Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Closing the Baby Shop, Part 1

I have decided to close up the baby-making shop for good. That’s right, I’m getting a vasectomy. Every man reading this right now is wincing. For guys, there is hardly a subject that comes with as many polarizing opinions as this one. There are guys I know who are so squeamish about vasectomies that they cannot physically be in the same room with people who are talking about them. Others see the ol’ snip snip as cutting off their manhood, as if taking away the ability to procreate strips him of his vitality. To those guys I say, “man up.” It takes balls to willingly allow somebody with a sharp object access to your junk. And yes, the pun is intended. Of course I’m not saying that every guy should get snipped or should have to. But I don’t understand those who are simply too afraid to have the procedure.

I’m getting a vasectomy because I have two kids and I am 100% certain that I don’t want any more. I’m getting one because using birth control sucks. I’m getting one because when it comes to making a kid, women get the raw end of the deal. Pregnancy floods them with hormones and stretches their bodies out, and this is before they actually squeeze the kid through one of the smaller openings in their bodies. I’m guessing there isn’t a guy alive who’s witnessed pregnancy and birth and hasn’t said, “Thank Jeebus I don’t have to do that.” So I figure that getting cut is the very least I can do. (Actually, the very least I can do is nothing, but then I’m back to dealing with birth control.) Lastly, I’m getting a vasectomy so sex can once again be a spontaneous thing.

It’s important for you to know that my getting a vasectomy is completely my decision. Soon after my first was born, I approached WonderWife™ with my plan. Needless to say, I didn’t have to do very much convincing for her to be on board. She happily agreed after I uttered the syllable “vas”.

Right now, I am confident in this decision. I’m focused on the end result and not on the surgical road that I’ll need to travel to get there. I’m sure as the surgery draws closer, so will my apprehension. I’ve done some reading on the subject, but as far as I know, I am the first amongst my friends to willingly put my boys in harm’s way.

So faithful readers, I have decided to literally let it all hang out for you. Over the coming weeks, I will chronicle the process in order to demystify, and most likely horrify, what is arguably the most fear-inducing elective surgeries a guy can face.

My consultation is next week.

To be continued….

-DGB

26 comments:

Cameron said...

DGB - Hey, I understand taking one for the team, but (and ladies don't get all mad at me).....

www.essure.com

I know a girl that just had this done a few days ago, no recovery time, no cuts, no nothing.

Susan said...

My husband had his 2 years ago. He and I both are so glad he did it - and it was HIS idea, not MINE! Aside from the drooping nutscack that you'll have to watch out when ever you try to sit those first two weeks after the procedure, (and the discoloration that I PROMISE will go away), you'll be FINE! Good luck.

Sandi said...

yeah my husband is getting it done too...hopefully soon. I am have NO more kids. Ugh. Done. Oh and by the way I wasn't sure if you'd see my reply to the comment on my blog but I accept the nomination. Going to get the award now. ;)

SciFi Dad said...

We haven't decided whether or not we're done yet, but when we do decide, it will most likely be me doing the old snip-snip.

For some entertainment, you should look at Dad Gone Mad's archives; he blogged through his big V.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

If that's where you are at, then bless you and good luck!
I've heard it's not so bad actually and recovery is pretty good. As someone who elected (if you could call either having a hysterectomy or dying elective) no worries about birth control can be a whole lot of fun :)

Your escalator operator said...

You're not just doing this for more blog material, are you? Anyway, good luck. I'll be reading, while partially covering my eyes.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Escalator Operator...I was out of ideas. If you can think of a better way to find things to write about I'd like to hear it.

TentCamper said...

***holding my balls right now***
God I love them!!!!

Luckily, by the time I met Mariah, she had already had 4 kids and she got herself all tied up.. no need for me to sever shit!

Good luck brotha!!

dadshouse said...

I totally respect your decision. I can't do the same - I'm a single dad, and unprotected sex is not in the equation for me. When you have mutliple lovers in a fortnight, you gotta take precautions. (I actually prefer having a single lover, and for the past two years, spent most of my time with one woman. But when you're in between relationship, coffee dates can turn sexy in a hurry. http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/07/28/rebound-sex-coffee-date/

Hubman said...

I got the old snip-snip just over a year ago. It really wasn't that big of a deal for me.

I'm over due to post here anyway, I think you just gave me some inspiration for a few posts!

And feel free to hit me up on e-mail if ya got any questions.

Mariah said...

OUCH! and I'm a girl. LIke Tentcamper said, I had my tubes tied up some time ago, it wasn't too bad, plus you get pain meds =)

ciara said...

my ex husband and i had decided that we didn't want anymore kids cos we both had one each from previous relationships and two of our own. he was such a wuss and said, 'do you know how sensitive my balls are?' he was going to go through w it anyways, but when we heard it would take 3 mos to fully get rid of the 'active' sperm and other birth control had to be used, i just decided to get the tubal done. my ex just had another kid a little over a year ago (not planned...he was only dating his gf for 3 mos at this point). i was kinda pissed, but only for a moment. hey, what moron decides that after all his other kids are almost grown (14, 12, and 10) to go have another one? lol i say to myself, better him than me, that's for sure. one of mine is already out of the house, so i'll be able to relax in 8 years :)

btw...thx for 'man-ing up'. thank goodness you're not a total wuss. lol

It's Just Me said...

Good for you. I am standing and clapping. My hubby had it done. He walked out 20 minutes later and went about his business as if nothing had happened.... I had big plans for a bag of frozen peas and a tease - oh well.

I am thrilled you posted this and hope it helps others with their decision. After baby #4 it was an easy one for us to make

LiteralDan said...

So you're saying that just praying and hoping for the best doesn't work?

Daddy Geek Boy said...

LiteralDan...It does not, which is why I have two kids.

Kim said...

You will love the freedom. The hubs had his over 15 years ago, never slowed him down one bit. You can do it wherever and whenever you want (within the limits of the law) and you never have to think about birth control. It's awesome.

Mum-me said...

My HB has had TWO! The first one worked for 3 months after he was given the all-clear by the lab, and then reversed itself. (Yes, we ended up with another child) Both times he was fine - it was day surgery and he was 'up and about' within days - literally.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daddy Geek Boy said...

Okay...both Mum-Me and Shelle--you guys are officially freaking me out.

One Crazy Chick! said...

My hubs had this done a year ago and we couldn't be happier. The surgery was rougher than most (docs words) and recovery was 2 days of pampering on the couch.

You'll be fine.

Shelle- I know two, yes two, woman who just got preggo on Mirena.

All birth control is a crap shoot. The odds are the odds and some people just get the shaft.

caviaoskie said...

Hmm I'm thniking of having one too. I'm just not sure yet. I gotta see your journal though.

Another Suburban Mom said...

Hubman got one last year and its been great not having to worry about anything!

There is some discomfort involved, but I am sure the Mrs will pamper you through it.

Ronald10021 said...

I have 2 kids plus 1 on the way and am definitely planning to get it snipped. The scariest post of all was Mum-me's about it self-reversing and them having another kid by accident.

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A Vapid Blonde said...

You know, I can't even talk to my husband about have our dog neutered with out it turning into a "why do you hate the dog so much?" conversation.

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