I don’t know if it only happens where I live…or if this epidemic occurs allover the country…or the world, but I have to lay it out for you…you know, my form of therapy.
The question that we will be discussing today is: Why the hell do people who cantfreakindrive buy cars that they are scared to drive?I run into this all the time and it is causing me great mental anguish and lending itself to my pre-Happy Hour drinking.
Whether I am at the coffee shop, grocery store, surface street or highway, I find these middle aged to elderly people driving around in $150,000 cars and they take 20 minutes to get in or out of any given parking space…or they wait at an intersection til they can’t see anyone coming for 18 freakin blocks…or they drive 30 miles an hour in the fast lane (though in some parts of LA…that is pretty good.)
It is either that, or, they drive like they own the world. Granted, I don’t know who these people are and they may well be the mayor of our city, or the King of Santa Monica or something. But this drives me absolutely insane.
My thoughts are:
1. If you are a shitty driver and can’t park worth a damn…get a Cooper Mini.
2. If you don’t pay attention while you drive…buy a junker and put a sign on it saying that you’re a shitty driver.
3. If you own a section of town or a specific road, indicate it with a large lettered sign, so that the rest of us can get the hell out of your way.
And for those of you that just have these cars to show the rest of us how much money you have…trade it in and wear a jewel encrusted crown, or a jacket made out of stitched together 100 dollar bills.
