Friday, September 11, 2009

Drinking and Sex - Time for a Study!

Oh those French. Apparently, they did a formal study which made a connection between women drinking wine and having sex. The more you drink, the more willing you are to do the deed. (You think?! Hey, I’m not making this up.)

BigLittleWolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy clued me in to this. She gives a delightful account of the study of 800 women, how “women blossom sexually under the influence of alcohol”. She even suggests that wine guidebooks should contain info about which wines get which types of women into the mood.

To which I say – WTF!? How did the Hot Dads miss out on this one?

I propose the Hot Dads get the same EU wanks who funded the French study to fund us. Not everyone drinks wine. We’ll go on a mission to see which cocktails get which women in the mood.

Let's kick off the proposal writing process:

As Hot Dads, we are aware that women are sometimes not in the mood to be ravaged. (We don’t understand that behavior, but we are aware of it and respect it.)

As Hot Dads who enjoy a drink now and then, we have direct evidence that women who drink sometimes become aroused into a state of sexual willingness. (We do understand this behavior, and for that reason the next round is on us.)

As Hot Dads fighting for a better planet (i.e. one with more sex, love, and happy endings), we would like to procure funding to study this topic in depth.

Hypothesis: candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker

Procedure: gather 800 nubile women (just like the French study), or perhaps simply take out our wives and girlfriends, depending on what we can get away with (all in the name of science!)

Flirt with these women and attempt to seduce them into having sex. We predict a success rate with this technique of 1%. (Mostly due to our lack of flirting skills, sober. Time to brush up on sweet pick up lines.)

Line up shots of vodka and tequila, as well as provide favorite mixed drinks like cosmos and margaritas and mai tais, and offer said alcohol to said women.

Flirt with these women and attempt to seduce them into having sex. We predict as more drinks are consumed, we’ll be getting laid a lot.

Of course, the Hot Mamas could get their own study funded. I’m not sure what it would be, but if it’s something about men drinking and women shopping, I’m ducking for cover.


Athena said...

I've definitely been known to turn into a dirty whore under the influence of most wines and liquors.

Kat Wilder said...

The reason why booze works with women is that it lowers their inhibitions and, let's face it, women have a lot of inhibitions; they hate their body, they're thinking about what needs to be done around the house instead of exchanging bodily fluids, they're thinking of Sister Teresa's warnings how "nice girls don't do that," etc.

And the booze helps take the edge off the fact that the man may be a lousy lover (sorry, but there are more than their share out there).

Studies and booze aside, women need to take control of their own sexual pleasure, learn what turns them on and then be able to share that with their partner(s). Hard to do that when you're stoned.

MindyMom said...

There's a quote that I'm thinking of, it's something like;

"Alcohol just makes you more of who you already are."

I think many woman are closet dirty little whores but like Kat said, have inhibitions that hold them back from acting out their lustful ways. Add just enough alcohol and the sexual goddess within can come out of her shell.

Red wine and tequila (not together) seem to be good "enhancers". ;)

However, I don't condone trying to get a woman drunk to have sex with her. You should only do this with a woman who would do you sober too.

TentCamper said...

Well, I'll just come right out and say it... "Those French bastards stole my study! I conducted the same exact study when I was 18 through 22."

That being said, I do agree that inhibitions go down the drain at a certain BAC. I do love 'sober sex' as it seems more meaningful and loving, but drunk sex can be fun and ...exploritory.

I am down with getting some funds...or shipments of product to conduct a Hot Dads study.

Ruffies don't they?

Missty said...

LOL. There isn't a guy around who doesn't want to try his own study!

And yeah,I love the quote MindyMom wrote! LOL

And I say what Inhibitions?? I am not sure I have any! lol Well, maybe around others, but not around my man. ;o)

Brandy said...

I can't believe someone wasted money on a "study". I thought it was common knowledge that liquored up chicks are easier.

jason said...

just be confident when bringing the drinks over, and sex=no problem ;-)

T said...

I love what Kat and Mindy said, especially this:

"many woman are closet dirty little whores".

Uh huh.

I have a porn star that I follow on Twitter. She is famous for her dirty, filthy scenes including many fetishes. (yeah, ok, I like kink.)

Anyway, she was saying that she was in the ladies room the other day with her toddler daughter and a woman in the restroom recognized her. This woman whispered to the porn actress, "I LOVE your work."

Ha! I found that so funny because you NEVER know what women are into because we DO have so many inhibitions. Sometimes it takes alcohol to get that dirty little whore to come out and play.

And old lover once told me about my own alcohol consumption:

"When you drink wine, you're chilled, relaxed and easy. But when you drink vodka, you're WILD."

Heh. They don't call me Vodka Tonya for nothing.


nuckingfutsmama said...

Wine is a total aphrodisiac! But then again, I'm a wino....

dadshouse said...

"Vodka Tonya" - we haven't even performed the study, and you're already trying to skew our very scientific and impartial results!

Er... Gray Goose or Ketel One?

T said...

I'm a Texas girl Dads. I prefer Tito's.


ZenMom said...

I think it's safe to file this particular study under "Truisms" in the Department of Obviousness.

But ... my husband jokes that the REAL skill is knowing how to find the window between "Hey baby, let's try something different tonight" and "No, Honey, all that wine made me sleepy."

Always Home and Uncool said...

Hot Dads making science sexy. We are THAT good.

Hubman said...

I'm in!

Let's start with all those hot mamas and have them prove their worth ;-)

Keith Wilcox said...

Wait, so back up the buss a second. They actually say that different sorts of alcohol make women different kinds of, um, available? Really. Wow. I had no idea. My success rate with women is abysmal (well, still is considering I'm married!) This is actually a highly entertaining AND educational post! Thanks.

JennyMac said...

Oh, a science lesson. LOVE IT.

And really, did the French need a formal study? Or could they have simply spent a weekend on a college campus?

Danielle said...

Ah, a post that is my life. Beer and Vodka=my daughter. I love me some alcohol.

cathouse teri said...

Nubile. What's the definition of that? Able to be nubed? ;)

I think alcohol encourages women to do lots of things they wouldn't do. Why focus on sex? And it does the same for men. Why focus on women?

BTW, I'm Grey Goose all the way. Dirty martinis. Very. Or as my favorite barman asks when I walk in, "Teri... hooker dirty tonight?" ;)

'Nuff said.

30somethingmama said...

this reminds me so much of myself, under the influence of alcohol...:) the reckless behavior that comes with getting drunk is so much liberating, and loosens up anybody...most times.

this reminds me so much of my blog post today! read on...

PoppaBlog said...

Great study, I'll do some research this weekend ;)

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