Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Hot Dad Alone

Here is a list of things a Hot Dad does when his family is out of town and he’s left home alone for an extended period of time:

1. Go directly from the airport to the supermarket.
2. Buy a big steak and a case of Guinness.
3. Go home and fire up the TV. Do not turn it off.
4. Crank the volume on the sound system.
5. Start drinking.
6. Use the bathroom with the door open.
7. Smoke a cigar on the back porch (shower afterward optional).
8. Play music really loud through the house, especially any songs with “explicit” lyrics that normally can’t be played in front of the young ‘uns.
9. Grill every meal.
10. Memorize number for food places that deliver.
11. Sleep in late.
12. Strut around nude.
13. Don’t shave (weekend only).
14. Movie marathon / Sports all of the time (depending on your preference).
15. Showers optional (weekend only).
16. Watch porn wherever you damn well please.
17. Do laundry only when necessary.
18. Food shop only when necessary.
19. Leave dishes in the sink (because you can).
20. Hook video game system up to the good TV. Play whenever the urge strikes.
21. Cold Chinese food for breakfast.
22. Cold pizza for breakfast.
23. Don’t make the bed.
24. Poker night.
25. Miss his wife and kids.

How about you? What do you do when given the gift of solitude?

-DGB

26 comments:

Susan said...

Holy SHIT! Us Hot Moms do the EXACT same thing! Damn, who would of guessed??!! Oh wait, cancel out Guinness Beer and substitute Expensive Red Wine.

Sandi said...

I'd probably read....and do several of the things you have listed here. ;)

Candice said...

Believe it or not, men and women aren't that different. I basically do everything on your list except watch sports and miss my wife. ;)

SweetPeaSurry said...

Being neither a hot mom or hot dad, I pretty much do this stuff ... ALL THE TIME!!!

You're pea green with envy ... I can see it.

*laughs wickedly*

It's Just Me said...

I love this! Had to forward it to hubby to laugh at with "the guys" at lunch.

What do I do? Pretty much the same, but the best part is eating what I want when I want - no kid food!

Sass said...

That's frightening to me.

You just listed my perfect day. Minus the sports and the cigar...and change the Guinness to something else...maybe Blue Moon.

Fabulous.

T said...

Yep, I'm in agreement with the ^^^above^^^ commenters. It sounds like a pretty perfect day for me too!

Funny, this reminded me of a Simpsons episode when Homer stayed home from church and the rest of the family went. He did much of what you described above.

And hooray for watching porn whenever you damn well please and walking around nude. Just... HOO-RAY.

jewelryandgiftsbyrebecca said...

Yep, I break all the rules. Eat what I want while I hold my dish and sit on the couch flipping through the channels. I sleep diagonally across the bed I don't clean anything up until the last minute before He's Baaaack. I miss him the whole time he is gone.

Amy B said...

Is that ALL you do? I kind of do those things daily..ha

TentCamper said...

We are supposed to wait til the wife and kids are gone for that? SHIT!!!

But you forgot to list...hiring a hot maid to come clean the house the day before the family's return..makes mom think you have been taking care of things. (watch said hot maid clean...is a must!)

Daddy Geek Boy said...

TentCamper...crap. I just hired a regular maid. I didn't think about getting a hot one!!!

T...If you'll recall in that episode Homer made a "waffle" from a stick of butter and a bag a caramel. Which is a pretty good idea and what I think will be my dinner tonight.

To the rest of you women who said this is your perfect day...I am now your biggest fan.

Quirkyloon said...

Movie marathon?

Lemme guess.

Deliverance?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I have to say I do some of those too. Movies, food, loud music. Being alone is like heaven. Shame it doesn't happen very often.

LyN said...

thats exactly what i would do. a few glasses of bailey's irish cream with milk, a freaking great suspense cum mind bloggling kinda movie and a trashy read to end the night would be so perfect!! :)

dadshouse said...

That's really funny! As a single dad with half time custody, I get a ton of alone time. I can say there are things on this list I love to do when the kids aren't here - Guiness, peeing with the bathroom door open, movie/sports marathons, food shop only when necessary (I LOVE it when my fridge is almost empty, and I'm trying to figure out WTF I'm going to eat).

Alas, some things on the list don't have staying power over nine years of divorce.

But it is nice to dream... :-)

Vancetastic said...

All of the above except watching porn. I never watch that smut. For shame.

(Um, is it wrong that I'm thrilled by all the women on this list basically admitting they watch porn?)

Cameron said...

hell, I'm just happy to turn off Spongebob for an hour.

Amber said...

LOL
You should definitely count yourself lucky. I hope you plan on cleaning the day they come back...

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Are most of the women commenting REALLY like that? Crazy, Crazy. But everyone their own right?

Here's how I would do it.

1. Airport to the spa.
2. Talk about tons of nonsense while getting a mani/pedi.
3. Go home and turn on Lifetime. Do not turn it off.
4.I'll give you number four...I would crank up my sound.
5.I'd start popping popcorn.
6. Okay, I would do this one also...why close the door right?
7.Open the freezer and dig into the Frozen Yogurt our on the back porch.
8.I would play music really loud...but I would combine it with number 12 and probably dance nekked along with strut around nekked...kind of freeing right?
9.Why grill it myself when I can have it delivered?
10. Check. Already speed dialed in my phone.
11. Of course, that goes without saying...sleeping in late.
12. refer to answer number 8
13. Do Shave...and change sheets to silky sheets...it's like butta!
14. Definitely Romantic COmedy movie marathon...no sports unless its UFC or Bull Riding...kind of addicted.
15. Luxuriate in a hot sudsy bath.
16. Bleh on Porn...honestly.
17. Go to the mall and BUY more clothes which is always necessary.
18. Refer to number 10.
19. run the dish washer...
20. Go out and take pictures of random people because I can.
21 and 22. TUMS and an Apple because I ate out to much.
23. I agree...don't make bed!
24. Ladies Night!!! Lots more nonsense to talk about!
25. Miss my husband but chuckle behind his back because he has the kids!!!

I wouldn't need to clean...he doesn't care anyway!!! ;)

Fun post!

Barney said...

Hmm... lets see...

1-8 ditto
9 - Im more of a delivery person
10-24 ditto
25 - miss my kids only.. as their is no hot dad anymore (thank gawd)

so.. men and women are pretty much the same... oooohhh... and Im not a guiness drinker.. but bring on the bacardi & coke!!!

skywind said...

Lonely people, lonely hearts are not necessarily.
Health information
Humor & Fun World

Scandalous Housewife said...

I'm def not buying Guiness! That shit's like motor oil! That's icky boys!

LiteralDan said...

Now I kinda miss that future time when my wife and kids will be out of town... I remember well how great those days will be.

dadshouse said...

Cameron - I'm happy to turn ON SpongeBob for an hour. My kids don't watch it anymore. I miss the little yellow guy!

M said...

Dang! That sounds awesome! Can I come over??

Trust me, us moms do the same stuff when you guys leave us the hell alone :)

Nora said...

wow...when alone, I love the freedom to fart and not have to lie and blame it on the kids.

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