I'm not sure if this article I found is a finger-wagging account of a shameful Washington coffee house, or a national advertisement to build a rival to Starbucks overnight:
5 bikini baristas accused of prostitution
My favorite quote also takes you right to the core of the story:
During a two-month investigation, detectives also saw the women lick whipped cream off each other and pose naked for pictures at the Grab-n-Go Espresso stand.
I have to wonder who made them cut off the "investigation" after only two months. You better believe that guy got his locker filled with shaving cream (or, perhaps more appropriately, latte foam) and maybe even a couple of dog (if he was lucky) shits put on his engine block or something.
I'm just spitballin' here-- maybe under the circumstances, Washington police were driven to even greater heights of creativity. Regardless, I don't think they could possibly be more creative than the ladies of the coffee stand themselves:
The women also charged customers to play "basketball," a game in which customers threw wadded up money at the women, who caught the money in their underwear, detectives said.
What could I ever do to make people just throw money at me like that, whether balled up or not?? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this capitalism game.
One thing* I do know, though, is that these kinds of investigations must be made part of the compensation package for veteran officers, if they aren't already.
Just picture our precious younger officers dodging bullets behind the burning shells of their cruisers right now, keeping the tourniquet tight above their gunshot wounds, telling themselves they can't bleed out in the street because they've only got 10 more years till they get to work the "Handjob Hardees" detail.**
I think I finally understand what it was like for John Lennon writing Imagine, being the only one seeing a better world and wondering why we can't all see our way to get there. Someday, maybe, someday, our hardest-working public servants will get their chance to taste the sweet fruits of their labors in the form of whipped cream pasties.
* Another thing is that the guys working the "fat trannies" embezzlement case at the local White Castle really know now where they stand in the department hierarchy.
** They can just take out any frustration on their friends and loved ones in the meantime as needed.
Posted by LiteralDan
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