Monday, February 15, 2010

Out of Shape Dad Watching His Teens

I used to be ripped. I rowed crew in my 20s, and had twelve-pack abs. I ran seven marathons in my 30s, and had six-pack abs. I cycled centuries in my 40s, and still had ripped abs.

But now that both of my kids are playing multiple sports? I'm fat from watching them.

What's a hot dad to do!?

To wit: my daughter players club soccer and varsity soccer, and runs cross country and track. For a dad to watch his daughter compete, he's got to get to the sporting field two or three days a week.

Of course, it's worth it. Girls who play sports while their dads watch tend to have higher self-esteem than other girls. (I swear I read that somewhere, and I'm too fat and lazy to google it now.)

To wit: my son plays club lacrosse and soccer, runs cross country and track, and wrestles. Plus, he plays the trumpet. Add it all up, and I'm spending another two or three days each week watching him.

Of course, it's worth it. (I can't quote a stat on this one, and I'm too damn fat and lazy to figure one out. Someone shake me my best margarita recipe!)

With all that time spent watching sports, I'm not doing my usual workouts. I'm standing on the sidelines, drinking coffee, chatting with other parents, cursing the ref under my breath.

I've been relegated to getting my workouts in after the sun goes down. You try cycling after dark! Or running when you can't see the street. And no, the men's playground (Maennerspielplatz) isn't going to cut it as a workout choice.

I checked the Hot Dads exercise manual, and section 6, item 9 suggested the following to remedy this situation:

If you see me running shirtless this spring, you'll know the Hot Dads program worked.

And if it works, maybe we should sell some pay-per-view workout tapes.

21 comments:

Hubman said...

Wait, where did you find this manual? I need a copy!

While I'm a cyclist I've never ridden a century and that is one of my goals this year...

BigLittleWolf said...

Somehow, I am not surprised at your solution, DM. You forgot to add "hanging from the chandelier" sex. :)

MindyMom said...

Your "solution" is the only exercise I'm willing to do in the evening - but one must have a partner for that. :(

Keith Wilcox said...

I used to run only at night because that's when I, for whatever reason, went the fastest. Why not some yoga or something like that? You can do that in your basement.

Keith Wilcox said...

Oh, And I know you've probably read all those studies that say sex is a great cardio workout. Therefor, your solution is quite reasonable.

TentCamper said...

Oh, how I feel your pain. I was in great shape...before I began cursing refs on the sidelines (out loud).
I ran track, played football, lacrosse in my youth and kickboxed until I was in my mid 30s.
Now my six pack is more like a keg.

The Pipster said...

I highly doubt you are out of shape. As long as you don't have moobs. Does spooning include penetration?

Not a soccer mom said...

I think that sex is definitely the best cardio.
Why is it that you are not doing sit-ups on the sidelines? Perhaps it is time to meet up with the son at the Y?
Spring is coming and you will have much more time for your extra-curricular activities.

I have never been into any sports and regret it now. However, that does not mean I have not kept in pretty darn good shape chasing kiddos.

At 40 I can rock a bikini

dadshouse said...

Pippi - no moobs here! Cycling has kept my chest lean and mean. Which reminds me of a funny surf shop story where I embarrassed my daughter with said lean-ness... http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/07/29/funny-surf-shop-story/

Danielle said...

Ah, you are so full of it. I bet you are in great shape and just looking for the sympathy spooning session! ;)
You little devil you!

Elizabeth said...

I think you've been busted by Danielle, Mott.

Trooper Thorn said...

Ref the kids' events (if you can abandon your bias).

T said...

I second Danielle's comment!!

dadshouse said...

Trooper Thorn - great idea! I have considered that, although I wouldn't be allowed to ref my own kids. I may start once they are done playing. My daughter is a soccer ref, and the cursing from parents can be brutal.

T and Danielle - you'll find out when your order the PPV workout tape!

Joanna Cake said...

What Keith Wilcox said - YOGA!!! And it makes you more flexible so you can get into better positions when you want to have sex on the couch, in the car, hanging from the chandelier afterwards :P

Nonflammable said...

Spooning = no results. Forking, results.

dadshouse said...

Nonflammable - touche! I'm still laughing my ass off as I type.

Mama Llama said...

Out of shape, my a$$.

Be well, Dads.

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He accessed the internet through the game so he can't get on the browser but use the internet to play his games online so the answer would be no he can't unless the game has a browser feature of some sort.

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All we have time for extracurricular activities, have a time to distract

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