Thursday, March 12, 2009

Random Daily Thoughts

It scares the shit out of me when I find myself at the tail end of a drive that I do all the time and then realize that I can’t recall the last 10 minutes. What if I had a car full of kids, what if there was some maniac on the road? Is it auto-pilot?…a lapse of short term memory?...a brain fart?...Are you actually ‘there’ and on the ball…but just don’t remember? DAMN!!! That annoys the hell out of me.

The saying, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” gets me like a freaking hot knife…right through the fucking eyeball!

I understand its meaning and intention…But here is why I have ‘issues’ with it. To start with…I am a man. I read into things and then THAT becomes their factual meaning and intended purpose on this earth.

I am in the midst of a nasty divorce and do not get to see my two boys as much as I should. I am unemployed and we are scraping by. I am not able to provide for my family the way I’d like to. I smoke. I have a tendency to ‘have talks’ about every ounce of waste that comes out of my body. I am not married to the woman that I love….and the list goes on.

BUT…I am happy. I am with the woman that I love. I do get to see my boys. Mariah and her kids love me. We are not starving. We have the things that we need to survive. We have friends. We are healthy and we have an amazing extended family …….SO…one way to look at it…It ain’t broke.

Do I just scrap the whole, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it thing? I HAVE to find work. I NEED to finalize my divorce. I YEARN to be a bigger part in my boys’ lives. Etc.

SEE….That is what goes on in this ‘so called’ brain of mine.


Anonymous said...

Go with "if it ain't how I want it then fix it!"

I do the drive thing all the time, when I'm working on the road.

Anonymous said...

Ann LaMott, an author talks about sometimes being patient and not forcing things or struggling or chafing under a life situation or circumstance. She talks about the idea of waiting for things to be born of their own accord and not our own.


Sometimes it works and sometimes I'd just as soon yank it on out of there myself!

There is something to be said for a gentle wait. Sometimes good lessons in the wait.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

We're guys...we live to fix and tinker with stuff.

Ashley said...

I do the same thing when driving all the time.... I have even compared it to my life in general - there are times that I'm going and going and going and don't remember where I've been or how I got there.

T said...

Its called "limbo" and it sucks.

Been there, done that.

It will get better. You are doing well at accepting and finding happiness where you are now. Be grateful for that.

Hang in there, man.

dadshouse said...

Interesting post. Sometimes you can't just fix things because other people are involved, and sometimes those other people have minds and emotions of their own! (Okay, I guess all the time they have that)

As long as things continue to evolve in a healthy direction, it's good, I think.

As for driving and not realizing where I just drove - I'm constantly checking my rearview mirror to see if I ran over a kid or something. :-)

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean...I'm in limbo in several areas of my own life. It gets overwhelming and frustrating if I try to tackle it all at once. Especially, like dadshouse said, when other people are involved who are making the process take WAY longer than it should.

One thing that has helped me is to just focus on one thing at a time. Makes it much more manageable.

And the driving thing? Do that all the time. Yep, it's scary!

Brandy said...

You'll drive yourself nuts with those thoughts. Because there will always be something. Something to improve. Something to work on. Something waiting to be done.

Just keep thinking about the bright side of things while working on the "somethings".

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Obviously, there are parts of your life that need "improvement," but enjoy the parts that don't while you work on the other stuff!

Amber said...

Hope things look up. *sending positive silver lining thoughts your way*

Cameron said...

Things can be 'improved upon'.

Work it out, bro. Things will work out, they just take time (sometimes too much, but they will work out).

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

All we can do is keep moving and going on and somehow it all works out in the end.

And yes, I do the school drive nearly every afternoon on auto-pilot- busy thinking about getting dinner started and homework and all that other stuff that comes up. I guess that's why they say most accidents happen within five miles of home.

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