Sexy Is As Sexy Does. Right?

Okay, ladies. I’m going to bare my soul to you, for just a bit. There’s other things I’d probably be baring, but being married and all, that could create a hassle. But, the soul will do for now.

I need your help.

See, no one would ever accuse me of being Rico Suave. First of all, I don’t have the looks. Secondly, while I am not a complete dillweed when it comes to matters le sexy, I just don’t have the natural chops for it. The more so for being in a state of matrimony.

I was never a “ladies’ man in the sense I had a silver tongue and could charm the pants off of any sweet thing that would listen. I knew plenty of guys like that, and I just never could master the art. Of course, some of those guys were the male equivalent of a skank, so maybe not such a good role model. Still, there was always a little bit of envy that I could never get rid of. And to be completely honest, there was a fair bit of luck involved in how I met the woman who became my wife, while we were in college. Beer may have been involved, but I suppose I had some verbal skills that may have had a hand in persuading her I wasn’t a complete dork.

Of course, the reality is that, when in college generally speaking you just have to show up and be clean, and smell good. After all, when your budget is such that you are pulling money from the ATM in $5 increments, it’s not like you have a whole lot of green to be buying roses and chocolates or skimpy lingerie. Or porn.*

So back then things were a little simpler, didn’t have to think about it so much. That changed a little bit after I graduated. The Spouse and I got hitched shortly after graduation, and soon after that we both had jobs, and soon after that we moved into our own apartment. Sexy time was pretty easy and convenient then: no supervision, no kids, plenty of energy. Familiarity was actually a bonus.

But you know what happens with familiarity. Things tend to cool off, if you get my drift. Over time, things get in the way, dealing with jobs, and housework and lack of energy and generally everything but what matters most: your partner. Because there is a tendency to take them for granted. And when that happens, you tend to start making less and less effort to impress them, to attract them, to make them feel special.

All that before kids enter the mix. Whew.

I love my Wee Lass more than words can adequately describe, but let’s face it: kids are vampires. Loveable, cute, amazing vampires. They just suck the life out of you sometimes, which I’m sure you know doesn’t exactly leave a whole lot left over for a bit of romantique de la femme.

Hell, that does not even leave enough energy for a mumbled “Hello” some nights!

Still, the desire to make our better halves feel special, like the queen us guys know that you are (and always knew you were), never really goes away. At least for me, it hasn’t. It tends to get lost sometimes. But I’m dealing with limited energy and time, and I could use some helpful tips.

So, ladies, what is it that gets you going? What is it that makes you feel special and well-disposed towards the well-intentioned if somewhat absent-minded mooks in your lives? And I don’t necessarily mean the grand gestures**; even a numbskull like me gets that. I am thinking more along the lines of the small things*** we can do every day or every week to let you know we are thinking of you, want to be with you, and that you still got it goin’ on.

I throw myself on the mercy of your court, and await your gracious guidance.

Peace,
Irish Gumbo

*Not that I bought any porn. Just sayin’. Well, maybe a little. No videos, though.
**Nice dinner, flowers, a visit to a day spa, time alone: these things I understand. C’mon, I may be dense, but not that dense!

***Anecdotally, I overheard a woman once telling a female friend something to the effect that “at this point, him doing the laundry would be a turn on.” Does this really cross your minds?

Posted By Irish Gumbo