Ho Ho Ho Holiday Dating Do's & Don'ts

Last week, KittyCat asked for some Hot Dads Advice on Dating During the Holidays. Never let it be said that Hot Dads are not givers. So for you KittyCat, and all the other readers, here are some simple Do's and Don'ts to help you through the season without hospitalization or a restraining order.

Do: Recognize that expectations may be raised at Christmas: For many women, The holidays are a time when being single can put added pressure on dating. This pressure can amplify the situation and speed up normal dating time lines. Be aware that a simple coffee meeting might be analyzed from her perspective as an "interview" for being a potential date to an office party or even Hanukkah supper with her family.

Don't: Show up for a first date with your suitcase packed and demand she get rid of her cat on account of your allergies.

Do: Behave yourself at the office Christmas party. In this age of political correctness and sexual harassment, the office party is a mine field of potential work issues for the new year. Enjoy the social atmosphere of conversation and refreshments with your co-workers, keep your hands to yourself and don't be the last person to leave.

Don't: Get drunk and finally confess to Rhonda in Purchasing she's "stacked but not fat, but in a good way," and tell your female regional manager "she is really attractive when she's not being a ball breaker!"

Do: Show interest in her celebration traditions. From decorating the Christmas Tree to lighting the menorah, most faiths have events they hold special. If you are lucky enough to be in

vited to attend such a celebration with her, be respectful and engaged.

Don't: Ask her to participate in your annual online Feast Of The An'kora'na Beast in World of Warcraft.

Do: Expect an increase in her emotions. Whether it's unpleasant memories of a "Christmas Gone Wrong" or the thought she won't see her sister this year, even a happy moment can open a floodgate of tears. Sometimes the holidays can seem like three weeks of egg nod induced PMS. But just be patient and understanding and she'll appreciate your time even more when she has stopped.

Don't: Tell her to hang on and you'll talk about it during the next commercial after Chevy Chase falls off the roof.

Do: Curb your generosity. If you just started dating, there is no expectation to give a gift. A card, flowers and a heartfelt admission you feel happy to spend this time of year with her will go along way.

Don't: Give her diamonds, airline tickets or a kidney.

Do: Give her some some time to prepare for New Year's Eve. The movies make a last minute invitation to the best party seem like the most romantic thing ever. However, in practice, it's is not a recipe for a love connection. Ask for her time at least three days before (more is better). A woman wants to have enough time to plan her outfit, hair, nails etc and also to think about you feeling that sense of anticipation of seeing her all dolled up.

Don't: Take your date to your ex's New Years Eve party to make her jealous that you are kissing someone else at midnight.

For more helpful advice, be sure to visit Trooper Thorn at Dogs and Jeans

Dr. CBG: Guys…what NOT to do.

Call me Dr. CBG.

And today, I have scoured the internet looking for love tips for you, the men of the Blogosphere. What I've come up with is ten sure-fire tips for guys on things NOT to do.

Trust me…you'll thank me later:

1. Don't commit to a relationship too quickly. Men sometimes have the tendency to make a big deal out of first dates that they enjoy, so if you do that then your potential partner might feel pressured and thus create discomfort and uneasiness. Man, if I had a nickel for every woman I've made uneasy...
   
2. Don't never commit to anything. Dudes, my poor grammatical skills aside, if you can't make some type of commitment then your potential partner may feel like there's no hope for a future. Smarten-up. Not every woman wants a booty-call.
   
3. Brush your teeth. C'mon guys…no woman wants to kiss a guy with skunk breath. Keep a piece of gum or a mint handy. Jeez…have a bit of class, ya skunky bastard.
   
4. Stop showing off. Sure, if I had a million dollars I'd probably flaunt it a bit…but women don't want to hear all about your yacht or your abs or your big-ass bank account. The bald middle-aged pudgy white guy sitting at the next table over-hearing your stories don't want to hear your stories, either. Just STFU.
   
5. Women don't like farting. Well…most women, anyway. So stop it. And don't tell fart jokes, either. What's the matter with you?
   
6. Nobody wants to hear about your ex. I know your past relationship sucked. I mean hell…you're single for a reason, right? But guess what, Skippy? That woman you're with doesn't want to hear you bad-mouth your ex. Just STFU (kind of a running theme today). If you're asked, then tell. Just keep it reasonable and don't embellish.
   
7. Don't push her head "down below". I hate to burst your bubble, guys…but sex in the bedroom isn't always a real-life porno. If a woman wants to mouth-tackle the twig-n-berries, she'll do it on her own or (better yet) maybe if you ask her nicely.
   
8. Ask for f*cking directions! The GPS isn't perfect and you're not on the Amazing Race. Swallow some of that pride and just ask somebody where the hell you're supposed to go.
   
9. Soap. Learn it. Spell it. Use it.
   
10. Umm…women are allowed to orgasm, too. You'll get your turn; stop being so damn greedy.
    

So there you have it...your top ten love tips for men. Pretty amazing ground-breaking stuff, right? Well, I'm also available for one-on-one tutoring sessions and bar mitzvahs.

Ladies...any more suggestions?

Captivated by Middle Aged Women

I’ve been getting whiplash lately, from turning my head too quickly when certain woman walk by. No, I’m not talking about hot French women, or the nubile creatures that make for an older men younger women relationship.

I’m talking about middle-aged women. And I’m captivated.

I know, I know, as a middle-aged single parent I should already be chasing women my age. And I do date women within ten years of me, plus or minus. (Ten isn’t so much when you’re an old man like me!) But truthfully, any gorgeous woman will turn a man’s head, no matter her age.

And for some reason, my head is turning in spades for middle-aged women.

It all started when I went to a seamstress’s house to pick up a dress she’d worked on for my teen daughter. The woman who answered the door was late-40s, dark hair with gray streaks, olive skin with wrinkles, and a smile that could warm anyone's heart.

She had a certain confidence about who she was. Like she’d lived a full life, and was totally comfortable in her skin.

The walls of her house were covered with photos of her kids, and it’s clear some of those kids had already graduated high school. Of course, I immediately looked for a ring on her finger, and photos of a man – any sign of a husband.

Alas (for me), she was married.

But I was struck by a spell. And I don’t just mean from this one woman. I mean every woman in her 40s (give or take)

I now check out middle-aged women when I hit the grocery store, in a coffee house, when I’m out running. I’m looking for that sexy confidence, that wisdom, that I’m vibrant and alive and I don’t care what you think about me sort of attitude.

I can’t wait for the next high school sporting event, and not just to cheer on my daughter. I’ll be checking the stands over and over again for the ring-less middle-aged woman who makes me melt.

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Sexy Hookups Make Blogging More Fun!

I’ve been divorced ten years, and I’ve hooked up more than a few times. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s simply an artifact of being a middle-aged single parent in the suburbs. It’s hard finding a woman who wants to date, doesn’t mind that I have teens, has time to date, is attracted to me, and who is someone I’m attracted to on multiple levels (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually.) Hooking up provides much-needed intimacy when I’m in a dry spell, dating-wise.

Plus, hookups make blogging a lot more fun.

Case in point: remember my coffee date who just wanted rebound sex? Blog fodder, in spades.

Or that sexy wine country date I had with a Brasilian woman? She wanted to have car sex right there in a traffic jam. Ay carumba!

I have plenty of sexy and funny dating stories. In the archives, at least.

The reason this has come up right now is that I’m trying to stop hooking up, and open the way for the right woman to come into my life, be it for a long term relationship or a short-term snuggle fest. I’ve actually been in this mode for a while now. I’ve had some relationships (both dating and friends-with-benefits), and I don’t blog details about people I am currently seeing. I feel to do so disrespects their privacy, and it can only come back to bite me in the butt if (or when) things go downhill and we split.

Plus, it’s damn hard for a blogger to get a date with a new woman if she knows about my blog and she reads that I hooked up with someone else the night before!

And so, my blogging has been relegated to funny stories about recycling bottles and cans, and my teen son wanting ripped abs and massive pecs. (Of course, even dates gone bad can turn into good blog material if they involve a tattooed hooker on craigslist personals. Doh!)

At some point, I’ll stop this dating nonsense, and get back to generating blog topics the old-fashioned way – by hooking up!

p.s. if my date this weekend reads this post, please know all this hookup talk is humor! Fiction! Funny stuff! I made it all up while helping an old lady across the street, on my way to volunteering at the local animal shelter where I’m busy researching a cure for colds in cats.

That's what SHE said!

One of the great pleasures I get out of my current relationship is that we share a tremendous joy in "that's what SHE said" jokes.

For those unfamiliar with this gloriously immature guilty pleasure, here is its definition (one of many, I might add) as explained by the Urban Dictionary:

"A statement used to draw attention to a phrase that could possibly be interpreted as sexual innuendo."

For those of you who may not still "get it", let me provide another example:

My friend and I were talking about being able to draw when we were younger.

"I used to be really good with my hands, but now I just suck."

"That's what SHE said."

See?? Can you not just feel my joy???

Listen, there are times when it's completely inappropriate to say it, but I'm now finding myself being unable to control myself from even whispering the words under my breath.

It's happening at work when trying to plug an overhead projector into a laptop...

"Nothing's happening...maybe I should push it in harder."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when I order a pizza...

"Would you like a 12-inch?"

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when I parallel park my car...

"Jeez...that's a pretty tight fit."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when I've got a runny nose...

"I'm blowing and blowing and nothing comes out."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when I put on my seatbelt...

"I'm having a hard time sticking it in."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening at work again...

"At least you're staying on top of things."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when my parents drop by for a visit sooner than expected...

"You came so fast, I didn't have time to prepare."

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when I try new food...

"Is it supposed to taste this bad?"

"That's what SHE said!"


It's happening when a friend talks about her new piercing...

"It doesn't hurt to take it out, but it hurts to put it back in."

"That's what SHE said!"


Okay...that last one wasn't real.

As you can tell, I love this joke. I don't care how immature it is. I don't care how lame it is. I don't care how played-out it is. It makes me laugh and giggle like a little kid every time I say it (or hear somebody else say it).

Surely I'm not alone in my childish joy. Surely other couples have similar nonsensical things that are "just theirs" and brings them closer together, regardless of how silly it may seem. I can't be that difficult to find something that brings a couple closer together.

I mean...it can't be hard, can it?



THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

A Hot Dad's Failing Vision - Humor

Late-night talk show host and comic Craig Ferguson is around the same age as me. So when he makes fun of himself for feeling old, I can relate completely. I’m at the age where I can go to bed healthy, then wake up injured. And not from some weird sexual move. Just sleep!

When Craig Ferguson makes fun of old men, he makes his voice sound old, he pretends to use a walker, he acts like his hearing is gone, he feigns getting a botox treatment.

Craig, I have news for you – as Father Time wreaks havoc on my body, he’s going straight for my eyes. I can’t see shit anymore! (I exaggerate, but you get the point.)

To wit: I’ve worn glasses since I was five, so I’m pretty used to getting around with spectacles on. A few years back, though, I was wearing some fashionably small lenses and discovered I no longer had peripheral vision. I’d be in a bar (I’m a single parent on the dating scene), see a hot sexy woman walk by, attempt to slyly glance at her butt (I’m an ass man, dammit, and I love spooning naked. What can I say?) – only to discover I couldn’t see shit.

My solution? I had to turn my entire head in the direction of every hot woman’s ass that walked by. Talk about obvious. Yeah, I got some looks, especially for the occasional older men younger women scenario (Hey, it happens.) No slaps, thank goodness. I’ve since started wearing really big glasses. Almost like Harry Caray wore – yikes!

To wit: I can no longer read the wine list in a dimly lit restaurant or wine bar. The text is all fancy and small, and it just blurs up for me. No way am I going to bust out my reading glasses at a time like that. How the hell would I look at any hot women’s butts?

My solution? I fake like I’m wine savvy, and have the bartender lead me through his picks of something red, bold, not too sweet, leathery, peppery, whatever. Of course, I have no idea what price glass he’s hawking until I get the bill. But my Hot Dad-ness remains in tact. I’m no old man when I’m out. Sexy and funny is more my style.

I’m starting to wonder if Ben Franklin invented the bifocal just so he could order wine and check out women’s asses without having to swap the spectacles on his face, and without getting slapped.

Ben's a genius!

Harry Caray billboard photo by David Paul Ohmer, some rights reserved.

My First Girlfriend Post-Divorce

Eight months after my wife and I separated, friends introduced me to a woman who became my first serious girlfriend, post divorce. I was 37 at the time, and she was 28. Hints of an older men younger women dating relationship, but that's not what I found attractive in her. I was drawn to her vibrant feminine energy and enthusiasm for life.

Divorce was the most painful experience I ever endured. Even though my wife and I parted amicably, and made it a priority to put the kids first and co-parent as best we can, it took years to process the emotional demolition of our marriage.

Problem was, when I met my first post-divorce girlfriend, I hadn't even started the divorce detox process.

I was like Jon Gosselin dating like crazy, except I was out on the town with different women 3 nights a week. I kept telling myself I was trying to find someone to bring around the kids, but in hindsight I now see that was me deluding myself. Dating after divorce, I was sowing my wild oats, plain and simple.

And then I met this woman who became my girlfriend. She helped me become aware of my spiritual self, how we're all connected in the universe. How we're all part of one song. I wanted to see the world through her eyes. But of course, I had to see them through my own.

Could I have dated someone older? I doubt it. At the time, I was not ready for a "real" relationship. Oh, I thought this girlfriend was the one - she eventually met my kids, helped me pick out a house, showed me how to get in touch with my feelings. I fully intended to marry her.

But we pushed each other's buttons like crazy.

Fast forward ten years. I'm still single, but I'm wiser for the wear. I've been in some great long-term relationships, enjoyed some short-term flings, dated some women seriously, had more than a few one-night-stands.

Would I change anything? I'd like to see my kids every day. But other than that, no I would not. I've grown in ways that would not have been possible had I stayed married.

In case you're curious, I'm still looking for a younger woman to enter my life. Not tons younger, and not for the stereotypical disfunctional divorced male reasons. It's just this: when I was married, I was younger than my wife.

Now I'm at a point in life where I need to be the older person in the relationship.

When a Date Wants to Polish the (blank)

A recent date who came into my home suggested that something needed to be polished. Now, now, get your urban dictionary mind out of the knob-polishing gutter.

She noticed my highball glasses had water spots!

(For the record, I don't let just anyone into my house. I may be virile in my 40s with plenty of sexy and funny stories, but you gotta be eager.)

Apparently my date's mom had taught her to polish every glass as if you were a high-end restaurant. After all, you never knew who might come over, and how much it might be worth to impress them.

(When she said "worth", I sort of tuned out. Her family was into money, and her mom played hostess to daddy's CEO friends. Sounds like a lonely housewife to me. I just liquor my guests up on my best margarita recipe, and hope they don't notice water spots.)

The experience made me think - what things do I polish, and what do I let slide?

Cars - I know there are hot dads (and teen boys) who wax the hell out of their cars. They'll polish the hood, polish the wheels, polish the seats. Me? I'm lucky if the bug that splatted my windshield on highway 101 gets squeegeed off the next time I fill up on gas.

Chrome appliances - I polish my espresso machine (there's an eagle on top!), but I never polish my toaster. And yet, the toaster gets more fingerprints. Why do I not care about this much-used appliance? Um, because my kids get their grubby paws on it whenever they toast up pita bread for a hummus-slathered afternoon snack? (i.e. daily) It will just get finger-printy again.

Glasses (of the spectacle sort) - I polish the heck out of my glasses daily. I use glasses cleaner, and one of those micro-fiber cloths. More work than lasik, I suppose. But no one's cutting my eyes.

Martini shaker - I polish this every time I use it. Natch. (Did I mention there's a connection between drinking and sex?)

As for my date, it turned out she did actually enjoy polishing things besides highball, martini, and wine glasses.

I'll leave it at that, and keep this post PG-13.

Ask Hot Dads

We're just going to come right out and say it, you guys rule. You are sending us some awesome questions. And even though you have yet to stump us, that doesn't mean you should stop trying. Keep those questions coming and we will keep the wisdom flowing.

Hey...if you dig this feature, spread the word. Tell your friends that the answers to the universe can be found right here at Hot Dads.

Jessica asks...What is your favorite/book?

Daddy Geek Boy says…Journey To Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda.

Russ says...Watership Down.

Tent Camper says…This is really a tough one for me as I really don’t read. The last
book I read was A Long Way Gone…and I loved it! But I guess overall I’d have to say that the books that I have the fondest memories of would be The Jungle Book or Where the Wild Things Are….or any edition of Penthouse Forums.

DadsHouse says…I have to pick one? Top 3: What I Lived For, by Joyce Carol Oates. The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen. Independence Day, by Richard Ford.

Irish Gumbo says… Oh, lawd, so many...but the short answer is - Fiction: The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad Nonfiction: Outlaw Cook by John Thorne. Both say a lot about human nature, but in very different ways.

Hubman says…As much as I like to read, I don't think I have a favorite individual book. As a genre, I like reading histories and biographies. I just recently finished David Halberstam's book about the Korean War, "The Coldest Winter" and am currently reading LTG(R) Ricardo Sanchez's autobiography "Wiser in Battle". I especially enjoy reading about "great" figures in history, such as Einstein (Walter Isaacson's biography is fantastic), Benjamin Franklin (also by Isaacson) and Harry Truman (David McColloughs Pulitzer Prize-winnng book about him is on my to-reread list). Anyone have any suggestions? I'm always on the lookout for a good book.

Southern Sage says…The Art of War, Sun Tsu/Good to Great, Jim Collins/ any of the writings by the signers of the declaration or constitution.

Always Home and Uncool says…Non-fiction would be "Ball Four" by Jim Bouton, a groundbreaking diary of a once-successful Major League pitcher struggling to reinvent himself with the ill-fated expansion Seattle Pilots after an arm injury. Fiction, hmm, I have a soft spot for the summer nostalgia of "Dandelion Wine" and the carnival terror of "Something Wicked This Way Comes" by Ray Bradbury.

Athena asks...Is your wife's pussy your favorite, or are there pussies from your past that you still pine for? And why -- is it the hairstyle, the tightness or lack therefore, the association with childbirth, the size and shape? I need insight into the male sexual mind, please.

Daddy Geek Boy says…The most memorable one was the first one I ever saw in person, which was also the first one I ever touched. But I don’t think it’s really about size, hairstyle or shape, it’s about the person using it. WonderWife™, by the way, rocks my world.

Russ says…Wife's, only one I've had.

Tent Camper says…I am fairly sure that most guys would agree that …when there, it is
all the best. But Mariah’s pussy s by far my favorite. Not only how it feels, but what that amazing woman can do with it. I have actually forgotten that others even exist.

Dadshouse says…I'm divorced, but thinking back to girlfriends past, there is definitely one that I loved loved loved, and will never get out of my system. (sigh...) It's the smell, taste, response, and sexual chemistry.

Irish Gumbo says…Being recently divorced, I'll answer it this way: I pine for it/them in general. My favorite? The one that's right in front of me.

Hubman says…You realize my wife reads this, right? As swingers, she and I vow NEVER to compare other lovers- that is one of the basic, unbreakable rules that we have. Sure, some have been tighter, some looser, some deeper, some not-so-deep... But let's be real, if after almost 16 years of marriage I'm getting new pussy, with my wifes okay, do you really think I'm gonna complain?

Are there pussies I've had before and would like to have again? Oh hell yeah!!

Southern Sage says…I have never felt a discernible difference. Yhe best ones for me were the willing ones. If it/she is wiling, game and enthusiastic then game on. I have never known a bad one!

Always Home and Uncool says…Being a guy is less about yearning for past conquests and more about pining for the even more divine possibility we imagine still might be out there.

Amber asks.... Tell us one movie that you could lay claim to as a basis for a lot of your life lessons.

Daddy Geek Boy says…“Go that way really fast. When something gets in your way, turn.” - Better Off Dead

Tent Camper says…I can’t name one…but the top three would be; Lord of the Flies, Goodfellas and Shawshank Redemption…and a close next would be Boys in the Hood.

Dadshouse says…Tough question! I'll say Shakespeare in Love because the Bard is sort of a romantic bad-ass who tries to do whatever he wants, but still has to follow some societal rules.

Irish Gumbo says… Apocalypse Now...?

Hubman says…I think this quote sums it up pretty good: " Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin curveball, high fiber, good scotch... that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe there ought to be a Constitutional ammendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than on Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three nights."

If you don't know what movie that's from, shame on you!

Southern Sage says…Hmmmmmm I don't know but if its a movie I like the good guy is a tough guy and always gets the girl.

Always Home and Uncool says…It would have to be a double feature of "Almost Famous" (don't do drugs, don't let those swill merchants rewrite you, you're too sweet for rock and roll, etc.) and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (run away, let's not bicker and argue over who killed who, and after the spanking -- the oral sex, etc).

Not A Soccer Mom asks...What is your favorite day of the year?

Daddy Geek Boy says…This is going to surprise you, since I’m admittedly not a sports guy, but Super Bowl Sunday. It coincides with my birthday and for the past 15 years, I’ve been throwing a monster party where WonderWife™ and I cook up 7 new appetizers every year. We spend all morning cooking and all afternoon and night eating, drinking and celebrating with friends.

Russ says…The start of NCAA March Madness.

Tent Camper says…Besides everyday with Mariah….Thanksgiving…cuz it is all about family and love.

Dadshouse says…Any day my kids are at my house.

Irish Gumbo says…Just one?...Hmmm...if not by daughter's birthday, then the day after Thanksgiving.

Hubman says…After a long, cold New England winter, that first warm spring day when the ladies break out the summer clothes and show us some skin! Especially during those times in my life when I was on a college campus. Oh, I miss those days...

Southern Sage says…As far as a holiday it's Independence day, other than that its the first day of hunting season.

Always Home and Uncool says…June 28

Anjeny asks...Let's say you have a 15 year old daughter who took her friendship with an 18 year old boy to a more serious level and then you decided to end that friendship or relationship because quite frankly she's way too young to get tied down with just one boy. And then one night you found out she sneaked out of the house through her bedroom window to meet the boy at four o'clock in the morning....what would you do in this situation? How would you deal with that?

Daddy Geek Boys says…After I watched the movie Thirteen, I said if I ever had a girl, I was going to chain her in the basement until she was 18. Sprout is lucky, I guess, cause I don’t have a basement. I think it’s interesting that you say “she’s way too young to get tied down with just one boy.” Are you really suggesting that at 15 your daughter go out and play the field? If that’s the case, there must be something you don’t like about this boy. However, you’ve just made him forbidden fruit so the more you try to forcibly prevent your daughter from seeing him, the more she will try to sneak out. I think a deep heart to heart with your daughter where you lay out your feelings on this matter may be better than ultimatums.

Russ says...With lots of tears, followed by iron bars on her window.

Tent Camper says… Well, we’ve been close to that situation in the recent past…and I have personally been there, so my advice would be to sit with her and explain the reasons for why you don’t want her involved with him, the fact that it is illegal and what the consequences will be if she does it again. Then nail her window shut and take away cell or internet as a punishment.

Dadshouse says…Wow, another tough question. Yelling at her and being more strict might push her away from the family and towards the boy even further. Having a frank heart-to-heart to get her to envision life as a wife/mom with this boy might be a good tactic. I think it's important for her to be armed with enough information and a detailed enough mental picture of her future to make a good choice. In this case, the good choice is probably to not be with the boy long term. If there is any road trip planning going on, watch out. You don't want her to elope and force the issue.

Irish Gumbo says…Try tying her down again! (badabing! rimshot!) Seriously, you say she is way too young to get tied down with just one boy, does that mean you want her to be involved with more than one boy at a time (probably not) or don't want her involved with boys at all (likely) or you don't want her involved with this particular boy (very likely)? If its boys at all, you'll probably be in distress no matter who she sees. Is this particular boy a real creep or very undesirable in some or many ways? If he is, perhaps a talk with his parents is in order? Actually, maybe sitting down with the daughter in a neutral environment and having a calm discussion about what she sees in him, why she likes him, would help. Find out what’s in her head before getting too heavy with the punishment. Worth a shot, if it doesn't succeed, try a leash (I'm kidding).

Hubman says…By the time my daughter reaches the age of 15, she'll already be living in a convent, so this won't be an issue in our home.

Seriously, regardless of why, any time a kid feels like he or she needs to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, there are communication and trust problems between parent and child. I don't like the notion of a parent deciding to end a childs friendship or relationship- that's just asking for rebellion. Teen 'love' is a transient and fragile thing, so all I'd have to do is sit back, watch it flame out, and make sure my baby doesn't get hurt too bad in the process.

Southern Sage says…Well first ANYTIME my rules are broken the punishment is swift harsh and painful. Not knowing her and your situation its tough to specify. I would take whatever is most precious to her. I mean like ,dance, softball, computer, tv, cell phone etc. Probably a combination. She would then take on double chores. She would also pay some retribution. Volunteering somewhere, picking up trash at the park whatever.

I am a hard ass though. That's the punishment my 6 and 10 year old gets, except my 10 yr old almost never needs punishing anymore, since she had that style punishment since she was 5.

One last thing, and I do agree with you about being tied down. I started courting my bride when she was 15 I was 16/17, exclusively. Our mothers were agin it. we have currently been together 20 years. I realize that doesn't happen much but sometimes it works.

Always Home and Uncool says…After putting my daughter in a convent, I'd bring a friendly police officer over to the boy's house to nicely explain certain legal statutes concerning the age of consent while showing him how well oiled he keeps his firearm.

Choc Drop asks...So most of you grill or cook at least one thing, what is that and why do you like to make it?

Daddy Geek Boy says…On the grill, nothing beats a thick steak, minimally seasoned with salt, pepper and a dash or two of Worcestershire sauce. On the stovetop, I make a mean red sauce.

Russ says…Just one thing? I would go with grilled pork loin (butterflied and rubbed down with a garlic/rosemary/salt/pepper/olive oil paste)

Tent Camper says…Any red meat. I like to because everyone likes it and …it is MANLY!!! I also like making pasta dishes because the kids say that my pastas
are the best ever.

Dadshouse says..I cook practically every night, and I have a ton of favorite dishes. It all depends on the mood. One thing I really enjoy making is lentil pasta it takes time to cook, there's chopping involved to keep me busy, and it comes out different every time since I'm usually short at least one ingredient. That makes it an adventure.

Irish Gumbo says…One of my favorite things to grill is thick pieces of salmon, brushed with olive oil, sprinkled with salt, pepper and maybe some garlic, and cooked on a really hot cast iron griddle. Damn, that's good! I like it because I like salmon, I like cast iron, and I can do it with confidence. When not grilling, my favorite thing to make, although I don't get to make it very often, is (you guessed it) GUMBO! Chicken and sausage and shrimp, mmm, mmm, so good, you'll hurt ya self! It takes time to make (which is in short supply, alas), BUT I like making the roux (a long, slow stir), I like the smell of celery/onion/pepper when it hits the roux, I like the deep color, I like the flexibility of it --- you can a gumbo out of many, many things --- I like that it isn't fussy, I like the spiciness (or not), I like watching it simmer, I like smelling it simmer, I like sitting down with a beer and big bowl of gumbo...as the saying goes "Gumbo, it's good, that's all there is to it!" Time to make batch, ladies...

Hubman says…What sort of question is this? I always thought that it's in a man's DNA to enjoy grilling meat. Just look at the banner for this blog- it's meat on a grill! Burgers, steaks, pork chops, chicken, you name it, I like to grill it.

Southern Sage says…I don't and can't cook. I mean I can't cook toast. I was just recently housebroken so its one step atta time! I will eat anything though. The only 2 things I know of that I don't eat are cranberry sauce and brussels sprouts.

Always Home and Uncool says…I do most of the day-to-day cooking in the house, as My Love prefers to save her efforts to show off for parties and special occasions, and I love marinades and sauces and how can bring new life to boring meats and fish. Now that it's summer, though, I've been into coaxing our ice cream maker into creating chocolate chocolate chip ice cream because it's just so evil yet so good.

Where’s the Happy Ending?

I’m a divorced dad on the dating scene, and I’ve had some fabulous dates in the past few months, full of romantic compatibility with new women who have ventured into my life. Dinner, drinks, hikes, sexy text messages, movies. A few of these dates ended with hot moments on the couch, some even in bed.

Before you let out a big “woo-hoo!” (since you all are my personal cheering section when it comes to me “getting some”), let me point out that most of these women did everything BUT facilitate a happy ending. (Yes, I mean that kind of happy ending.)

Occam’s razor would say it’s something about me – I’m giving off the wrong vibe, I’m making them feel uncomfortable, I'm too old, my Most Wanted poster is finally up in the local Post Office.

Sorry, but I think Occam got this one wrong. Most of these women like me and want to keep dating me. They are more than willing to fool around. They just don’t want me to enjoy that happy ending – unless it comes with the strings of a relationship.

Now then, before you say “of course they should hold out for a relationship”, can I ask with a show of hands how many wives in married couples pull this same sort of stunt? The “not tonight I have a headache” routine is as old as time, and I have to believe actual headaches aren't always involved.

I’m guessing there are at least a few women who dole out happy endings only when their man has done everything she wants him to do. For some women, it’s a form of control. (I wonder if the Jon and Kate divorce got started over something like this. You never know.)(And before I start a Mars/Venus war here, I am saying "some" women, not all or even most. I generally hate generalizations.)

For this single dad on the dating scene, withholding a happy ending has the opposite effect. If I had a great third date with a woman, and we’re both willing to get hot and heavy on the couch, and she lets things go all the way up to that ecstatic tantric moment of bliss, then suddenly brakes to a complete stop – I’m thinking there are some relationship security or control issues going on.

These women can have their string-laden relationships. I’ll keep looking for a happy ending that leads to a wonderful new start.

Hot Dad - Sexy or Old?

A funny thing about blogging is seeing what sort of comments end up in my spam queue. As a single dad on the dating scene, it's not surprising that I'd get my share of spam for things like:

• Dating sites
  
• Sex toys
  
• Russian brides
  
• Porn
  

After all, I've posted all sorts of sexy stories and dating tips on my blog. There are sweet pick up lines for any occasion, sexy text messages you can't ignore, tantric breathing exercises for couples, advice on dating a hot teacher, having sex outside with a wild animal watching, drinking with lonely housewives, skinny dipping at club med, and other sexy and funny dating stories.

Not your typical parenting stuff!

Sometimes the spam just has a cut-n-paste list of URLs. Those are easy enough to ignore. But then there are spam comments that sound almost genuine, like the spammer actually read my blog and liked it! For instance:

Cool post, thank you for the information - I don't usually like to post blog comments but enjoyed this post. Please post more usefull stuff like this, I added you to my Google reader!

Nothing like stroking my ego and adding me to your reader to make me want to let that spam comment through! (Except that the link goes to a porn site. Doh!)

Over time, I noticed more and more spam comments for Viagra and Cialis. WTF?! I'm not that old. For the record, I have no trouble in the erectile functioning department. (Except for the fact that I don't have a woman in my life. That's dysfunctional! And no, I don't need a sexy stripper like Marisa Tomei from The Wrestler. A girl next door will do just fine.)

I soothed my ego by telling myself those spam comments were meant for some of the much older male readers of my blog.

But the other day, a spam comment showed up that genuinely disturbed me.

It was all about colon cleansing products!

What, am I suddenly 90 years old?

Sigh. Maybe it was my Quaker oatmeal post that did my demographic in.

Can someone please spam me some Viagra?