Ok first thing go tell two Hot Mammas - Happyyyyyy Birthdayyyyyyy, they are older than the hills and might not remember but if you write it in her comment box she can go back and read it again and again! Hit it HERE and HERE!!!!!!!
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."
1. Loving those leggings right there!
2. That should be plenty stable!
3. I'm for that!
3. I think I'll just sit and talk no eating for me.
An old country preacher
had a teenage son, and it was getting
boy should give some thought to
choosing a profession. Like many
young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. A bible.
2. A silver dollar.
3. A bottle of whisky.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself.
'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the
he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up
bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'
4. Yeah guy drowning!
6. hahahahahaha true!
Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.'
Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.
The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.
'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'
The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'
'That's true, I do have a yard.'
'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Yes, I do have a house.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'Yes, I have a family.
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual..'
'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'
Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Doug says, 'What's that?'
Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
'Then you're a queer.'
I am so glad I own a weedeater.
Caption contest!! Maybe someone can come up with something for this pic.
Ok well try the contest, go tell both of the Hot Mamma Happy Birthday! Steal whatcha wanna! Y'all have a big ole day!
The Boy and the Pine Forest - One day, his parents drove him several hours outside of the city and the place that he knew as home. They passed by meadows, farms and forests on the way t...