Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sage's Sunday Slides, Sunday Sillys

Morris returns from the doctor with bad news. The prognosis tells him he only has 24 hours to live.


Given the prognosis, Morris

asks his wife for sex.



Naturally, she agrees, so

they make love.



About 6 hours later, the

husband goes to his wife and says,



'Honey, you know I now have

only 18 hours to live.



Could we please do it one

more time?'



Of course, the wife agrees,

and they do it again.



Later, as the man gets into

bed, he looks at his watch



and realizes that he now has

only 8 hours left.



He touches his wife's

shoulder and asks,



'Honey, please... just one

more time before I die.'



She says, 'Of course, Dear,'

and they make love for the third time.



After this session, the wife

rolls over and falls to sleep.



Morris, however, worried about his impending death,



tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.



He taps his wife, who rouses.

'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.



Do you think we

could...'



At this point the wife sits

up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough



I have to get up in the morning... you don't.

1. Big the pic and read it! LOL How true is that???


2. LOL



Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
(Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST)

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't
expect you to wet your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.

Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening and it wasn't
that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know
it probab ly wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with your wet pants.

I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed
in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also
bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank
full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150
gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb
after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from yo ur cell phone. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.

Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I
hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really ticked and we had a long chat (I
guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky ....

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto.. an Armed Society is a polite society!

hehe go boy!

3. a "10" indeed!




4. I need this bumper sticker!

THE MAMA TEST


I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. 'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied..

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Mama, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mama Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mama.'

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.'

'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.

haaaaaaaa Figured you ladies would preciate that.

Well I got nuttin for the caption contest this week! Give it your best shot in the comment box!



25 comments:

TentCamper said...

Mini replicas of the Hot Dads 'equipment'

"Hot Peckers"

Hmmmm.. lemme keep thinking

Southern Sage said...

lol@ hot peckers!

ZenMom said...

Re: His "perfect day" - I'm pretty sure you could fit at least one more blow job in that schedule.

As for those "hot peckers" ... Those are just creepy weird. Where is this garden? And what do the cabbages look like?

And how do you eat something like that? Eating them whole would seem wrong. And cutting them up for a recipe would seem ... wronger. ;)

Ah well, still better than those people who find Jesus-shaped carrots ans Virgin Mary figures on potatoes.

And now I have officially spent WAY to much time pondering this.

ChocDrop said...

Well if it is a HOT PECKER....stay away he probably hasn't been on the antibiotics long enough.

Amber said...

Wow, ain't got nothin, but I liked TC's Hot Peckers...

TentCamper said...

I WIN AGAIN...TentCamper is BACK!!!!!

Missty said...

LOL. Today is funny!! Good job.

I was thinking Hot Peckers as well, or hmm, Is that a pepper in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.

I'll bite... is it hot?



I will have to keep thinking... I am bored today. lol

Missty said...

Ok, so you know the tongue twister. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickeled peppers.

How about..

Peter Piper picked a Peck of Penis Peppers? lol

I need to go to Target...I will keep thinking, this is funny!

Southern Sage said...

Why not Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peckers?

LOL at all y'all

ZenMom said...

I think it's more like:

Peter picked a peck of pecker peppers.

Southern Sage said...

Hot Dads Chicks purely picked a peck of pretty pickled pecker heads to follow?!?

ZenMom said...

Not to cast aspersions ... but those are some pretty petite peppers.

Southern Sage said...

So zen re you sayin peter piper picked peck of petite pickled peppers?

ZenMom said...

Actually, Sage, I'd say Peter picked a peck of petite pecker peppers.

Then again, I've always pondered that petite peppers can pack quite perilous punch.

JennyMac said...

Red Hot Chili Peckers...

Missty said...

They do say size matters? Just sayin'

Southern Sage said...

Yes it seems it does matter. I always heard about size not mattering, then every time it seems to be a huge issue for me.
All I hear is its to big, its to big!
Do you feed it separately?
Do you have a permit for that weapon?

sigh

why does it always have to be about size with you gals?

TentCamper said...

I don't care what you all say....I win.

...and it seems to me that Zen and Misty can't get away from this one...something about that phallic shape that keeps you coming back?

Swirl Girl said...

Boom Boom Ow

ZenMom said...

I dunno about Misty, but, personally, I'm trying to distract myself from less pleasant things.

What's your excuse, TC? ;P

ZenMom said...

Also, I <3 alliteration. ;)

Missty said...

I know I can't leave this one alone. Everyone here has stuff to do today, and here I sit thinking of Pecker Peppers. lol

Ok, my last one... for now. lol


Burning Ring of Fire.

LB said...

I have to say you out did yourself today! The "petite pickeled peckers" is hilarious!

Mariah said...

That Hot pecker goes in my hot pocket!!

Fantasia Lillith said...

Too bad I can't eat spicy food ... your post is so all over the place but what fun!

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