Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The English Language Sucks!

This post was on my blog the other day, but then I saw that we needed some filler here....so...enjoy.

I know that it has been a while since I last posted, but there has just been a lot going on in my life lately. Not to mention my latest issue.

The kids are off visiting with their father and the house is virtually empty. These are the times that I reserve to get some shit done around the house. The project at the top of my list right now, though not a huge one, is the cause for both anxiety and deep thought.

The project itself is simple…repair the leak in our shower. Remove the shower knob. Remove and replace worn inner part(s). Re-attach knob and seal. Simple…yes, I know.

The issue is as follows: I have no caulk. (No…I did not say COCK…I said caulk.) This is where the anxiety comes in. I hate the fact that I have to walk into my local hardware store and ask the burly guy that runs the place if he has caulk. What do you say? “Excuse me…I am looking for caulk.” “Do you have caulk?” “Where can I find caulk?” “Do you have light brown caulk? My wife does not want white caulk.”

What the fuck is wrong with the guy who invented and named caulk? Wouldn’t you think that he’d know how it sounds and that the majority of people buying it would be plumbers, builders, DIY “manly men” and the such? He could have just named it; goop or sealer or even sticky shit. (Although there may be similar issues with “sticky shit.”

So basically, I have not started my project and have a feeling that before I do, I will be down at the hardware store scanning the aisles for the caulk display as so this manly mo fo will not need to inquire with anyone about caulk.

I even thought about sending Mariah to make the purchase…but I know her. She would have too much fun with it and would be all, “Excuse me big boy….can you show me your caulk? I need some very badly.” OH HELL NO….I ain’t with all that!

11 comments:

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I hate it when I don't touch my caulk for a long time and it gets all hard and crusty.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

haha, you have a CAULK phobia!

Southern Sage said...

lol
"that shit you put around pipes" should be a good thing to say that might get around caulk!

Amber said...

I wonder if you can't find a hardware place that employs a woman who knows about caulk, if that would cure your caulk phobia.

Barney said...

Caulk it up to experience...


Ok.. a bunch of bad puns all around...

T said...

That is SO funny. The ex and I were having this same conversation last night. I needed my shower re-caulked. My brother tried it... but he bought the plastic strips of caulk. I want the real thing. I'm so over fake caulk.

So, my ex husband decided to step in and offer his caulk experience. I have seen his caulk and have never had a problem with it so... though I would never ask... he did offer... and I agreed.

I'm telling you... his caulk is still perfect after all these years.

(He was laughing last night and said that it was surely a man who named it such. Just so he would have an excuse to say "caulk".)

LiteralDan said...

It could be worse-- the tube itself could be called Caulk, since you have to pump it and squeeze it until sticky white stuff oozes out all over your shower.

You should just order your caulk online in bulk, like a Senator would.

dadshouse said...

After reading this post, I checked - and my caulk is hard. Is that a problem?

Susan said...

Send Mariah in and she can have fun asking the sales associate what HE thinks makes the best kind of caulk. I couldn't do it. I'd crack up.

M said...

Oh I think you need to send Mariah.....with a video camera.

..and find the most vanilla looking retired Home Depot part time guy you can find.

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