Monday, July 13, 2009

Ask Hot Dads

All we can say about this week's batch of questions is that you won't be bored. Enjoy...and keep those awesome questions coming.

Choc Drop asks...Have you ever strayed and if you did, why??? Or was there a temptation to stray??

Irish Gumbo says...This is a little tricky for me, having just separated from my (ex)wife, and we had a relationship of over 20 years. During that time, at least for me, temptation was very abstract. I thought it certainly possible, just never thought it would happen to me (because I was never a "ladies man") even though I know it was different for my ex. Towards the end of my marriage, the thoughts became stronger because I was so miserable. And the real twist in all that, is that I never had a real opportunity, nor did I give in to it, until well after it was clear my wife wanted a divorce. So it's complicated. I never did until my marriage was over in all but name, but the reasons were classic: I was lonely, miserable and unwanted, then someone came along who made me feel loved, wanted and showed me that they were truly interested in me. No surprise then that I responded! By the way, this all happened earlier this year, and I had known since 2007 that my marriage was over. Out of curiosity, ladies, what is your take on that situation?

Hubman says...
Yes I have, and I've written about it. Click here and here for the whole story.

Daddy Geek Boy says...Boring answer, but honest. I haven't and I've never been tempted.

Cameron says...
Nope, I’ve never strayed. My motivation is simple….I would be paying out the ass for child support if my wife left me.

Anonymous asks...Okay guys.... what is your opinion on Adult Nursing Relationships?

Irish Gumbo says...Okay, I had to do some research to make sure I had the right idea. There are historical precedents for it, and if my info is correct, usually based more on the feeding/comfort aspect of things rather than the erotic/sexual side. It certainly offers opportunities for an intense intimacy between human beings! Just ask any infant. It is true that breastfeeding can offer comfort/pleasure to both adults and if they both want it and like it, well, that's what matters to them in their relationship. Honestly? I don't think its something I would do, but I don't find it a reason to condemn someone, either. I reckon any "sexual" actvity can look strange or ridiculous depending on the filters one views it through. If it is a consent-based relationship between two adults, then "follow your bliss".

Hubman says... Well since I had to Google it first, not much of an opinion to start. So some adults like to breastfeed off a lactating woman? Whatever floats your boat! Just like any other intimate, sexual and/or erotic activity, as long as it's consensual and doesn't involve minors, I don't care what gets you off. Have fun!

Daddy Geek Boy says...For some reason that I cannot fathom, I was totally freaked out by my lactacting wife. So while I'm fine with consenting adults doing what they want, but for me...bleeeecch!

Cameron says...When my wife was pregnant, sure I tried the ole booby milk a couple times. As for an ongoing thing, it’s not really my bag. I don’t find it offensive or perverse or anything, I just focus my fetishes elsewhere…and believe me, I can be a kinky bastard. To each their own. If you have a man and woman that get off on adult nursing, I say go for it.

Delanie asks...I often hear men say (or write in their dating profiles) that they want an independent career-oriented woman. I’m one of those women in some ways, but I’m also a mom, naturally nurturing AND I kinda like taking care of a man and being domestic on some level too. Do you think most men really value the warmth that women can bring to a home/relationship? Or have we socially arrived at a place where we need to be partners – equals – on the career front in order to be equal on the homefront?

Irish Gumbo says...Hopefully, a lot of those guys aren't saying that because they want a sugar momma! (grin) I value highly the warmth and nurturing that a woman can bring to a relationship. I see it as an expression of their 'feminine' nature which in no way implies or mandates inferiority or subservience. It does seem true that as general tendencies (very general, I'm am not suggesting stereotypes) women and men are better at different things in different ways. I do not make the mistake, though, of assuming that 'nurturing' is all that a woman can or should do. I think it comes down to how the man and woman treat one another, what kind of balance they want. Too much emphasis can be placed on having to be "just like a man/woman", and it seems kind of unhealthy to be anxious and stressing because either partner feels inferior or threatened by the other in terms of a career or domestic ability. For myself, I think both parties should seek the best balance for themselves and don't feel that they have to be just like the other person to feel cherished and happy in their relationship. Simply put, I like it when a woman cares enough about me to "nurture" me, but I don't expect or demand it. It should be given freely and accepted with gratitude.

Hubman says... I don't know about other men, but I wonder, why not both? My wife is independent and successful in her own career, yet she is also a nurturing and caring wife and mother. I love the combination and it works great for us.

What do you mean by equal on the homefront? Are you somehow implying that equality at home and nurturing/warmth/etc are mutually exclusive? We all have roles- I have my career, our kids, around the house I'm head gardener, dish washer, repairman, accountant, snow remover, and mechanic. Veronica has her career, our kids, as is head cook, diaper-changer, food shopper, laundry specialist, and taxi service. But these roles can shift/change (well, Veronica couldn't start the lawnmover to save her life...) and we share many of them.

Did this even come close to answering your question? LOL...

Daddy Geek Boy says...I can't imagine there's a lot of guys who wouldn't want a woman to come in and bring some warmth and nurturing to the home front. Is this mutually exclusive of being career oriented? I don't think so. It's all about compatibility people.

Southern Sage says...I think that roles should be defined in full up front. Not that you shouldn't help each other but someone is responsible for somethings and the partner responsible for others. There is no possible way I could raise my kids as good as the bride can. So we let her do most of that! If the roles are pre defined then everything seems much easier and in my observations works out better. The folks who just go willy nilly and do the 50/50 thing never seem to work.

It also seems to me that some groups chose to downplay the role of the mother. The movements here in the US seem to pressure women to be the soccer mom and the career mom. These things are driven by other women. Odd really. My thoughts are that the number 1 and absolutely most important job is parenting. I don't care what anyone says one parent available for the children 24/7 turns out better kids. Most people choose luxury of dual paychecks over better raised children. So I come down on the side of the kids first. There is no intelligent person that will say that having 2 cars and a pool and nice house is better than being there for your kids. We will never make that decision. We don't have toys but our kids know where our priorities are.

Cameron says...I think most men DO value warmth, and to a degree, we want to be taken care of. In this politically correct day and age, I think the role of hunter / gatherer, and nurturer still exists to a degree, albeit on a much smaller scale.

Jessica asks...We all have pet peeves. What is yours? Have you ever tried to change it?

Irish Gumbo says...This may be skating on the ice of cliche, but it really bugs me when someone is not honest or clear about what they want in a relationship. If you want something, say so. If you need something, say so. Don't keep it covered and then get frustrated and furious with me because I am not giving you what you want. I am many things, but psychic is not one of them. I have been gulity of that in the past, but now I have seen the light, and am making every effort to practice what I preach. On a more mundane level, I can't stand loud talkers right outside my office cubicle. Move along, knuckleheads, move along...

Hubman says...Clutter and general messiness around the house drives me nuts. Veronica and I used to frequently butt heads over this, but she's beaten me into submission and I've given up...

Daddy Geek Boy says...Inconsiderate people. You know, the folks who rush into elevators without letting people off. Or congregating in the middle of a crowded walkway. Or talking really loud in inappropriate places. Just ticks me off.

Southern Sage says...Followers. I can't stand followers. Weak people. Dependent people. Whiners. People who expect others to do for them. People who feel entitled. Excuse makers. I have never tried to change it I just don't associate with those folks.

Cameron says...My pet peeves mostly revolve around money, and the way my wife spends it. It’s not changeable


Barefoot Dreamer said...

interesting as always

Anjeny said...

Southern Sage...I am definitely going to de-follow you...ahahahah. should add among your pet peeves drivers on both sides of the road stopping traffic on both sides so they have a merry old catch up chit chat. Yes, people here do that a lot, very annoying and RUDE!! I've been tempted a few times to run them off the road, not that I'm a violent person.

Good job yet again Hot the answers.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Anjeny...I could have filled up a whole blog post with things that bug me about other drivers. I'll give you one: turn signals people! All cars have them!

Homer and Queen said...

Sage, I would follow you anywhere, does that mean that you won't respect me in the morning?!

Liars...I peeve liars...

Anonymous said...

Dang I got 2 comments and 6 emails about this post!!! One disagreed! Well anyway, if you ask me a question you always get the truth. Like it or not.

Anonymous said...

also I only received 2 of these questions, not the first 2!!!!
I didn't intentionally omit any.

vixen kitten said...

Sage, Sweetie, Darlin, Sugar....In a perfect world I could have stayed home with my child 24/7. I could have chosen to stay home and not work. Of course, if I had done that I would have been one of those damn Democrats you talk about so much, collecting welfare and letting working Republicans support the child I created and decided to bring into this world. *snort*

I am the ONLY parent, and let me just say that just because I worked outside of the home, never, not even for a minute, did it mean I didn't parent 24/7. I instilled my beliefs and my morals in my son. He learned to make wise decisions at a young age, or face the consequences of poor ones.

He was an All State wrestler, He is majoring in Aviation Engineering and also proudly serves our country in the US Army. He maintains a 3.5 GPA. He helps his Mama around the house. He is loyal to his friends. I don't know how much more I could have expected from him if I had not worked and was available all day, each and every day. Like anything in life, succeeding at something, especially parenting, is all about your ATTITUDE. One parent available 24/7 will never do as good a job as a working parent who has a good positive attitude and raises the child to have the same.

I love you Cowboy, and I'm not arguing with you, just showing you another side.


PS.... You mean when I was slinging drinks in a too short skirt and 4" heels to get through school, I could have had a pool and and a second car? *slapping my forehead* Silly me. I thought it meant I could stay in my apartment, eat and put diapers on my sons happy ass. Damn it, why didn't someone tell me?

Mrs. Fish aka Two Fish said...

Now I see what Another Suburban Mom is all tiffed about, I can see how this struck a nerve.

Sage, while I think your thoughts and intentions are "wholesome" at best and resonate beliefs in an era pre Women's Rights and Liberations the real world does not produce fabulous kids from SAH Parents. Again, great theory, but the truth is in the parent, not whether they are at home with the child or not. The parents can be a real asshat which is non-productive and inept for a healthy parental environment.

If a SAH parent works for you great, if it works for others to "provide a pool or second car" well that works for them. I can say I was a career woman, we had two cars, LUXURY cars as a matter of fact, now I am the SAH parent, but not by choice at first, and we still have two cars...oh and a pool and my kids have LOTS of toys. But in the end, they knew to see past that, they knew we loved them and cared for them and gave them our all, my kids have and will always be first, working mom or not.

Great answer, but like I said, "wholesome" not necessarily realistic.

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