You Can Make Money With Google!

It's true! After 3 years and nearly 800 posts, my blog Dogs & Jeans has finally broken through the $100 threshold. At a pace of $0.03 a day, it takes quite a while for those visits to add up, but if you are patient, and post relentlessly about the world of politics and current events, you too can receive some Christmas spending money every three years.

So what are people searching for on Google that is bringing them to Dogs & Jeans today? You'd be surprised:

• Demotivation
• Drunk Girls
• James Bond
• Mommy
• Christmas
• Ugly Fat People
• Canadian Girls (but not the drunk ones)
• Boobs
• Fat Actress
• Bad Mom

Now if only I could roll all those terms into one news story, I might receive my next $100 cheque sooner.

Crossing the Streams

My life, for the most part, is compartmentalized. I have three distinct areas--work, friends and online. My friends are not a part of my working life and my online life is completely segregated from my real life. There are a handful of people in my life who know that I write as Daddy Geek Boy. On line, I write a few blogs and am a regular member in a parenting community called Offsprung. But very few of my readers and acquaintances know me by anything more than my internet handle. However on occasion, there are times when the streams get crossed and one of my worlds bleeds into another.

Blogging is a strange thing. There are thousands of blogs on the interwebs and one of the things I find most fascinating is how small communities of bloggers tend to develop. The same people start to read and comment on each other's blogs. Sometimes these relationships migrate from these postings to places like Facebook and Twitter. And sometimes, you learn that these "virtual" people you have been connecting with live nearby. Before you know it, you've made plans to meet in person and the line between the internet and reality blurs.

This is how I found myself spending an evening in front of a fire pit drinking beer in the backyard of the original Hot Dad, Tent Camper, and his partner in crime, Mariah.

There is an established familiarity when you meet a blogger who's work you've read. You know their voice and you know their stories and you know about the people who populate their lives. It's a nice shorthand that cuts through the awkwardness of the beginning stages of a new friendship.

There were a few other people around the fire that night and as we were telling them how we all knew each other, somebody asked Tent Camper how did he know that I wasn't a lunatic and could be trusted in his home. Tent Camper's response was that he didn't. But he had a feeling I was okay. The same could be said about them. You never truly know who somebody is until you meet them in real life. But even though one's online persona isn't always exactly who they are in reality, if a person writes honestly you have a pretty good barometer.

It didn't surprise me to learn that Tent Camper and Mariah were just as warm, affable and cool as they are on line. We had a fantastic evening and each left wanting to do it again. They are good bloggers but more importantly, good people.

Sometimes it pays off to cross the streams.

So what about you? Have you met anyone from the blogging world in real life? If so, did they meet your expectations?

Fake Fuckers, Exes and the Internet

I will start by throwing out a quick question….
Why the fuck has Blogging and Twitter become so cliquey?

I think it is stupid that people’s circles tend to grow by the number of noses that they can fit up their asses and how many bung holes they themselves can snuggle with.

I started blogging and using Twitter as they were good tools for throwing out your honest thoughts and feelings. I no longer feel this way. I am seeing all of these little cliques of people pretending to be people that they are not…gravitating towards the folks that have a bit of a following already. It is like being in high school all over again.

The fact that people can’t be comfortable just being themselves is beyond me. As you may have noticed, I have not posted anything in a while, have not been commenting and Twittering has been less frequent. I am about at a loss of words.

My ex Twitters and blogs and has seemingly gathered a little, mentally challenged, group of folks that she has convinced that I am some kind of devil and now these people follow my blogs and tweets as well as everything that Mariah writes.

Yes, I know…this post is morphing…but not that much off point.

Anyway, this woman, my ex, is soooooo not the person that she leads you to believe. (I will distribute email addresses for a handful of folks that know her quite well that can tell you ….if you are interested) She has sole legal and physical custody of my boys , yet has been evicted from 4 houses in 5 years for not paying rent. She has been booted from several banks for being fraudulent, has had my boys switch schools cuz she does not pay the tuition, etc, etc.

I’d be fine with her doing whatever she wants but now I am having my boys complain to me about having to live with their friends …and having to move…AGAIN.

She and her lawyers (who she is on number 4 now…yes…unpaid bills) have done a pretty good job convincing the judge that I am not a capable father(…yet am side by side with Mariah, raising her 4 children) and a drug addict (yet I’ve passed every urine and hair follicle test thrown at me.

I don’t know…this whole thing is making me sick and I wish people could just be real, say what is on their mind and not worry so much about what the fuck other people think about them.

People who are friends with my ex….unfollow me and and Mariah and mind your fucking business! You don’t know us and have never met us...(with the exception of one back-stabbing fucker...who knows who he is.)

Those of you who just need to belong to a popular clique…I hope you grow up…for your families’ sake.

Guess that is enough for now…

I will undoubtedly lose some followers from this one!!!! I could care less.

AND IT TOOK LESS THAN AN HOPUR TO GET THESE TWO EMAILS FROM HER...
You lying son of a bitch. I've switched schools bc of tuition!? Our sons were in PUBLIC school and I switched them to private. I've been evicted 5 times? You're a lying sob and I'm filing for a restraining order as (My lawyer) already said I should. Especially since I've been told you said you'd commit homicide if you were here. I think that's the 3rd time you've said that? (And yes, people got screen shots before you deleted that tweet)

You don't know the truth but are lying about me. Yet you have no job, fraudulently claim the kids on your taxes, neglect the kids. You are in for the biggest shitstorm of your life. You owe me tens of thousands in child support, our children witness prostitutes with you, you don't properly care for our kids, I could go on. I have kept quiet for the sake of (The Boys), but since you don't care about them, I guess it is time to stoop to your level. I didn't before but I'm done.

And then you attack Jim? He knows who you are. He's a real man. He is an amazing dad. You are a pathetic, lazy, drug addict, liar who would rather focus on me because that's easier than looking at your own flaws.

Real smart to do this right before we're headed to court and I've gotten an earful from some of your "friends" already in Chicago.

Off to mingle with more of your 'friends'

…

And then…

Oh - and about the address. Mail any supposed check to (My Lawyer’s) office. We're telling the court about your recent actions including helping someone who has been stalking us and threatening homicide yourself, so in addition to a restraining order we are seeking to limit your visitation and prevent you from knowing where I live.

Please do not email me anymore. All communication needs to go through my lawyer (and no, he's not my 4th lawyer), since you are harassing me.

Our Idealized Selves

My friends tell me that I’m much funnier in my blog than I am in real life. I wish I could disagree with them, but they’re kind of right. In real life, it’s usually the most obvious joke that pops to mind and unfortunately for those around me, I lack the impulse control not to say it. My cheesy sense of humor has become a thing of legend amongst my friends, who somehow still have the will to hang out with me.

On line though, I have control over what I say. As a writer I can fine tune what is said. Drinking a few beers before sitting down to the keyboard will yield even better results, though it makes typing a bit more challenging. I spend a lot of time editing and rewriting. I’ve probably taken five passes at this paragraph alone (so you can only imagine what my friends endure with “unfiltered DGB”). On line, I have the ability to be a slightly different version of myself.

These days, we live our lives on line. We blog. We tweet. We update our status. We present ourselves through words on a screen. But is the life we lead on line true? Or are we creating idealized versions of ourselves? My guess is that it’s the latter, which is why social media has become so prevalent. In these great big informational tubes, we project a carefully crafted image of ourselves for the world to see.

This being a parenting blog, logic dictates that the majority of us lurking about here have kids. If you think about it, having kids is similar to living on line. Stay with me on this. Kids, at least the young ones, idolize their parents. It doesn’t matter if the jokes are cheesy, or we burn the toast or we drop the ball during catch. Our kids, at least for a little while, see us as the idealized, perfect versions of ourselves. They think we are hilarious, great cooks and amazing athletes. They view us as the person we wish others would see.

Do you wear different personas in your life? If so, what are they and how are they different from your true self?

-DGB

Hot Dad - Sexy or Old?

A funny thing about blogging is seeing what sort of comments end up in my spam queue. As a single dad on the dating scene, it's not surprising that I'd get my share of spam for things like:

• Dating sites
  
• Sex toys
  
• Russian brides
  
• Porn
  

After all, I've posted all sorts of sexy stories and dating tips on my blog. There are sweet pick up lines for any occasion, sexy text messages you can't ignore, tantric breathing exercises for couples, advice on dating a hot teacher, having sex outside with a wild animal watching, drinking with lonely housewives, skinny dipping at club med, and other sexy and funny dating stories.

Not your typical parenting stuff!

Sometimes the spam just has a cut-n-paste list of URLs. Those are easy enough to ignore. But then there are spam comments that sound almost genuine, like the spammer actually read my blog and liked it! For instance:

Cool post, thank you for the information - I don't usually like to post blog comments but enjoyed this post. Please post more usefull stuff like this, I added you to my Google reader!

Nothing like stroking my ego and adding me to your reader to make me want to let that spam comment through! (Except that the link goes to a porn site. Doh!)

Over time, I noticed more and more spam comments for Viagra and Cialis. WTF?! I'm not that old. For the record, I have no trouble in the erectile functioning department. (Except for the fact that I don't have a woman in my life. That's dysfunctional! And no, I don't need a sexy stripper like Marisa Tomei from The Wrestler. A girl next door will do just fine.)

I soothed my ego by telling myself those spam comments were meant for some of the much older male readers of my blog.

But the other day, a spam comment showed up that genuinely disturbed me.

It was all about colon cleansing products!

What, am I suddenly 90 years old?

Sigh. Maybe it was my Quaker oatmeal post that did my demographic in.

Can someone please spam me some Viagra?

Comment, comment on my blog...Who's the hottest of them all?

While looking at our track record of posts and comments, it surprised me to find that there are 2 Hot Dads that have not posted anything yet and 3 that have only posted one time.

I am asking for your support here….beg these guys to get with the program and prove their hotness. Go to their blogs and harass them. Ladies…maybe you could bribe them for me….send them some sexy pics or something. I kind of think that me sending a pic of my ‘tent pole’ would have quite a negative effect.

The following is the latest in statistics for Hot Dad posts and comments:

TentCamper / BedsideTalesMan – 27 Posts with a total of 356 Comments

Southern Sage – 10 Posts with a total of 154 Comments
Daddy Geek Boy – 5 Posts with a total of 112 Comments
Irish Gumbo – 4 Posts with a total of 72 Comments
Coachdad – 4 Posts with a total of 67 Comments
Trooper Thorn – 4 Posts with a total of 58 Comments
Hubman – 4 Posts with a total of 41 Comments
Cameron – 3 Posts with a total of 74 Comments
Russ – 3 Posts with a total of 46 Comments
Dadshouse – 2 Posts with a total of 44 Comments
Single Parent Dad – 2 Posts with a total of 26 Comments
LiteralDan – 1 Post with a total of 16 Comments
Always Home and Uncool – 1 Posts with a total of 13 Comments
cIII – 1 Post with a total of 16 Comments
Heinous – 0 Posts with a total of 0 Comments
Halftime Lessons – 0 Posts with a total of 0 Comments

Regardless….I’d like to thank all of these HOT contributors…especially that sexy TentCamper guy...c'mon...say it! What's my name bitch?

I am showing my link love…so the least you can do is show us all some comment love…or your boobs!

What Have I Forgotten?

You know that feeling that you have forgotten something, but can not put your finger on what that ‘something’ is?

No?

Have you forgotten?

Forgotten that feeling of phantom forgetfulness?

Well, I haven’t. It is a regular phenomenon here in the household of Single Parent Dad.

What is worse is when you think that you have remembered what it is you were labouring over, only to discover, that actually it is in excess to the thing that initially sent your mind into frustrating numbness.

I must be pregnant.

Oh, forgot, that default dubious excuse is the sole reserve of the fairer sex.

At the end of last week, well nearly the end (my son finishes nursery on a Thursday), we were on our walk home when the eerie feeling of neglect consumed my tiny mind.

Child – Check.
Child’s coat – Check.
Child’s hi-vis – Check.
Child’s bag – Check.
Child’s nursery output for the day – Check.
Letters/ Invites/ Invoices – Check.
House keys – Check.
Child’s lunch bag, and remains of uneaten contents – Missing. And therefore left at nursery to rot over the extended weekend.

Nice.

Not a problem though, as I get my son to mix cold packed lunches with the hot dinners the neighbouring school can provide. Not literally you understand, but different meal types for different days of the week.

But then, being a bit simple, I do a lot of my thinking out loud, and Junior discovered that his lunch bag had been left in the nursery’s corridor.

Ridiculous inanimate-object-of-absolutly-no-importance-until-mentioned-crying-over ensued.

The thought of entrusting his mini-cooling zip-up to his nursery for a few days was simply too much.

But with us due to go swimming, and to visit the chip shop on our way home, he was quickly consoled and the truck-adorned-sandwich-holder forgotten.

And it stayed that way, for both of us, until our return to nursery yesterday morning, when that feeling of not ticking all the boxes returned to my highest body part.

I twittered about forgetting, forgetting.

YES.I.AM.THAT.INTERESTING.

But, while quelling my Douglas Quaid feelings temporarily, I still had not bottomed-out my current to-do list.

I had forgotten the generous invite to blog here, an imposter amongst the Hot Dads of the web.

A feat I have now managed to remember to do.

Surely, at the cost of something else.

we know a lot of shit

As most of you already know from reading our posts, we HOT DADS are master scholars of varying areas of expertise. In short, we know a lot of shit. Because we are unselfish with our wisdom, we want to share our vast knowledge with you, our faithful readers.

This post will mark the beginning of a long, and hopefully, educational journey, which will plumb the depths of the minds of the Hot Daddy Bloggers – “Ask the Hot Dads”.

In this ‘column’ we will answer every single question that you submit. No rules, no strings attached. Ask us absolutely anything. Get to know us. Get to know men. Have a burning parenting question? Need an opinion? We’re here to help. It’s like therapy without the stigma, costly bills or outdated waiting room magazines.

We promise that for each question submitted, at least two of our highly skilled, and devilishly handsome, contributors will provide an answer. Some questions may be answered by all of us.

Be ready for blunt, truthful, no-holds-barred responses from “Our Hotness.” We are here to please and would not want to let any of youdown…in any way.

Questions should be submitted to tentcamper1 @ gmail.com and all thosethat are received by Thursday at 5PM Eastern will be answered in ournew Monday Morning “Ask the Hot Dads.

**Lastly ladies, in this economy, I am sure that it would not be hardfor me to convince the rest of the guys to do a nude Hot Dadcalendar…for the right price!

end of the world or a new beginning?

At this point we have about the same number of Hot Dads (14) as we do Hot Mamas (11).

What would happen if we all lived on the same block?
I can imagine that the local police would have a special unit (no ladies…not THAT kind of unit) to keep us in control. The block parties would be insane. Taking turns breaking out the steaks for BBQing and ….shit…we’d have to have our own liquor store at the end of the block…to keep us nourished. I could picture…on any given night folks changing and ‘other stuff’ in front of open windows…just to give the rest of us something to watch (and blog about).

What would happen if life ‘jumbled us up’ and we were paired up as couples?
Could you picture…

cIII married to The Mom Jen or Tonya shacking up with Hubman?
Would the world be safe if Irish Gumbo and Redneck Mommy filled a school with little Irish Rednecks?

Picture Cameron and LiteralDan duking it out over wise young Petra.

I could see Always Home And Uncool, Trooper Thorn, Russ, Tenakim and our (Barefoot) Brittany all shacking up in some compound.

Would Daddy Geek Boy, Dadshouse or Coachdad be a better fit for Scary Mommy?

Close your eye and imagine the posts if Sage and Happy Hour Sue hooked up.

Then after ManicMariah, Sammanthia and Loralee hook up… Me (TentCamper), Halftime Lessons and Heinous will no doubt be arrested for stalking, and being peeping toms at their little love shack.

Shit….where did all of that come from?


and....thank you to all of the above for filling my head with these crazy-ass ...hot...thoughts!

Daddy's little girl gone wild

I had been trying for a few days to think of a good debut post here at Hot Dads, until the other day when this one fell into my lap while making some toast.

During the half-hour wait for those little coils to brown the bread, my 4-year-old son D- ran into the kitchen carrying a plastic camera he'd found in the toy box I had just been cleaning out.

Given this miraculous piece of technology --a machine that captures images on film, made for only about 50 cents-- his first thought was to ask me to put my scratchin' hand down and pull my shirt up a little farther so he could take a picture of my belly button.

Since there was no film in the camera, I complied.

His second, much more noteworthy, thought was to approach his 2-year-old sister M-, playing on the floor nearby, and say, "Pull up your shirt so I can take a picture of your tummy."

This future demure damsel's immediate response to the intruding photographer was not only to pull up her shirt, but to announce with glee, "I'm gonna take off my shirt!!"

Shudder.

Posted by LiteralDan

Insane Love

So, if any of you are as interested as I am in seeing where my traffic comes from and what keywords are used to find me…read on!

BedsideTales

SOURCES

Blogger
ManicMariah
Oneway Trip To Hell
Twitter
Google
Sageville
Another Suburban Mom
Hot Dads

KEYWORDS

Free Porn
Hnt
Bedside Tales
Freeporn
Tales from the bedside
Youporn
Helga Hansen
Male stripper
Who is the bitch now

Hot Dads

SOURCES

Blogger
BedsideTales
Always Home and Uncool
Sageville
Another Suburban Mom
Google
CoachDad
BlokThoughts
Hubman’s Hangout

KEYWORDS

Hot dads
Hot moviesex
Hubman suburban
Irish gumbo
Kidsex movies
My hot wife
Obama cadilac pimp

Thank you to all of you who link to me and send your readers to the ‘True Blogging King’ (yeah right)

Also, I am glad to know that (after looking over the search keywords that got people sent to both of my blogs) There are LOTS of people out there looking for …anything to do with sex…and I guess I am ‘The Man’.

I’ll have to think about changing a few things around here…

Picture of my... 'Package'

Being that it is the weekend…and nobody reads…or comments on blogs… I am going to do something ...

COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL!

Click the following link for a photo of my HUGE ‘package’!!!!!!

OCD Sucks !!!!!!

Due to some technical difficulties…or my ever-present OCD…I had to erase all of the timers for shows set to record on our satellite system. There were some conflicts and things just weren’t working right (as smooth as I’d like them to be.)

As to not forget any shows…and again letting some OCD seep out, I first made a list (I love lists) of everything that we, as a household, wanted recorded on a regular basis.

35 freakin shows!
And 25 of them are shows primarily for Mariah and I.

What the hell are we thinking? How are we supposed to watch 25 hours of TV a week?

That made me think about it in relation to other things in my weekly schedule…fine…It was an excuse for me to make another list.

Here is what I cam up with…In order:
Sleep – 56 Hours
TV – 25
HoursWriting / computer / work – 25 Hours
Homework help – 10 Hours
Laundry/cooking/household chores – 8 Hours
Carpools – 8 Hours
Sex – 6 Hours
Volunteering at the school – 4.5 Hours
Shopping – 3 Hours

A TOTAL OF 145.5 HOURS!

Being that there are only 168 hours in the week…I have about 22.5 hours unaccounted for. (I know I do other things so I will not stress about ‘losing time’ or anything.)

Now, looking at this list…I know that I need to move SEX MUCH HIGHER in the list, additionally, I am spending roughly 47% of the hours in the week sleeping and watching TV…WTF!? Like I don’t have better things to do.