Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day


It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the community organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN who
salutes the Flag,

It is the VETERAN
who serves under the Flag,


ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.


On behalf of Hotdads I'd like to say thank you to everyone who served or has/had family members that serve(d).

The reason for Memorial day is to remember all the folks who have and are fighting and dying to preserve freedom and liberty here at home and around the globe. One thing stands between relative peace and world wide chaos, that is the United States military. Make no mistake without them we would be in a perpetual state of Clusterfuckites (that is a southern term mail me if you need a definition).

Also remember the U.S. military is a 100% volunteer force, they serve because they WANT to. Think about that. Someone is willing to volunteer to strap on a helmet pick up a gun and go fight, risking death, risking not ever having their own family or leaving their kids and spouse alone for a minimal pay check (surely minimal in the risk/reward sense) so YOU can be free, so you and yours can prosper, so you can walk the streets in relative safety. That is surely something to be thankful for.

The U.S. military is an honorable and noble fighting force, in the last 100 years fighting all over the world and never taking land nor treasure from the vanquished, simply spreading freedom, or protecting it. So the better portion of people who might possibly read this should be damn thankful for the U.S. military that fought to protect them.

Here is a quote from Colin Powell.... read it, after that I shall wax poetic.

Colin Powell in response to a question about the United States and Empire building

There is nothing in American experience or in American political life or in our culture that suggests we want to use hard power. But what we have found over the decades is that unless you do have hard power -- and here I think you're referring to military power -- then sometimes you are faced with situations that you can't deal with.

I mean, it was not soft power that freed Europe. It was hard power. And what followed immediately after hard power? Did the United States ask for dominion over a single nation in Europe? No. Soft power came in the Marshall Plan. Soft power came with American GIs who put their weapons down once the war was over and helped all those nations rebuild. We did the same thing in Japan.

So our record of living our values and letting our values be an inspiration to others I think is clear. And I don't think I have anything to be ashamed of or apologize for with respect to what America has done for the world. [Applause.]

We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we've done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in, and otherwise we have returned home to seek our own, you know, to seek our own lives in peace, to live our own lives in peace. But there comes a time when soft power or talking with evil will not work where, unfortunately, hard power is the only thing that works.

Now for poetic waxing.

When you hear these people from other countries putting down the U.S. and hear them talk smack about Bush or Reagan or whoever is President then you have a choice, you can piss on history and the folks who did take up arms and fight and die to protect, liberate or otherwise help THOSE SAME PEOPLE that are now bitching by joining them with their U.S. bashing, or you can go Johnny Cash on them.



With a big Fuck you to the scum sucking rat bastards. Your choice. But be damn sure when you do choose sides know a whole hell of a lot of braver people than you or I fought and died so you even had a choice to make. It is easy to tell who's side you are on by how you group yourself. Like Momma said, you will be judged by the company you keep.

Say a prayer for a warrior today. Odds are somewhere on the globe a current or past warrior will die leaving family and friends to mourn them.

How'd my poetic waxing go?

Thank a warrior, thank their family, say a prayer, give a donation.

I also hope you take the time to teach your kids what Memorial day is all about.



Didja hit the giveaway? Memorial Day is the last day! Easy to enter, enter as often as you'd like!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


Southern Sage Posted here today too.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sunday Slides, Funnies, Caption Contest

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.




The case came up in court.




The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.




The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'




'CASE DISMISSED!!'

I need this button sometimes!


2. Just silly.


3. LOL


"Sex With an Illegal Immigrant"

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for da hour?" he asks.

"$100," she replies.

In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"

"No," she says.

"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

"I pay you $300."
"No," she says.

"I pay you $400."
"No," she says.

So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style."

She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?"

So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, they finish and exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was not so bad. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."

AND THAT MY FRIENDLY TAXPAYERS, IS EXACTLY HOW THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SCREWING US.

4. Tunnel of love?


5. I had no idea there wasa chick out there with a tongue identical to mine!


6. Smile son I can get us both on my Facebook profile pic!


7. Kinda funny

Caption contest!!! Come you can come up with something. I'll go with "Kiss me I'm Irish!"

Hope every ones long weekend is good!

Didja hit the giveaway? Memorial Day is the last day! Easy to enter, enter as often as you'd like!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


Southern Sage

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dance Dance Dance! Sage On Dancing

Well I thought I'd post a little diddy for men and woman. Being a plethora of goodness and truth I just know y'all hang on my every word so bust out your trapper keeper as well as a number 2 pencil and get to jotting this down.

If you are a man and your bride gets the swell belly and inside that swole up tummy of goodness isa little person with a vagina I have some advice for you. DON'T ALLOW THEM TO TAKE DANCE If they take dance be prepared to suffer fake enjoyment at watching the recital. Let me tell you about recitals.......... (Sorry Shell)

Ok here is the rundown.

A buck fiddy a months for four days of dancing for one hour each. Yes that is bumping fiddy per lesson if you include travel.

fiddy dollars per outfit, we had three in THIS recital. This does not include the outfits they wear to practice or whatever they call it. This does not include the hair and make up and glittery shit stuff they put on for the recital.

Then you must add the cost of the tickets for the torture chamber experience extravaganza! $15.00 per.

You also have to shower and shave and wear your Sunday go to meeting clothes.

When you get there you need to talk to the dance dad that is actually excited to be there and quell the over riding desire to take out your pocket knife and cut that stupid assed grin off his face walk away from his sissfied assed self.

You must sit square dab in the middle of the joint too so you can't get out except during intermission.

When you go outside during intermission to get a pinch of snuff (they frown on spitting on the floor at the dance hall place and they don't provide spittoons) you need to have a Michael Jackson mask because you will get second hand smoke cancer out there cause those smoker people try to get in 2 apiece before they come back in for more excruciating torture the second half of pure goodness and happy times.

Oh shit! man I forgot the flowers for your girl child because I have no idea why but STFU and get the flowers you want to show her she did good and you love her such.

Then $30.00 for pizza because they schedule the damn thing for 7 and you don't wanna eat prior because you kid hasn't eaten since 5 when they had to be there so you wait, famished.

just a note if your son takes dance after he is like 5 we can no longer associate with one another.

Ladies. If you EVER took dance, even one year, and you have a dad and he is living, HUG him! Give him gifts! Send him money! Tell him he is the best ever! Do whatever it is he likes for you to do for him! He is a frickin saint! He gets the best dad ever cookie for a whole damn year if he sits through or ever sat though a recital.

Thats all I got. I lived, I frickin WIN!

Ok the greatest give away in Blogville is going to end on Memorial Day. Hit it, you can enter as often as you like! $100.00!! Sheeesh. Anyone can play!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


Southern Sage <--- some stellar goodness on right here today also, it is what I do, how I roll.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Just Detach My Nuts Already!


I was all set on detaching my nuts immediately following the birth of our second child. I was set on it. It was a certainty. I had no doubt in my mind. My boys were all set to be free. Retiring early. And yet, now three months after our second and final kid was born, I have yet to do it. My wife is back at work now, and my boys are still in working ready to inseminate condition. Why, why have I dropped the ball, no, I mean why have I not yet dropped the balls?

I fully planned on doing it immediately after our second kid slithered out. I told everyone I knew, even perfect strangers that I was going to do it. I bragged about it to anyone that would listen. But as the weeks flew by, and the three months of maternity leave my wife had was shortening, I never called a urologist. Every time my wife would ask me if I had set an appointment, I just mumbled something to the effect of, yeah I’ll get to it, or what’s the rush.



It’s not till now, now that she has gone back to work and there’s no good time to take a few days to recover from a sharp scalpel to the nuts, that I realize I don’t want to do it just yet. Somewhere in the nether region of my unconscious, in the area they call the Shadow, I never really planned on doing it. But I didn’t know it until recently.

I have no fears about it, I am not scared to go through the procedure itself. Hell, I have had a dozen extremely painful and invasive medical procedures due to accidents, injuries, and naturally inherent abnormalities in my life. I have also visited a urologist before. He did some pretty nasty, and yet oddly enough, not so unpleasant feeling procedures in my anal and testicular region due to a still unexplained medical condition which no twenty-one year old should ever have experienced. It was the type of medical condition reserved for the geriatric generations. Don’t ask. What I am saying is that having my balls in the palm of a grown mans hand in the name of medical science is not so foreign to me. And who said letting some perfect stranger handle your balls is wrong anyway? (But hey, I didn’t say it was right either.)



What I just recently realized is this. I am afraid of the unknown. My anxiety has gotten the best of me and I have envisioned terrible things happening to my kids. Yes, I do watch way to many horror movies. But really, the fear of the unknown, the fear of what could possibly maybe happen has gotten to me. What if one of my kids dies? What if they run out into the street and get smashed by a skateboarder, or fall off a sixty foot cliff, or sit on the train tracks two blocks behind my house? What if what if what if. All the women in my family think I’m crazy, and every time I explain my answer to them, they shake their head and stop me cold. They don’t even want to hear my fears. To them it’s blasphemy to even speak of such things. But my brothers just nod their heads with understanding. Why can’t I talk about how I am afraid that a horrific accident may befall one of my kids? I know dam well that everyone, that every sane person with kids has thought about it, at least for a fleeting moment. And I never shy away from talking about what’s on my mind. But they don’t want to hear it. Their response is always that I am crazy, and I should just go ahead and chop my balls off already, well in so many words anyway.



So, I have just decided that I will wait until my kids are a little older, to get my vasectomy. I have a newborn, and you just never know what can happen. But I suppose I am waiting at least long enough to wrap my brain around it anyway. Why rush it right? Oh yeah, because we all know what happened the last time I was suppose to wear a condom. Welcome boy #1. And we all know what happened the last time my wife was on birth control and those hormones turned her into a raving mad lunatic of epic hormonal imbalance proportions. But am I being irrational? Is it okay to wait because I fear my newborn may come down with the bubonic plague and if that happens I want to be able to impregnate the wife again?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sunday Slides, Funny, Caption Contest

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side.
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

1. I need that button for when folks are babblin.
2. LOL



3. Tiger is da man!



I Miss Bill Clinton

It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax..

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with

"Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada .

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes."

4. Ha!


5. Then he ran for president and some of y'all voted for him!


6. Truth is funny sometimes.

7. The only way I'll ever have 6 pack abs!


Caption contest. Come on y'all can think of something!


IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.



Hope y'all have a lazy Sunday and your driver wins!

Go see what the Real World has going on!


Southern Sage

Friday, May 21, 2010

FAT!

I saw my doctor this week for my every-two-year physical. Overall, I’m healthy – good blood pressure, good pulse (I have one!), good blood cell counts. But one biological statistic just couldn’t be ignored.

I’m fat.

Two years ago, if someone asked how tall is Lance Armstrong, or how heavy is the Tour de France rider – I could proudly say “the same height and weight as me!” These days, Lance has dropped five pounds, and I’ve gained ten since my last physical, two years ago. (Doh!) And I was a guy who stayed pretty much the same weight for all of my adult life.

What happened?

My doctor and I discussed it, trying to figure things out.

  • I’m not running marathons like I used to (I completed 7 of those 26.2 mile races in my 30s), but I’d quit running marathons eight years ago. That I no longer run marathons doesn’t explain a weight gain in the past two years.
  • I’m still cycling a century ride each year. I’m not the quickest to finish, but it’s en epic accomplishment to go 100 miles.
  • I’m eating as healthy as ever, with swiss chard and beet greens, brown rice, pasta, grilled salmon, chicken dishes, etc. etc. etc.
  • I’m not downing too many martinis or mai tais or manhattans

The problem, it seems, is that I’m eating as if I’m still running marathons and cycling centuries non-stop.

“You need to lower your calorie intake, or lengthen your runs and bike rides, and up their intensity, to burn more calories per workout,” my doctor said.

I admit – I do like me my food. Cut back on asparagus pasta? Water down my best margarita recipe?

Not on your life.

Time to bump my five mile runs back up to ten, and draw out my thirty miles bike rides to fifty.

In short, time to get back to serious training. It doesn't feel right to be checking out women (I'm an ass man!) when I don't have flat abs to show off in return.

When’s that Tour de France thing, anyway!?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Slides, Funny, Caption Contest

.When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Bwahhahahahahahaa

1. Go Tiger!


2. It is a beautiful ocean!


3. Or any time really!


4. Yesssssssssss Honey I fixed the frickin steps!


5. hehehehe


6. Well I'll never have one of those so I suspect I'll have to rely on the other stuff.



Caption Contest!!! Surely you can leave something good in the comment box!!



There ya go! I hope your driver is winning the race and all is well in your world!
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