Sunday Slides, Funnies, Caption Contest

1. LOL


2. Indeed you should fear the smiley folks.


3. Do it Jack.


4. Ole Tiger never gets old.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

5. The Doublemint twins?



6. bwhahahahahahaha


Four guys spend weeks planning the perfect football outing for an away game between the

NY Jets and the Indianapolis Colts


Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

On game day, two days later, the three get to the stadium site only to find Frank already sitting in his seat with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

"Man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The other evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, and so I did.

And then she said "Now, do whatever you want."

So here I am!!!

7. Democrats! Who'da thunk it.


8. Ha!!!!!!!! Fail indeed.

When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Caption Contest, but you can't use "Hey Honey he's hung like a Sage!
Give it your best shot though!



Well take a shot at the captions! Hope everyone has a groovy Sunday!

Super Soccer Dad, World Cup Edition

I’m a soccer dad, and a solid one at that. For years, I schlepped my kids to and from soccer practice. I attended all their games. I endured tournament weekends in the middle of nowhere. I even tried my hand at coaching a few seasons.

It’s not just about a dad watching his daughter and son play sports. I’ve also acquired a love for watching the game on TV. At any given moment, my DVR has matches queued up from La Ligua, Italian Serie A, English Premier, German Bundesliga. I know the names and characteristic motions of star players. I even revel at wonderful touches by unknowns, making me a soccer dad extraordinaire.

What soccer dad can top all that?

Turns out at least one soccer dad has taken the form to new heights. I recently met him drinking Guinness while I was sipping the best margarita recipe out in a bar. We were chatting about which teams would do well in the upcoming World Cup, when he said something that put me completely to shame as a lover of the beautiful game.

He’s flying to South Africa this summer so that he can attend FIFA World Cup 2010!

More than that – he’s been globe-trotting to World Cup Tournaments for decades!

I was beyond impressed. Here I thought sipping pinot noir in the Napa Valley during a break between games at one of my daughter’s club tourneys was boondoggle enough.

Super Soccer Dad said he puts aside $40 from each paycheck in his own personal World Cup fund. Every four years, he has $4000 at his disposal, to at least get him to the tournament. Buying tickets and finding places to stay is something he deals with once there. It’s part of the adventure.

But wait, there’s more – this year, Super Soccer Dad is flying his son with him to Johannesburg. Talk about a dadly maneuver!

And here I thought sneaking my son into the Jelly Belly factory during a break between games at one of his sister’s club tourneys was impressive enough.

I will say, Super Soccer Dad had one fault in his World Cup plans - he’s rooting for Brazil.

I like the Italy national team.

Forza Azzurri!

Flickr image by Arne Müseler, some rights reserved.

Taking the Plunge

After all the crap I've been through in getting divorced, you all might be surprised that Trooper Thorn went back to the alter.


Well I did and couldn't be happier.


Read about it here on my blog.

The Hot Dad Dream!!

Are ‘Dream Books’ full of shit? Are psychotherapists full of it? Does anyone REALLY know what the hell it means when you dream?

I have to say that I don’t dream to much, or rather, I don’t remember my dreams. But there are times, like last night, where I toss and turn all night or wake up sweating and pissed off. I guess the range of emotions does vary as I have woken up sad, excited, scared…and even quite hard.

That being said…I don’t really get dreams. I mean, if I dream about running someone over in my car…does that mean that I want to? Does it mean that I fear that? Does it mean that it will happen in my future? What about the sex dreams? The murder dreams? The torn apart family dreams? The dreams about defecating in public (not that I have had those) …just saying.

Some say that dreams are your uninhibited and raw personality. Some say that it is a glimpse of the future. Some say that they are your worst fears and best dreams being realized. Some even say that everything in your dreams stand for something else in your life. Like if I dream about peeing on the steps of a police station…that it could be seen as; me showering our protectors with gold and warmth. (what a crock!!)

I don’t know…Ass I mentioned earlier…I don’t remember many of my dreams, but when I do…or when I talk to family and friends who do dream a lot…it kind of scares me as to what it could mean.

Trust me…I have woken up to elbows to the ribs and bloody lips…due to what I did in SOMEONE else’s dreams.

Someone please help me to understand!!!!!!

Memorial Day

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the community organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN who
salutes the Flag,

It is the VETERAN
who serves under the Flag,


ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.


On behalf of Hotdads I'd like to say thank you to everyone who served or has/had family members that serve(d).

The reason for Memorial day is to remember all the folks who have and are fighting and dying to preserve freedom and liberty here at home and around the globe. One thing stands between relative peace and world wide chaos, that is the United States military. Make no mistake without them we would be in a perpetual state of Clusterfuckites (that is a southern term mail me if you need a definition).

Also remember the U.S. military is a 100% volunteer force, they serve because they WANT to. Think about that. Someone is willing to volunteer to strap on a helmet pick up a gun and go fight, risking death, risking not ever having their own family or leaving their kids and spouse alone for a minimal pay check (surely minimal in the risk/reward sense) so YOU can be free, so you and yours can prosper, so you can walk the streets in relative safety. That is surely something to be thankful for.

The U.S. military is an honorable and noble fighting force, in the last 100 years fighting all over the world and never taking land nor treasure from the vanquished, simply spreading freedom, or protecting it. So the better portion of people who might possibly read this should be damn thankful for the U.S. military that fought to protect them.

Here is a quote from Colin Powell.... read it, after that I shall wax poetic.

Colin Powell in response to a question about the United States and Empire building

There is nothing in American experience or in American political life or in our culture that suggests we want to use hard power. But what we have found over the decades is that unless you do have hard power -- and here I think you're referring to military power -- then sometimes you are faced with situations that you can't deal with.

I mean, it was not soft power that freed Europe. It was hard power. And what followed immediately after hard power? Did the United States ask for dominion over a single nation in Europe? No. Soft power came in the Marshall Plan. Soft power came with American GIs who put their weapons down once the war was over and helped all those nations rebuild. We did the same thing in Japan.

So our record of living our values and letting our values be an inspiration to others I think is clear. And I don't think I have anything to be ashamed of or apologize for with respect to what America has done for the world. [Applause.]

We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we've done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in, and otherwise we have returned home to seek our own, you know, to seek our own lives in peace, to live our own lives in peace. But there comes a time when soft power or talking with evil will not work where, unfortunately, hard power is the only thing that works.

Now for poetic waxing.

When you hear these people from other countries putting down the U.S. and hear them talk smack about Bush or Reagan or whoever is President then you have a choice, you can piss on history and the folks who did take up arms and fight and die to protect, liberate or otherwise help THOSE SAME PEOPLE that are now bitching by joining them with their U.S. bashing, or you can go Johnny Cash on them.



With a big Fuck you to the scum sucking rat bastards. Your choice. But be damn sure when you do choose sides know a whole hell of a lot of braver people than you or I fought and died so you even had a choice to make. It is easy to tell who's side you are on by how you group yourself. Like Momma said, you will be judged by the company you keep.

Say a prayer for a warrior today. Odds are somewhere on the globe a current or past warrior will die leaving family and friends to mourn them.

How'd my poetic waxing go?

Thank a warrior, thank their family, say a prayer, give a donation.

I also hope you take the time to teach your kids what Memorial day is all about.



Didja hit the giveaway? Memorial Day is the last day! Easy to enter, enter as often as you'd like!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


Posted here today too.

Sunday Slides, Funnies, Caption Contest

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.




The case came up in court.




The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.




The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'




'CASE DISMISSED!!'

I need this button sometimes!


2. Just silly.


3. LOL


"Sex With an Illegal Immigrant"

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for da hour?" he asks.

"$100," she replies.

In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"

"No," she says.

"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

"I pay you $300."
"No," she says.

"I pay you $400."
"No," she says.

So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style."

She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?"

So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, they finish and exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was not so bad. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."

AND THAT MY FRIENDLY TAXPAYERS, IS EXACTLY HOW THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SCREWING US.

4. Tunnel of love?


5. I had no idea there wasa chick out there with a tongue identical to mine!


6. Smile son I can get us both on my Facebook profile pic!


7. Kinda funny

Caption contest!!! Come you can come up with something. I'll go with "Kiss me I'm Irish!"

Hope every ones long weekend is good!

Didja hit the giveaway? Memorial Day is the last day! Easy to enter, enter as often as you'd like!

Go see what the Real World has going on!

Dance Dance Dance! Sage On Dancing

Well I thought I'd post a little diddy for men and woman. Being a plethora of goodness and truth I just know y'all hang on my every word so bust out your trapper keeper as well as a number 2 pencil and get to jotting this down.

If you are a man and your bride gets the swell belly and inside that swole up tummy of goodness isa little person with a vagina I have some advice for you. DON'T ALLOW THEM TO TAKE DANCE If they take dance be prepared to suffer fake enjoyment at watching the recital. Let me tell you about recitals.......... (Sorry Shell)

Ok here is the rundown.

A buck fiddy a months for four days of dancing for one hour each. Yes that is bumping fiddy per lesson if you include travel.

fiddy dollars per outfit, we had three in THIS recital. This does not include the outfits they wear to practice or whatever they call it. This does not include the hair and make up and glittery shit stuff they put on for the recital.

Then you must add the cost of the tickets for the torture chamber experience extravaganza! $15.00 per.

You also have to shower and shave and wear your Sunday go to meeting clothes.

When you get there you need to talk to the dance dad that is actually excited to be there and quell the over riding desire to take out your pocket knife and cut that stupid assed grin off his face walk away from his sissfied assed self.

You must sit square dab in the middle of the joint too so you can't get out except during intermission.

When you go outside during intermission to get a pinch of snuff (they frown on spitting on the floor at the dance hall place and they don't provide spittoons) you need to have a Michael Jackson mask because you will get second hand smoke cancer out there cause those smoker people try to get in 2 apiece before they come back in for more excruciating torture the second half of pure goodness and happy times.

Oh shit! man I forgot the flowers for your girl child because I have no idea why but STFU and get the flowers you want to show her she did good and you love her such.

Then $30.00 for pizza because they schedule the damn thing for 7 and you don't wanna eat prior because you kid hasn't eaten since 5 when they had to be there so you wait, famished.

just a note if your son takes dance after he is like 5 we can no longer associate with one another.

Ladies. If you EVER took dance, even one year, and you have a dad and he is living, HUG him! Give him gifts! Send him money! Tell him he is the best ever! Do whatever it is he likes for you to do for him! He is a frickin saint! He gets the best dad ever cookie for a whole damn year if he sits through or ever sat though a recital.

Thats all I got. I lived, I frickin WIN!

Ok the greatest give away in Blogville is going to end on Memorial Day. Hit it, you can enter as often as you like! $100.00!! Sheeesh. Anyone can play!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


<--- some stellar goodness on right here today also, it is what I do, how I roll.