Cyber Monday's Hot Holiday Gift Guide

Today I am not only telling you all what you should be getting for your loved ones this holiday season....no....I am also going to give away products from each of the below companies. Yes...as long as you comment and indicate in each comment what item you are interested in...You may just save a buck or two . Tweet the giveaway to receive an additional entry.

The rest of you are going to have to go to the store or shop online like the rest of us.

Now, I tried to pick products that would be of the utmost importance to us as parents....and am starting with dads...of course.

For Dad

FreeAgent - by Seagate
The first product that I’d like to share with you (and please notice how (For Dad) comes first) is a product by Seagate. Seagate has been around, seemingly, forever and I have always seen the company as one who consistently provides quality consumer products without worrying about all of the media hype and bells and whistles. Anyway, I was sent an external hard drive to check out for this review and HOLY… (I need to make up a term for “The absolute best thing to hit my desk since…well let’s just say since Mariah and I have used the desk for things other than work.”)

I got the package, immediately pulled the drive out and couldn’t help but to marvel at its size and sleekness. (ladies…keep your minds out of the gutter…we are talking about technology here.) Roughly the size of an 8-track cassette this little monster (Seagate’s FreeAgent Go 1TB drive) is absolutely massive! Not only does it offer immense storage space, it is set up to perform automatic backups, secure specific files and even synchronize files between computers with its desktop manager.

After I finished checking out all of the cool features and stuff, I went straight to offloading all of the crap from my computer. I grabbed all of the folders of music, pictures and other old files and just dragged them into the drive. After both Mariah and I transferred all of our clutter to the FreeAgent Go, the drive still has around 80% free space on it. Sage, Hubman and Dadshouse….do you know how much….adult material can be stored on 1,000 GBs? I have the drive set up on my computer and with our network, Mariah and all of the kids can store and retrieve all of their music and pictures on it with ease.

As I fell in love with this drive…and rekindled my love for Seagate. They offered their FreeAgent Go 640GB to Hot Dads as a giveaway on the site. For entry details please go to the bottom of this post.

Seagate’s FreeAgent products can be purchased at: Seagate and range from $90 to $230.

TuneBase - by Belkin
As all of you out there already know…I am WAY behind the times when in comes to cell phones. Over the years I have gone through the whole smart phone thing but I always keep reverting back to phones like my current one…Motorola Razor…that being said…for me to truthfully give you all an honest review of Belkin’s TuneBase – for the iPhone/iPod, I had to (yep) give it to our daughter…cuz she is the high tech phone, texting, apps, music genius of this humble abode.

Needless to say, she was thrilled when I handed her the kit which includes everything needed for an 18 year old high school senior to achieve mastery in multitasking…while driving. Aside from the fact the only thing I want her doing while she drive is to KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DAMN ROAD, I know the truth…which entails; calling friends, flipping through her 1,000+ songs on her iPod and trying to navigate her way to the ‘hottest party ever!”

At any rate, when I got in the car with her, I was actually kind of amazed at the amount of ‘stuff’ she was doing …while keeping her eyes on the road. She first showed me how the TuneBase connected her iPhone to the car stereo and made a quick, speakerphone, call to her boyfriend…just to show me how cool it was. Then she proceeded to start some (rather confusing) music playing blasting throughout the car and then she flipped the unit sideways, with a quick flip, and hit the button for her navigation app. Suddenly, as I was being inundated with sensory overload Amanda asked me to hand her the USB cable so that she could charge her camera. I handed her the cable and she hooked it right into this elaborate, technological masterpiece.

At the end of the car ride, I have to admit that if you have an iPod or iPhone, this is one Hot Product that should be on the list for the holidays this year. The tune base is available at Belkin for $99.00
*Giveaway details at the bottom of this post


For Mom

FotoBox Plus - by Honestech
Now, I don’t want to make any enemies here, but it is a Hot Dad consensus that the wives and even some of the Hot Mamas are… a bit on the slow(er) side when it comes to technology. That is why this next product tops my list for moms. FotoBox Plus from Honestech is one of the coolest little gadgets that I’ve seen lately. Yes ladies, this cute little USB device will allow you to turn all of the beautiful photos, of your kids, trips and even your husbands, into state of the art slide shows and videos.

It is a rather small device that you just slip tour media card for your digital camera into and then the super easy software walks you through the process. There are even two modes; Easy and Advanced, which allows both novice and computer-savvy, PC-using people can get creative with and easily edit their photos and videos. By the time you are done tweaking your masterpieces with the themes, background music and narration options they can then be shared with the world by uploading the content directly to websites to share with family and friends…or leave it on your computer, burn DVDs or load files onto your iPod.

Any of you who take a lot of pictures and who like to share them with others…trust me…YOU WILL LOVE THIS HOT PRODUCT!!!!

FotoBox Plus is available at www.honestech.com and retails for $79.95
*Giveaway details at the bottom of this post


EyeClops Mini Projector – by JAKKS Pacific!
I have put this product, though kind of techy, into the moms category because if most households are like mine…Mom is the entertainment queen, organizer and coordinator.

When JAKKS Pacific approached me with several products, this mini projector jumped right out at me as a must have for every home.

The concept is simple…attach A/V cables to the mini projector, plug it in, press the power button….it transforms any simple viewing into big screen fun. The unit can be plugged into TVs, DVD players, VHS, iPods, video games…anything with the red white and blue A/V cable outputs.

After receiving the product we bolted straight to the living room to test it out. The girls were watching some Hanna Montana thing (not recommended viewing) so I just pulled the plugs going to the TV and popped them into the EyeClops. Within a minute they were laying on the floor looking up to the ceiling at their show…on a 4’ by 4’ ‘screen.’ We tried it on the walls, drapes (not so good), ceiling, etc and it all worked well. The image from a distance of more than 5 feet was definitely not as crisp as an HD TV…but I would not expect it to be…the experience was a blast and we now plan on using it for our weekly movie night.

Tip…If you buy one of these guys…make sure to have a long A/V cable. It adds mobility to the unit and allows you to have a ‘drive-in’ just about anywhere. Additionally, I would suggest (with larger crowds) to have some external speakers to plug into the headphone jack. The speaker was enough for the 4 of us, but with more people or a larger room…you might want to boost the sound.

As avid campers, we are planning to bring this awesome invention with us on our next trip and have a movie night on the side of a tent. At only about 3X2X1 ½ …or slightly bigger that a normal bar of soap…you can take this Hot Product pretty much anywhere.

Available at stores such as Wal Mart, K Mart, Amazon.com and KB Toys for an MSRP of $99.00, I say that this is definitely one Hot Products for families. Find more info on the EyeClops and other Jakks Pacific products HERE.

*This product is not currently available for the giveaway.


FOR ...OFFSPRING

Unotron Keyboard
As I am not the biggest advocate of kids and technology….I mean I’d much rather see the kids outside doing jumps on their bikes, getting gashes in their appendages and sporting raspberries the size of grapefruit on their thighs than watch them surf the web and fiddle with their video games…but…nobody asked me…and I know that schools are making the kids embrace the Internet.

SO….I wanted to introduce you all to a product that has made my days at least 30% more stress free than they had been.

I am the kind of guy who has things in their certain spot and I like my stuff clean, unbroken and ready to use when I need them. (I am hoping that many people out there are like that…otherwise I just admitted to the world that I am an obsessive compulsive, neat freak with greedy tendencies.)

When the kids come running up and start shouting that they NEED to use my computer, flashes of me being on tech support with someone in India for the better part of the next day begin to fill my head.

We have been through about 5 keyboard, 3 computers and 4 mice in the past 2 years. Food and drinks on the desk, downloads, viruses, dirt in the keys, etc tend to do wonders on tech products…..UNTIL NOW!!!!

Unotron has created a kid proof keyboard!! This absolutely normal looking keyboard is my new favorite thing ever!!! I was wary at first with its claims, but we indeed put this guy to the test.

After hooking it up and playing around for a bit, noticing nothing out of the norm for a keyboard, I called our 10 year old over to my desk. I told her that we were going to do an experiment together. Smiling, she looked up and just nodded.

I handed her a list of things to bring me from the kitchen (orange juice, apple sauce, soda and jelly.) Then I asked her to get me one teaspoon of dirt, after looking at me a bit weird, she took off.

After she returned I told her to one by one pour the ingredients onto the keyboard. Yes…she gave me that look…you know, the one that says, ”Really? Can I?...and I won’t get in trouble?” Upon reassuring her that it was just an experiment and it was OK…she proceeded to, like a mad scientist, pour everything onto the keyboard. Once done I told her that we now had to wait 10 minutes.

When we returned to the seemingly lost keyboard, I unplugged it and we carefully walked it over to the kitchen sink. I turned on the warm water and ran it over the keyboard…back and forth. After thoroughly rinsing the whole thing and rubbing it a bit with a dish cloth, I set it aside to dry.

20 minutes later, we returned and plugged the keyboard back in…looked at one another and then booted my system. I don’t think either of us expected it to work right…but it did. No grit, no sticky keys, nothing.

All I am going to say is…if you don’t win this keyboard in this giveaway…go buy one. This thing ROCKS!!!!

Unotron’s patented SpillSeal® technology and airtight structure prevents any germs from getting stuck in hard to clean areas, which is also what makes it waterproof. You can literally rinse this product right under the sink! At an affordable price of only $45.99, Unotron washable antimicrobial protected keyboard is a reliable product and is conveniently sold at most retail locations all over the U.S. as well as online.

***Giveaway entry guidelines....
To enter the giveaways mentioned above, leave a comment (mentioning the products that you are interested in winning) for one entry and tweet this giveaway URL for another entry (please make sure to comment again with your tweet).
I will have an unbiased 10 year old draw the winners from 4 different hats on Saturday, December 5th, 2009.

Good luck everyone...and happy Cyber Monday shopping!!!!!

Giveaway Winners!!!!!!!!

OK Everyone!!! Once again Random .org has chose the next two winners of Hot Dads giveaways....

The winner of the Remmington 360, the 8 in 1 shaving system is.......

Sincerely, Jenni

Congrats!!!!

NEXT....

We have to announce the winner of the Sobieski Vodka gift pack....

That winner is....

Jennybean

I hope you enjoy!!!!

Thank you all for playing...and may the rest of you win one of our giveaways very soon.


***As for the winners...email me your mailing details so that your items can be shipped to you.

Sunday Slides, Caption Contest, Funny

1. She should be more careful!


2. Feel free to steal this one ladies.
6. Lol.


4. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thats excellent right there. Who'da known I could get paid for it, I do it on webcam for free!



For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a
little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores .....Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ...... All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.

Now those ain't true are they?


Caption Contest. Come on y'all can do it! Give it your best shot!



No I don't even own a webcam!

Hope y'alls weekend was excellent!

There Is So Much I Am Thankful For

My Thanksgiving post is gonna be simple…and inspired, in part, by Frosty Heidi and Frank’s apologies.

Today, I am thankful for:

My boys, Jaden and Jack

My love Mariah

Kids; Amanda, Cody, Megan & Christie

Parents; Janet, James, Charles, Margaret, Peggy, Don and Bonnie

Siblings; Whitney (and family), Matt (and family), Becca & Rob, Kaethe (and family) and Jaime

Notorious relatives…on Mariah’s side; Noel, Phil, Rhett, Candy, Uncle Dick & Sheila

Friends; Anna, Cathy, Gavin

My health

Fishing

Camping

The ocean

Blogging

Twitter

Most naked things

Great schools

A great home

Food on the table

Samuel Adams

Sex

Quality time

Happiness

Love

Hula dancers

Hot Dads and Hot Mamas

Prime time TV

Good movies

The US Armed Forces (troops)

And…

The United States

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and hope that you are able to share it with all those who you love.

Challenge for Everyone!!, Vlog, Rockin Reader!!

Ok here is the deal. The post below is a re-post from last week sometime. Well a couple days ago I got a link to a youtube video. Now I don't watch video's with clothed people on them and I never listen to the videos but she sent it so I went and I just thought it was freakin awesome!! Tell me that doesn't rock. It was unrequested and a surprise to me.



Didja watch it?? Like 1 minute! Sheesh

If you don't think that's awesome/groovy/cool then please don't come back here ever because you pretty much suck as a human being. So here's the deal, any of y'all who wanna do that please do and send it and I'll post it. That would be just cool as Fonzie if some of y'all decided to do that! Anyway, there is your challenge! Ain't she pretty asa speckled pup too? Doods, Chicks, families whatever dress your dog ina red shirt on Friday! Stay anon if you wanna, wear a mask or don't show your face! Who is gonna step up??

Almost forgot, she made that one for me but she did another one for her blog HERE. (its not as cool as mine but its pretty cool too.)

If you made it this far comment on the video!

Re-post.

Snopes says this has been out for a while but my buddy Namaste sent it to me and I thought I'd post it. You should read her every time she posts, just sayin.

Red Shirt

If the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man...

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together..

After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.

No, he responded.
Heading out I asked?

No. I'm escorting a soldier home.

Going to pick him up?

No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq , I'm taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.

I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.

Red Fridays.

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ... Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women a far, will wear something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority i s on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is. "We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.


Who is in?

You can be 1/2 ina red shirt! Taking off a red shirt!! Whatever suit yourself! Hit up TFT too! Send your pics in to to Mrs Vixen! tftroops@gmail.com Or if you wanna stay anon and wanna send em to me I'll pass em on! Don't be a sissy.

We have a winner!!!! - Dot Girl Giveaway

Being that it is November 24th and time to announce the winner of the Dot Girl First Period Kit giveaway...I'd like to thank RANDOM.org for handling the selection portion of this for me...and I'd also like to thank the folks at Dot Girl for offering one of these EXTREMELY useful products to one of our readers.

So, without further ado...

CONGRATULATIONS to Sujomi - you are the lucky winner!

Email me your 'details and I'll get them off to Dot Girl for your product to be shipped.

Why I Hate My "Movember" Moustache

I'm doubling up on my posts today as we are nearing the end of the November Prostate Cancer Moustache Month.

Please click over to Dogs & Jeans to read my post.

Ingenuity...That Vibrates - and Booze

As any “real” man would…I have, for some time now, taken on the responsibility of cutting my own hair. Though I suppose maybe I wouldn’t if I were single and looking…I screw it up from time to time. At any rate, I have used several different electric razors for the job. It is not a difficult task as long as I have different sized guides and a functioning razor.

That being said, I feel as though I have recently mastered that art of keeping my head in a shape that is at least somewhat visually appealing to those around me. As for facial shaving…I have a mustache and goatee and love to make the excuse that I like the ‘scruffy’ look…as opposed to daily shaving. I have to say that this whole face shaving thing stinks…and I hate all of the guys out there who can run an electric razor over their face while driving to work…and arriving with a face that is smooth as a baby’s butt.

I am that guy who needs a standard hand razor, an electric razor and scissors to keep my face looking as hot as the rest of me.

Now, the folks at Remington were nice enough to send me one of their new razors to review…it is the new PG-360, 8-in-1 personal groomer. Once the package came, I immediately brought it up to my bathroom and plugged it in. While it was charging, I looked over the paperwork which listed all of its functionality. I was impressed, but still skeptical.

Later in the evening I decided to take a beer into the bathroom and take my new little toy for a test drive. The razor is small…not what I had been used to, but it was strong and functioned well. I will say that the trimming and edging took a little getting used to, but after a few mishaps, I was looking good. The interchangeable heads are a great touch to the product as I do not need to have scissors and regular razor at hand while grooming.

I, after perfecting my skills with this handy little guy, took the razor ‘downtown’ and did a bit of ‘manscaping’. Which turned out quite well… Mariah says that it makes me …sexy!!

I will just put this out there up front ladies…The only pictures that you are gonna see are ones that the folks at Remington gave me.

As I am thrilled with this new found friend of mine…enough to have cleared off an area of the sink for it...I am happy to announce that Remington is happy and willing to send a PG-360 to one of you.

Now...as you all can imagine...Booze is a great mix with vibrating cutting utensils....I am now going to hip you to another MUST HAVE for this...and every holiday season.

I am not a big liquor drinker…though the ability to offer up some goodness to guests, if they so desire, is not out of character for me. I, as you all know am the kind of ‘gent’ who enjoys a nice sudsy brew as I kick back and watch me some football.

At any rate, the folks at Sobieski asked if I wanted to try out a few of their new flavors. What kind of Hot Dad…or human for that matter, would turn down free booze?

Once the package arrived and the ripping and shredding settled, I realized that I did not know any drink recipes to test the stuff on. I was not about to go old school, college days and make a pitcher of screwdrivers or Vodka Cranberry (I don’t even know what that drink is called).

Being that within the walls of Hot Dads, there is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom…so I turned to brother Dad’s House for virtual guidance with his two recipes

Vodka Martini and Cosmopolitan
I used the cytron flavored vodka in the martini and the vanilla in the cosmo…both turned out exceptionally well.

The unbeatably smooth vodka was virtually undetectable in the sweet goodness…so much so that one minute I was sitting back and enjoying the (two) drinks and the next minute…I’m not sure what I was doing. Make note…this stuff is not for the lame…not for the amateur…not for the weak of heart…but strictly for professionals. Space em out, and don’t let it creep up on you.

I give a huge thumbs up to Sobieski…for providing us with a superior vodka…and for the two new flavors. Additionally I thank them for agreeing to ship a gift basket of Sobieski promotional products (sorry - no alcohol) to the lucky winner of this, Hot Dads’ newest giveaway.

Comment for one entry and Tweet about this giveaway for an additional chance to win. The winners will be selected and notified on Sunday 11/29/09.

Sobieski Facts:
o Sobieski was introduced to the U.S. market in August 2007
o Sobieski is the # 1 premium vodka in Poland and the world’s # 7 best selling premium vodka
o Sobieski received a Gold Medal, 95-point "Exceptional" rating, and "Best Buy" award by the Beverage Testing Institute
o Awarded Impact’s 2008 Hot Brand Award in the Spirits category and recipient of the 2008 and 2009 Beverage Information Group Growth Brand Awards

The new PG-360, 8-in-1 personal groomer. Great for use in between visits to the salon or barber, this cordless groomer makes it easy for guys to create and maintain their own stylish facial hair – from precision trimming and styling to close shaves. It features the world’s first neckliner (an exclusive detail) that easily maintains a straight, clean neckline. The 10 adjustable settings are great for clipping sideburns, necks and a variety of hair lengths, as well as five adjustable settings for all styles of facial hair – goatees, soul patches, light two-day stubble, moustaches or beards of any length. It also has an ear and nose hair trimmer for, um, that not-so-stylish hair. More versatile than Norelco, this rechargeable unit comes with self-sharpening, titanium-coated blades for sharp, precise cuts. Cost: $19.99. The PG-360 is now available nationwide at Target and WalMart stores and online at www.remingtonproducts.com.

My testicles and me

Hi. I'm Coachdad. I stop by every now and then and share a story or two. I usually throw something on here that relates to me and the crazy little girls that are with me when they are not with their mother.

Not this time, though. This isn't your typical post from me. Don't you feel lucky? Well, don't.

I want and need to write about my balls.

Those two little fuckers have given me so much grief over the last three years. And, this time I am not even talking about the four girls that they helped produce.

Seems my testicles don't like when another man starts touching them. I can't blame them. I wasn't all that fond of a 74-year-old man playing with my balls either.

However, if 30 minutes of his pulling, prodding, and cutting into my sack meant that I would be free of the worries of fathering another child, then have at it Doc. Do whatever you want with them, just buy me lunch the next time we see each other on the golf course.

The procedure wasn't all that bad. It was a little uncomfortable, but certainly not painful. Walking out of his office, I felt free to drop my seed anywhere without the worries if it developing into anything other than another relationship that would go wrong.

After three days of limping around, I was back to normal and ready to take them out for a test drive. Satisfied literally and figuratively, I was content with my decision and proud of what I thought was one of the first times that I actually acted like a responsible adult.

Fast-forward six months with me if you will.

It was Christmas morning in 2006 and I woke up to four little girls crawling all over me in my bed. I got up and started walking into the living room to watch them open their gifts when a sharp pain started shooting up the right side of my abdomen. From there, the pain turned into a dull, pounding sensation that never went away, only to be interrupted by more shots of pain.

Two hours later and after dropping the girls off at their Mom's house, I drove to the hospital and began to wait in a overcrowded emergency waiting room. After 45 minutes, I was led into triage and was told that I wasn't suffering from a appendicitis attack and that I should go back to the waiting room and wait to undergo some tests.

Sitting for 15 minutes and knowing that I had much to do before heading to my then fiance's house for Christmas dinner, I left the hospital confident that I wasn't going to die in the next 24 hours.

I didn't die that day, but I fucking wanted to after I found the source of my pain in a bathroom at the fiance's house. Unzippping my pants to piss, I saw what is and will always be the scariest thing I have ever looked at.

My right testicle didn't look like a testicle. It was three times it's normal size and decorated in a deep red and purple color. How the hell did I not see this plum-looking thing earlier?

I hobbled out of her house, drove back to the hospital, sat in the waiting room, went back into triage, underwent an ultrasound on my boys (which I actually enjoyed), and then finally got an answer from a young female doctor who looked like she just got out of medical school.

"You have a condition called Epididymitis," she said.

"Ok. How did I get it and what can I do to get rid of it?"

"It's an infection that is associated with syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV. We can't test you for those here, so you need to go see your family doctor. You are free to go home now."

What? Merry Fucking Chritmas to you, too. Syphilis, gonorrhea, or HIV? Are you kidding me? Can't wait to call the fiance and tell her the great news.

I didn't tell her that that night, instead I went straight to Dr. Fuck-Your-Balls-Up the next morning with my medical report from the prior night. As soon as he glanced at the report, he looked at me and laughed.

"Relax, Brett. She was correct on her diagnosis, but not how you got it. Read this pamphlet while I go and get you some antibiotics."

It was a pamphlet that dealt with vesictomies and complications that could result from the procedure. The first one listed was epididymitis and it said:

"One of the more common of the vasectomy complications, epididymitis is a condition which occurs when the larger tube behind the testicle, connected to the vas, becomes inflamed and swollen. The application of heat and the use of anti-inflammatory medication with or without antibiotics usually clear this up within a week."

What the pamphlet didn't say is that it can come back every six months or so. Twice a year I am reminded of having my balls played with by an elderly man.

If you ever see a 35- to 40-year-old man in Southern California in obvious pain and hobbling quickly after his girls in a mall, or a park, or anywhere... take solace in the fact that he will never have more than the kids he has with him.

And, I will glady take that trade.

We Have A Winner

Courtesy of Random.org...I am pleased to announce that Literal Dan's number popped up in the number generator.

CONGRATS my brother...and fellow Hot Dad.

I hope that you all enjoy hours of family DVD viewing with this great set of classics!!!

**Drop me an email with details for me to forward to have the set mailed to you.

Super Funnies!!! Sunday Slides! Caption Contest!

1. Why they always gotta pick on crackers for?


2. Me either Steve.


3. LOL



It's Hell to be Old…!!”



OLD people have problems that we haven't even considered yet!

An 85 year old man was requested by

his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,

'Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample.'

The next day the old man reappeared

at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as

the day it was given to him.

The doctor asked what happened and the old man explained:

'Well doc, it's like this--first I tried with

my right hand, and nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, and still nothing.'

'Then I asked my wife to help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, and

still nothing.'

'She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then her teeth out, and still

nothing.'

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with her

hands, then her armpits, and she even

tried squeezin' it between her knees,

and still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open!’


4. Y'all come on I'll buy your supper but I'm not hungry.


5. She does have a lot of freckles!




Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions
in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5'' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 pounds. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'


Caption Contest!!!!! Give it a shot!


Well steal whatcha wanna, try the contest, Hit up Sageville (NSFW), check out RealWorld too its a cool blog and they post everyday during the week!

Things I suck at

Generally speaking, I'd like to think that I'm pretty handy. Change the oil, unclog a sink, replace a light fixture, assemble toys, figure out electronics, bring it on, I can handle it.

But someone, I forget who, tweeted something the other day about tying a tie, which reminded me just how much I suck at that.

Case in point, I used to be an enlisted Soldier in the US Army. The proper way to tie a tie for the Class A uniform is a four-in-hand knot. While I could never get it to look just right, especially for a Drill Sergeant's standards, my battle-buddy in basic training could. So he tied my tie for me, and all I did was loosen it enough to slip it over my head and tighten the knot each time I wore it.

No kidding, I never untied that tie for the entire 6 yrs that I was enlisted. In fact, 12 yrs later, that tie is still tied, hanging in a closet somewhere with my dress uniform.

Let's not even talk about bow-ties. A select few blog friends have seen a picture of Veronica and I at my sisters wedding and I'm wearing my dress blue uniform. The bow-tie was a clip on...

I wish I knew what happened to my battle buddy from basic training, I'd like to thank him. But I can't for the life of me remember his name. Another thing I suck at....

Wanna see a picture of baby Hubman? Visit my hangout today!

Sawing Logs

I slept on the couch last night. Not because I did anything wrong, but because I snore and my wife, who has always been a light sleeper, can no longer stand the dulcet tones of my sawing logs. The night before I woke up at 3am to find my wife and her pillow gone from the bed. This means one of two things: 1) One of the kids woke up and she needed to be with them in the living room or 2) My snoring kept her awake and the only way she could get some damn sleep was to go to the couch.

It's usually number 2.

I fucking hate that it's usually number 2.

When I was a kid, there was a joke in Mad Magazine where a mom was giving advice to her daughter:

The mother said, "Don't sleep with a man before you marry him."

The daughter says, "Okay."

"And don't marry a man who snores," says the mother.

The daughter replies, "But how will I know?"

Funny right? But it was the snoring part of the joke that has always haunted me. 'Don't marry a man who snores.'

I hate that I snore. I hate that people can't stand to sleep in the same room as me. I sometimes wake myself up as a result of my own snoring.

I've tried the strips. I've gargled the mouthwash. I've slept on the pillows. I've done the tests. It's not life-threatening sleep apnea. It's just snoring.

So when my wife is forced out the warm comfort of our bed because of me, I try to give her a night of peace and sleep on the couch. Cause I'm good like that. And because I'm guilty about it.

Mornings are hard enough. Waking up alone when you're married is the worst.

A Father's Nightmare

A little over a year ago, our daughter (17 at the time) started dating a boy who lives a few blocks away. We spent last year carpooling with him and having him over for special occasions, doing what any good parents would do…letting him into our lives and supporting our daughter.

As we got to know him, we began to really like him. We realized just how much our daughter had fallen for him and it seemed to be a mutual feeling between them.

After they had been dating for around ten months and we knew that this relationship was not the typical high school fling, we invited him to go with us to our family reunion in Georgia. We spent 7 days at the lake house with him and then, after putting the younger kids on a plane to their father’s house in Texas, we (Mariah, Amanda and X – her boyfriend) got in the car to do a road trip home.

We had a basic plan for the trip. We had 6 days to get from Georgia to Mammoth, CA (where we were having another family reunion for my side of the family.) The consensus was that we should spend a few nights camping in the Rockies…since none of us had done that before. As we were tent camping throughout the trip, it gave Mariah and I a lot of opportunities to interact with X and see how he handles himself…out of his element.

We spent long hours in the car, many nights sitting by the campfire…we set up and broke down campsite, planned routes and ate together for the next 10 days. As, I am sure, you all know…long road trips and being ‘glued’ to the same person for an extended period of time does take its toll. Mariah and I agreed that if Amanda and X made it through the trip without a major breakdown, that things might just work out for them. At the same time we knew that by the end of the trip we’d have a good handle on X and his personality and character.

NOW…

Throughout the trip, Amanda and X did pretty darn well. There were a few moments where they threw each other death looks, but all in all, there was only one major fight…and that was while on our 4 day stay in Mammoth. There was crying by both of them and arguing …and a general not wanting to be around one another.

Amanda confided in us with what was going on and since that point we have been ultra sensitive on picking up on this behavior…that he hides quite well.

We have found that he is completely controlling of her. He has listed off to her the people that she is allowed to be friends with…and those that she can’t. She MUST give him ALL of her passwords (email, cell phone, Facebook, myspace, …everything.) If she changes a password and does not tell him immediately, he freaks the fuck out.

Very early on in their relationship, she kind of flirted with an ex-boyfriend (after X had told her that she was never to communicate with any of her exs) and since that point he’s been untrusting and overboard controlling.

Now, when we talk with her about it she says that she screwed it up and that she had to do this so that he would trust her again.

FUCK THAT!!!

Now I have seen the hoops that she jumps through for him and now I am seeing that he gets in her face and that there is cussing and threats that fly around.

This is where I feel the need to hobble the fucker. I will not sit back and watch as he pushes her down …to a point where she believes that she deserves to be treated like a possession. BUT…she is 18 and she has not been ‘digesting’ the talks that we’ve had with her about the progression from controlling to abusive.

Do I step in and put him in his place…telling him that I know what is going on and I will not stand for it? (she would hate me for a long time…but maybe would not be ruined by X)

Do we continue to sit down with her and try to MAKE her understand what is happening?

Do we disable the phone and internet …so that she has no passwords to give him?

He freaked out on her the other day because she wore a sweater to school that she got from a boy FRIEND about 5 years ago.

I don’t know what to do

It seems like if I do what it takes to protect her…she’ll hate me.

If I talk to her and comfort her…I may not be doing my job as a father.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!

Things to Ponder, Random Thoughts

What things do you ponder? What Random Thoughts cross your mind? Tell us.

Feel free to comment on others thoughts and pondering!!


thoughts...ponder this

1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

5. There is a great need for sarcasm font..

6. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

7. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

8. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

9. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

10. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

11. Was learning cursive really necessary?

12. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

13. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

14. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters !

15. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

16. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

18. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

19. Bad decisions and bad experiences make good stories

20. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

21. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

22. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far..

23. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

24. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

25. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

26. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

27. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

28. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

Thumpity, thump, thump! another Holiday Giveaway!

Being that the holidays are rapidly approaching, I thought that it would be a good idea to ‘hip’ you all to one of this year’s ‘must haves’… The Original Christmas Classics Limited Keepsake Edition.

Now I did not know this before…and quite frankly I don’t much like the thought of it…but I am freaking older than Frosty the Snowman!!! This is a ‘guy’ who I grew up with and always figured he’d been around for ages…like Santa. Now I have been told that Frosty turns 40 this year…and I turn 42…WTF!?

OK, back to the point of this post. I was sent a really cool DVD set to review and, as a member of an avid Christmas movie family, we were very excited when it arrived. Not only does this slickly packaged set have my buddy Frosty, but it features more than 4 ½ hours of holiday bliss including; Rudolph, Santa Claus is Comin to Town, The Little Drummer Boy, Frosty Returns …and several more favorites.

All of the above titles have been digitally remastered (and now include guest appearances by Alien and Jason Bourne) to enhance the picture and sound quality so that we can sit comfortably with our little ones and a big bowl of popcorn and enjoy these classics.

I liked the set so much that I asked if I could do a giveaway for another set. So there it is...Leave a comment for an entry and tweet this giveaway for another entry…you could soon be the envy of the neighborhood with your own brand-spankin-new Christmas Classic collector’s set. Deadline for entries is Sunday 11/22/09.

The story of how everyone’s favorite snowman magically came to life on Christmas Day, “Frosty the Snowman” has signified the arrival of winter since his TV debut in 1969—and he’s still melting hearts! The series remains one of the most popular animated holiday TV specials of all time. To celebrate, Classic Media is inviting kids and families to “chill out” with Frosty, Rudolph, and Santa with the ultimate holiday DVD gift set: The Original Christmas Classics Limited Keepsake Edition.

The box set contains seven of the most beloved holiday TV specials of all time, including the Rankin/Bass classics “Frosty the Snowman,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” and “The Little Drummer Boy,” among others.

Watching these iconic TV specials are part of the American holiday tradition, just like baking cookies or trimming the Christmas tree! As you begin to work on your November and December holiday-themed articles and posts, we thought it might be “cool” to include Frosty and The Original Christmas Classics DVD set.

The Original Christmas Classics: a wallet-friendly, must-have holiday gift suggestion, whether you’re 2 or 92!

The Original Christmas Classics Limited Keepsake Edition is available wherever DVDs are sold for $39.98.

Ask Hot Dads

This week our resident know-it-all Hot Mama Shelle sent in a few questions...and I think that they are enough to fill your minds with what we, Hot Dads, know to be the truth.

Shelle asks:

How do guys tell a girl that is skanky from a girl that isn't? May sound like a weird question but every time I have gone out with co-workers it seems like the guys KNOW which girls are going to be a little...more...how do you say...easy? Not that there is anything wrong with that, was just wondering how guys KNOW... ya know, kinda boggles my mind.

TentCamper says: A magician never tells...and yes...we Hot Dads do possess a certain level of magic within our loins. Above and beyond that, there is a lot to be said for opposites. By this I mean; when it comes to the way a woman dresses...the more she shows...the less she'll 'hide'.

Seriously though...It is pretty easy to see how a woman wants to be treated...and if you see a woman who wants to be come on to...you just need to do that without doubt...having the confidence is half the battle. (so I've been told.)

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Can just tell by the way they carry themselves.

CanadianBaldGuy says: It's a combination of things. How a woman dresses is a major part of it, but how she carries herself is the main way. Flirting...walking with swagger...subtle physical mannerisms...they all combine to make up the perception that a woman is "skanky".

Dadshouse says: The skanky women usually don't talk to me - they think I'm too clean cut! They typically want a "bad boy".

Southern Sage says: I am assuming Skanky=easy for the purpose of this question.
I don't know that I can tell who is easy or not. All chicks are easy for me though so I might not be the one who should answer this, maybe the rest of the guys will answer better. I can always tell if a chick wants me though. They look at me, and/or speak to me. Well that is all chicks that get turned on by tall, bald, poor, snuff dippin, truck drivin, deer killin rednecks who are 40 pounds overweight, yeah thats how I roll.

Hubman says: Skanky is kinda like obscene, I know it when I see it. But don't ask me to define it, other than she's dirty and not in a good way. One thing that does cry out "skanky" to me is a chick with lots of tattoos. And I'm not talking about a few tasteful tats here or there, that's cool. Oh yeah, cokeheads and heroin junkies are automatically skanky.

I don't equal skanky with easy. I've known a few easy chicks [hell, I'm married to one!], but I wouldn't call any of them skanky. But maybe they were just easy for me, since I'm so damn irresistable ;-)

Daddy Geek Boy says: Us guys have spent years trying to separate the wheat from the chaff and learn with which girls we might have a greater chance of seeing under a few layers of clothing. So there's a kind of an innate "skank detection" within all of us. (Not that knowing who was skanky and who wasn't did me any good, by the way.)

As dads that have daughters. Why is it okay to look at a hot girl online whose sole purpose is to turn you on, them being someone else's daughter, but you have a hard time letting your daughters wear what they want? Kind of a bit two sided no?

TentCamper says: SHUT UP!!!!!! I am know in the house as the guy that will, without hesitation, throw clothing into the trash if I think that it is too revealing. I am sickened by the way teen girls dress these days and do my best to show my disgust while in my teen's presence.

On the other hand, If there is a woman (consenting adult) who is wearing 'check out my tits or ass' clothing...if she looks good...why not look. I can say that married or not, I would never approach or be interested in talking to someone dressed like that because it tells me too much about their insecure and 'skanky' personality.

Yes...they are someone elses daughter...but that adult and their parents did not do a very good job at being secure with one's self and having concern about reputation and how you are perceived.

DadsWhoMockTheWorld says: Let's just say, having a daughter doesn't help that one bit.

CanadianBaldGuy says:

Not at all. I don't even see the comparison as valid.

How I raise my soon-to-be-teenager is my own choice (and the choice of her mother's). To me, there needs to be an "appropriate age cut-off" when it comes to dressing a certain way (16? 17?), but that depends on the situation and how the daughter is being raised (it's a discussion topic for parent and child). And in terms of "someone else's daughter", let it be known that I have no desire to look at a "hot girl online" if she looks like a little girl or a young teenager trying to be older than she is (ex: Miley Cyrus). I find that a little creepy, actually. So the question doesn't really make sense if comparing apples to apples.

However, if a 19-year-old decides to get naked online, that's her decision and her choice; she's an adult. I mean, every woman is someone's daughter. Hell...my girlfriend is someone's daughter, but that doesn't enter my mind when we're in the bedroom.


Dadshouse says: I don't look at hot girls online. Women? Sure. But not girls. I didn't like the Miley Cyrus nude in bed pics when they came out. No double standard here.

Southern Sage says: Well I of course wouldn't want anyone looking at my kid for the purpose of being turned on but one of the downfalls (for some) of marrying beautiful people is that your kids might look like them! With that comes attraction. So I reckon I could wish my daughter would grow up to be 3 foot 8 inches and 673 pounds and few would gaze lustfully upon her. I only look at women who I assume consented to the pics and them being posted or sent discreetly to my inbox so no I am not bothered by it.

Hubman says: The question is mixing kids and adults. Keep in mind that my daughter is only 3, but when she's a teen, damn right I'll have issues with a guy checking her out. But once she's older and out of my house, how she chooses to dress and draw attention to her looks, or not, is up to her. Every chick is someone's daughter, right?

I've joked with Veronica that when DB comes home and confides that he got his first blowjob, I'm gonna give him a high-five and ask if she swallowed, like a good girl should. PP comes home and says she gave her first blowjob? Off to the convent for her!!

Daddy Geek Boy says: You have your answer right there. We KNOW how other guys look at women! Those women on line may be somebody else's daughter, but we don't know them or their fathers. But I'm not about to let my daughter become food for the hungry wolves. Girls have no idea what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Call it what you will, but I think it's as valid a parenting technique as putting a child lock on the cabinet where we keep the bleach.

Sunday Slides, Funny, Caption Contest

FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER
Hollywood Squares:


These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)



Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet..

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Thought y'all might like those!!

1. LOL ok honey I got the tree out of the door!


2. I know y'all can do that! Right? Right? She does have freakishly long fingers tho!

A husband says to his wife, “What would you do if I won the Lotto?”

She says, “I'd take half, then leave you.”

“Excellent,” he replies, “I won 12 bucks, here's $6, now get the fuck out.
heheheheehe


3. I could eat there, I qualify!


4. I'll take my chances without doubling up!


5. Hehehehehehe



Caption Contest! Give it your best shot! LOL




Y'all have a big ole Sunday. Hit up Sage if you are bored!

New Balance Giveaway WINNER

Congratulations to ZenMom for being RANDOMLY selected as our first giveaway winner. Though I think that this uber tech savvy mom somehow hacked Random.org...here is the proof.


Now all you have to do, Mrs. Zen, is email me with the size and let me know if you want the men's or women's. Oh...I'll need a shipping address as well.

WomenMen

Now...We have some great giveaways coming up including; new keyboards, mini projectors, tea, books, and much more.

Keep on the lookout for the next chance to win.

Fakin' it? Really?

My awesome girlfriend recently blogged about the occasional want and/or need to “fake it” when having sex. While quick to point out that she didn’t do that with me, I thought it brought up a pretty good question:

How would I feel if I found out the woman I was with was faking her orgasms?

Not to brag at all, but when it comes to sex I’m not a big fan of being selfish. In fact, it’s a major turn-on for me when my woman reaches climax. Usually, I’m not too long after she is...it’s just an extremely sensual and sexy thing that I thoroughly enjoy.

But I began to ask myself how I would feel if she was faking it with me? Would it change things in the bedroom? Would I take it personally? Would I make it my mission to make her orgasms real? Would I just stop putting forth much effort and become totally selfish instead?

I think I might be a bit upset at first. I mean, here I think that I’m workin’ my magic...hitting all the right spots...movin’ and shakin’ as only I can...and I end up finding out that while she may enjoy what I’m doing, she feels the need to fake climax.

Why?

Is it to get me off and, thus, off of her? Is it to stroke my...umm...ego? Is there an innate need to prove that two people can, in fact, cum during the same sex session?

So while I may make it my personal mission to make my partner climax before I do, I also understand that it just might not happen each and every time out. As my girlfriend mentioned, it may be a combination of things: too much going on in the brain, inability to relax, whatever the case may be. I would think that I’m comfortable enough with the woman I’m with to not take it personally.

Well...most of the time, anyway.

So other than to “stroke a man’s ego”, why would a woman feel the need to fake an orgasm?