Saturday, March 27, 2010

Pick up lines, what works?

First things first Didja hit the best ever Blog Easter Bunny Giveaway?

Lets talk about pick up lines shall we?

Well I went and hung out with some of my old skool boys the other night, drank beer, ate steak, played pool drank more beer, then we drank beer and we talked smack too, stopping only to drink beer.

The place we met was one of the guys dad owns some land and sells hunts and has a lodge and a lounge that he feeds up the hunters and such, it is an old old tobacco barn that they re-did the inside of. Its the first time I had been in there and look at the pic on the wall!!! I signed it for them but I figured I'd take YOU a picture.

All of the guys were older than me, all of my friends were older than me all through school. Well the one closest to my age is one of my main running buddies back in the day and he started me telling stories and prompting me to tell things etc. The Waylon story, everyone had heard more than once but I had to tell it again.

Well there are a bunch of stories y'all would like but the ones that stuck in my mind for this post was the "pick up lines" they liked so good. J would build it up about what went down in this or that juke and what the chicks looked like or whatever and then he'd let me take it from there. Well I never really had "pick up lines" because I seldom if ever approach any chicks (If I told why y'all would shake your head and think to yourself "Only Sage would say that and believe it"). So they weren't really pick up lines as much deal closing lines.

Though in Tampa one time when I was playing ball and 21 I did win the best line contest in a huge assed bar, the biggest one I have ever been in but thats a story for another time.

My most profitable closing.

To set the scene there would be people at the juke that I knew or the dood(s) I was with knew. (Just a note, I'd never take a girl to a juke, that makes no sense to me, if you were going fishing would you take a bucket of fresh caught TO the damn pond?) So anyway people know people, know people, know people so there was sure to be a hot chick or two to choose from that I had met during the course of the night. (another note, I never ever closed early in the night, it was usually around 1 an hour before closing before I ever chose and hit up, if you close early then there is no reason to stay!) so when it was time I'd just say to the chosen one.............

me "Hey girl I just heard you won...."

Her" huh?"

me "you won!"

Her "I did?? What did I win?"

Me " An all expenses paid one night stay at the Sand Castle"

Her "OMG Really??"

Me "Yeah thats what they said"

Her "Sweet! Umm Whats the Sand Castle?"

Me " Thats where the Sandman is gonna make your dreams come true...."

Her " puzzled look, giggle giggle" (if they ever giggled it was over for em, after all it is the second best thing a dood can make a chick do)

Me sticking out hand to shake " Hello Sunshine I'm the Sandman, nice to meet you...."

the answer to your questions are all YES, yes that worked, yes that worked WAY more than not, yes I'm serious, and yes it took game to pull off but I had game.

Tell me how a guy scored you in the past? The best you ever heard? The worst you ever heard? Maybe I'll tell you the best/worst pick up line won the contest story after we hear what worked or was tried on you!

Y'all have a big ole weekend!
Southern Sage is out! (you can hit that link and get in on the Education discussion (Saturday) or some NSFW pics on Sunday.


Mike said...

Usually the only thing that ever worked for me was saying, "all I have is $20.00 ... is that enough?"

Janie Woods said...

WORST pick up line I ever had? If you don't go home with me tonight, you're fucking stupid.

The one that worked? Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

My Bottle's Up! said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! i would've LAUGHED IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!! and then told all my friends who would've LAUGHED IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!! and then i would order you a drink because you made me laugh so damn hard that i nearly wet myself.

that's all.

Daddy Files said...

Walk right up to a girl so she sees you, lick your finger, then touch her shoulder and then yourself. Then say:

"Hey. How bout you and me get out of these wet clothes?"

Stupid, yet effective.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

Let's see, there were so many that I stopped listening, in fact I would get a bit angry because couldn't a guy just say 'hi, my name is____ what is yours?'

Worst line - "Are those mirrors in your pants? Because I can see myself in them."

One that worked? none.

Don Juan Quixote said...

Not a pickup line fellas, but one thing that works when you are looking for a kiss....Ask her if she wants to kiss you and whatever she says, reply "I didn't say you 'could' kiss me, I just wanted to know if you 'wanted' to. It's a bait they cannot refuse and they'll lay one on you every time.

Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life said...

Please not so close, I'm dangerously fertile.

Anonymous said...

Mike: damn man you were in some rough places if 20 worked!

Janie: well I mean any guy that compliments your shoes! He deserves some goodness!

Anonymous said...

MB: hmmmm they always laughed, but it worked about 65% of the time. That is how often it worked that night I would think it worked an additional 20% of the time, or should I say I ended up scoring the chick later.

Daddy: Ha!!! Good one!

Anonymous said...

BFD: yeah the mirrors is a poor one for sure.

DJQ: hmmm I dunno if that qualifies but it sounds like it would surely work.

AK: ha, there ya go

Luna Mauvaise said...

I am from TN. You can imagine the worst one over and over and over again. LOL

And I do likes it when fellas call me *Sunshine*. ;)

Not a soccer mom said...

worst would be: Your gray hair is showing!

Best: are you old enough to be in here?

Sage: i am not sure if I would fall for your line, but you can try it on me anytime

WeaselMomma said...

I'm sure that waiting until 1 am and the girls being 1/2 in the bag didn't hurt your success rate.

Worst line ever: While sitting at the end of the bar with a friend 2 guys came in, sat down about 10 seats away and promptly ordered drinks, including a tequila shot to be sent to me. The shot sat there as I don't drink tequila. A few minutes later this unwashed knight in shining body odor came down to stand next to me, put his arm around my shoulders and said, "So what do want for breakfast". This prompted me to quickly throw the shot back - right into his eyes.

He did leave me alone after that.

Anonymous said...

Luna: you like that do ya Sunshine?

NASM: Oh yeah? Well we'll haveta see about that!

WM: why you gotta be mean to the fella just because he wasn't all that clean?

Web Hosting said...

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