Tuesday, March 31, 2009
1. Go directly from the airport to the supermarket.
2. Buy a big steak and a case of Guinness.
3. Go home and fire up the TV. Do not turn it off.
4. Crank the volume on the sound system.
5. Start drinking.
6. Use the bathroom with the door open.
7. Smoke a cigar on the back porch (shower afterward optional).
8. Play music really loud through the house, especially any songs with “explicit” lyrics that normally can’t be played in front of the young ‘uns.
9. Grill every meal.
10. Memorize number for food places that deliver.
11. Sleep in late.
12. Strut around nude.
13. Don’t shave (weekend only).
14. Movie marathon / Sports all of the time (depending on your preference).
15. Showers optional (weekend only).
16. Watch porn wherever you damn well please.
17. Do laundry only when necessary.
18. Food shop only when necessary.
19. Leave dishes in the sink (because you can).
20. Hook video game system up to the good TV. Play whenever the urge strikes.
21. Cold Chinese food for breakfast.
22. Cold pizza for breakfast.
23. Don’t make the bed.
24. Poker night.
25. Miss his wife and kids.
How about you? What do you do when given the gift of solitude?
Monday, March 30, 2009
TentCamper (I Pee In The Wind) says: Obviously Mariah (you) reads my blog and I think that our eldest daughter has seen it a few times…other than that my ex-wife does (at least I think she does) I sometimes hesitate knowing that our daughter might read it, but we’ve talked with her abut it and explained that what we write is a combination of fiction and non fiction. I feel comfortable with what I write and do not really care who sees it. If you KNOW me…you won’t judge me.
Cameron (Get The Stink Off) says: My wife does not read it, she knows I blog but doesn't read it. My MOM once stumbled upon it, she said it was funny except I use the f-bomb too much. I told her it's probably not material for MOM and to NOT read it anymore.
DaddyGeekBoy says: My wife is a regular reader. The rest of my family checks in sporadically. For a while, my mom-in-law’s excuse was that she didn’t think she was "supposed" to be reading it. I kindly explained to her that when I’m posting things for the entire world to see, she was included in the target audience. Because my blog is public, I don’t delve into my extended family’s dynamics. Though there’s a lot I could write about, it will remain private.
Hubman (Hubman’s Hangout) says: Oh hell no! Have you seen my blog? I suspect that I'm the odd-ball among the Hot Dads in that my wife and I have sex with others and we write about it, and post the occasional nekkid pictures. So yeah, I have the freedom to say whatever I want, but would NOT be pleased if other family members found it.
Southern Sage (Welcome to Sageville) says: Not no but Hell no! (at least I sure hope not!)
David (Dad’sHouse) says: My brother does. One time, I told a story about him and my daughter, and I took some artistic license that made him look bad. HE COMMENTED! Oh shit. Sorry, bro!
Russ (Dads Who Mock the World) says: The Wife does and I do pull some punches.
LiteralDan says: Some of my immediate family members read my blog regularly, and other relatives read occasionally. I wouldn't say outright that it inhibits my writing, but I know this fact does affect it in small ways, some posts more than others.
Kevin (AlwaysHomeAndUncool) says: My wife does regularly, which is cool, and my sister does occasionally, which is a bit freaky because -- eeew, it's my sister. I'm not sure it inhibits me much because I'm generally as odd, whiny and annoying on my blog as I am in real life.
2. Some of the Hot Dads post some highly intimate moments in their lives on the HD blog and on their own personal blogs (the sex toys post comes to mind). How do the wives/girlfriends/significant others feel about that information being shared?
Also, have any of their kids stumbled across these posts?
TentCamper (I Pee In The Wind) says: As you know…from the above question, Mariah reads everything I post and …we sit right next to each other while writing and blogging…so I hide nothing. There are things that I don’t talk about, but she is not one who is scared to talk about sex…and we do not know all of you. It is not like I will run into you at church or the elementary school. See above answer about kids.
Cameron (Get The Stink Off) says: I don't really post super-intimate stuff. My wife doesn't really care what I write, as long as I don't paint her in a horrible light. She is actually more concerned with me posting stuff about the kids….a privacy thing.
And Nope, kids are too young to surf.
DaddyGeekBoy says: My blog generally makes me look clueless while hoisting my wife upon a golden pedestal festooned with rose petals dipped in chocolate, so she generally doesn’t have a problem with it. My kids are too young to read, so when I read it to them I just substitute “Curious George” for myself and they’re amused.
Hubman (Hubman’s Hangout) says: While my wife (Another Suburban Mom aka Veronica) and I have our own blogs, there are no "blog secrets" between us. There are things we choose not to share, but not much ;-) Our son, who is 8, knows we have a blog, but that's it. Someday we'll have to get serious about password protecting the computer.
David (Dad’sHouse) says: My kids avoid my blog like the plague. As for hot women in my life... they avoid me like the plague! (Someone set me up with their sister or their cousin. Okay, or their wife. Whatever!)
Russ (Dads Who Mock the World) says: I don't share that info, and my kids can't read.
LiteralDan says: This one hasn't been a problem for me, both because I haven't gone down this road yet, and because my kids are more at the D-O-G, C-A-T stage of reading. But I'm pretty sure that my wife wouldn't be okay with me getting into it online anyway, so that should leave me a clear field to traumatize my future teenagers in plenty of other ways.
3. My friends accuse me all the time of flirting...I call it being nice, getting along, enjoying someone else's conversation, having cool things in common...
One of the best things about my guy is that he knows that I'm just being me, he's totally chill about it.
But my girlfriends are telling me that I give my guy friends the wrong idea...that there is NO SUCH THING as having a guy friend when you are married.
I say that is BS...but they don't agree...
But from a guy's perspective how do you feel about flirting...is there such a thing as innocent flirting amongst males and females? Without being accused of wanting to be a swinger...I'm married so it makes me curious? :)
TentCamper (I Pee In The Wind) says: I am a bit on the fence with this one. I have no problems with her having guy friends…and really not problem with being a bit flirty. I guess that where it may be difficult for me would be if I did not know her guy friends and when she did stuff with them, I was not allowed to go. That would look like she was trying to hide this relationship from me.
Other than that…be flirty, be friends with whoever you want…just keep me involved enough not to worry about the intentions of either party.
Cameron (Get The Stink Off) says: In my opinion, guy / girl relationships exist for one reason only: the guy is hoping to get in the girl's pants. A little flirting might be ok, and maybe it can even spice up a relationship, but the guy you are flirting with is thinking one thing: "I wanna hit that". Guys think with their dicks. The only guy / girl relationship that works is the GAY guy / girl relationship.
DaddyGeekBoy says: As long as there is nothing from one person going into an orifice of the other, I say flirt away. If you and your partner have trust in the relationship, you’ll know where the boundaries are. I have deep trust in my marriage, but it also helps that I’m not the jealous type. It sounds to me like your girlfriends are bringing their own issues into your relationship. If you and your guy are cool, kindly tell your friends to fuck off and go flirt with that guy at the end of the bar who bought you that round of drinks.
Hubman (Hubman’s Hangout) says: Did you read my answer to #1? Flirting is an integral part of getting to know a (hopefully) future lover for both of us. We both flirt all the time. Hey, what's wrong with being a swinger? *wink*But to get back to your question, of course there is such a thing as innocent flirting. As Veronica says "I don't flirt, I'm just friendly!"
Southern Sage (Welcome to Sageville) says: Ok here is one I can opine on. You do not have any straight male friends that have not and do not think of having your ankles on your shoulders and havin some red hot monkey lovin going on up in there. Guys don't have female friends they don't wanna lay. Your intent might be fun and platonic, his is not. He'd hit it. The only way to let him know that isn't your intent is to be a bitch to him all the time.
David (Dad’sHouse) says: There is no innocent flirting. I think married women can have guy friends. But flirting only leads to two things. 1) sex. 2) blue balls. (I love how on hot dads, I can just speak truth, and not be PC)
Russ (Dads Who Mock the World) says: Sure there is, unless my Wife is involved.
LiteralDan says: I say the only unconditional guiding light for advice here is what your partner is comfortable with. You say your husband is totally okay with your brand of flirting, whatever it may be, and if that's true, then you already know it doesn't matter what other people say. One person's bawdy limerick is another's application for a scarlet letter, you know?
Kevin (AlwaysHomeAndUncool) says: I have more female friends than male friends, which on occasion annoys my wife as I'm an incurable flirt. Then she looks deep into her heart and deep into my eyes and remembers that I'm all-talk, no-action. To me, all flirtation is innocent until the flirter acts on it. If the flirtee acts, then he/she needs to accept it when he/she is told he/she was being messed with. Then, the flirtee must walk away and suffer the humiliation in silence, taking it to the grave. You, on the other hand, obviously have some intimacy issues that need to be discussed more in depth, so have a seat on my lap and let's talk more about you.
4. What is one habit (or quirk) that your significant other has that you wish she did not have?
TentCamper (I Pee In The Wind) says: If you read ManicMariah you would know that she has many quirks…but the one that comes to mind instantly is the fact that she has to have Sammy, the fucking Cockatiel, on her shoulder while we eat dinner…and she proceeds to chew food and then let that little fucker eat out her mouth. That has GOT TO STOP!!!
Cameron (Get The Stink Off) says: My wife dunks everything in ranch dressing, and quite honestly, I'm grossed out by the shit. The smell alone makes me sick. We agree to disagree on that.
DaddyGeekBoy says: When it comes to cleanliness, she’s Oscar and I’m Felix.
Hubman (Hubman’s Hangout) says: She often tries to finish my sentences for me, even when it's just the two of us having a conversation. Can I please finish my thought?
Southern Sage (Welcome to Sageville) says: She is a stachel whore. If they sold vibrating gyrating deep plunging satchels that were gainfully employed I'd be gone gone gone.
Russ (Dads Who Mock the World) says: type A personality
LiteralDan says: It really makes me sound like a wife, which is an occupational hazard as a stay-at-home dad, but throwing shit on the floor, especially right next to where it should go, drives me more insane than any child ever will.
I hate cleaning, so I almost never do it, and my way of not ending up on a daytime talk show intervention for pack rats is to at least put whatever easy stuff I can back where it goes when I use it, so if I ever actually do have to clean something, I don't have to spend hours throwing fucking socks in a hamper and sticking the inexplicable million pairs of shoes back into the giant shoe cubby thing we desperately needed, for example.
Hey, anyone have a stress ball handy?
Kevin (AlwaysHomeAndUncool) says: I just asked her what she thought it was and she quickly rattled off half a dozen -- not changing the TP roll, putting near empty food containers back in the fridge, etc. But alas, none of them was her regularly telling me she's too tired for romance then staying awake for another hour to watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.
5. Who do your kid(s) usually come to when they want a “yes” answer…or when they’ve done something wrong.
TentCamper (I Pee In The Wind) says: They go to Mariah…but I am step dad and a tad more cut and dry when it comes to the rules and such. Need to show the kids that I am strong, both as a parent and protector. I am really pretty easy going though.
Cameron (Get The Stink Off) says: I'm the push-over in the family, but I've learned that I prefix everything with, "What did your mom say?" or "Did you ask your mom."
DaddyGeekBoy says: The Bean, who is 3, has recently started asking the other parent the same request when the other gives him an answer he doesn’t like—the tricky little fucker. He hasn’t yet figured out who is the “yes” parent or who is more lenient. Honestly, I’m not sure WonderWife™ and I know that yet either.
Hubman (Hubman’s Hangout) says: Our kids are still too young to figure out how to play us off one another. We're both as likely to be the meany and say "NO!". lol....
Southern Sage (Welcome to Sageville) says: Their momma unless their grandmomma is available.
David (Dad’sHouse) says: They play their mom and me off each other. We're divorced, so it's actually a great skill my kids are honing to keep both of us in the lurch, or to pit the blame on the other home. I think my kids will be outstanding hostage negotiators someday.
Russ (Dads Who Mock the World) says: kids are too young to be that devious.
LiteralDan says: My wife and I are both pretty hard-core, and usually on the same page about discipline and such, at least so far, so I think my kids are both pretty much fucked for finding a soft touch in our house, but then, my daughter hasn't yet hugged me goodbye on her way to the first day of school...
We may have a winner... but not today.
Kevin (AlwaysHomeAndUncool) says: My kids don't play this game with us because we always put up a united front … that being we are both generally pushovers in our own special ways when it comes to them.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job for the extra income that we need. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I now usually get home from the pub about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she nearly always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't shout at her, instead I tell her to take her time
and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch at the pub so eating out again is out of the question; I'm ready for some home cooked food when I get home. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's usual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to do the shopping during her lunch hour. But we take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then won't hurt her. I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She has to take a rest when she was only half finished mowing the lawn and several extra breaks when she's vacuuming through the house. It does annoy me vacuuming when I'm trying to watch match of the day but I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to make herself a nice cup of tea and just sit for a while, and as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other eh? Ron died suddenly last week. He was found with a 20-inch Stanley screwdriver rammed up his jaxi with only 2 inches showing. His wife Julie was arrested and put on trial. The all-woman jury accepted her defence that he accidentally sat on it.
Ha! I need a shirt like this!
Ever wonder why raincoats are yellow? Well now ya know!
Some people would find these hiring practices wrong, I'm not one of those people!
haaaaaaaaaaaa that looks like something my kids would do!
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
I had some words with my wife, and she had 20some paragraphs with me.
Ok caption contest! Lemme see what y'all got!
Some other slides posted in Sageville (NSFW)
Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!
Friday, March 27, 2009
While on the walk, make sure you come up behind two blind people and their seeing eye dogs. Have your dog lose her shit at the seeing eye dog and attack it. (Biting it in the lip, no blood drawn thankfully.) What do you do? Let go of the stroller with your two children? Thus letting it, potentially, drift off into on coming traffic. Hold on to the stroller and let go of the dog? Thus guaranteeing a lawsuit. Or hold on to both and hope that you don't catapult your child into said on coming traffic? Which is what I did.
Evidently, having the pooch on a short lease did not help out. But, while my dog, most certainly provoked the other dog, a seeing eye dog is supposed to ignore distractions. They are most certainly not supposed to snap back (which put the beast in range of my dog, thus the lip incident).
What do you do?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Ok I know I posted this in Sageville but I know a lot of y'all don't participate over there. Here is a good cause and even you other Hot Dads can play for extra donations!!!
Check it out!
Ok its on again..... The Boobie-thon. The ever so Boob-i-rific Snarkalicious one is having a Boobie-thon. Here's what she says....
I will post the photos weekly (I can link you, or you can submit anonymously) and keep a running tab of money raised. If you don't feel like you can participate by showing your boobs (again, tasteful - cleavage is okay, nipples not so much), please consider making a direct donation. You can also help by donating prizes to be awarded to Boob-A-Thon participants (contact me if you'd like to help).
The stipulations are: 1) Submission must be tasteful
2) Submission must be your own (please don't send me photos of your neighbor's rack - I don't want any nasty grams in my inbox)
3) Only one submission per person (if you are undecided and want to send a couple photos, that is fine, but I will select which to post, and it will only be counted as 1 monetary amount) 4) While I am hoping that I will get more submissions than I can keep up with, please understand that I am not a millionaire (plus, I have a NKOTB habit to support!) and will need to cap off the donations at the amount that best suits myself and my family
How to participate: Email me at snarkysarah AT gmail DOT com Include your name (or blog name) and if you would like to be linked or not Keep yourself healthy, check your "girls" and Remember Betty...
Remember that boobs are earning $2 for each submission (in the case of Barb & her daughter - that's a $4 earning!).
And to spice it up a bit - I will pay $3 for each MAN that submits his boobs!!!!
So, let's go!!!!
Email your submission to:
snarkysarah AT gmail DOT com
The Boob-A-Thon is running until at least March 30th so there's still plenty of time!
Extra for guys? Come on now fella's don't be a candy ass. Send her your boobie pic!
Who is in for that? Own your decision folks, either "I'm in" or "no thanks I'm a sissy I hope they never cure breast cancer, I hate boobies." Let me know how you are gonna play it.
Two options really.
Check out the first two weeks submissions! HERE and HERE.
If you must you can copy us on your pics!
Ok the facts are that exactly 1 one, o-n-e, uno guy sent last year.......... that'd be me. We have already doubled that because my bud Hubman sent his is. Let get 10 guys, come o fella's, don't be a split tail......... Tent, you in? Russ? The rest of y'all? ****Edit... 2 HOTDADS (and one HOTDADS Bride) representin!! I'm thinking at least some of you other HD's and a big ole bunch of you sexy ladies reading will submit.
Tell Mrs. Snarky HotDads sent you.
Surely 10 of y'all chicks will send pics and 5 of y'all hot dads!! Do it now. Point, Click, Send!
Come on, don't suck, send em in!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I took a seat and dug into the mountain of paperwork, which included a plethora of Really Useful information about vasectomies. The doc was already a half-hour late, so with nothing better to do, I began to read. Amongst the papers was a jaunty little pamphlet simply titled “Vasectomy” in big bold letters that had a lot of illustrations. It was like an elementary school book, only with a lot more penises. On the cover, a cartoon couple was holding hands on the beach. The man had a sly look on his face, as if he had just asked his wife to do it right there on the sand. The wife had a slightly annoyed look, as if her husband had just asked her to do it right there on the beach. It was not clear if the man had just been snipped or was just about to be.
Inside, the pamphlet offered an idealized world of vasectomies. Everything was bright and clean, without pain or suffering. One picture promised what I could expect after the surgery:
Look at how happy the man is in his Lay-Z-Boy and slippers. Look at how happy his wife is to serve him. See, it isn't so bad...you get apple slices! I’m glad I have this booklet so if WonderWife™ refuses to bring me apple slices, I can wave it around and say, “But the pamphlet says you have to!”
The doc finally showed up and after approximately three seconds of small talk asked me to take off my pants. He made a comment about the room being cold. Normally I would take offense to this, but the truth is that things had tightened up down there. A strange man had just asked me to strip down and lie on a table, I couldn’t really blame my boys for trying to take refuge in the upper regions of my body. There was a bit of poking and prodding, which would normally fall under the category of “unpleasant” but the after the realization that the next time this guy would be in the vicinity of my crotch he would be cutting into it, I figured that this was as good as my balls were going to get during this adventure.
This doc uses a “no scalpel” technique, in which he performs the operation with a single punch through the scrotum. It sounded more like getting an ear pierced at the mall than sterilization. (Maybe I could get an Orange Julius afterward.) The literature I received described it as an “elegant way for the surgeon to perform the operation.” Although this conjured up images of top hats, monocles, classical music and caviar, somehow I doubted the actual procedure would be that civilized. The doc went on to tell me more details of the procedure, but to be honest once he started talking about incisions I lost my focus. To say I’m a wimp about this sort of stuff is completely underselling it.
Because of some of the comments in my first post, I was compelled to ask about the permanence and success rate for these things. The doc said that a vasectomy reversing itself is very rare and he’s only had one reversal in the 20 plus years he’s been practicing. So those of you who had “reversal babies” make up slightly more than 1% of all vasectomy procedures done. You guys should start playing the lottery.
Finally, I was given the option of local versus twilight anesthetic. The twilight option would knock me out and was described by the doctor as “fun" though fun is hardly a word I’d associate with any part of this endeavor. Because I’m a “real man” I opted for the local (also because I know that any anesthetic has risks and it seemed pointless to be knocked out for a 15 minute procedure). “In that case,” the doc said, “You’ll be able to drive yourself home.” This seemed odd to me since I had just signed 150 pages of paperwork promising that I would do no such thing.
And that was it. The consult was over in five minutes and I was now beyond the first, and only, obstacle that stood between me and the knife.
The surgery will be in a few weeks and the first pangs of nervousness are beginning to bubble up.
To be continued…
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
There was a concussion after running into a pole while in a kindergarten, a broken rib suffered in a baseball game as a 12-year-old, a deep cut to my right knee from a bike spoke, and I almost cut a pinkie finger off while working as a slicer at an Italian restaurant as a teenager. Throw in four surgeries for various health issues, and it shouldn't surprise that many of the hospital staff knew me on a first name basis.
After each trip, my parents always had some gift waiting for me at home. It always made me feel loved when I walked into my room and found some present waiting for me on my bed.
On Thursday afternoon, I was able to do the same thing for one my own daughters. I received a call during my last class from her mother that Shelby split her chin open after falling on a toy box. I left work in a hurry and spent the afternoon with my six-year-old in a local urgent care.
The result was a night that neither of us will ever forget.
She received six stitches to close up a cut that the doctor said was one of the worst she had seen. My daughter was a trooper during the ordeal and I knew I had to come up with something to give her like my parents had for me after my hospital visits.
I had two tickets to a Los Angeles Lakers' game later that night and had troubles finding someone to go with me. While waiting to be seen, I had received a number of text messages from friends saying that for some reason or other they would not be able to join me to watch one of the best teams in the NBA.
Shelby kept telling me different friends I should try and invite to the game, but never came up with person I knew I should take.
"Hey, I know someone I can take to the game," I said.
She smiled so big at my response that the doctor warned her about possibly reopening her cut. We both laughed at that and walked hand in hand out the door.
She talked endlessly during the two-hour drive and never stopped asking questions about what she was going to see. I have never seen her so excited, however, it would have been nice for a few quiet moments while trying to navigate through LA traffic.
As soon as we walked into Staples Center, she had to have a Lakers' t-shirt, a foam finger in the shape of the No. 1 sign, an ice cream cone, and a large bottle of water. She was quickly becoming an expensive date.
While waiting for the game to start, she asked me what I thought was an innocent question. It ended up being a dig at her old man.
"Dad, who do you think will win the game?"
"The Lakers are going to win for sure, baby."
"Well, that will be nice. Your basketball and football teams never win."
She is definitely my daughter.
Despite that comment, we had a great night and the Lakers did win. She stood up the entire game cheering and yelling "MVP" every time the Kobe Bryant got the ball.
As we walked out, she said thanks and that she had a great time. Shelby even said that she was glad that she got hurt and was able to spend the night all on her own with me.
I couldn't have agreed with her more.
Monday, March 23, 2009
From this point forward, questions can be submitted in the comments section (just preface with Ask Hot Dads) and we will include your name and link to you with our answers…or you can email questions if you would rather your question be anonymous.
Without further ado, I present you with the first installment of Ask Hot Dads.
Would you rather your lady pretend not to be interested in sex, or would you prefer they tell you the actual reason why. For this question I am thinking about personal disgusting body reason ie: gas, constipation, possible contagious itch down there etc.....?
TentCamper says: Tell me the truth. The last thing I want is to be mid-stroke and have her fart or poo on me. There are plenty of other things that can be done and numerous hours in the day.
Dads Who Mock The World says: Give me the real reason why. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: Generally, I'd just prefer she pretend to be interested in sex.
DaddyGeekBoy says: It’s a slippery slope. If a woman pretends not to be interested in sex, it’s easy to fall into a “Ray Romano” situation, where the man continuously begs for sex and the woman continuously rejects him. Pretty soon the house is filled with canned studio audience laughter and a pesky mother-in-law who’s always butting her nose into everyone’s business. Before you know it, it’s been 8 seasons and the man is still not having sex.
However, if the woman keeps using personal issues as an excuse to avoid sex, the man may begin to worry what the hell is wrong with her and why she can’t stay healthy.
So either way, it’s really a gamble.
Cameron says: I would rather know the reason…even if it’s not the most flattering. Poor communication can quickly spiral into other problems.
Sage says: I'd want her to tell me!
Hubman says: I assume we're talking a one time thing, a "not tonight, honey" situation. I'd rather she just tell me the reason why. Even if it's "My pillow is more appealing to me right now that you are." Hell, we normally have sex 5-6 days a week, I can't expect to have sex every day, can I? Wait, don't answer that!
Do you think that dads should talk to tween and teen girls about menstruation and sex…or should that be left to the mother? (and the same question about boys…sex and wet dreams with moms or dads?)
TentCamper says: I think that they should make it known that they understand and are there to talk at any time, but if the child feels more comfortable talking with the same sex parent…make it easy for the child.
Dads Who Mock The World says: Mom is better, but Dad is better than nothing. Mom has been there and done that, I'd just be guessing.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: I think parents should tackle sex talk together when possible, but I'm leaving the menstruation talk to My Love because I believe in letting a proven expert do her job.
DaddyGeekBoy says: While I’m all for equality, I have spent a great deal of my life avoiding learning about menstruation, so I wouldn’t consider myself the best person to talk to about that kind of stuff. I would probably just shove a copy of “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret” in their hands and call it a day.
On the flip side, it’s probably easier for a dad to turn the shame of a wet dream into something more comfortable—and give tips about how to best hide the soiled sheets.
I think it really comes down to which parent will be able to giggle less during these talks.
Cameron says: Ideally, I would think that the ladies would speak to their daughters about their periods, etc…and the men speak with the boys about sex and boners and all that good stuff. I think it’s just easier to relate if you know what the hell you’re talking about. I can’t imagine trying to tell my daughter about tampons or PMS or any of that. Having said that though, there are single dads and single moms that have to handle both sides, and to them I say, “Bravo.”
Sage says: I think the mom should talk about to the girls and dads to the boys if that is possible. One who has the same plumbing could better explain, answer questions and understand.
Hubman says: When the time comes, I'll handle the guy stuff with our son and Veronica can handle the girl stuff with our daughter. Sure, I could talk about menstruation, but I'm lacking the personal perspective, you know? Let the expert handle that!
In your house, who is better with gadgets and tools?
TentCamper says: I am….by far!!!! Though she is a wizard with my ‘tool.’
Dads Who Mock The World says: Me, but she has more tools than I do.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: By leaps and bounds, me. Wait -- is this a veiled question about sex toys?
DaddyGeekBoy says: My handle is “Geek Boy”, I’ll let you figure that one out.
Cameron says: My wife sucks at all gadgets and tools…it takes her a long time to figure out how to switch from the cable to dvd, and if she needs a picture hung on the wall, forget about it.
Sage says: Me I suspect though I am no pro.
Hubman says: Me, by a long shot. If Veronica picks up a power tool, get ready for a trip to the ER!
How, honestly, do you consider yourself as a lover? (comparatively to the general population) TentCamper says: I love making love and think that I am pretty good, but I know that there are areas where I could improve. 41 and still learning.
Dads Who Mock The World says: Average, but getting better.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: Underutilized.
DaddyGeekBoy says: I haven’t slept with most of the general population, so I don’t feel right comparing. But I’m pretty confident with my abilities in the bedroom.
Cameron says: Honestly I think I’m good…not great but good. This may sound kinda gay, but it really turns me on to know that my wife is getting off. What can I say, I’m a giver. I say good, not great, because I remember 15 years ago when I could hump away for hours. I guess it’s just old age or whatever, but I don’t have the same stamina that I did when I was 17. What I now lack in stamina, I make up in foreplay.
Sage says: Over the top generous.
Hubman says: Aren't we all the best ever? I know I am ;-) We are The Hot Dads, after all!!
What has changed (romantically) the most in your relationship with your spouse since you had your first child?
TentCamper says: Complicated for me…but with ManicMariah, getting caught up in the daily lives of 6 kids leaves us with minimal time for each other. Sex is great, but not as spontaneous as it once was.
Dads Who Mock The World says: Sex, we have it more.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: We now lock the bedroom door.
DaddyGeekBoy says: We play a lot more Scrabble and have a lot less sex.
Cameron says: Less sex…but I don’t think it had anything to do with our first child. We were kinky fuckers after our first child. It was the second child. It’s not twice as hard with two kids, it’s 10 times harder. By the end of the day, we’re just too damn tired a lot of the time to get it on. Anybody wanna babysit?
Sage says: morning sex, I think I recall having it, but not in yearsssssssssss
Hubman says: At least once a month we get a sitter and have date night, just the two of us. We never did that before we had the kids. While it's not a romantic gesture per se, it helps to keep the spark alive.
Do you parent the way that you thought you would before marriage?
TentCamper says: For the most part yes…but I do find myself flipping back and forth between my two personalities (king and friend) randomly.
Dads Who Mock The World says: Mostly, but I am less of a hard ass than I thought I would be.
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: Generally, yes. Of course, I didn't really think about it much before marriage. Kids -- Daddy's sorry.
DaddyGeekBoy says: I always thought I’d be a dad like Alan Thicke on “Growing Pains”, but I’ve come to realize that I’m funnier (though the bar’s not very high) but also stricter.
Cameron says: I think so…I’m the easy going parent, I spoil the kids a little more than I should and I play with them and let them burp and fart and laugh and play with little restrictions.
Sage says: Yes.
Hubman says: I'm a little bit more of the disciplinarian than I thought I would be, but otherwise I think so. Of course, I've been married 15 yrs and the memory ain't what it used to be, so who knows what I thought back then!
What would a perfect date with your woman consist of?
TentCamper says: A slow boat ride to Catalina, making love and fooling around the whole way there. Champagne and a candle light dinner at our beach campsite. Walks and talks along the deserted shoreline at sunset. Roaring fire outside our tent while we make love into the night. (Yes…this is a dream fantasy…I see no reality here…at least until the kids are all off to college.)
Dads Who Mock The World says: What is this "date" you speak of?
AlwaysHomeAndUncool says: We meet on a train in Europe and wind up spending one romantic evening together in Vienna. During this, my wife speaks with an adorable French accent and I have a rakish looking partial goatee.
DaddyGeekBoy says: A long, leisurely three course meal at a fine restaurant.
Cameron says: Big steak dinner, maybe head to a bar for a few drinks and some music, then home for some kinky, wild sex.
Sage says: Her 2 best friends and a whirlpool full of cool whoop!
Hubman says: We actually do this every once in a while. We first go our for dinner, it doesn't really matter where, as long as we don't have to cook or clean up and the kids aren't there to bug us. Then we go to our favorite strip club, Veronica gets a lap dance or two while I watch, then we go home and have hot sex!
How do you parent, in general, differently from the way your father did?
TentCamper says: I grew up with a distant father and a stepfather, who were very different from each other, but all-in-all I would say that my main focus as a dad is to be there for my kids, be very hands on and make them know that they come first. I did not have that feeling as a child.
Dads Who Mock The World says: I am much more involved. Not a knock on him, he was working three jobs (literally) so my Mom could say home with my sister and me.
DaddyGeekBoy says: I change diapers. I get on the floor and play with my kids. But as my oldest kid approaches the tender ghastly age of three and a half, I’m learning that in attitude I’m very much like my father. This scares the hell out of my wife.
Cameron says: I’d say I’m not quite as strict as my dad was. He was (is) a good father, but he was a little strict..
Sage says: I am harder on mine, though my father was very tough. But basically the same.
Hubman says: I'm much more interested in who my son is friends with, how his day in school was, etc than I ever remember my father being. Darling Boy and I do a lot of things together, but I have few if any memories of my dad and I having what my son calls "man time". I'm not sure how much of that is related to my dad's alcoholism and how much of it was a function of the hours he worked at the airport. My step-father, whom my mom married when I was 22, is much more of a role model than my biological dad ever was.
I hope that you have all got a little something from our answers. We tried not to use too many medical or scienticic terms so that everyone could understand.
....even if we only help one person...our efforts are not for nothing.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women 's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma '
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Have you forgotten?
Forgotten that feeling of phantom forgetfulness?
Well, I haven’t. It is a regular phenomenon here in the household of Single Parent Dad.
What is worse is when you think that you have remembered what it is you were labouring over, only to discover, that actually it is in excess to the thing that initially sent your mind into frustrating numbness.
I must be pregnant.
Oh, forgot, that default dubious excuse is the sole reserve of the fairer sex.
At the end of last week, well nearly the end (my son finishes nursery on a Thursday), we were on our walk home when the eerie feeling of neglect consumed my tiny mind.
Child – Check.
Child’s coat – Check.
Child’s hi-vis – Check.
Child’s bag – Check.
Child’s nursery output for the day – Check.
Letters/ Invites/ Invoices – Check.
House keys – Check.
Child’s lunch bag, and remains of uneaten contents – Missing. And therefore left at nursery to rot over the extended weekend.
Not a problem though, as I get my son to mix cold packed lunches with the hot dinners the neighbouring school can provide. Not literally you understand, but different meal types for different days of the week.
But then, being a bit simple, I do a lot of my thinking out loud, and Junior discovered that his lunch bag had been left in the nursery’s corridor.
Ridiculous inanimate-object-of-absolutly-no-importance-until-mentioned-crying-over ensued.
The thought of entrusting his mini-cooling zip-up to his nursery for a few days was simply too much.
But with us due to go swimming, and to visit the chip shop on our way home, he was quickly consoled and the truck-adorned-sandwich-holder forgotten.
And it stayed that way, for both of us, until our return to nursery yesterday morning, when that feeling of not ticking all the boxes returned to my highest body part.
I twittered about forgetting, forgetting.
But, while quelling my Douglas Quaid feelings temporarily, I still had not bottomed-out my current to-do list.
I had forgotten the generous invite to blog here, an imposter amongst the Hot Dads of the web.
A feat I have now managed to remember to do.
Surely, at the cost of something else.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Hot Dads need little to keep themselves amused. Beer, fire, meat to grill, women. Maybe a little wild sex outside. And literature! (in the form of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue - micro bikinis and body paint, oh my!)
But that's just the manly image we give to the world.
Scratch beneath the surface of a hot dad, burrow through the complexities of family, career, finances, football, and whatever else occupies our minds and time - and you'll find a little boy dying to get out and play.
And what do little boys like to play with? Big, loud, messy toys.
Introducing: Maennerspielplatz - the Men's Playground in Germany (featured in the December issue of Wired.)
Everything the little boy inside a hot dad could ever dream or desire, they've got it at Maennerspielplatz.
There's the ever-popular backhoe
A noisy and destructive jackhammer
Muddy and loud dirt bikes
Off-road racing in trucks
I'm thinking Hot Dads needs to organize a field trip so we can get a first-hand look at the Man's Playground - Maennerspielplatz.
Then again, in this down economy, with international travel a pricey leisure option, we could always sit around sipping vodka martinis, and live vicariously through our kids' Tonka trucks.
Olives or a lemon twist?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
You might be a parent if you have ever said:
- "Get off your sister!" (and you are not a pornographic film director)
- "Have two more bites and then you are done," (and you are not a orthodontics, oral surgeon or involved in the manufacturing of dental appliances in any way)
- "You never listen! Do you think I talk just to hear my own voice?" (and you are neither a film sound technician or an educator for the hearing impaired)
- "We don't wear pyjamas all day around here!" (and you are not a nurse in a mental facility)
- "Around here, we wear pyjamas to bed!" (and you are not a lingerie photographer)
- "Don't put that in your mouth without washing it!" (and you are not a pornographic film director)
- "Stop being so dramatic!" (and you are not holding an off-Broadway Ibsen revival, focusing on the subtleties of the character development)
- "No one is ruining your life." (and you are not selling the child for medical experimentation)
- "No, you are not old enough to do whatever you want!" (and the kids are not in the process of putting you in a home)
March 20 Update: Thanks everyone for your comments. Too many to comment on here, but I'll post on each of your blogs.
BTW, Last night I had to pull out the old "I don't care what So-and-So’s parents let him do, you’re not doing that.” I wonder if the first Caveman father who said that also felt like an idiot?
This post will mark the beginning of a long, and hopefully, educational journey, which will plumb the depths of the minds of the Hot Daddy Bloggers – “Ask the Hot Dads”.
In this ‘column’ we will answer every single question that you submit. No rules, no strings attached. Ask us absolutely anything. Get to know us. Get to know men. Have a burning parenting question? Need an opinion? We’re here to help. It’s like therapy without the stigma, costly bills or outdated waiting room magazines.
We promise that for each question submitted, at least two of our highly skilled, and devilishly handsome, contributors will provide an answer. Some questions may be answered by all of us.
Be ready for blunt, truthful, no-holds-barred responses from “Our Hotness.” We are here to please and would not want to let any of youdown…in any way.
Questions should be submitted to tentcamper1 @ gmail.com and all thosethat are received by Thursday at 5PM Eastern will be answered in ournew Monday Morning “Ask the Hot Dads.
**Lastly ladies, in this economy, I am sure that it would not be hardfor me to convince the rest of the guys to do a nude Hot Dadcalendar…for the right price!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I’m getting a vasectomy because I have two kids and I am 100% certain that I don’t want any more. I’m getting one because using birth control sucks. I’m getting one because when it comes to making a kid, women get the raw end of the deal. Pregnancy floods them with hormones and stretches their bodies out, and this is before they actually squeeze the kid through one of the smaller openings in their bodies. I’m guessing there isn’t a guy alive who’s witnessed pregnancy and birth and hasn’t said, “Thank Jeebus I don’t have to do that.” So I figure that getting cut is the very least I can do. (Actually, the very least I can do is nothing, but then I’m back to dealing with birth control.) Lastly, I’m getting a vasectomy so sex can once again be a spontaneous thing.
It’s important for you to know that my getting a vasectomy is completely my decision. Soon after my first was born, I approached WonderWife™ with my plan. Needless to say, I didn’t have to do very much convincing for her to be on board. She happily agreed after I uttered the syllable “vas”.
Right now, I am confident in this decision. I’m focused on the end result and not on the surgical road that I’ll need to travel to get there. I’m sure as the surgery draws closer, so will my apprehension. I’ve done some reading on the subject, but as far as I know, I am the first amongst my friends to willingly put my boys in harm’s way.
So faithful readers, I have decided to literally let it all hang out for you. Over the coming weeks, I will chronicle the process in order to demystify, and most likely horrify, what is arguably the most fear-inducing elective surgeries a guy can face.
My consultation is next week.
To be continued….
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
What would happen if we all lived on the same block?
I can imagine that the local police would have a special unit (no ladies…not THAT kind of unit) to keep us in control. The block parties would be insane. Taking turns breaking out the steaks for BBQing and ….shit…we’d have to have our own liquor store at the end of the block…to keep us nourished. I could picture…on any given night folks changing and ‘other stuff’ in front of open windows…just to give the rest of us something to watch (and blog about).
What would happen if life ‘jumbled us up’ and we were paired up as couples?
Could you picture…
cIII married to The Mom Jen or Tonya shacking up with Hubman?
Would the world be safe if Irish Gumbo and Redneck Mommy filled a school with little Irish Rednecks?
Picture Cameron and LiteralDan duking it out over wise young Petra.
I could see Always Home And Uncool, Trooper Thorn, Russ, Tenakim and our (Barefoot) Brittany all shacking up in some compound.
Would Daddy Geek Boy, Dadshouse or Coachdad be a better fit for Scary Mommy?
Close your eye and imagine the posts if Sage and Happy Hour Sue hooked up.
Then after ManicMariah, Sammanthia and Loralee hook up… Me (TentCamper), Halftime Lessons and Heinous will no doubt be arrested for stalking, and being peeping toms at their little love shack.
Shit….where did all of that come from?
and....thank you to all of the above for filling my head with these crazy-ass ...hot...thoughts!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Some of you may have heard this before...but since it is still going on, I thought I'd reitterate.
So let me set this up for you.A few months ago my “woman” ManicMariah got up in the morning and was acting all pissy. I asked what was wrong. She looked at me and gruffly said, ”nothing.” I backed off a bit to see if she just needed some space.
About an hour later, after no change, I, tenderly, approached her again to ask what was wrong. Her head whipped around (kind of Exorcist-esc) and with glaring eyes she informed me that she was a shitty mother and a lazy piece of shit. I jumped back, not knowing what to expect, and asked why she felt like that. She told me that she hates waking up late and not being able to see the kids off to school. It makes her feel like a pile of steamy dog crap.From that point on I have been making a point to set our alarm so that we have time to get up and spend some time with the kids before they leave.OK…I am almost there.
Anyway, Mariah is ….how should I put it?....NOT A MORNING PERSON!Now, as the alarm is on my side, it is my job to turn it off and make sure that she gets up. This is one tough job. After weeks of trial and error, came the morning that I turned over onto my side, scooched myself into her until she reached around me so that we are in a loving spooning position. Then I proceed to work some of my “inner magic” and push out a nice, loud, morning toot…which actually shook the bed. With my eyes tightly closed, I felt the stabbing sensation of an elbow connecting with my ribs followed by what sounded like snapping bone, while instantaneously leaping from the bed repeating, “You NASTY, DISGUSTING BASTARD. You are so fucking nasty and gross.” I stayed in bed…trying to take back my gases by saying that I was kidding and was just trying to get her out of bed like she wanted.
After coming out of the bathroom, she threw me a death glare calling me nasty again and then abruptly left the room.
Now… pondering my decision and weighing the pain and insults, I have decided that I will go back to the drawing board.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
1. They apologize? I reckon they do!
2. Go ahead and steal that one ladies. It should say "When Hot Dads ride....... at least they....."
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
3. haaaaaaaaaa thats funny right there! I'm surely for it too!
4. I'd bet my next 27 paychecks I know the sex of this driver!!
GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'
haaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa thats funny right there!
Caption contest..... we had some good ones last week............. go
Some other pics at Sageville......... NSFW
Hope everyone has a good day!!