As we got to know him, we began to really like him. We realized just how much our daughter had fallen for him and it seemed to be a mutual feeling between them.
After they had been dating for around ten months and we knew that this relationship was not the typical high school fling, we invited him to go with us to our family reunion in
We had a basic plan for the trip. We had 6 days to get from
We spent long hours in the car, many nights sitting by the campfire…we set up and broke down campsite, planned routes and ate together for the next 10 days. As, I am sure, you all know…long road trips and being ‘glued’ to the same person for an extended period of time does take its toll. Mariah and I agreed that if Amanda and X made it through the trip without a major breakdown, that things might just work out for them. At the same time we knew that by the end of the trip we’d have a good handle on X and his personality and character.
Throughout the trip, Amanda and X did pretty darn well. There were a few moments where they threw each other death looks, but all in all, there was only one major fight…and that was while on our 4 day stay in Mammoth. There was crying by both of them and arguing …and a general not wanting to be around one another.
Amanda confided in us with what was going on and since that point we have been ultra sensitive on picking up on this behavior…that he hides quite well.
We have found that he is completely controlling of her. He has listed off to her the people that she is allowed to be friends with…and those that she can’t. She MUST give him ALL of her passwords (email, cell phone, Facebook, myspace, …everything.) If she changes a password and does not tell him immediately, he freaks the fuck out.
Very early on in their relationship, she kind of flirted with an ex-boyfriend (after X had told her that she was never to communicate with any of her exs) and since that point he’s been untrusting and overboard controlling.
Now, when we talk with her about it she says that she screwed it up and that she had to do this so that he would trust her again.
Now I have seen the hoops that she jumps through for him and now I am seeing that he gets in her face and that there is cussing and threats that fly around.
This is where I feel the need to hobble the fucker. I will not sit back and watch as he pushes her down …to a point where she believes that she deserves to be treated like a possession. BUT…she is 18 and she has not been ‘digesting’ the talks that we’ve had with her about the progression from controlling to abusive.
Do I step in and put him in his place…telling him that I know what is going on and I will not stand for it? (she would hate me for a long time…but maybe would not be ruined by X)
Do we continue to sit down with her and try to MAKE her understand what is happening?
Do we disable the phone and internet …so that she has no passwords to give him?
He freaked out on her the other day because she wore a sweater to school that she got from a boy FRIEND about 5 years ago.
I don’t know what to do
It seems like if I do what it takes to protect her…she’ll hate me.
If I talk to her and comfort her…I may not be doing my job as a father.