My teen daughter is currently going through the college application process. This, of course, involves writing college application essays (multiple!) I feel for her. College application essays count for a lot in the admissions process, and they’re no fun to write.
And so, I figured I’d write my own college application essay, as if I was applying to the university of my choice this year.
I freely admit to plagiarizing the opening line of my essay from something that was apparently written by a student applying to UCLA back in the 80s. I believe the entire essay was reprinted in the LA Times, but I couldn’t find it through search. Apologies to the author. After the first sentence, the rest is mine…
College Application Essay – All About Me
I have loved, I have lived. I have traveled to Europe four times, and South America once. I can fix a flat tire on my bicycle. I speak seventeen languages, and worked the reception desk at the United Nations two summers ago. I know how to grill salmon perfectly with just salt and pepper. Bono is a personal friend of mine. A simple margarita recipe I jotted down on a cocktail napkin inspired a Jimmy Buffett song. I'm the bastard child of an older man younger woman relationship. I can bunt a fastball down the third base line. I once received a drunk texting marriage proposal and politely declined. I can fix a Mai Tai without any juice. Grey’s Anatomy is based on an experience I once had. I can drain the venom from a cobra. I'm an expert at programming the Prius navigation system. Kim Kardashian once asked me for personal training advice. I know where Waldo is. I built a Humvee military vehicle from scratch in my basement. My chicken and dumplings recipe was freeze-dried for a Space Shuttle mission. I have a picture of your university mascot tattooed on my ass.
Go State!
David Mott
Future Alumnus, Class of 2014
10 comments:
You had me going there for a minute.
Kept making me think of those Dos Equis commercials. "The Most Interesting Man In The World."
anyway...your application has been accepted.
Our daughter is going through the same thing right now....it sucks!
You forgot to add; and I'm a link-freak! lol.
Nice, David. ;)
I beg to differ, Grey's Anatomy was based on MY life!
We're going through the college application process over here too! What a pain!
Looks like a fun mad-lib for a long car trip.
It reminds me of a line from Legally Blonde: "There are rumors that Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time...was based on my fourth-grade paper."
Excellent!
For a minute I was like, Bono...really? That's so coo....Hey wait a minute!
You had me going for a minute, too.....good job, as we say to them now.
I let my daughter read this essay. She cracked up at the Bono thing, and at Grey's Anatomy.
"What about the 17 languages at the UN bit?" I asked.
She just shrugged. "It's possible."
Si!!!
Great post. It made me reminisce about my college days and I realized I do not remember much of it. Must've been great!
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