Friday, November 6, 2009

View From the Back

Dear Digital Camera,

At first I was really mad at you. What you showed me made me uneasy. You were aimed at the back of my head as I rode the train with the kids. Downloading the shot to my computer, your crisp 12 megapixels allowed me to zoom in close and confirm the very thing that I have suspected for a while now…a patch of hair on the top of my head is thinning faster than a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

However camera, I got over my ill feelings toward you because I have come to realize that you are the only one who is telling me the truth about my follicles. Brutal though you may be, you’ve been honest with me when my hairdresser and wife have not. My hairdresser has been my friend and confidant for nearly a decade. Her shop is covered in mirrors and sitting in her chair I am treated to various angles of my head. For the past few months, I’ve noticed what seemed to be less hair up top. Figuring my hairdresser would know better than anyone, I asked her if I was in fact starting to thin out. She denied it and blamed bright lighting and the angle of the mirror. My wife, on the other hand, has remained completely silent, choosing to ignore the plain truth, rather than subject me to it. Perhaps they were trying to spare my feelings, but a lie of omission is still lying.

It’s inevitable, I guess. I am fast approaching my late 30s and I’ve noticed by body changing rapidly. Gray hair has weeded itself into my head and body like crabgrass on a forgotten lawn. It seems that the myths are true and I’m destined to follow in the bald ways of my maternal grandfather instead of my father, who at 63 retains a lush, full head of hair.

Camera I know that whatever happens, you will remain an unblinking, objective eye. It’s up to you and only you to tell me the truth about the state of my hair. Thank you for having the courage to confront me. Although the truth hurts, I respect you for it.

Daddy Geek Boy


DCUrbanDad said...

It seems the only place I am growing hair is in my nose. I think I could braid those suckers.

WonderWife said...

How is it that after nearly 9 years together, you believe the camera before you belive me? I am always honest with you. That newfangled camera so lies. Have you seen the extra 10 pounds it "found" on me. LIAR!! Your hair is fine.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Um darling...? When I showed you the picture you got all quiet, turned away from me and said, "But I still love you." Remember that?

TentCamper said...

Your hair looks fine to me. though fire pit lighting may not be the best for cranial inspections.

I've been slowly cutting my hair shorter and shorter...waiting for the balding. Then I'll just shave it off and it won't be much different than now.

Damn cameras....must be why I stay with a trusty 1988 Polaroid.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Ok, I do not feel bad for you because? bald = freaking hawt. I am so not kidding.

Your escalator operator said...

Right there with you. And if it were me, I'd stick with the "angle of the mirror" explanation.

ciara said...

well, i can't see the pic so no way to judge. but the stupid camera adds about 20lbs to me. you know what i do to make sure pics of me look good? i take my own pics lol

Hubman said...

My camera is telling me the same damn thing! Stupid camera.

Fortunately, at 6'2" not many people can see the top of my head!

SciFi Dad said...

Sounds to me like it's time to buy a new (better) camera.

jenie said...

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