RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2.... We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was.
She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name wasAlways.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
1. Some of y'all need this button!
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3. I think she could convince me to be a Buckeye!
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4. Amen to that!
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied.
'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' USC ! '
And they say blondes are dumb....
Caption Contest, surely y'all can come up wih some good stuff for this one!
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Give it a shot, go hit the damn link, steal any pics you want send bobie pics for each one you steal. Have a groooooooooovy weekend!
5 comments:
LOVE the blonde joke!
Caption: I got nuthin'...*sigh
Caption: Remember when your parents told you pets had gone to live at a nice farm where he could run around? This is the farm.
HA! Funny, and a little offensive. Good combo ;)
LOVE the chandelier. Too funny!!
Why, grandma, what big guns you have!
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