My teen daughter is currently going through the college application process. This, of course, involves writing college application essays (multiple!) I feel for her. College application essays count for a lot in the admissions process, and they’re no fun to write.
And so, I figured I’d write my own college application essay, as if I was applying to the university of my choice this year.
I freely admit to plagiarizing the opening line of my essay from something that was apparently written by a student applying to UCLA back in the 80s. I believe the entire essay was reprinted in the LA Times, but I couldn’t find it through search. Apologies to the author. After the first sentence, the rest is mine…
College Application Essay – All About Me
I have loved, I have lived. I have traveled to Europe four times, and South America once. I can fix a flat tire on my bicycle. I speak seventeen languages, and worked the reception desk at the United Nations two summers ago. I know how to grill salmon perfectly with just salt and pepper. Bono is a personal friend of mine. A simple margarita recipe I jotted down on a cocktail napkin inspired a Jimmy Buffett song. I'm the bastard child of an older man younger woman relationship. I can bunt a fastball down the third base line. I once received a drunk texting marriage proposal and politely declined. I can fix a Mai Tai without any juice. Grey’s Anatomy is based on an experience I once had. I can drain the venom from a cobra. I'm an expert at programming the Prius navigation system. Kim Kardashian once asked me for personal training advice. I know where Waldo is. I built a Humvee military vehicle from scratch in my basement. My chicken and dumplings recipe was freeze-dried for a Space Shuttle mission. I have a picture of your university mascot tattooed on my ass.
Future Alumnus, Class of 2014