Monday, April 13, 2009

Ask the Hot Dads #4

Question #1

I have a real dilemma that is really causing a problem for my NEW marriage (15 months). Since we have begun living together after marriage, things have really changed. My husband prefers porn to a willing wife!! WTF I am the woman who wants sex everyday and I would complain because I want it more. Back story, before we got married he would come visit me every weekend and once or twice during the week. There was not a problem, there was regular sex...woohoo. Now I am lucky to get it once a month, and that has been for the last 10 months!!! That is NOT a sex life to me. We do have opposite schedules but he always has time to gratify himself and nothing for me. I have tried and if you check my blog you will see the latest of my efforts and the outcome (new blogger, it is the first two posts). We or I should say I have talked but he will not say a word to me. I use the questions 'how can WE come to a compromise', 'what can we do'. But nothing. I really truly mean he does not say a word. How do I get him to talk to me?? This hurts!! Our marriage is to new to be having such an issue. I don't want to stray but I don't feel desired or wanted. I am not a prude I am willing to do anything, I have plenty of toys, lingerie, I will tell you what I want and how. There isn't even a problem with orgasms, and it doesn't take an hour, 5 minutes if you are hitting the right spots, I have multiple (thank you)!! What man would prefer a porn to the real thing??? HELP

Hubman says: To be honest, I don't think any of us have nearly enough information to attempt to give you some advice that would be the least bit useful. I took a look at your blog, and one thing I wonder about is your issue with chronic back pain that you write about. Could that indirectly be affecting him, knowing that if you're in pain a fair amount of time and he doesn't want to make it worse during sex? I don't know, I'm grasping at straws here....

You and he did not live together before you got married, correct? I wonder if there are issues that he's afraid to talk about that are getting in the way of intimacy. Basic co-habitation issues, you know what I mean? Is living together THAT much different than what either of you expected?

To get to your last question, I don't know a man who would prefer porn to a willing woman and can't fathom that. But you're not alone- just look around the blogosphere, there are tons of women writing about getting sexual satisfaction outside of their marriages because their husbands are NOT into sex AT ALL. Not that I'm suggesting you do that, just saying so to illustrate a point.

Daddy Geek Boy says: Studies have shown that porn can be addictive. Because there’s an endless supply of it on line, the bountiful buffet of beautiful boobs and butts can…uh…what was I saying? Oh yeah. It’s entirely possible to get too wrapped up in porn. Taking care of one’s self regularly can certainly take a bit of the will to hunt out of the hunter, but I don’t know of any guy who would take squeezing one out in front of the TV or keyboard over real live flesh. My Spidey sense is tingling here. Usually a problem with a couple’s sex life is a symptom of a larger problem. You guys are too new a married couple to be running into stuff like this, especially if you had a healthy sex life before getting married. But I feel there’s a lot of info that we’re missing so it’s hard to really give a diagnosis. My best advice is that you need to talk to each other and if you can’t open up the lines of communication yourselves, reach out to a counselor. Good luck and I hope it all works out.

David (Dad’s House) says: I don't know any guy who would choose porn over the real thing. That said - men like to hunt. You have to make him chase you. Tease and tantalize him a bit. A hint of cleavage or a trace of thong can do wonders.

Cameron says: You say your husband prefers porn…..but here’s a question, is he actually getting off? Masturbating? Is he openly watching porn in front of you or is he hiding it from you? If he’s NOT spankin it, I would chalk it up to low sex drive. Is he on any medication for anxiety, blood pressure, depression? Certain medications can definitely hinder your libido. Aside from that, I might offer one piece of advice to you. You mentioned in one of your posts that you were lying there naked spread when he got home (I think at this point we will need some scantily clad photos just for verification purposes, please send to …. ) and nothing happened. My word of advice is this – play hard to get for a little bit. This WILL NOT work immediately, but after a week or two it may kick in. Guys like the thrill of the chase. We want to work a little bit for it, we want to hunt it down and take it for ourselves, sometimes it’s just not as exciting if it’s right there in front of our face, and we didn’t have to work to get it. Make sense?

Tent Camper says: WOW…not sure where to start with this one. There seems to be several issues here. I will start with the porn one; Watch the porn with him. Find out what parts or people get him the most turned on. Use that information to shift his attention to you as opposed to the porn…or even in conjunction with it.

You need to MAKE him talk. Communication is the only way a marriage can work. If you need to…do something to get his attention. Offer to let him watch you with someone else…if he prefers to watch. You just have to get him to talk. He may feel that the things that turn him on
are dirty and he does not want you to be dirtied. If so, ask him to tell you his fantasies…tell him that those ‘dirty’ things are not dirty…that they are hot. (well….unless he is watching snuff or child porn…then…I would just get out)

Southern Sage says: I always first ask if his stuff works properly. I mean if he doesn't or has probs getting it up then maybe that is embarrassing to him and he'd rather not go through that. Have you turned him down for any thing he might want? He might be punishing you for not doing what he wants sexually. Have you discussed you looking elsewhere for sex? Hell he might agree to it. What kind of porn does he watch? Is it specific and the same thing every time? Have you changed since the wedding? Gained or lost a lot of weight? Shaved your head? or something significant? (not that any of that is a reason to pass up on sex but they might be to him)

I cant understand why any guy ever would turn their partner down, ever but they do often it seems. I dunno, that's all I got.

Question #2
How do guys go to the store with a list of 2 things and manage to come home with ONLY the 2 things on the list? Doesn't the sale item excite you? How can you bypass all the beautiful produce, magazines, bakery? Amazing.

Hubman says: That's easy, it's because I'm a list kind of guy. The wife gives me a list, I go to the store and get what's on the list. Sure, Mac and Cheese might be on sale, but I have no idea what's in the cupboard at home, so why buy it if for all I know we already have 8 boxes of the stuff?

That's not to say I won't take the opportunity to cheat on my diet and grab some Ben & Jerrys, you know what I'm sayin'...

Daddy Geek Boy says: Sure it’s easy to resist at the grocery store. Best Buy, however, is a completely different story.

David (Dad’s House) says: I'm divorced, and shop for myself. I never carry a list. I just get what I need, then leave. Unless, of course, Jim Beam Black or Bombay Sapphire Gin is on sale. Then I get excited!

Cameron says: Easy…we get frustrated when we can’t easily find something, then we get pissed, then we leave. J

I could care less if there are sale items unless it involves cow or pig. Don’t get me wrong, I comparison shop, and I buy items when they’re on sale, but no, they don’t excite me. The produce and magazines and bakery are about the three main areas I like to avoid, that and the tampon isle. Actually, the bakery is Ok, they have tons of sugary goodness there, but produce and magazines….snooze.

Tent Camper says: I do most of the shopping around here and I “stick to my list.” I am not one to stray from my intended items, but I will say that if an incredible deal pops up…I will most likely indulge. The thing that I don’t do, that I see women often do is self-indulge. I will not go “off list” for things that I like (unless I am at Home Depot.) When Mariah goes to the store, she comes home with bagfuls of shit that was “off list” and many things that were on the list…are not to be found.

Southern Sage says: LoL well don't fret my bride can't do it either. Its easy just go get whatcha need then leave. I hate being in there too, undisciplined kids, people not paying attention etc. So I can't wait to be gone from there.

Are there important things you need to know? You best believe that the Hot Dads can help. Drop us a question by posting them in the comments section or email them to tentcamper1 [AT] gmail [DOT] com


Cameron said...

Wow, I can't believe several of us said 'thrill of the chase' on that first question.

Amber said...

Wow, you guys have some truly amazing insight this week. I'm impressed.

Scandalous Housewife said...

How do you guys go from a question like I'm a sexed up, no holding back, horn dog mo fo whose new husband is a wacking off porn addict, to why do men not impulse purchase at the grocery store?

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Scandalous...We like to show off our vast array of knowledge.

Anonymous said...

Since you did so well with these topics, I have a question for next week.

Do you a think that the longer you are with a partner, you have less desire to do sexual things that won't result in sex?

I have been talking to several female friends, and everyone's experience seems to be that their men were very interested in making out, groping, etc in the early days of their relationship, even if they knew they weren't going to be getting anything more in the immediate future. As time goes on, those things tend to get relegated into the 'foreplay' catagory, and the men are only interested in these things if they are going to result in sex or a blowjob.

From a male perspective, do you all think this is true?

dadshouse said...

Scandalous - you're onto us now. We don't impulse shop at the grocery because we are sexed up horn dog mo fos...

Anonymous said...

I agree with the others. I'm trying to hurry home to get a shot of wingding!

Amber: we are a mighty impressive bunch!

Sandi said...

good answers. I agree with what most of the guys are saying. Something bigger is wrong here. I sense something not good. But it needs to be addressed. Heed the warning signs.

* TONYA * said...

I send my hubby into the grocery store with a list. He spends an hour walking up and down the aisles looking for item no.1, calls me several times in case I have a tip on where it might be located. Hey, I get peace and quiet for a couple of hours at least

LiteralDan said...

As for the second question, Daddy Geek Boy has it right-- it's all about where you are.

The only time I go hunting for something to buy is when I have a gift card for a particular store, or something. I don't enjoy that time wandering about in a store.

Anonymous said...

The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
1. Alcohol
2. Drugs
3. Preditory "earning"
4. Homosexuality
5. Gambling
6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO.
It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles will survive the 1000 years. They will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during Planet Earth's history.
If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial element in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.

Only children go to heaven. By the time you hit puberty it is too late. This is charecteristic of the gods:::Once you realize what you have lost it is too late.
Now you are faced with a lifetime to work and prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.

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