Wednesday, September 23, 2009

When a Date Wants to Polish the (blank)

A recent date who came into my home suggested that something needed to be polished. Now, now, get your urban dictionary mind out of the knob-polishing gutter.

She noticed my highball glasses had water spots!

(For the record, I don't let just anyone into my house. I may be virile in my 40s with plenty of sexy and funny stories, but you gotta be eager.)

Apparently my date's mom had taught her to polish every glass as if you were a high-end restaurant. After all, you never knew who might come over, and how much it might be worth to impress them.

(When she said "worth", I sort of tuned out. Her family was into money, and her mom played hostess to daddy's CEO friends. Sounds like a lonely housewife to me. I just liquor my guests up on my best margarita recipe, and hope they don't notice water spots.)

The experience made me think - what things do I polish, and what do I let slide?

Cars - I know there are hot dads (and teen boys) who wax the hell out of their cars. They'll polish the hood, polish the wheels, polish the seats. Me? I'm lucky if the bug that splatted my windshield on highway 101 gets squeegeed off the next time I fill up on gas.

Chrome appliances - I polish my espresso machine (there's an eagle on top!), but I never polish my toaster. And yet, the toaster gets more fingerprints. Why do I not care about this much-used appliance? Um, because my kids get their grubby paws on it whenever they toast up pita bread for a hummus-slathered afternoon snack? (i.e. daily) It will just get finger-printy again.

Glasses (of the spectacle sort) - I polish the heck out of my glasses daily. I use glasses cleaner, and one of those micro-fiber cloths. More work than lasik, I suppose. But no one's cutting my eyes.

Martini shaker - I polish this every time I use it. Natch. (Did I mention there's a connection between drinking and sex?)

As for my date, it turned out she did actually enjoy polishing things besides highball, martini, and wine glasses.

I'll leave it at that, and keep this post PG-13.

19 comments:

Me Thinks said...

I figured it was the "pearl" :)

Hell, send her over to my place, I have lipstick on most of my highball glasses!

T said...

Woot! You go dads!!

:)

Senorita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Senorita said...

Men do love to polish their hot rods, and I see that you are no exception. But women love a good wax too !

MindyMom said...

Go David! :)

ZenMom said...

Espresso machines > toasters to a magnitude of x10. Priorities, man.

Glad to hear that everything that really needs polishing is being taken are of. :)

TentCamper said...

Am I the only one who wipes down beer bottles as they go into the fridge? Shit.

I like to keep the sink, coffee machine, computer and my 'johnston' as polished and clean as possible!

By the way David...the rating on this blog is NC-17.

Janie Woods said...

Once and again, I'll polish the silver. As for a good waxing? I go to Brazil once a month...

Trooper Thorn said...

The most important thing to wipe is the TV screen. How can you tell if the wide reciever got both feet down or the runner beat the throw to first if there is dust, fingerprints and muck in the way?

Amber said...

I don't really think I polish the glasses, but I do dry them before putting them away, mainly because I don't like them sticking to whatever shelf or hanger when I put them away partially dried.

benh57 said...

I think it's funny that half your blog posts seem to be thinly-veiled ways to post 'i got laid last night'.

Hey, i'd do the same thing, i'm a guy and guys love to brag.

BigLittleWolf said...

My, my. There does seem to be a lot more... activity... in your part of the country. Highballs and spots, indeed.

dadshouse said...

Wait, I got laid?

I figure if I can't have fun with thin veils, what's the point?

btw - Senorita made a reference back on my blog intro to this post, something about "handling caulk". My kind of girl...

cathouse teri said...

Just goes to show ya. A good polisher is hard to find. And a hard polisher is good to find!

JennyMac said...

I handle the glassware in this house..and the Hub keeps that tv screen clean enough to eat off....

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

HUH? What's this polish you speak of? bleh!

Scandalous Housewife said...

Was your date wearing those smart shoes and the fabulous helmet haircut?

saint nobody said...

having a dishwasher for the first time since i lived with my parents, i have discovered the wonders of the rinsing agent. my glasses are sparkling--no polishing!

Janie Woods said...

I with Trooper Thorn...That probably is THE most important item to keep clean--at least out of the bedroom...

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