Morris returns from the doctor with bad news. The prognosis tells him he only has 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris
asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so
they make love.
About 6 hours later, the
husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have
only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one
Of course, the wife agrees,
and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into
bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has
only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's
shoulder and asks,
'Honey, please... just one
more time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,'
and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife
rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death,
tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we
At this point the wife sits
up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
I have to get up in the morning... you don't.
1. Big the pic and read it! LOL How true is that???
Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
(Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST)
I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't
expect you to wet your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.
Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening and it wasn't
that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know
it probab ly wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with your wet pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed
in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also
bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank
full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150
gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.
I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb
after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from yo ur cell phone. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I
hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really ticked and we had a long chat (I
guess while he traced the number).
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky ....
P.S. Remember this motto.. an Armed Society is a polite society!
hehe go boy!
3. a "10" indeed!
4. I need this bumper sticker!
THE MAMA TEST
I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. 'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied..
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Mama, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mama Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mama.'
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.'
'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
haaaaaaaa Figured you ladies would preciate that.
Well I got nuttin for the caption contest this week! Give it your best shot in the comment box!
The Boy and the Pine Forest - One day, his parents drove him several hours outside of the city and the place that he knew as home. They passed by meadows, farms and forests on the way t...