Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Pimpin The Hand-Me-Downs

So, the other day, ManicMariah and I were in a random conversation about aging and getting older. I guess part of it stemmed from her being the caretaker for her grandmother…and having to feed her and change diapers and such. The other part most likely came from me bitching about getting older and acting like a little girl…complaining about my random aches and pains.

She then said that she thought that I’d be a really cute old man. I asked if she would lovingly change my diapers and feed me. Feed me…I got a yes…as for changing diapers, she responded with, “Hell no! I’ll hire some hottie to change your diapers and bathe you.”

Anyway…I guess that got me thinking. Seeing the nurses and elder care workers that come here and that I see around town…nobody has a Mariah by their side. All of them are late middle aged, overweight, unkempt, immigrants who couldn’t fit into a nurse’s outfit if they wanted to.

Here is my idea…..

Company name: Bedside Tail
The deal:
What would be a better fallback job for ‘past their prime’ porn actresses and stripers? Elderly Care. It is not like they have their medical degree to fall back on or a corporate job waiting.

I have witnessed elderly people refusing pills, baths, meals, etc. BUT…I can guarantee you that if I had some buxom (retired) porn actress showing me cleavage and glimpses of her crotch…I’d be all….”I’m ready when you are!!!!”

If I start marketing now and reaching out to porn agents and club owners…maybe they could start sending me their ‘hand-me-downs.’ I’d be like a pimp for elderly clients.

Damn…..the outfits I could have them wear….bathing techniques….’bedtime reading’…

OH….this could be fun!!!!

(Oh…wait…this is not real…SHIT!!!!!!!!!


skywind said...

Not very funny! Now are basically the aging of society. How can we help them to live is indeed a big problem.


T said...

Now THAT's a great idea!!! Market it!!!

You'd be a wealthy couple!

Cameron said...


"I'll go for the optional Happy Ending please! There's a $20 in my wallet, just take it on your way out, sweet thang!!"

Brilliant idea, and as we all know, nothing sells better than sex!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

If you start it, you've got your first customer.

Sandi said...

yeah changing adult diapers is ONE thing I just never really think I can do. lol

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Better make sure the elderly have a nice crisp supply of $1! I can't think of anything else, I'm just laughing too hard at the mental picture of it.

Amorous Rocker said...

Now what happens if by doing this you get the person too excited and cause them to have a heart attack? You need to have the family sign some waivers or something so you can't get sued for that you know.

Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Skywind - actually...it is fund of funny.

T - I hope so...then we could move to some deserted island with all of our money...and a few 'workers'

Cameron - That's what I'm sayin!!!!

DGB - I got your info. you will get our first flier.

Sandi - I know...me either.

BMA - see the good thing is it would be the relatives that pay for this service..no ones needed. Though it may get a few perks...just on habbit alone.

AR - waivers indeed. although I have to say that right after mariah and I had sex yesturday, I ran to go take my blood pressure and it was perfect. heartbeat a tad fast but better than usual. I think orgasms have healing powers.

Barney said...

Hmmm.... would an extra perscription of viagra be required?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

nice, real nice. like us wives need any more competition when we are old and wrinkly...sheesh!

I don't know about you guys, but when I'm old and gray, I still want to be gettin' it on something fierce! How can I measure up to retired porn stars when my boobs are like deflated inner tubes that hang around my knees?


Anonymous said...

Barney - the V pills would be on the house.

Miss Petra - You, my dear seem to be on the same page as Mariah...but please note that we will have a 'line' of male strippers and porn stars for the ladies...I mean old droopy hags.
We got ya covered!

LiteralDan said...

This is a fantastic idea, both as a hilarious pipe dream and as a legitimate idea.

It may only work in California, given the uniquely high population density of porn stars, but it's no problem-- California would just become the new Arizona/Florida.

Amber said...

What a great idea

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