I Have Discovered Joy

The pure joy in which a new baby brings to a family is truly magnificent. That joy is easily buried amongst the multitude of stressors which take place during the few days surrounding the birth. Stress bears down on us reaching near a breaking point, emotionally and physically impacting. But once the weight of the birth has passed, the physical agony has begun to subside, the emotional impact of seeing your loved one in pain, and the stress of worry and lack of sleep is behind you, only now has the joy begun to seep through the cracks and emerge. “Pain now, is a part of the happiness. That is the deal.” CS Lewis. A new child is amongst us, will share her life with us, is a part of us, who will be with us for eternity in this life and the next. it is truly an amazing thing. Our family has grown, bringing untold and limitless experiences for us to live through together.



Sitting here, watching my new girl sleep beside me invokes feelings that until now, were mostly foreign. In part, it is the excitement and anticipation for what will become of her. For the life she has yet experienced which we will bear witness to. In part it is fear, a fear so intense, so raw and unrelenting that my mind has reached beyond my body in search of an escape, in search of answers, in search of a dampener to all those fears and anxieties. I want to scream out in search of knowledge, for knowledge of what to do, of how to cope, of how to overcome those fears and anxieties, for how to deal with my day to day circumstances of raising her and her brother. I want to reach out into the depths unseen by me into somewhere beyond, somewhere in sometime I have yet to experience and grab onto that knowledge, to string it in and absorb all there is I need to know to become the father and husband I need to be, I must be, I will be, I have promised Lilly and my kids I will be. I want to be those things now so I can enhance the lives surrounding and relying upon me. To be there for them, to comfort them in times of pain, to have the knowledge to share with them when they need answers, to know my own shortcomings so that when I make the inevitable mistakes that parents make I will be able to overcome them and comfort my family so they know I will make amends and learn and grow from them, together. I am bound by my duty as a husband and a father to seek out the knowledge necessary to be the parent we humans were sent here to be. To anticipate life’s struggles and learn how to overcome them, and become better, precisely because of them.

It is through our children that we come to realize these things. It is a direct result of having children that we realize these things and must learn to apply them to our lives. I know that now, sitting here right now, as I write this, that that is true. That they are here, for us, because of us, and for our gain and theirs and others around us.

The joy I feel, and hope to continually feel as they grow, is palpable. Parents, do all that is within your ability to be good to your kids. Actively pursue the knowledge available to us in this world to achieve that. It is your duty and responsibility as a parent to another soul. Any less is inexcusable and irresponsible. How does that saying go? Oh yes….’Be all you can be, in the ar‘……no wait, wrong scenario. Now I need to hurry up and post this before I get too embarrassed and decide not too.