Monday, July 27, 2009

My Brady Bunch Family and My Insanity

Even after not having seen most of them for a number of years, the reunion made me feel a bit uneasy. I felt a bit distant and unconnected to them. The smiles and pleasantries floated back and forth like leaves in a mini wind storm. I, unintentionally, felt fake. I should be happier and more involved. I just wanted to do my own thing and not participate in the group activities.

In a sad sort of way I feel more a part of my other family. I’d nod and chime in with blank and unenthused looks during conversations with my mother. Am I an ass hole? Can I only ‘connect’ with one family at a time?

Although I grew up with 5 of the 11 people there, I felt as though I really had nothing to talk about…with the exception of a few childhood stories that we all laughed about.

The fun part for me was when Mariah and I sat around the campfire with my sister, her fiancée and my brother…drinking beer and wine, taunting the never ending stream of bears that wandered the campground, reflecting on our childhoods and, well…there was also a thing with the lake, a canoe, drinks and attempted fishing.

I don’t really know what it is…besides being ‘related’ I just did not feel that I have anything in common with the rest of my family. They are all loving and caring people…and I love them as they are my family, but …something was missing.

Maybe it has something to do with Mariah and her family. They are all very close and visit and talk to one another all the time…unlike my family. Maybe I am seeing Mariah’s family as normal and mine as …abnormal. Shit …that makes me sound like such an ass.

All in all…the bottom line (and why I wrote this) is …I want to connect. I want to feel ‘part of.’ I want to see my family as normal…It just did not click…and I don’t like it.

7 comments:

ZenMom said...

I love my extended family. But I have no illusions about the fact that, were we not related by blood, we would have very little in common - socially, politically, religiously, or any other -lys.

I've come to accept that that's okay. I love them and I enjoy them because I've learned to just set those other things aside. To focus on the things we do share in common. I think I have found a place where I can feel "connected" without feeling like I have to change or compromise who I am to accommodate who they are.

Well, that and the fact that I only see them in small, spread out doses.

Actually, that might be the key right there.

ChocDrop said...

I feel like that with my aunts and uncles and cousins. I am not like them (my interests are so opposite) I hate to run into them when I go visit my parents, I feel ambushed when I get sucked into seeing them. I have nothing to say to them they are so fake!!!

I can say that I have become very very close to my brother and parents in the past few years...We were pretty distant for a long time. Just be glad you only have to do that only so often.

Meadowlark said...

Hmmmmm.... food for thought. Husband thinks his family is perfectly normal - in fact the example of a how a family should be. And, for the record, they never argue and I suppose he considers that a good thing.

My family? We fight all the time. Sometimes just 'cause there's nothing else to do and we get into some sort of debate about something.

But the real difference? I talk to mine all the time. He talks to his once a year. Maybe. His mother twice.

Who, might I ask, is truly the normal fam?

Swirl Girl said...

Connecting with people , any people is connecting with family.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

I get it I really do. I came to the conclusion this year that I don't like my mom (I mean I have always known this) but had I met her at an event I wouldn't get along with her. Admitting that has really helped me not feel bad but to deal with it.

As far as my extended family- I too put on the face and say the right things but can't wait to get out of there! Unfortunately it is the same on the other side too. All I can hope is that I do a better job with my own family (kids)

Sandi said...

haha trust me your family couldn't be as abnormal as mine. I have felt the same way about my husband's family. They are so normal and what I guess I think a family should be. But you know I still love my family and all their quirks. I can understand the lack of clicking though. I have that problem sometimes with some of my family so don't feel too bad. I think it's fairly normal to feel sometimes.

Not a soccer mom said...

It doesnt really sounds like they were attempting to 'know you' either. I am really close to my mothers side of the family but they are very accepting. My fathers side of the family always seem to be comparing notes, who has what. Who has how many kids..
You have to feel comfortable. like you were with the campfire group or it just wont change

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