Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Rooftop Investigation

I don’t know about the rest of you but I live a few blocks from the ocean and have a multitude of seagulls flying overhead at any given time. Additionally, our neighborhood has a crow population that must rival that of China and with fruit trees, we have a gang of mockingbirds and a more than typical population of hummingbirds.

Now…the other day I was up on our roof, doing some man shit, when I noticed that I did not see any bird shit on the roof. A bit surprised, due to the above paragraph, I searched the entire roof. (Yes, I was on the roof scanning for bird scat.) I looked up, and saw a bunch of the pesky fliers that I’ve been talking about…but no poo. Then I took it upon myself to find the best locations on the roof to see the neighboring houses’ roofs. Not having the eyesight that I did in my younger years, I jumped through a window and grabbed my binoculars.

Once back up on the roof, I began scanning the close by rooftops through my binoculars. Still not seeing even one splattering of bird shit…I began letting it really bother me. I stayed up there for what seemed like an eternity, looking from house to house through the binoculars.

Now most of you probably know that when one is looking through binoculars…you only see what you are aiming at…you remove all peripheral vision. Crouched down on the roof, black lenses glued to my face…and all of the sudden I heard, “you up there! What are you doing? Come down here!” Almost falling off the roof and nearly dropping the binoculars, I turned to see that the neighborhood security had seen me and stopped, thinking that I was looking through peoples’ windows.

I climbed down and approached the irritated and confused officer. Before he could say a word, I began explaining what I had been doing. The guy’s facial expression said, “What the fuck ever dude. I know what you were doing.” By the time I finished my story, he just burst out laughing. As both of us were cracking up, he blurted out, “That is the best story that I’ve ever heard on the job…or you need to find yourself a good hobby.”

Realizing that, although he was laughing, he was not sure if he believed me or not, I told him to look for himself…that he had to come up and see first hand. He refused but admitted that by me insisting and the sincerity in voice…that he believed my story. He jumped back into his car, still chuckling as he picked up his radio and drove off.

I have to say that I did not even realize what it must have looked like. Me sitting up on the roof with binoculars…looking at the neighbors’ houses.

I need to stop and think before doing some of the shit that I do!!!

Back to my question...and the reason for this post.

Why do you rarely find bird poo on roofs? Do they hold it while flying over neighborhoods? Save it for people at the beach or on picnics? I don't get it.


Missty said...

That is so dang funny!!! You had me laughing!!

ZenMom said...

I'm not even going to pretend to understand the devious little minds of seagulls and other avian bombers.

But, dude. This made me LMAO. :D

Mariah said...

Crows suck. I'm pretty certain they hold their crap for our car!

UberDorkGirlie said...

Too funny! For what it's worth, it would have bugged the hell out of me too.

I need to go shingle the hood and top of my car now. ;)

Faerie Mom said...

Hilarious! It would have bugged the crap out of me too.... but I would have probably not used the binoculars to check out the neighbors house! LOL That security guy must have been giggling over that all day long!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I guess it's good that officers patrol your neighborhood so completely.

As for the roof--there's sons of bird shit all over my satellite dish. Jus' sayin'.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Yes, they save it until they fly over cars... I think they prefer windshields!

thegratefuldaddy said...

Not sure about the bird poo issue, but the post was pretty darn funny!

Keith Wilcox said...

I would have just ignored the dude and waited for him to call the real cops. Anyway, now I'm curious what the conclusion is. Was there bird doo on other houses? If not, or if so, why?

BigLittleWolf said...

Great tale.
I'm sure there's a conspiracy story here.

Faerie said...

LOL this is a mans blog? .. He said "poo"...omg Im dyin'.

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