Getting to the truth, part 2

What up Hot Dads, Rad Moms and anyone else reading this? Last week I told a story of a 12-year-old Drama Queen’s desire to no longer snowboard and how I used pancakes and sausage to get the real story out of her. Today I want to continue the story and bring you part two of this touching tale. In case you forgot (or you never read part one), here is how it ended:

The bottom line? At 5:30 PM my cell phone rang and it was D.Q. telling me what a great time she was having and that she was really glad that I made her go. She was hanging out with a couple of her recently made friends and they were having a blast.

“What’s the point of the story?” You ask. Well here it goes: Daddy was right. Again. It cost me $20 at breakfast for the truth and as many times as she said she realized that I was right and that she just needed to practice, I have another $20 that says she won’t do it at all this week. Anyone want to take that bet?


No one took my bet and I really wish they had because I would be a richer man since she did not practice at all during the week. Fast forward to Wednesday night when my girlfriend, The Phone Sex Operator (P.S.O.), came over to hang out and watch the Sabres game on TV. We ordered pizza and wings from La Nova (the food is beyond bitchin and they ship overnight across the U.S.). As we were leaving to pick up the food, Drama Queen (D.Q.) indicated that she wanted to talk with P.S.O. alone for a minute and we told her that they would talk after dinner.

Dinner came and went and the Sabres were tied with Ottawa when we turned the TV off in the second period so the two of them could have their little chat. I went into my bedroom and bumped around on the laptop and a short while later I was summoned back to the living room.

I was notified that P.S.O. would be acting as legal counsel for D.Q. during these proceedings and I felt a big-ass headache coming on. I told them that I was prepared for opening arguments and the long and short of it was that D.Q. was really NOT having a good time with the snowboarding and she wanted to quit. Again. Her lawyer (who was looking pretty hot) went on to explain that her client would like to be removed from her obligation to attend the last three weeks of snowboard club.

Apparently there are several factors involved in this decision, one of which is her lack of skill at snowboarding. I pointed out that the only way you get better is to practice and you can’t practice if you don’t go. Another factor is that the vast majority of the kids in the club all go to the same school in a very affluent town. D.Q. doesn’t go to that school, lives in a neighboring town and didn’t know anyone before attending and has made one friend. The friend is a pretty good snowboarder and generally boards without D.Q. D.Q. feels like an outcast and I can kind of understand that. She feels like she doesn’t fit in.

D.Q. was in tears at one point during the proceedings and P.S.O. pointed out to me in a sidebar that she felt the tears was real and not drama related. I told them both that I would think about a plea arrangement, but that I wanted some time to think about it. I also asked D.Q.’s lawyer if she was interested in making out with me on the couch after her client went to bed. She indicated that she was inclined to accept my offer but would make no promises. Sweet! Back to the story…

P.S.O. and I discussed what else D.Q. could do to occupy her time on these Saturday afternoons since I work on Saturday. Her suggestion was to have D.Q. create a blog of some kind and have her do that on Saturdays. I said that was a good idea and that we would discuss it further. (For the record, we did create a blog for D.Q.; you can check it out HERE. It’s in the infancy stages, so deal with it!)

I told D.Q. that I wanted her to attend snowboard club this week, but I would probably let her out of the last two weeks if her attitude and behavior were good. Friday night she was throwing a fit about going and Saturday morning I informed her she needed to get her stuff together for snowboarding and she announced (for the second time that week) that she would like me to take her to an orphanage so that she could live with a better family.

We departed 45 minutes later and somehow her attitude had transformed. There were no pancakes involved this time. Somehow she just lost the ‘tude. She went snowboarding and (once again) had a great time. Another girl (not the friend she had made) asked her if she wanted to go up on a bigger run with her and some friends. D.Q. said she didn’t think she was ready for that run, so the girl offered to stay down with her and board on the bunny hill a couple of times.

When I picked her up, D.Q. recounted the story of her great afternoon/evening and told me that she changed her mind and that she now wanted to go the last two weeks, but could she still do the blog? “Of course you can,” I replied.

I have no clue how her attitude went from so poor to so great in a short time (but I’m not complaining about it). I am completely convinced that I have absolutely no understanding of the pre-teen/teenage chick mind and I think that in order to get through these next six or seven years I will need a perpetual bottle of Jack Daniels in my freezer and The Phone Sex Operator at my side. D.Q. is going to need a good lawyer and I am always available in my chambers for a sidebar…

J.R.

Check out my blog at www.sexandthesingledad.com