Friday, March 27, 2009

How to feel like an Asshole, by Russ

'Tis rather simple really! All you need is my dog who hates all creatures furry and four legged. Take said dog on a walk while pushing your two children in a double stroller (if you only have one, that will have to do, if you have more, even better).

While on the walk, make sure you come up behind two blind people and their seeing eye dogs. Have your dog lose her shit at the seeing eye dog and attack it. (Biting it in the lip, no blood drawn thankfully.) What do you do? Let go of the stroller with your two children? Thus letting it, potentially, drift off into on coming traffic. Hold on to the stroller and let go of the dog? Thus guaranteeing a lawsuit. Or hold on to both and hope that you don't catapult your child into said on coming traffic? Which is what I did.

Evidently, having the pooch on a short lease did not help out. But, while my dog, most certainly provoked the other dog, a seeing eye dog is supposed to ignore distractions. They are most certainly not supposed to snap back (which put the beast in range of my dog, thus the lip incident).

What do you do?

23 comments:

TentCamper said...

Shit! I don't know what I'd do. Luckily I am past the stroller stage and my dogs fear me more than they want to fuck with other dogs.
Must have been quite the funny scene for onlookers!

Barney said...

you slam on the break latch thingy at the wheel base of the stroller.. while at the same time jerking back on the leash of the dog...

once two said things are complete.. you grab your dog, slam it to the ground throwing it on it's back.. making it imobile from attacking said seeing eye dog... while apoligizing profusely to blind couple...

I have English Mastiffs.. try slaming a 215lb male into the ground who HATES little white fluffy dogs...

Anyhow... thats my two cents.. but I have big ass to pull back on my dog...(did that sound right?)

Daddy Geek Boy said...

This is like something out of the movie Speed.

"What do you do? What do you do?"

Me? I would have probably acted in a way that further startled the dog, knocking over the stroller and dumping the kids on the blind people.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

This is why I don't have a dog.

However I guess I would have tried to hold both. If I couldn't I'd have let go of the dog, secured the stroller, nabbed the dog back into order and promptly driven to the nearest shelter.

Like I said, this is why I don't have a dog...

Single Parent Dad said...

I would have abandoned the dog to its fate.

As an aside, how would they have identified the dog as being the culprit?

Glamour Girl said...

See, I'm an "A" for Effort type person so I'm just damn impressed you had the balls to take two children in a double stroller and a dog for a walk. I bet next time you'll leave the dog at home won't you!

Jess said...

Oh what a dilemma, I know I don't have animals due to allergies but I know both are important. I would have taken the risk of holding on to both for dear life.
I am sure some graceful part of that would be landing face first into the pavement (hee hee)

cIII said...

Would I be out of line suggesting that all is well because you'll never be identified in a Line-Up.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Russ,
Try to look on the bright side. At least your dog didn't hump the blind couples legs after the biting incident.
Hey, it's Friday.

Candice said...

I probably wouldn't take my dog out for a walk if he went bat-shit-crazy on other dogs.

Luckily even if he did draw blood on the other dog, you could have lied and the owners wouldn't have known any better. ;)

Not a soccer mom said...

I am looking for Ideas, because although I have no toddlers, I have two misbehaving dogs

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

K...I know it's not funny and I shouldn't laugh. But I could just picture it! hehehe

How understandably awkward.

But Barney had a good idea...I say go with that! :)

Russ said...

TC: My dog listens to me, until there is another four legged furry animal. The damn pinch collar doesn't even deter her.

Barney: I don't have mastiffs, although she has attacked them too (fortunately the mastiff was so well sedated that Nala got away alive).

DGB: Yeah, I was looking to avoid more tears.

BMA: The thought has crossed my mind.

GG: Let's just say, no one has accused me of being too bright...

Jess: Thankfully, we missed that graceful part.

clll: I am thankful for that observation. Even better, I have the cold from hell right now and they couldn't even pick out my voice!

SH: I wouldn't have put it past her...

Candice: see GG

NSM: As soon as I know, I'll pass it along.

SBT: Then that is two votes for Barney!

Amber said...

I would actually be one of those folks who would have the dog tied to the stroller...*hangs head in shame*

Rhea said...

Save the kids! Then run, because the blind people couldn't ID you, right?!

LiteralDan said...

I agree that the seeing-eye dog let down his trainers there. I think under the circumstances, I would leave the stroller turned so it couldn't roll away (I've gotten pretty good at doing this quickly) and taken hold of the dog with both hands.

I love Rhea's comment above. I think that alone is enough to qualify her as a Hot Mama.

SweetPeaSurry said...

It's pretty simple for me, I wouldn't have kids. In addition, I'd probably have more than one dog, therefor they could distract eachother. The dogs would quite possibly be IN the stroller, as I wouldn't have had the patience to teach them manners. LOL

Good luck on ya next walk!

God Of Bacon said...

People who want to be feared and hated are always complaining about their own success.

http://columbine101.blogspot.com

Sandi said...

I think I'd try to hold both. Then again I can't hardly take my dog for a walk. She walks me. Siberian Husky. She yanks me around. =/

issuedwifetwo said...

Run, run as quick as possible ( these Double-Jogger are anyhow made for running)...

M said...

Oh wow, that's a crappy situation!

My dog would definitely get beat. Kiss my ass animal cruelty people, I would be pissed off and he would be the first thing within arms length.

T said...

Holy crap dude!

Yikes... yeah, I'd skip the walking the dog/stroller outings from now on.

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