Friday, June 12, 2009

‘Normal’ childhood? - Part Three - The Bat and the Broom

Be sure to read part one and part two before this one

At the ripe age of about 9, and after causing some sort of stink at the dinner table, I was sent to my room while everyone else finished their dinner and had their ice cream.

Now, we lived in an old Victorian house and my room, the one that I shared with B1 was on the top floor …the converted attic.

Sitting up there sulking on the edge of my bed, wondering if I could coerce B2 to sneak me up some ice cream after dinner, I was startled by a freaking bird flying right through my open window. As it zipped back and forth around my room, spinning in circles, seemingly very disoriented, this ‘bird’ swooped down and got its feet caught in my hair.

Pause for image of said hair. (and maybe a bit of laughter)

Completely freaking out, running in circles, yelling for my mother and flinging my arms up to try to dislodge this hair intruder….I hear my mother yelling up the stairs, “I told you to be quiet up there…or you’ll stay up there all night!”

Continuing my cries for help, my mother stormed her way up to my room, cursing me enough so that I did not know who to be more scared of…this beast clawing at my head…or the one about to bust through my bedroom door with a belt.

A second later my mother burst though my door, with belt in hand and a lung full of air to scream at me. Upon seeing the flapping, tangled mess that was once my head, she screamed, “BAT!” and swiftly ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Shocked that A. It was a bat in my hair and not a bird…and B. that my mother would run out and just leave me there. I continued screaming and running around the room. A minute or so later she barged back into my room…armed with a broom. She march straight at me and began bashing me on the head with the broom…worried more so about hitting the bat than the structural integrity of my cranium. Once she successfully knocked the bat loose from my hair she dragged my whimpering body out of the room (as if I were a wounded soldier being saved by a war hero) and slammed the door once again.

After pleading with the man that lived next door, the bat was evicted from my room. The story ends with a haircut appointment for me early the next morning.

As the stories are seemingly endless…I’ll continue with another next time – Military Training


Ashley said...

Hilarious! Love the hair!

cjrambling said...

I gotta stop reading this stuff at boss wants to know why I have tears running down my face. It took all I had not to fall out of my chair laughing!!

Daddy Geek Boy said...


Anonymous said...

There was something about structural integrity of my cranium...and the image of you flailing around the room with your mother chasing you with a broom...

I am laughing SO hard. Thanks TC, I needed that.xo

Irish Gumbo said...

Sorry about the hair, dude, but hey, we were all young once! And Mom whaling on you with the broom? WTF?

I once fell and broke my arm, ran into to the house screaming and crying and what does Mom do? She grabs my arm and starts pumping it up and down yelling "It's not broken! It's not broken!" was broken...

Barefoot Dreamer said...

I remembered not to be drinking my coffee while reading these stories -good think! How funny, especially the image of the broom against your head. As a mom now, sometimes the easy solution is the logical one...until you lay and bed and think - I just hit the crap out of my son with the broom!

SweetPeaSurry said...

I'd say after reading your three installments (mini-hulk cracked me the eff up!) that you're childhood seemed pretty normal -- not tame mind you -- but normal.

My brother's and I used to play the 'A-Team Live Action Show' (which we got the idea from our trip to Universal Studios in Cali) and got pretty banged up and angry.

My sister used to put me and my younger brother in the oven, and turn it on! YAY ... Good times my friend!

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