your hubby can cook. What's the issue?

As for leaving your hubby in a good place - have tons of raucous sex with him before you go.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Vegas makes it tough, but so long as your relationship is solid there is nothing to worry about. He'll just be ticked that you are having fun without him.

Hubman says: Let’s see, peace of mind if Veronica was going to Vegas without me(Keep in mind that I’m drafting this while she and I are flying to Vegas!)…

It’s not often that she travels without me, but when she does, all I ask is that she calls me when she reaches her destination and calls once a day to say hi to the kids and let me know she’s doing well. Knowing my wife and suspecting what might happen if she were to go to Vegas without me, I want pictures ;-)

As far as the house and kids go, I’d be fine. In fact, I get mildly irritated when she takes extra steps to make things “easier” for me. 2 or 3 times a month, Veronica has an evening committee meeting at work, so she doesn’t come home for dinner on those nights and I’m “Mr. Mom”. A quick and easy dinner I’ll make for me and the kids is hot dogs with macaroni and cheese.

Veronica, my love, it’s really not necessary to take the pots out of the cabinet, leave the rolls on the counter to defrost and leave the box of mac and cheese on the counter. I realize that you have a propensity to not put stuff back in the same place each time you use it, but I’m pretty sure I can find my way around the kitchen. Okay? Thanks.

Trooper Thorn says: Do not expect your husband to do things the way you want them just "he should know". It is best to be specific to not be disappointed. Leave a list of things you want clean (or at least tidied) before you return and possibly a grocery list of stuff to restock. Most importantly: Don't come home early without a decent heads up. Most husbands will leave all the cleaning until the last moment (and I mean the moment you pull into the driveway) so they don't have to do it twice.

Veronica asks: What is the one piece of advice you would give your son about women or your daughter about men?

TentCamper says: to son – be honest, don’t commit until you’ve experienced everything that you think you can. Women/girls play games and change their minds …A LOT! To daughter – don’t trust boys….ever! They might act nice, but they all want one thing. Treat them right and be honest…no stringing folks along.

Daddy Geek Boy says: Never trust a teenage man. Everything he says, no matter how innocuous it seems, is designed to get into your pants. They can't help it. Hormones are a powerful thing.

Southern Sage says: Men suck, never depend on them for anything. be able to support yourself, but if you decide to be a bride then be able and wiling to tend your husband and family, have the abilities that raise your stock as woman.

Son, you suck, choose bride that understands your needs as a man and choose wisely, your kids will be 1/2 her, and she will look like her mom in a few years. Get one to good to cheat on.

DadsHouse says: To my son: treat women with respect and tenderness. To my daughter: men have fragile egos.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Son about women: Treat them as equals. Daughter about men: Trust your gut. If he seems shifty, he probably is.

Hubman says: One piece of advice about the opposite sex? Oh good lord, I have no idea. How about "You'll never really understand the opposite sex, so don't try too hard, because it's an exercise in futility."

Trooper Thorn says: "Son, all women are crazy; just make she she's not dangerous." "Daughter, men are pigs. That is all."


2. For once and for all, Ginger or Maryanne?

TentCamper says: Maryanne all the way. Ginger is a needy bitch who ‘thinks’ she is ‘all that!’

Daddy Geek Boy says: Living in LA, I've had some run ins with movie stars. So without question, Maryanne.

Southern Sage says: Maryanne

DadsHouse says: A threesome with both.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Maryanne

Hubman says: Ginger, ‘cause I’ve never been with a redhead.

Trooper Thorn says: Mrs. Howell


3. What infomercial product have you been tempted to buy?

TentCamper says: the Hoverround. I called one night (after a few beers) and now they keep sending me shit. How nice would it be to cruise amusement parks and soccer games in one of those bad boys?

Daddy Geek Boy says: Believe it or not, I kind of want a snuggie. Though I haven't figured out if it's to be ironic or not.

Southern Sage says: none I m aware of, I don't make decisions on impulse.

DadsHouse says: That one about making me a millionaire while I sit on my ass at home!

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: The brownie pan

Hubman says: Who is that annoying fucktard who pimps that magic towel, the Sham-wow? The first time I stumbled across that, I almost ordered one. But then one of few functioning brain cells I have came to life and I moved on…

Trooper Thorn says: The SlapChop, but only the receive The Gratee. If I had a Gratee, I'd have cheese on everything.


4. Please explain the appeal of either "Ice Road Truckers" or "Deadliest Catch"

TentCamper says: Never seen Ice Road Truckers…but Deadliest Catch is a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ show. I don’t know how to explain it …but I guarantee that if you sit down and (really) watch 1 full episode…you’ll be hooked. Mariah watches with me all the time!

Daddy Geek Boy says: Easy. Men. Machines. Fish.

Southern Sage says: I haven't clue what these are.

DadsHouse says: Yes, please do. Neither sound appealing to me.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Being stuck inside with florescent light makes us long for out door jobs.

Hubman says: I’ve only watched an episode or two of “Ice Road Truckers” and have trouble watching it. Not because it’s not compelling TV or anything like that, but because one of the ways I’m truly afraid of dying is by drowning AND I’m a pussy about being cold. So combine guys driving heavy, really heavy trucks over frozen lakes above the Arctic Circle and the heebie-jeebie factor is too great for me.

But oddly enough, even though it also involves cold and water, I really like “Deadliest Catch”. I’ve been watching it since season 2 and have grown attached to the characters and their struggles to earn a living in brutal conditions.

Trooper Thorn says: I haven't seen either. I'm holding out for "Deadliest Truckers".


5. What is the best part of a lap dance?

TentCamper says: I never really could figure out what the attraction is. I know that between the mindset of the strippers (take your money) and the rules of the clubs (no touching) then what’s the freaking point. On the other hand…a lap dance in the bedroom with my woman …I GET that!!!!

Daddy Geek Boy says: Every part right up until the moment when you have to hand over the $20.

Southern Sage says: Never did much for me, nor do titty bars or strippers in general. If it turns her on to do then I'm in, whtever turns her on, short sct & blood letting, I'm for it.

DadsHouse says: The look in her eye, or the view of her rear. I can't pick just one. (I don't go to strip clubs, so I only get lap dances from girlfriends, and it tends to only happen in an older men younger women relationship. Go figure.)

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: The very beginning.

Hubman says: Oh Veronica, the best part of a lap dance is watching YOU get one, especially from a girl who isn’t shy about a little extra contact. Remember Hunter? Or Samantha? What can I say, I’d rather watch you get a dance than get one myself. Well, unless Dakota is involved, but that’s another story ;-)

Trooper Thorn says: When I can get up off the guy and go home.


6. What was your favorite book as a kid?

TentCamper says: Where the Wild Things

Daddy Geek Boy says: Superfudge

Southern Sage says: Where the red fern grows.

DadsHouse says: Bambi. I'm not kidding. It's the first book I stayed up all night reading. Really good stuff. Bambi was a guy, btw. He gets some big cajones sized antlers when he's all grown up

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Was and still is Watership Down.

Hubman says: In junior high school I discovered Stephen King and over the next several years read everything he wrote. I couldn’t tell you which of his books was my favorite, maybe The Stand? As a younger child, I have no idea...

Trooper Thorn says: "Charlottes Web" but only the parts with Lurvey in it.


7. Who was your childhood hero? What do you think of that person as an adult?

TentCamper says: Shit! Ok…my childhood hero was OJ Simpson. I had his jersey and was all about OJ. What I think of that murdering, fucked up liar now? …I think I shouldn’t say.

Daddy Geek Boy says: I was way into Billy Joel, but I don't think I would consider him my "hero." Kind of sad how he's become one of those aging guys who isn't doing it that gracefully.

Southern Sage says: My dad, he got better the older I got.

DadsHouse says: Superman. He still rocks.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Bill Bradly. I don't care for his political slant, but he went to Princeton, played in the NBA (quite well), then became a politician. That is a full life.

Hubman says: I’ve never been one for heroes. I looked up to athletes a lot, and still admire their dedication, training, and physical prowess, but heroes? That is a term that is really overused in our society. Pat Tillmen was a hero not because of his abilities on the football field, but because he walked away from a multi-million dollar NFL contract to serve his country as an Army Ranger, eventually losing his life in Afghanistan.

Trooper Thorn says: Batman. He still rules.


8. Describe the perfect man cave?

TentCamper says: It would definitely include; Sam Adams on tap, plasma TVs, high tech computers, NFL ticker with highlights from all of the games, whole house (and neighborhood) surveillance systems, hula girls as servants and state of the art soundproofing. …but I really haven’t given it much thought, so…I don’t know.

Daddy Geek Boy says: Gotta be classy. Gotta be high tech. 52" (or bigger) HD flatscreen. Blu Ray. Theater seats. Small bar (kegerator). Video game systems. Awsome sound system. And a disco ball....just cause.

Southern Sage says: Beer, poker, political discussions, or 12 chicks, 2 gallons of 40 weight, #3 wash tub full of lime jello, & 6 pounds of cool whoop.

DadsHouse says: It has a woman in it. (I know, that doesn't fit the definition of man cave. But as a single dad, a woman is the one thing my man cave lacks!)< DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Wall for projecting game/movie/video game/etc two rows of stadium seating. Pool table/game room with wet bar and full kitchen. Full bath off to the side. This opens on to a porch with hot tub and outdoor kitchen and fireplace. (After all that, all I'm missing is the bedroom...)

Hubman says: A true man-cave is away from the hustle and bustle of the house, where I’m not easily distracted by Veronica or the kids. So I imagine a man-loft instead, my own little kingdom above the detached 2-car garage I dream of (damn New England winters…). A couple of comfy chairs and a couch, big flat screen TV, internet access, a fridge stocked with beer and in the fall, NFL Sunday Ticket.

And I’d grant Veronica (or select friends) access for the purpose of sexual favors. At half-time, of course.

Trooper Thorn says: Unfrozen Cave Lawyer (http://ca.video.yahoo.com/watch/3388136/9476695)

My Brady Bunch Family and My Insanity

Even after not having seen most of them for a number of years, the reunion made me feel a bit uneasy. I felt a bit distant and unconnected to them. The smiles and pleasantries floated back and forth like leaves in a mini wind storm. I, unintentionally, felt fake. I should be happier and more involved. I just wanted to do my own thing and not participate in the group activities.

In a sad sort of way I feel more a part of my other family. I’d nod and chime in with blank and unenthused looks during conversations with my mother. Am I an ass hole? Can I only ‘connect’ with one family at a time?

Although I grew up with 5 of the 11 people there, I felt as though I really had nothing to talk about…with the exception of a few childhood stories that we all laughed about.

The fun part for me was when Mariah and I sat around the campfire with my sister, her fiancée and my brother…drinking beer and wine, taunting the never ending stream of bears that wandered the campground, reflecting on our childhoods and, well…there was also a thing with the lake, a canoe, drinks and attempted fishing.

I don’t really know what it is…besides being ‘related’ I just did not feel that I have anything in common with the rest of my family. They are all loving and caring people…and I love them as they are my family, but …something was missing.

Maybe it has something to do with Mariah and her family. They are all very close and visit and talk to one another all the time…unlike my family. Maybe I am seeing Mariah’s family as normal and mine as …abnormal. Shit …that makes me sound like such an ass.

All in all…the bottom line (and why I wrote this) is …I want to connect. I want to feel ‘part of.’ I want to see my family as normal…It just did not click…and I don’t like it.

Where’s the Happy Ending?

I’m a divorced dad on the dating scene, and I’ve had some fabulous dates in the past few months, full of romantic compatibility with new women who have ventured into my life. Dinner, drinks, hikes, sexy text messages, movies. A few of these dates ended with hot moments on the couch, some even in bed.

Before you let out a big “woo-hoo!” (since you all are my personal cheering section when it comes to me “getting some”), let me point out that most of these women did everything BUT facilitate a happy ending. (Yes, I mean that kind of happy ending.)

Occam’s razor would say it’s something about me – I’m giving off the wrong vibe, I’m making them feel uncomfortable, I'm too old, my Most Wanted poster is finally up in the local Post Office.

Sorry, but I think Occam got this one wrong. Most of these women like me and want to keep dating me. They are more than willing to fool around. They just don’t want me to enjoy that happy ending – unless it comes with the strings of a relationship.

Now then, before you say “of course they should hold out for a relationship”, can I ask with a show of hands how many wives in married couples pull this same sort of stunt? The “not tonight I have a headache” routine is as old as time, and I have to believe actual headaches aren't always involved.

I’m guessing there are at least a few women who dole out happy endings only when their man has done everything she wants him to do. For some women, it’s a form of control. (I wonder if the Jon and Kate divorce got started over something like this. You never know.)(And before I start a Mars/Venus war here, I am saying "some" women, not all or even most. I generally hate generalizations.)

For this single dad on the dating scene, withholding a happy ending has the opposite effect. If I had a great third date with a woman, and we’re both willing to get hot and heavy on the couch, and she lets things go all the way up to that ecstatic tantric moment of bliss, then suddenly brakes to a complete stop – I’m thinking there are some relationship security or control issues going on.

These women can have their string-laden relationships. I’ll keep looking for a happy ending that leads to a wonderful new start.