A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance..
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling..
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi.
That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again..
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk?'
1. That right there is a fine couch!
A Hooker in Las Vegas
A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,
"How much do you charge?"
The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!
No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting
On the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a pussy."
3. I'm sure some of y'all who work in offices need this button to wear.
4. Haa Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Click to big!
5. LOL excellent advertising campaign!
6. Yup you!
A couple is lying
in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world..'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you........
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
Q: What do you
call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
LOL! Caption contest give it your best shot!
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The Boy and the Pine Forest - One day, his parents drove him several hours outside of the city and the place that he knew as home. They passed by meadows, farms and forests on the way t...