Snake heads, heifers, and Carnaval

I thought I'd share just a few recent bits of the evidence I've been gathering that humanity is locked in a permanent mortal struggle with the Terrorists of Nature:

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Heifer Runs for Her Life, and It’s Working So Far

Someone needs to EAT this slaughterhouse-escaping upstart immediately, raw and mooing if necessary, if only to send a message to all the other cows out there that resistance is futile-- they exist only to feed us, and if God didn't want them grown and harvested like so many tomato plants, he wouldn't have made them so Him-damned delicious.

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Snake head in TGIFriday's broccoli

Can't wait for the "I told you so" to come out from George H.W. Bush. He had solid intel back in the '80s that Iranian terrorists were laying the groundwork to begin very slowly violating our broccoli supply with hundreds of snake heads over the course of thousands of years and billions of tons of florets. So this one is logically just the tip of a terrifyingly gross iceberg.

I'll tell you, though, I would probably be able to handle this kind of broccoli violation if only those bastards would be gentlemen enough to use the heads of the rare but delicious Cheddar Cheese Snake.

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Brazilians avoid deadly reptiles in fleeing floods

This is like God's worst, most desperate, Fox-game-show kind of trial. Unbelievably rapid, record-breaking floods rife with man-eating, poisonous, and painfully irritating/horrendously creepy animals?!

Is hosting Carnaval really worth all that?! ...I'm receiving word that yes, yes it is.

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Posted by LiteralDan