Hot Dad - Sexy or Old?

A funny thing about blogging is seeing what sort of comments end up in my spam queue. As a single dad on the dating scene, it's not surprising that I'd get my share of spam for things like:

• Dating sites
  
• Sex toys
  
• Russian brides
  
• Porn
  

After all, I've posted all sorts of sexy stories and dating tips on my blog. There are sweet pick up lines for any occasion, sexy text messages you can't ignore, tantric breathing exercises for couples, advice on dating a hot teacher, having sex outside with a wild animal watching, drinking with lonely housewives, skinny dipping at club med, and other sexy and funny dating stories.

Not your typical parenting stuff!

Sometimes the spam just has a cut-n-paste list of URLs. Those are easy enough to ignore. But then there are spam comments that sound almost genuine, like the spammer actually read my blog and liked it! For instance:

Cool post, thank you for the information - I don't usually like to post blog comments but enjoyed this post. Please post more usefull stuff like this, I added you to my Google reader!

Nothing like stroking my ego and adding me to your reader to make me want to let that spam comment through! (Except that the link goes to a porn site. Doh!)

Over time, I noticed more and more spam comments for Viagra and Cialis. WTF?! I'm not that old. For the record, I have no trouble in the erectile functioning department. (Except for the fact that I don't have a woman in my life. That's dysfunctional! And no, I don't need a sexy stripper like Marisa Tomei from The Wrestler. A girl next door will do just fine.)

I soothed my ego by telling myself those spam comments were meant for some of the much older male readers of my blog.

But the other day, a spam comment showed up that genuinely disturbed me.

It was all about colon cleansing products!

What, am I suddenly 90 years old?

Sigh. Maybe it was my Quaker oatmeal post that did my demographic in.

Can someone please spam me some Viagra?

Ask Hot Dads

Over the past few weeks, we have not received any questions from you all for our weekly Ask Hot Dads post. What we did get was people asking when we would post another one- so the question we will attempt to answer for you all today is as follows.

Barney asks: "When is the next install of ask Hot Dads coming out?"

TentCamper says: As we have all learned…it is our duty to only express our opinions and offer advice and expertise when our women request it. Not saying that we don’t have moments of uncontrollable verbal vomit, but all in all…we try to reserve our vast knowledge for those in need.

That being said…ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

Please note: The Ask Hot Dads series is not only for mothers…we’d be happy to answer questions from women, men and …those dads who may be in need of a touch of advice from our vast and exceptional brain power.

Get the questions rolling in and we will gladly resolve all of your issues and problems.

Southern Sage says: Well I think that sometimes I back off so as not to hog the forum. I usually post on Sunday so if I post other than that I try to schedule it way out to allow the others room to post. It also seems to be a busy time with kids, our school is winding down, soft and t-ball final games and parties and such happening. I don't know how the rest of the guys feel but I am for interaction and my theory on my other blog is "ask and ye shall receive" so readers if you would like to offer a theme or some questions or something you would like for us to write about the pull your big panties up and say it and I'm sure will put out for you!

Dadshouse says: Whenever the hot mamas find time between spa treatments and retail therapy days to ask another question! Until then, I'll be in my man cave. Er... garage.

DaddyGeekBoy says: It’s tough having all of the answers. Some people are intimidated. They feel that when approaching, they need to try to stump us. They feel that they can only ask the unanswerable questions. While it’s true that we can answer the tough ones, we also dig the Larry King style softball questions too. So to answer your question, the next edition of Ask the Hot Dads depends on you people. It depends on your thirst for knowledge. Your desire to have us tell you how it really is. The power is yours. How are you going to use it?

Caption Contest, Funny, Mothers Day, Sunday Slides

1. Porn for Women!


2. Thats for sure!

Montana Sheriff's Department Interview

A man who wants to become a Montana Sheriff must first be interviewed for the job.

The Deputy doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but you've got to take an attitude suitability test that before we can hire you."
Sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Deputy says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," says the Deputy. "When can you start?"



3. ha, wiener dog!


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake. (My Favorite)
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------


4. Thats just wrong!!!!!!!!





Caption Contest..........



Well I hope all you mommy's out there have a good Mommy's Day and someone showers you with love and a whole bunch of appreciation!
If not then let me offer from all the Hotdads to you a happy fella with some flowers and candy!


Happy Mothers Dayyy!!!!
Sage.

When Schedules Don't Collide

My wife works at home.
I work in an office.

Her work day officially starts at 6:30, when the first kid gets up.
My work day officially starts at 8:30, when I begin my commute.

Her work day is non-stop. When the kids are napping, there are chores to be done.
My work day offers me a lunch break and sporadic pockets of time in which email can be read.

Her work day officially ends when the last kid has finally fallen asleep.
My work day officially ends when I arrive at home, sometimes just as the last kid has fallen asleep.

After work, she retreats to the computer to check email or Facebook, or sews.
After work, I quickly make dinner and wolf it down.

We connect for about an hour, where we decompress and maybe watch some TV together.

Her energy depleted, she goes to sleep soon after.
I've still got an hour or so left in me to check email, write and read blogs before passing out on the couch.

Tomorrow it will start all over again.

How do you deal with the varied schedules within your home? Do you have to work to carve out time to do all of the things you want? Do you have to sacrifice some things to make others work?

The discussion begins below...

Do adults with children have friends?

I don’t know if I just have this whole adult/parent thing all jumbled up in my head…or if what this post is gong to (hopefully) be about is legitimate.

I’ve had conversations with Mariah before about this but it seems that I never really have my thoughts straight. I am talking about having friends. Do adults with children have friends? Are said parents just friends with whoever their kids’ friends’ parents are?

I don’t know if parents are supposed to have friends, in the same manner that they did before having kids. If they are, do they go out for a drink or to catch a movie with said friends? Or do they just sit and socialize while their respective kids are having ‘play dates?’

I know that as an adult and as a parent, that the mundane things like working, feeding, clothing and caring for your children top the priority list, but I still can’t help feeling friendless. There are a few guys (yes…they are parents of some of our kids’ friends) that I like and love to ‘hang’ with. But with all of our personal and kids’ schedules all it ever seems to be is 15 minutes of shooting the shit while picking up or dropping off a kid. Is that they way it is supposed to be? Am I diluted to think that more is to be expected?

I suppose that it is not that big of a deal right now due to the fact that I do not have the time in the evening…or the money to go grab a few beers and catch a movie with my dad friends…but if I did…is that what people do?

A few months ago I tried to set up a guys’ poker night at my house. I wanted to start with a few guys once a month. After emailing 7 neighborhood dads…I got one that said he could do it…not the makings of a good poker night. I guess I just need to admit defeat and disregard my thoughts of having friends outside of our kids’ world.

No matter how many times I tell the kids, “It is not all about you!” I am the one that is full of shit. It IS all about the kids. I guess I am answering my own original question here and now am starting to understand that whole mid-life-crisis thing. Suck it up, do the kid thing and then once the kids are out of the house and off in the world making their marks…that is when we (parents) begin to reclaim our lives and try to pick up where we left off (before kids.)

Don’t get me wrong…I love the kids and love doing everything that I can to make them happy and loved. This has just been one of those nagging things bouncing around in the back of my skull for a while. …I guess I have rambled enough about this and if it made no sense to you…..whatever…I feel better just getting it out.

You know me….just peeing in the wind!!!!

Caption Contest, funny

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together
at his groin, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his
hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to
help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great, but I still think my
thumb's broken!"

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now I understand the swine flu!!!!



Yeah well it is Masturbation Month!


I know y'all saw it too!



A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a
mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he
knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I
found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did
you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going
to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I
can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash
it on my eyes."

My headstone when I die I hope! (click to big it)


Caption contest.......... come on y'all gimmie something good....




Well there ya go, steal whatcha wanna send you friends to play see what kinda captions you can come up with!

Southern Sage

My own National Lampoon's Vacation

For one day, I was Chevy Chase. And, not the good Chevy Chase who made America laugh on Saturday Night Live, or in his movies Caddy Shack or Fletch. No, I was Chevy Chase from National Lampoon's Vacation.

And, my girls will never let me forget it.

In the movie Vacation, Chevy Chase plays Clark Griswold, a family man who plans a cross country trip with his family to visit the fictional amusement park Wally World. After mishap after mishap, the family finally arrives to Wally World only to find it closed for a week due to repairs.

A great watch for the audience, however, in real life with four daughters in a car on a five-hour round trip drive, it's nothing short of hell.

I came up with a plan Sunday morning to take my girls to one of my favorite destinations as a child. Nestled under in the Eastern Sierra mountains, the Mt. Whitney Fish Hatchery is one of the oldest in the state and one of the most visited.

I told my girls all about the hatchery during breakfast and tried to convince them that it was worth the long drive. They were skeptical to say the least, but agreed that it beat staying home on a beautiful Spring day.

We took off shortly after breakfast and it didn't take long for the 4-year-old to start doing what 4-year-olds do on long trips.

"Are we there yet?"

That was quickly followed by, "Can we stop? I have to go to the bathroom?"

When she wasn't asking one of those questions, the other three were in the back fighting over what road trip game we should play next. Twenty questions, I Spy, and Name that Tune were being played over and over again.

"Dad, I don't want to play that again,'' said Shelby. "They always win and get to pick what they want to play because they are older."

After hearing this, I morphed into my Dad when we used to go on long trips when I was a child. I couldn't believe it was happening, but there was no stopping it.

"Hey girls, why don't you play the Quiet game?"

"What's that?" asked Vanna.

"Let's see who can be the quietest the longest. The winner gets to pick the next CD we play. OK?"

For one minute, it worked. They were quiet and were doing nothing but looking at each other waiting for the other to crack. Then, it was over.

"Dad, this game sucks," said Kern, the oldest and less apt to fall for the trick. "All the CDs are yours any ways, so we don't want to listen to them any way."

With that, we were back to the, "Are we there yets?", "I am hungry,", and "How much longers?". I was about to scream when I finally saw what I was looking for:

Mt. Whitney Fish Hatchery, 2 miles

The girls began to scream as I turned on the dirt road that led to the hatchery. After driving for a mile, we reached the entrance only to find the gate closed and locked.

"Dad, what does the sign say?"

"Alani, it says its closed because it is damaged from a flood,'' said Kern. "Well, Dad, that was worth the drive."

I couldn't respond to that the way I wanted to, so instead I unloaded the girls and we had lunch outside the gate while sitting on the dirt road. They asked a few questions about the surrounding mountains and it appeared as if I was forgiven.

Then, Vanna asked a question that she didn't like the answer to.

"Can we go to the mall here?"

"Babe, this is a little town. They don't have a mall here."

"Why did we come here?"

"I don't know, babe. I don't know."