Sexual healing

I have a new hobby. I enjoy it. Immensely.

The other people who have to endure it while I am enjoying myself is a different story. For them, the three to five minutes must seem like an eternity. However, I could really care less.

I am just living the dream. Me, a microphone and a willing or even an unwilling audience is all I need.

Well, maybe one beer. When your as bad as I am, a little liquid courage never hurts. Who would have thought that partaking in Karaoke would be so much fun?

They say those who can do, and those who can't teach. Well, I am already a teacher. So, when it comes to singing, I pick songs that I have no business singing. If you can't do it, try and screw it up as much as possible is my philosophy.

Why take yourself seriously when you know you aren't any good? It's all about having fun and letting loose.

So, my song of choice? Clarence Carter's Strokin'. That's right. This 5-foot-7, 150-pounder sings a song sung by a big black man with a strong voice.

That's like Barry White singing Barry Manilow's Mandy. It doesn't work.

But, me impersonating Carter giving sexual tips? It doesn't get any better. The irony of it all... sex is something I vaguely remember.

But, I can sing about it.

"Let me ask you something...
How long has it been since you made love, huh?
Did you make love yesterday
Did you make love last week
Did you make love last year
Or maybe it might be that you plannin' on makin' love tonight"

It doesn't matter that I would have to answer no to all those questions. Well, last year... that would be yes.

No. What matters is that for the few minutes I am up there, I am making love with the microphone. And, it's good. Real good.

For me, at least. When your a single dad, sometimes that's as good as it gets.