Saturday, October 17, 2009

My First Science Exam

My mother was going through some old boxes in the attic and came across this old test of mine. It's a wonder I ever graduated HS, much less college...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs...

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Have a good weekend!


BigLittleWolf said...

This is fabulous! My faves:

- keep it in the cow
- stair-oids
- puberty/adultery.

I think you probably graduated from college with honors! In creativity!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

hahahahahahaha, that's awesome. You were very creative, if nothing else!

chocdrop said...

It is funny to see how we used to think once upon a time. I loved your answers.

TentCamper said...


This is YOUR test? Sounds like it could have been one of Manic Mariahs!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

that is very funny thanks for making me laugh so hard. If I was your teacher I would have given you marks for creativity.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Ah ha ha ha ha! Keep it in the cow! Awesome!!

Bina said...

Oh my God you are killing me! Fibula, small lie. Ha Ha Ha!

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