Independence Day

Since I'm sure to lose most of you long before the end of this damn saga I have written I'll start with this.

Click any of the pics to big em. Steal any you want, quotes too.

If you are an American you should click this link and read this short document. HERE If you aren't American odds are we have kicked or saved your ass at least once. it won't hurt you to hit it and read it.

Well it occurs to me that many people celebrate the 4th of July without actually thinking about why. The same with the other holidays really. Of all the holidays this one is my fave and the most important. I think parents also fail their kids when their kids think the 4th of July is about BBQ's and fireworks. If you are an American you should surely feel it absolutely necessary to teach your kids from birth about each holiday really but this one especially. The problem I think is most people don't actually know why we celebrate this holiday or why it is the most important to ALL Americans, whether you just became an American, were born an American or are 122 years old. The weight of July 4th 1776 and the moments leading up to it is not felt by most people who call on and live under the things this day allowed them.



Every single American should think about and study on and be guided by the chance these people who believed in independence and were willing to die to get it took, and what they did with it once they had it.



Think about it. These people in this new land were fed up by being controlled by the Crown and tired of being taxed taxed taxed taxed, even though then it was minuscule to what we allow to be done to us today. They had had enough of their labor being taxed, the fruits of that labor being stolen from them. They had had enough of being told what to do and not even having a say in what happened. Being taxed without being represented.



So these people got together and decided they just By God did not intend to allow it anymore. They knew, each and every one of them, that if they rebelled against the government and didn't win they would be killed. There was no doubt.



Think about that. They were going to take up arms and fight, the most powerful country in the world at the time, and if they didn't win it was certain death, probably to their families and sympathizers also. They were willing to risk their life for freedom. They knew without a doubt it would be a hell of a fight too, make no mistake, they held zero thoughts that their freedom would be given to them. They had to take it. Put yourself in their shoes. Everything is o.k., not bad really, but you aren't free. I'm not taking about what we are today, I mean really free. Really free to reap the benefits of your labor, ALL of it. Each person free to have what they wanted and were willing to work for. Each person free to keep what they earned without the binds of an oppressive big brother government telling them every little thing they could and couldn't do. These people were willing to fight and die for freedom.



So these folks, very few at first, had to win the minds of the American masses, they knew they stood no chance if they didn't have the majority of the folks here. So they set about doing that, and got it done. They convinced the people that they could win a fight that in everyone's best judgment they should have never been able even to contend in.



So the masses agreed and these people in this new land decided they they would fight, and many die for Freedom and Liberty.



Put yourself in their shoes today. What would you be willing to die for? Some of these people were young with families. Some were old and could have just went along to get along until they died. Almost none of them stood to actually gain. Every one of them stood to lose more than they stood to gain. They weren't fighting for stuff. They didn't say we are going to fight and if we win we get this piece of land, or this gold or whatever other prize. They took up their guns and said we will fight for INDEPENDENCE. Think about that. No prize you can touch. Just freedom.

They just wanted to be free from government control. That is all.



I do my best not to speak for others but I'm willing to bet everything I have, as little as it is, and say that if the founders saw what we had become they would be largely disgusted. They would look at us and say "yeah they fucked up but it would have worked had they only followed the plan we laid out."



Does ANYONE here think Tom Jefferson would stand for this? Ben Franklin? Any of them? I know I'm hard on the government as a whole but that is with reason! Can you imagine how disappointed these great people would be in what America has become?



Would ANY of these folks vote to GIVE AWAY their freedom? The freedom they were willing to die so you could have?



No you nor I earned one minute of it, it was given to us. We as Americans have become afraid to defend it, to cherish it, and be on point always to be sure it stays with us.



These people wrote these documents so that the PEOPLE ran the country, a free country, not the government. So the people could hold the government accountable. But the people got fat and lazy. The people don't give a damn. The people act like all this that is going on is ok, or at least not bad enough. What do you think they were going to get on TV one day and say hey there Johnny Idiot, we just decided you aren't free anymore. No they won't they will take your freedoms one day at a time. Because we are to lazy, sorry and stupid to care.



I know I am hard on the Democrats, and I don't intend to accuse them solely in this post. Every single administration takes something from us. It does seem like the current administration is trying to get all they can though. ANYTIME the government runs anything it takes freedom away. It's like a trump card. Once they control the jobs (GM, DODGE) then they control the workers. Once they control the money (282937328 banks) they have everyone by the shorts. They take them one at a time, sometimes not even all of it at once. Another thing you must realize just because you aren't a gun owner (for example) yo should stand up and fight like hell for the right to own and bear em. Every time they regulate anything they are one step closer to regulating something YOU want.



Ok I'm done before I piss myself off which I often do.



T parties everywhere today, if you haven't been and you consider yourself an American you should. No communists, Marxists or socialists there, only Americans. Both parties, you will be very very surprised. The whole Sage clan will drive the 45 minutes to the closest one to us.



There are quotes and pics throughout that are pretty good, they are in no order just random, the pic might not go with the paragraph before or after.


Then if you made it though all of that you can go here, again short and to the point and the document describing your freedoms. HERE

Southern Sage:

The problem with freedom is that it is always always wasted on people who "elect" to give it away.

Have a great Independence day


My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney

He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself. ~Thomas Paine

Click that and read it.

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine

Patrick Henry :

"Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Beside, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of Nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us."
War is Inevitable, March 1775.

Southern Sage:

"The only way to uphold freedom is for every free person to treat it responsibly, by being responsible for their own actions and not allowing the government to take their freedoms BY taking their responsibility."

Benjamin Franklin :

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

Southern Sage:

"A lot of men and women gave up their families and futures for you to have the right to vote your freedoms away."

Thomas Jefferson :

"On every question of construction of the Constitution, let us carry ourselves back to the time when the Constitution was adopted, recollect the spirit manifested in the debates, and instead of trying what meaning may be squeezed out of the text, or invented against it, conform to the probable one in which it was passed."

The Perfect Vacation or Gift to give your Wife or Girlfriend

Well I always get mails from chicks wanting to know this that or the other pertaining to guys and I answer them and they take my advice and it works out just like I said it would or they don't and it gets all messed up. Well I know guys don't always ask things so I will give some unrequested advice to guys out there to give your girl the perfect vacation. The ultimate gift. Something that will please them beyond anything they thought possible.

Guys most of you don't appreciate what your girls go through, wives especially. If they work outside of the home they work the same hours as you do then get home and have tend kids and clean house and do most of the cooking, washing, folding and so on. The same goes for SAHM's. Have you ever tried talking to a 3 year old all day as well as doing all the other things listed up there? It doesn't exactly peg out the excitement meter. Well then you roll into the house and half way expect dinner to be ready, kids to act right, house to be clean etc etc and never give her the credit she deserves. Well this plan I have will absolutely let her know how much you care about her and how much you appreciate what she does for the family. This will show her how in tune with her wants, desires and needs are as well as show her you are selfless and all that other sissy stuff they like to see from you once a decade.

This will also work with girlfriends, shack ups, friends with benefits and on and on.

Anyway here you go. Bust out and dust off your trapper keeper and don't miss a word, I will lay it out in easy to understand instructions.

Ok guys first you need to get someone to watch your house, kids, pets or other things that might need tending for 3 days. The plan needs 3 full days. Oh yeah if you can keep it a secret its better. Then you need to make travel plans for the two of you leaving Friday afternoon and returning on the redeye Sunday night. Pick a destination on or near the beach say from Texas to North Carolina. Somewhere she has never been, somewhere beautiful and peaceful at the same time. Ok make the arrangements and all of that.

Then pack for her as well as new lingerie you have bought for her and her favorite ummmmm sexual aids, lubes, jells, lotions, potions, scented bath stuff, new perfume, you know all the foo-foo stuff chicks dig. Make sure you get all of that stuff. I know this sounds stupid but its only three days, damn suck it up wouldja.

Ok then after getting all the stuff squared away off you go to your beach destination arriving Friday night and getting into the LIMO you have waiting at the airport. To the hotel where she is taken directly to get a massage you have scheduled in advance for her. You unpack and prepare for later. Then after the massage you of course have wine or her drink of choice available when she returns. No touching or anything yet. She drinks a few or couple or one depending on her tolerance and you either read her poems or put the radio/tv on her favorite music station. By this time it is time to go to the fancy dinner you have SCHEDULED in advance.

Follow every step to a T!

You go to the dinner where the flowers you have had delivered there in advance for her are presented and the meal is perfect. Candles, romance, sweet nothings etc, all that romance novel BS they like. Then back to the hotel surely she is a little tired tonight from the trip and all.

Then when you return to the hotel you instantly start her a bath with the bath smell good stuff in there and candles and soft music. You offer to wash her lightly but still no sexual stuff AT ALL. Just tending to her in all other ways, pouring drinks, washing her back, adjusting the water temp. So you allow her to soak and all that. If you really went all out she is in a whirlpool tub and its whoopin and all of that, bubbles, smell good etc. You stay clothed. Then when she calls for you when she is ready to get out you go in and with the new super duper soft towel you have bought you lightly dob the water from her skin making sure she is sufficiently dry and then you allow her to do whatever the hell it is they do in there between getting out of the shower and being ready for whatever is next. Then when she calls again (she hasn't been able to see in the room this whole time per your instructions) you go back and give her the naughtiest outfit you bought for her and tell her to put it on wait 5 minutes, let the anticipation continue to mount then come out.

Ok this is the most important part for her to have the most satisfying, wonderful, excellent experience possible so don't get this wrong at all.


Ok then come back into the room, give me your cell phone number and the room key, go to your room and remember to have breakfast, lunch, dinner and alcohol delivered at the appropriate times and don't forget to pick up your completely worn out, sated, satisfied and sore wife or girlfriend up in time to make the airport Sunday.


I'm telling you it hasn't failed yet!

This perfect vacation brought to you by Sage. I have a couple of weekends still open between July 10th and 2010, they are available while they last, first come first served, very well served.

Ask Hot Dads

As men bestowed with vast knowledge we are pledged to share it with you. So we sit around the Hot Dads man cave, drinking beer, playing pool and answering your questions. It is grueling work, but we gladly do it for you. Because we care.

You guys have been sending in some great questions. Keep 'em coming!

Here is this week's Ask Hot Dads:


Willow Witch said...How can I ask/make sure my 16 year old son is emotionally doing OK? My 18 year old daughter says what’s on her mind, so I don’t wonder. I mean I ask but I feel like the nagging mom and I am afraid coming across like that will close more doors than open them. Their dad left us about six months ago for a co-worker and mother of 4, which he is spending time with and making a new family. He texts the kids maybe once a week and has only seen them maybe 8-9 times since he left, picking them up to go out to eat and then brings them home, I have told the kids to go with him when ever they want so to keep the door open... he does stop in where they work to say "hi" but doesn't offer to do activities or anything... I know this is hurting him, but I am afraid of pushing to hard.... As former boys and men what do you suggest?

Dadshouse says…Oh, tough question. First, sorry to hear about your situation. That's very tough. As for your son talking - as a former boy, I can vouch that teen boys often don't talk to their parents. I spilled my emotional junk to my girlfriend. Is your son dating? Anyway you can get close enough with his girlfriend, on a woman to woman level, to find out what's going on with your son? If your son plays sports, the coach might have some influence. Could you explain your situation to the coach and have him talk to your son?

Southern Sage says…Keep the lines open. Don't force him to talk and don't bring it up all the time but kinda hit it from the side. He will be ok. If he isn;t usually emotional then dont sweat it.

Daddy Geek Boy says…I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Teen times are tough enough without having extra stuff on top of it. You’re paying attention and concerned about his emotional well-being, so I think that puts you a giant step in the right direction. Don’t push too hard. Sometimes it’s tough for a guy to talk to his mom. That’s no slag against you, it’s just the way it is sometimes. I have the most open relationship with my mom and there was still stuff we didn’t talk about. Keep the lines of communication open as much as you can. He’ll talk about stuff when he’s ready. But also just watch him. What is he doing? Who is he hanging out with? Is his personality changing radically, or is he just a bit down? If it’s the latter, he’s probably doing okay as can be expected.

Hubman says…You can't do anything about the ex-husband and his relationship with your son. You're wondering if he's doing okay, emotionally. How is he doing in school? Any drop in his academic performance? Changes in behavior? If not, don't worry too much about it and keep letting him know that you're there for him and open to talking. Maybe a little quality mother/son time, without your daughter around, and give him the opportunity to open up to you, if he needs to.

As for the ass-hat ex, have you thought about taking out a contract on him? Seriously, what kind of dad abandons his kids?

Always Home and Uncool says...I'm sorry about your family situation. Not having ever had a situation remotely close to this in my life, my gut instinct is just pull your son aside in a quiet, non-confrontational setting and flat out ask him how he is, tell him it's OK to be upset with you, his dad and the whole mess, and ask if he wants to talk with you or someone else about what he's feeling. If he resists, just drop it but remind him you are always there for him. But before you take my advice, you might want to talk to a family counselor about your concerns and get a professional's opinion on how to handle this.



Why Mom Drinks Rum said...Porn. Does your wife support/enjoy/allow unlimited porn access? I'm talking one way on the screen only...not the interactive $6.99 a minute crap. For me, I personally don't care. I consider it a great tool (alone or in pairs) but I know alot of wives who think it's worse than say...giving head to Satan.

Dadshouse says…I'm divorced, and in between dating relationships. I avoid porn video like the plague! It just makes me frustrated that I'm not getting any. When I'm dating, I don't watch porn because I'm too busy getting laid. So, while I understand some folks enjoy porn, I just haven't found a reason for it in my life.

Southern Sage says…I don't know I never asked her! I would never watch such smut anyway! ;-)

Daddy Geek Boy says…I usually find that my wife has read my "Playboy" before I even know it's arrived. But let's face it, calling "Playboy" porn is like calling Candyland a video game. When it comes to the hard stuff, my wife knows I have it, she knows I watch it. But it’s strangely something we do not talk about. That said, I’m not keeping it a secret from her. If she wanted to know specifics, I’d share. If she wanted to watch, I'd show her. (By the way, do you really know people paying $6.99/minute for interactive porn? Those poor suckers.)

Hubman says…We both enjoy some porn now and then. In fact, just last week Veronica informed me that she recently downloaded 2 hrs worth of quality girl-girl porn and would I like to watch it? As long as we're not paying for it (and why should we, there's tons of free stuff out there on the interwebz!), it's not an issue in our house.

Always Home and Uncool says...In the scenario you pose, who is blowing Beelzebub? Is this available on Blu-Ray , pay-per-view or is it file share only? To your question: Moderation, my friend, moderation.



Jessica said...How do you prefer your women? The landing strip, bald, design etc.....?

Dadshouse says…Great question! I like the look of a landing strip, but have grown accustomed to bald down below. Smooth is key. Stubble is a turn off.

Southern Sage says…Any kinda way suits me, well any way except Chewbacca. I guess I'd say in the least you need to hit it with a bic every now and then. If you can braid it its time to go another route!! Who wants to lick Chewbacca?

Daddy Geek Boy says…Without question, landing strip. But honestly, when push comes to shove, whenever I've had the opportunity to get some in my life, it hasn't mattered as long as there wasn't anything too funky or any critters living down there.

Hubman says…First a serious child-rearing question and now a question on pussy-grooming preferences. Damn, I love our readers!

For the longest time Veronica had the landing strip look going, but then about 2 yrs ago surprised me when I came home from an extended business trip with a Brazilian waxing. I love the bald look and love how it feels even more. Not that there's anything wrong with a little hair down there...

Always Home and Uncool says...I prefer them first to be interested enough in me to even consider opening their sacred garden for viewing. If it gets to that point, if it is not long enough to be braided or cornrowed, I am just too in awe to care.



Not A Soccer Mom said...Is there a God? is she mad?

Dadshouse says…If the Jon and Kate Divorce any indication, God has a wicked sense of humor. Splitting up a family with 8 young kids? Come on....

Southern Sage says…Yes don't you watch the TV? He lives at the White House!

Daddy Geek Boy says…Only when I leave the dishes in the sink.

Hubman says…I think this one is way too deep for someone as shallow as me, even if I'm the step-son of an Episcopal Bishop. Let me ask him....

Not surprisingly, he says yes, there is a god. He also says that she is too forgiving to be mad at us. Disappointed at times, maybe. It's kind of like with our kids, we get mad at them at times, but don't stay that way for long, for a variety of reasons.

Always Home and Uncool says...If the answer to the first part is "yes," my guess is she's probably pissed someone's going down on the Devil and not her.



Jessica asked…What has been the most memorable moment since your fatherhood started? If not yours then how about your dad's, was there something you did that he won't forget?

Dadshouse says…My most memorable experiences have probably been watching my daughter play soccer. Her club team is really good, and hanging with the team parents has been a great social outlet for me as a single parent. If I pick one single moment? Having sex with my first post-divorce girlfriend. There was indescribable chemistry between us. (That moment stretched on for a year and a half) Memory with my kids - camping in Sequoia national park, and visiting Maui. Fun times!

Southern Sage says...Leaving me in the local jail for the night prolly would be something me and the dad won't forget. Every time my kids make the right decision or have a deep thought is what makes me smile the most.

Daddy Geek Boy says…Taking my son to the movies for the first time. Sharing something with him that I truly loved, and watching him have a great time. Would I have to give up my Hot Dad status if I said a tear came to my eye as I sat next to him in the theater? I know that it keeps my “geek boy” mantle in place.

Hubman says…Of course there is an entire mental library of memorable moments, including many of those cliché first step, first words, etc, moments. But I think the most memorable moment has to be moment my 'fatherhood' started! Being in the room when my wife gave birth to each of our kids was fantastic, awe-inspiring, and so humbling. Of course, since I was hoping to one day have sex with her again, I stayed by her side and declined the offer to watch the munchkins come out. I did cut both kids umbilical cords, though, which was really cool.

Always Home and Uncool says...When Thing 1 popped out, the docs asked me to cut the cord. I snipped and was greeted with a spray of blood all over me. It was then I realized that this was the mess I had created for myself.

Caption Contest, funny

Well I hope everyone is having a big ole weekend!

1. Sissy. Click to embiggen.


2. Surely this advertiser works for the government, thats how they do economics!



A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend”.....

And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ?

We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..

'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.'

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.

He said but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

You'll love the answer.

X

X

X

X

X
The wife replies, “I did, they're in your tackle box”.

Never, Never, Never try to outsmart a woman!!!

3. Thats just wrong!!!! (click to embiggen)


4. haaaaaaaaa hey I wrote that one book!

Caption contest! TC is outta town so someone else should have a shot!



You can hit up Sageville for another pic post! NSFW. Also check my new digs if you haven't Blogbunnie fixed me up proper.

Y'all have a big ole weekend!

Our Idealized Selves

My friends tell me that I’m much funnier in my blog than I am in real life. I wish I could disagree with them, but they’re kind of right. In real life, it’s usually the most obvious joke that pops to mind and unfortunately for those around me, I lack the impulse control not to say it. My cheesy sense of humor has become a thing of legend amongst my friends, who somehow still have the will to hang out with me.

On line though, I have control over what I say. As a writer I can fine tune what is said. Drinking a few beers before sitting down to the keyboard will yield even better results, though it makes typing a bit more challenging. I spend a lot of time editing and rewriting. I’ve probably taken five passes at this paragraph alone (so you can only imagine what my friends endure with “unfiltered DGB”). On line, I have the ability to be a slightly different version of myself.

These days, we live our lives on line. We blog. We tweet. We update our status. We present ourselves through words on a screen. But is the life we lead on line true? Or are we creating idealized versions of ourselves? My guess is that it’s the latter, which is why social media has become so prevalent. In these great big informational tubes, we project a carefully crafted image of ourselves for the world to see.

This being a parenting blog, logic dictates that the majority of us lurking about here have kids. If you think about it, having kids is similar to living on line. Stay with me on this. Kids, at least the young ones, idolize their parents. It doesn’t matter if the jokes are cheesy, or we burn the toast or we drop the ball during catch. Our kids, at least for a little while, see us as the idealized, perfect versions of ourselves. They think we are hilarious, great cooks and amazing athletes. They view us as the person we wish others would see.

Do you wear different personas in your life? If so, what are they and how are they different from your true self?

-DGB

A family for me

There are few times where I have been envious of my married friends. I have been there, done that.

Twice. I am not in any hurry to do that again.

I think I have done rather well as a single father. In fact, I have no doubt that I am a much better father as a single parent than I ever was when I was married.

As a single father, I never walk on egg shells worried that I will upset or disappoint their mother, never worry about someone correcting my parental skills, never have my children see me argue with their mother like we did all too often when we were together, nor have they asked what I said or did to their mom when they see me in the morning sleeping on the couch.

I am certainly not a perfect parent. I have and will again get upset with my girls. When I do get upset, I tend to yell and there is no confusion that Dad is mad. However, after a few minutes, my girls and I are right back to our normal routine of being goofy together and having a good time.

They adore me and I them. I can’t even begin to describe how thankful and fortunate I am to have them in my life. I also can’t imagine that any of us could be any happier than we are now.

However, this afternoon while grabbing some groceries with my girls in tow, I saw something that made me wonder if my girls are being cheated by their mother and I no longer together.

Walking down an aisle in the store, a family of four crossed our path and I stopped and watched them interact with each other.

The father was pushing a cart with a toddler girl facing him firmly fastened in the seat. The two were cooing and cawing with each other with big grins on their faces. Nothing could distract the two of them as they were obviously having fun making funny noises and faces.

A few feet in front of the two, the mother was pointing out canned vegetables to her son who looked to be the same age as my kindergarten-age daughter. She was telling him the importance of eating healthy and he was asking questions about various kinds of vegetables.

After he picked out a couples cans, the mother grabbed them, turned around, and walked back to her husband and younger daughter at the cart. She placed them inside and then kissed both husband and daughter. She then gave them the sweetest, kindest smile as she walked back to the front with her son.

Seeing this, I could not help but wonder if my girls would ever know what a normal, healthy, loving relationship between two adults is about. I grew up with divorced parents and never saw either of them in a good relationship in the eight years that I went back and forth between the two.

I have to believe that has had a big effect on my own inability to make a marriage work. The last thing I want is my girls later in life to struggle over and over again in relationships like their parents.

Continuing to watch them, Savannah brought me back to my own family.

“Dad? What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Why are you just standing there looking at them?”

“Sorry babe. I was just watching them. They look happy together.”

“Yep. But, not as happy we will be when get home and get in the pool. We are always happy when you go swimming with us.”

She grabbed my hand and we headed back to Shelby, Alani and our own cart of food that we would be cooking later with their older sister Kern. May not be the ideal family, but it is our family.

Savannah was right. When we do things like swim together, we are happy.

And, I don’t need to be married to their mother to do that.

Snake heads, heifers, and Carnaval

I thought I'd share just a few recent bits of the evidence I've been gathering that humanity is locked in a permanent mortal struggle with the Terrorists of Nature:

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Heifer Runs for Her Life, and It’s Working So Far

Someone needs to EAT this slaughterhouse-escaping upstart immediately, raw and mooing if necessary, if only to send a message to all the other cows out there that resistance is futile-- they exist only to feed us, and if God didn't want them grown and harvested like so many tomato plants, he wouldn't have made them so Him-damned delicious.

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Snake head in TGIFriday's broccoli

Can't wait for the "I told you so" to come out from George H.W. Bush. He had solid intel back in the '80s that Iranian terrorists were laying the groundwork to begin very slowly violating our broccoli supply with hundreds of snake heads over the course of thousands of years and billions of tons of florets. So this one is logically just the tip of a terrifyingly gross iceberg.

I'll tell you, though, I would probably be able to handle this kind of broccoli violation if only those bastards would be gentlemen enough to use the heads of the rare but delicious Cheddar Cheese Snake.

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Brazilians avoid deadly reptiles in fleeing floods

This is like God's worst, most desperate, Fox-game-show kind of trial. Unbelievably rapid, record-breaking floods rife with man-eating, poisonous, and painfully irritating/horrendously creepy animals?!

Is hosting Carnaval really worth all that?! ...I'm receiving word that yes, yes it is.

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Posted by LiteralDan