Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Kissing and Cooking - Which Really Lasts?


Remember the old adage: Kissing don’t last, cookery do! The intent of the message was that men (back in the day) did well to marry a sturdy woman who knew her way around the kitchen. If he married a woman for looks (and kisses), the love would fade over time and wouldn’t sustain him. Good cooking, on the other hand, lasted a lifetime.

To which I say hogwash. And not just because of the sexist connotations that women should cook for their men.

As a man who was married for ten years and divorced just as long, I can tell you, the kissing and cooking adage is crap.

Cooking doesn’t necessarily last in a marriage. I cooked plenty in the early years of my marriage. And during that last year before my wife and divorced, she wasn't cooking up a storm. She and I were in avoidance mode. I’d go to work early and she’d stay at work late. And guess who cooked dinner? Moi. (I also cooked some amount in the early days of our marriage.)

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. To which I say – who cares? Now that I’m divorced, I cook for myself almost every night. Whether I’m making my mom’s chicken and dumplings recipe, grilling a salmon, cooking swiss chard, or cooking beets. I’ve learned my way around the kitchen, by necessity.

Divorce will do that, especially when you’re a single dad raising kids. You can’t eat out every night.

As for the kissing not lasting? Sadly, that part of the adage was true for me. The kissing (and sex) fell to the wayside at the end of my marriage, and have proven hard to replace. I’ve had girlfriends post-divorce, and I’ve enjoyed my share of hook-ups and one-night stands. But daily hugs and kisses have proven a thing of the past. And hugs and kisses and spooning are some of the things I miss the most.

(Props to any married couple that has kept the love and sex and kisses and hugs alive throughout the years. And if you're married and not doing that? You should!!!!)

So next time I find a woman to be my partner and join me in my home, I’m going to toss that old adage out the window. I want kissing that will last. As for the cooking – I’ll just keep on doing it myself.


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15 comments:

Loverboy said...

You sound quite the catch - gotta love a man that loves cooking, kissing and spooning ;]


Alabaster Legs
x

Elizabeth said...

Ummm....you sound like a fabulous cook. Any sane female will appreciate this. Hopefully the love of your life will do the dishes!

Kat Wilder said...

My ex used to cook all the time — when he was single. As soon as we married, it was sloppy joe's once a year and manning the BBQ.

I didn't mind, because I love to cook, too.

But a man who cooks? Sexy!

Southern Sage said...

I was actually going to post on this! I don't know how to, ain't gonna and don't wanna cook. I mean I can cook NOTHING. But the reason I was going to post is because I know a guy that was married for 12 years, wife was stingy with her lil stuff, not a real looker etc well he traded her in, 1 year later he traded in the 26 yr old hottie and I mean HOTTIE and actually said "(first wifes name) might not have looked that good and was bland in bed but she could cook, (new wifes name) could have easily done porn but couldn't cook a lick"

He is now back with old wife and grinnin all the time like he won the lotto.

Same story for another guy that is older than me. Said he was married for 17 years traded in and all that went back cause new damn near perfect 10 couldn't cook.
Said " I was single for 3 years, I can cook ok and could get sex 5-6 times a week like every other guy that wants too but nothing beats that cooking, not even sleeping with (second wifes name) every night, even with the freak in bed she was.

UP said...

I love to cook, it's planning what to cook that drives me crazy. So, TLW (the little woman) makes me menus for the week, and the nights I don't work...I cook. I love to bake too.

UP

T said...

Love it! Stay present in your relationships - both of you - and you will savor and enjoy cooking AND kissing!

Good stuff, DH.

Danielle said...

damn it, I need to learn to cook.

Why is it that the kissing always goes away. Kissing is the best! Ok, not the BEST,

Don Juan Quixote said...

I enjoy cooking as well. I love Italian, so one weekend I watched a marathon of Italian Chefs who taught me how to cook real Italian. Cooking is not tough...

Finding the kissing that lasts IS tough..
A great kisser is hard to come by and keep around. It is all in the passion of the kiss!!! Got to be wet, hot, passionate, and last for days.(Bull Durham)

Missty said...

I say you can have both. I love to make my mans favorite meal, and then of course.... dessert always works out well for us... starting with the kissing.

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

well..I feel much better! I can kiss but I cannot cook!!:)
I agree that we can earn fend for ourselves with the basic skills..its the emotional aspects of life that should count for more and last for longer!

Surfer Jay said...

Like that song, if you wanta be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.

My wife can't cook to save her life, or mine, or our kids for that matter.
I cook every night, and she cleans up. Works great. AS for sex, well I'll get back to you on that one.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I can cook I just don't love to. But I'm an excellent kisser and spooner and hugger!!!

I love that we both take turns. As long as I have a menu planned whoever is first home at night cooks!

Works for us!

It's about working at a relationship every dang day...it isn't easy but the rewards are worth it.

Heather said...

Hell yes, i'd rather have the kissing that lasts any day of the week. that's what takeaways are for, right?

web designing jacksonville said...

really great seen in the big age. great love here..

web designing jacksonville said...

my grandfather is also same love with my grandmother...

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